


Short Circuit

by ShearedThoughts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Gay Rights, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:18:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 51
Words: 85,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShearedThoughts/pseuds/ShearedThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The IT department at SBURB has the reputation of being home to the most damaged, socially inept individuals in the entire town. New co-worker John Egbert may be the department's worst nightmare, but he also may unwittingly be the only one capable of turning the tides in their broken lives. And do these awkward technology gurus have the skill to fix John?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

==> Kanaya

 

Kanaya took a moment to reapply her lip-stick as she waited for the chipper teenager clothed in yellow and purple cheerleading attire to say her end-of-the-day farewells to a fellow cheerleader. When she entered the car, her face shone with excitement and joy Kanaya only thought possible for someone of her age and socioeconomic standing. Kanaya gave the girl a small smile.

 

“How was school today, Feferi?” she asked as navigated the ludicrously dangerous sea of teen drivers.

 

“Oh, Kanaya, it was crazy!” Feferi replied, turning dramatically to fully face her companion. “Aradia and Equius actually broke up and got back together twice today. Twice,” she let out an giggle, raising her eyebrows for emphasis. “That has to be a new record.”

 

“That certainly is an accomplishment,” Kanaya responded.

 

“Yeah, it was pretty exciting!” Feferi giggled again and positioned herself towards the windshield once more. “Thanks for picking me up by the way.”

 

“Oh, it isn't a problem at all,” Kanaya assured her. “I needed to drop off some clothes for my brother at SBURB anyway.”

 

“He doesn't live with you guys anymore?” Feferi asked, pulling down the mirror to look at her hair.

 

“He moved out rather quickly after he could afford it. He and my father never got along very well.”

 

Feferi nodded. “Hm. Okay. Well, Eridan says he isn't moving out unless he gets married, which I guess he'd have to move to Iowa to do properly.”

 

Kanaya watched out of the corner of her eye as Feferi giggled at her own dig at Eridan's recent melodramatic coming out. She was thankful to be only two stoplights away from SBURB. Feferi was a good kid, but she had more engery than Kanaya preferred dealing with for extended periods of time. She also didn't appreciate being reminded that she wouldn't be able to marry Rose in her current state residence any time soon. But if little 18-year-old drama queens, Aradia and Equius wanted to get married, they could legally have at it. She wasn't bitter. She just... okay, maybe she was a little bit bitter.

 

As they pulled into the SBURB parking lot, Feferia was already unbuckling her seatbelt and grabbing her book bag. She practically frolicked into the gray office building, continuing her jubilant chatter even as they climbed the stairs to the second floor. Kanaya was just about to say goodbye to Feferi when Feferi's older brother Eridan bolted from the IT department, clearly on a warpath.

 

“Hey, big brother!” Feferi called down the hall. “I was just about to head up to you office. What's got you all huffy?”

 

“That bastard Sol.” Eridan snarled as he approached. “I can't find him anywhere. Kan, you got any idea where that douche might be hidin' out at?”

 

“Oh yes, I keep full tabs on the employees of a company I don't work for.” Kanaya rebuffed, coolly.

 

“Well, you don't have to be a bitch about it.” Eridan glared at Kanaya a moment before turning to his younger sister. “This place is fuckin' unbelievable, Fef. The IT department alone is the most incompetent group a assholes dwellin' in the entire midwest. How'd school treat ya?”

 

“Aradia and Equius broke up,” Kanaya replied with a roll of her eyes.

 

“And got back together. Twice,” Feferi amended with flourished words.

 

Eridan shook his head and ran a hand through his two-toned hair. “Aradia is trash. Equius would be better off without her, and I would prefer for you to not be hangin' out with that hussy.”

 

Kanaya's eyebrows rose, but as much as it alarmed her to her a high school girl discussed in such a derogatory manner, she was getting a bit of a headache from dealing with these high society half-siblings, and decided it was a good time to abscond.

 

She excused herself to make her way down the hallway to her brother's department. When she pushed through the heavy IT department door, the voice of Vriska Serket immediately met her ears. The girl was sitting at the help desk and had long, messy hair. She was typing furiously away on the computer in front of her. Her glasses were crocked and too big for her face, her clothes were worn and wrinkled. It made Kanaya cringe a bit. She wasn't even trying anymore. The only fashionable highlight of her unkempt appearance was a tiny eightball on a chain around her neck.

 

“Hold on, gog, we're working on it. What could you possibly -” when her eyes met Kanaya's a smug smile slithered onto her lips. “Oh, what a pleasant surprise.”

 

“I'm here for Karkat. Is he in?” Kanaya asked, ignoring the predatory way Vriska was eying her. Avoiding eye-contact at all, really. Vriska let out a cackling laugh. She used her head to gesture to a young man sitting on the floor near the desk, ranking through a box of seemingly identical gray wires.

 

“Newbie here managed to wreck the whole entire network on his first day. The whole network. All of it.” Vriska cackled again, glasses falling even more askew. “Karkat and Sollux are off trying to salvage what they can. Or something. I don't really care. I'm having a blast over here. This kid has given me the best challenge I've had at this job in years.”

 

“Oh, John. I am sorry see your first day has not been going so well.” Kanaya said to the boy by way of greeting.

 

“Nope.” John looked up at Kanaya sheepishly. “I let Rose down after she went through all the trouble to get me this job. And I'm pretty sure Karkat hates me.”

 

“Karkat is Kanaya's step brother, kiddo. She'll be the first to tell you he's just got a lousy attitude in general. You can't let that crabby punk get to you.” Vriska informed her co-worker while she flipped her long mane behind her shoulder.

 

“Oh! I didn't know that.” John grinned at Kanaya. “That's really neat. How'd I miss that one?”

 

“We have not known each other personally that long, John. We have hardly had the time to discuss at great length all the details of our complicated lives.”

 

John laughed. “Well, I GUESS, but that just seems like kind of an important bit of information, don't you think?”

 

“Hm. Not particularly.” Kanaya replied. She handed John the forest green shopping bag in her hand. “At any rate, could you make sure my brother, Karkat, gets this?” She added the word 'brother' for passive-aggressive emphasis. Rose was teaching her well.

 

“Oh, what did you get him at -” John turned the bag to read the store name. “-The Rainbow Drinker Boutique?”

 

“That's my shop, but I didn't give Karkat anything from there. I am simply returning some of his clothing I recently mended for him.”

 

John nodded, beaming far more than someone who had just ruined an entire company on his first day should. “You're a pretty awesome sister.”

 

“I suppose you could conclude such a thing.” Kanaya noncommittally responded. “It seems you have a good deal of work to be attending to at the moment, so I will leave you two now. Farewell, say hello to Karkat for me.”

 

John flashed her a toothy grin. “Will do, Kanaya!”

 

==> John

 

Not long after Kanaya had left the lab, Karkat burst through the door, hair more aggressively wild then when John had seen it earlier. “YOU!” he boomed, sticking a finger in John's direction.

 

“You have no idea how colossally you have fucked this all up, do you? You just couldn't help your pathetic childish impulses. You just had to download that stupid fucking virus that brought every conceivable portion of our fucking network to it's knees and sacrifice our indescribably valuable and irreplaceable data to your pagan gods of internet trolling. Well, I hope you're fucking thrilled, dipshit. Maybe next time you'll pull your head out of your pompous idiot ass and learn to download porn on on your own fucking system.” Karkat's reddish brown eyes were ablaze as he finished his tirade, his body noticeably tense as he panted and stared at man sitting on the floor before him.

 

John's smile vanished from his face, replaced with an expression worthy of the heavy guilt currently nesting in his chest.

 

“Look, Karkat, I'm really, really insanely sorry.” John insisted, eyes wide. “But it wasn't porn or anything, it was an e-mail that said it was from you so -”

 

Karkat managed to take on an even more tense stance as rage visibly shot through his body. “Urg, you are such an asshole! Don't try to bring me down with you. If Sollux wasn't such a self-hating douche you would ave been fired right on the spot. Now keep your shit devouring accusations to yourself, asswipe, and get back to your hopefully idiot-proof task of Ethernet cord testing. I'm a bit baffled that we've allowed you a job that even connects you to the internet, but I Sollux is the jackass in charge around here, not me.”

 

Karkat narrowed his eyes and grit his teeth audibly, waiting for John to respond. When John simply dipped his head sheepishly, Karkat growled. “I hate you.”

 

John sighed as he watched his angry comrade storm over to his work station. A work station, that, frankly, amused John. Sollux was the only one in the department that got an office, everyone else was just assigned to one the the many computers haphazardly set up around the lab. Everyone but Sollux also took turns working the help desk, and shared it's computer. It didn't make much difference who was working at the desk, however, as the lab was small enough for any employee of SBURB to quickly locate the technology guru they really wanted working on their problem. Karkat's computer was simply labeled with a large sticker containing his first name in capitol gray letters. It's only other adornments were the array of Monster and Red Bull cans scattered around the grubby keyboard and monitor.

 

“Oh, wow, I feel like such a jerk.” John confessed to Vriska as soon as the clatter of Karkat's keyboard could be heard.

 

Vriska, hidden from John's view behind the help desk's wooden siding, let out a short snort-laugh. “Whatever, this is the most exciting this awful place has been in a long time. It gave me a chance to show these clowns how spectacularly great I am at all of this. Sometimes I break stuff on purpose just so we all have sometimes to scramble around working on.”

 

John couldn't contain his surprised laugh as he plugged another round cord into the laptop in front of him. “That's a little questionable. But impressive. I think I have to give you prankster points for that.”

 

Vriska craned her head over the desk's siding to smirk down at John. “I love that you're so terrible at this. That way I get to be the one to mold you into a master from scratch.” The grin she flashed him was wicked and toothy, and John didn't know whether to be afraid or excited. Karkat left the lab again, and John took in the dark circles under his eyes.

 

“So what's the deal with Karkat anyway?” John inquired. “He looks so stressed and tired. Does he ever sleep?”

 

Vriska let out another snort-laugh as her rapid typing continued. “I don't know. Probably not. He has pretty bad nightmares or something. I guess his dad was murdered pretty brutally.”

 

It was stated so nonchalantly, John had to pause for a moment to decide whether or not he should ask if Vriska's statement was a dark joke. If it was, her prankster's gambit must have been off the charts. He settled on a simple, “What?”

 

“Yeah, it was all over the news when we were kids. That's why he was raised by the Maryams.” Vriska's typing stilled. “It's kind of hilarious that you know Kanaya but don't know any of this.”

 

“I only met her a couple days ago!” John insisted defensively. “And I only know her because she's dating one of my friends. I mean, I met her family a couple of times when I was kid because her parents go to church with my dad, but I never talked to her until recently!”

 

“So her and Rose are still a thing?” There was an abnormal darkness in Vriska's voice with this question, and her typing didn't continue.

 

John pulled out the cord he'd finished testing and snipped off plug with a pair of blue scissors before giving Vriska his awkward answer. “Uh, yeah, they still pretty much are a thing.”

 

John was thankful that Sollux picked that moment to push through the door, struggling under the weight of a large box.

 

“How many times did that asshole Eridan storm in here while I was gone?” Sollux asked Vriska, slamming the box down in front of her on the desk. John smiled a bit at the man's slight lisp. He found something about it incredibly endearing, although he was certain Sollux would punch him if he said so.

 

“Only once.” Vriska replied. The click of her keys could be heard once more. “I think after he realized you weren't in your office, he thought scouring the building for you would be more of an adventure. What a useless tool.”

 

Sollux snicked. “This is probably the most productive he's ever been. I suspect his usual days are spent at his desk, twiddling his thumbs and trying to invent reasons to come yell at me.”

 

There was the snort-laugh again. She must have forgotten whatever it was that bothered her about Kanaya and Rose's relationship.“If it wasn't for nepotism that joke of man wouldn't ever being tripping around this facility. I think you're giving him too much credit.”

 

They both laughed and guilt filled John's chest once more. He wouldn't be there either if one of his old best friends hadn't pulled some strings. He tried not to dwell on it, but found his gaze slowly lingering towards Karkat's messy workstation.


	2. Chapter 2

==> Karkat

It was the day after the crash, and Karkat was not thrilled to be back at work already, after having worked so fucking late the night before to get everything in working condition again. But there were still a good number of loose ends that needed to be tied up, and there was no rest for the wicked. He found there to be many things about the lab that he was not in the mood for today. He wasn’t in the mood for the Nic Cage shine set up around Vriska’s ostentatious work station. He wasn’t in the mood for the mess John had left after his Ethernet cord project yesterday. And he sure as fuck wasn’t ready for the smiley, dorky kid who had entirely ruined the previous day for him. He had barely finished typing in his computer login information, when his current least favorite individual popped up behind him, obnoxious glowing smile on in full force.

“Hey Karkat!” John was beaming. Who the fuck beams at 8:30 in the morning? What a fucking lunatic. He extended the Starbucks coffee cup in his hands to Karkat. “I brought you some coffee to, uh, you know. Apologize for yesterday.”

Karkat flicked his angry eyes up to gaze directly into John’s sparkling blue ones. “Oh, fucking grand. Yeah, this shitty coffee totally makes up for you fucking over this entire department and then trying to pawn off the blame on me like some fucking child.”

John’s smile faded. Karkat hated himself for feeling the slightest twinge of pain in his chest at the sight of that crest fallen expression. An asshole like John should not be able to have that effect on him.

“I really am sorry, Karkat!” John exclaimed, pulling the coffee back towards his chest. “I don’t know what else you want me to do! I did everything I could to fix it, and I want to continue to do anything I can to make it up to you.”

“Well, you can’t. Because you’re a despicable pest and you fucking suck at this. I’m not sure what the fuck was broken in Sollux’s bipolar head when he hired you.” Karkat snarled. Why did this kid have to be so fucking earnest? It was fucking detestable. And what was even more detestable was the way it continued to sting Karkat’s heart.

A calm female voice filled the silence before John could answer. “Sounds like I need to set up an HR meeting between the two of you. SBURB is not found of disgruntled employees.”

Karkat and John both turned to see a young woman with short, blond hair in a lavender pants suit standing by the department entrance.

“If that were true half of this company would be out on there asses.” Karkat shot back. “What the fuck do you want, Lalonde?”

Rose Lalonde sauntered towards them, her ever-present smirk growing on her pale face.

“Hi Rose!” John’s grin was back with a vengeance. A disgusting, gleaming vengeance. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on your floor and decided I couldn’t bear to leave without seeing Karkat swear at someone. Also, I figured I’d ask my good friend John if he wanted to go to lunch with me later.” Rose gave John a little wink. “I do not, however, wish to interrupt this stunning display of undeterred rage. So, please, by all means, continue.”

“Fuck off, dyke.” Karkat snarled, turning back to his computer.

Rose chuckled.“Your extensive vocabulary has never ceased to impress me. What time should we meet, John?”

John turned his head towards Karkat again. “What time is our lunch break?”

“Whenever the fuck you want, as long as it’s not over an hour. But if you realize what a worthless shitstack you are and decide to never come crawling back here again, that’s fine with me.” Karkat sniped back, attempting unsuccessfully to focus on his e-mails and project tickets.

“How’s… 12:30 sound?” John said, smile lop-sided as he shrugged his shoulders.

“I should be able to manage that.” Rose gave John a tiny wave and headed back towards the door. “Don’t let Karkat scare you too much. His bark is worse than his proverbial bite.”

“You shouldn’t call her a dyke.” John muttered after Rose had left. He set the coffee next to Karkat’s hand.

“Oh, boo-hoo, cry, cry. Did I hurt your little straight boy feelings? Go to hell.” Before he realized what he was doing, Karkat had taken a sip out of the cup John had given to him. It was a caramel macchiato. What did John take him for? More importantly, how did John know? This was exactly the beverage Gamzee brought home for them to share on their movie nights. It wasn’t Karkat’s favorite kind of espresso, but it had sentimental value.

“Why did you get me this?” Karkat huffed, looking down at the drink in his hands.

John sat down at the computer next to Karkat. “Like I said, I wanted to make up for what happened yesterday.”

“No, I mean,” Karkat shook his head, scrolling down through his list of open tickets. “Fuck it, nevermind.”

==> Past Karkat

From the first moment Karkat saw John, he fucking loathed him. John Egbert was an internet-schooled brat who decided to transfer into the public education system for a year when he was 16. Having apparently been neighbors with the infamous douchecanoe, Dave Strider, he quickly made his way into an exclusive four-person clique and barely felt the need to interact with anyone else in his classes. It wouldn’t surprise Karkat, years later, that John would fail to remember him. John was high school god tier. Karkat was a grubby loser.

Karkat noticed John from afar long before they interacted. He couldn’t help himself. For whatever reason, he felt strangely drawn to the bright-faced, blue-eyed track star. The way John’s favorite spade t-shirt fit his slim, muscular build was one of the most blatant clues the universe gave him in his teenager years to help him uncover that, yes, he was very attracted to members of his our sex. But he hated that he was drawn to John. Because so was everyone else. It was horrifically predictable.

The first time and only time Karkat spoke to John in high school, he was sitting in the nurse’s office. He and Gamzee had been jumped by the pathetic excuse for a local gang on the way to school. Gamzee’s wounds had been mended, so he had been sent to commence the school day as usual. But Karkat’s nose just wouldn’t stop bleeding. Blood was considered a “toxic waste” and therefore Karkat would not be allowed to leave until he was finished leaking his toxins. It was alright though, because he had only missed Spanish and part of Social Studies so far. Learning the basics of a language he already spoke fluently and getting fed capitalist government propaganda were not high on his list of valuable pastimes.

John strolled into the office, eyes puffy and red. He had clearly been crying. Karkat presumed he must have been homesick, surely this was the most time the asshole had spent out of his house since he was born. It was fucking embarrassing, really.

“I don’t feel very well.” John sniffed, his doofy smile present in spite of his blood-shot eyes. “Can I call my dad and go home?”

“Oh my, you do look a little under the weather,” the nurse lied. There was no way she couldn’t tell this fuckface was just a wimpy crybaby. “Let me take your temperature.”

It was impossible that it came as a surprise to anyone in the closet-sized room that John’s temperature showed up at a healthy 98.4 degrees Fahrenheit.

“My head really hurts.” John insisted as the nurse smirked and tossed the thermometer in the waste basket.

“Well, call your father,” the nurse sighed and waved her hand towards the phone. “You’re lucky you have a dad that will let you play hooky.”

At that statement, something snapped inside of Karkat. He’d spend the entire school year trying to find a reason to hate John Egbert. And now, a reason had just fallen into his lap. And it felt wonderful and terrible at the same time. His heart thumped ruthlessly against his ribcage. Righteous rage burned behind his eyes. As the nurse approached Karkat to check his nose, the venom came spewing out of his mouth.

“You fucking pampered brat,” he snarled as John slowly began dialing a number on the nurse’s desk phone. “You’re completely fucking fine. Go back to class, asshat.”

John and the nurse both stared at Karkat in shock. John blinked, but didn’t respond. He sniffed and went back to his dialing. The nurse scolded Karkat for his language, but he didn’t care. He thought he’d be reasonably tame with his outburst. Seeing that dejected look on John’s face shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. Karkat was supposed to hate John. He knew it had to be this way.

It wasn’t just that John had everything he didn’t, everything he wanted. It wasn’t just that he hated John. He wanted John to hate him back, even though he knew John never would. He wanted to explain the feelings he felt for John, the feelings that seemed to be written in the stars.

The stars Karkat’s father died under.


	3. Chapter 3

==> Sollux

Sollux Captor didn’t like many people. No, that was incorrect. He didn’t like any people. There were a couple people he was okay with. He was okay with Karkat Vantas. Karkat wasn’t the brightest IT guy around, but he worked hard, and Sollux found him strangely pleasant to be around. Karkat was mean and angry, both traits Sollux appreciated greatly. He also liked that Karkat didn’t feel the need to bring up their short-lived and unfortunate fling. KK could drone on sometimes, but he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

Sollux could also tolerate the presence of his teenage cousin, Aradia Megido. She was kind, but she was also extremely realistic. Sollux liked to think he had a part in making her that way. Of course, he also tried to mold her into an aspiring programmer but quickly found she was far more interested in anthropology and archeology. As a senior in high school she was making plans to attend Beliot College.

The man sitting across from him at his desk right now was certainly not one of the people he was okay with. And yet, if he were honest, Sollux would have to admit he did enjoy his interactions with Eridan Ampora. He got a strange sort of rush from their vicious exchanges, and he suspected Eridan did as well. Why else would the man make such flimsy excuses to pester him at all hours of the day? Eridan didn’t give a shit about whether or not his work-related computer programs were functioning, because he was only there to sate his mother, the owner of SBURB, Connie Peixes. He probably spent all the time he didn’t waste yelling at Sollux on Facebook. Sollux hated him so much. In such an exhilarating, intoxicating way.

He found himself looking forward to Eridan’s visits. He sat around actually waiting for the jerk to show up, so that he could admire Eridan’s lean frame and obnoxiously handsome face while they bickered. Today, Eridan had worn a cologne that Sollux was appreciating far more than he should. When Eridan got up to leave, Sollux stepped from around his desk and shoved Eridan against his office door, burying him in a kiss loaded with all the passionate rage he’d been harboring for months now. Eridan had been giving him embarrassingly obvious hints of attraction for while, so it came as no surprise to Sollux that Eridan kissed him back with just as much vigor. Sollux smirked against Eridan’s lips as Eridan’s hands slid down his back. He took the motion as a cue to unlatch Eridan’s pants and shove his hand inside. Eridan squeaked, actually squeaked, in response. Sollux knew he was going to love every second of this hook-up.

==> Terezi

A smile twisted onto Terezi Pyrope’s lips as an automated voice announced the ID of her incoming call. She patted her guide dog, Lemonsnout, on the head as she reached for the phone. “Vriska Serket. It’s been a while.”

“Hey there, lawyer lady,” came the raspy smoker’s voice on the other end of the line. “I was wondering if you were busy tonight.”

“Well, I was planning on listening to some 30 Rock and Parks and Rec,” Terezi replied, twisting the phone cord around her index finger. “Why, you in some sort of trouble?”

Vriska’s cackle rang in her ear. “Naw, I just wanted to take a sexy woman out to dinner.”

That was an enticing offer. Terezi wasn’t sure she was ready to let herself fall back into the sea of toxic waste that had been dating her client, Vriska Serket, but one night couldn’t hurt.

“I highly doubt you can afford to take me to a place up to my usual standards.” Terezi snickered, deciding to flirt a bit before allowing herself to be sucked into the black hole of drama presiding on the other end of the phone line.

“Whatever, bitch.” Vriska cackled again. “You’ll eat where I take you and you’ll like it.”

“As long as you don’t tell me we’re going to a fancy restaurant and then take me to Pizza Hut. Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I can’t taste the difference between quality and trash.” Terezi warned. “Actually, I probably notice it more.”

“Gog, you are such a preppy pest.” Vriska replied, but there was a smile in her voice. “If you’d stop being so stuck up you might actually enjoy your life.”

Terezi snicked again. “Trust me, I enjoy my life just fine. For all you know, I might just be having even more fun than you.”

==> John

When he heard Vriska hang up the phone, John glanced up from his work station. “Who was that?”

A look that might have been worry flickered across Vriska’s face before she settled into her usual smirk. “Oh, you know, just an old friend. Nobody special.” He eyes narrowed in accusation. “Why, John Egbert, were you perhaps hoping for something more exciting? Hoping to get a juicy scoop on my life?”

John laughed. “No! Gosh, you are so dramatic. It just didn’t sound like a work call, so I got curious. Didn’t mean to step on any toes.”

Vriska shook her head. “Oh, you idiotic little newbie. One of these days you’ll learn it’s better not to ask personal questions around here. Would you ask Karkat about a private phone call? I sure hope not. He would probably stab you.”

John’s cheeks turned red. “Karkat’s different! I was just trying to be conversational.”

Vriska’s smirk twitched higher up her freckled face. “Well, Johnny, I suppose you could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch today. How does that sound, whiz kid?”

Was she flirting with him? John’s cheeks turned an even darker shade of red. It must have been incriminating, because Vriska cackled.

“I have to get some of these tickets closed, but we can head out when I get back. Don’t leave without me.” Vriska flashed him a wicked grin as she left the room before John could tell her about his lunch plans with Rose.

==> Eridan

As he redressed, Eridan grinned at Sollux, barely able to hold down the joy bubbling up inside of him. “Wow, Sol, that was… I mean… wow.”

Sollux smirked as he pulled his t-shirt back on and sat down at his desk. “Your performance needs work.”

The corners of Eridan’s mouth drooped. This wasn’t how the game was supposed to work, was it? He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d been expecting, but he sort of thought the flirt-fighting would be toned down once they could actually admit their attraction. Of course, in all honesty, he hadn’t really expected anything to ever happen to Sol. It was just a fantasy, a daydream that he occasionally indulged. Sollux was incredibly attractive to Eridan, but he wasn’t someone he could show off to his mother. He knew what she thought of the Captors. Still, now that this was all happening, he’d be willing to chance it if Sollux was ‘the one’. But ‘the one’ wasn’t supposed to critique your sexual experience right after intercourse, though. Were they?

“I did just fine, thank you very much.” Eridan scoffed, looking down to realize he hadn’t lined up the buttons on his shirt properly. He huffed and began unbuttoning them again. “You don’t see me judgin’ you on how you did, do ya? Because I actually got some fuckin’ tact.”

Sollux snorted and began typing on his computer. He wasn’t even looking at Eridan. “No, it’s because we both know I wasn’t the one who was sloppy. Don’t worry, you’re not someone I’ve come to expect excellence from.”

Eridan’s heart felt like it had been shot with a harpoon. How could Sollux talk to him like that after… after what they had done? How long was the play-fighting going to last before they broke down and talked about their feelings for each other? Eridan was already tired of the fighting. He wanted to hold hands and kiss tenderly and adopt a puppy and go house hunting together.

“Well, Sol, I know I’m doin’ just fine at every one of my endeavors, so you can can it.” Eridan replied. If this was how he was supposed to play the game, so be it. But he still was going to try to infuse a little bit of Ampora romance into it all. He leaned over Sol’s desk to give him a peck on the lips, only to have Sol lean away with a disgusted look on his face.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Sollux scoffed, clearly miffed. What was this guy’s problem? They had been making out just minutes earlier. Eridan scowled.

“Oh, sorry for me thinkin’ that makin’ love was supposed to be followed by things like kissin’ and cuddlin’.” Eridan didn’t understand what was happening, but it was really upsetting him. What was Sol’s angle?

Sollux laughed, running his hands through his hair as he shook his head at Eridan. “I’m pretty sure no one – no sane person – would consider what we just did ‘making love’.” He let his hands fall down to the desk in front of him. “And who still says that? What era are you from, anyway?”

Tears burned behind Eridan’s eyes. He really wished having sex with Sollux had remained a fantasy.

“Fuck you.” He sniffled before storming out of Sollux’s office.


	4. Chapter 4

==> Rose

John was sitting at the help desk playing solitaire when Rose came in to collect him for lunch. Not on the computer, with an actual deck of cards. Rose had a inkling as to why.

“What do they expect you to accomplish if they won’t let you use the computers?” Rose inquired, tilting her head with a mirthful smirk.

John looked up at her with a crooked grin. “Hi Rose! I’m actually in a bit of a fix.”

“Does this fix have to do with the other employees? Because believe it or not, I actually get paid to deal with such instances.”

John gasped in mock surprise. “Get out! That’s what HR does?”

A snarl could be heard to Rose’s right. How had she missed seeing Karkat when she walked in?

“He can use computers, just not the help desk computer. That one has information on it that’s too important to be intrusted to someone who presumably has spent all his fucking time up to this point sticking his thumb up his ass and then smelling it.” Karkat interjected, leaning back in his chair.

John nodded absently, seeming only half aware of Karkat’s statement. “Yeah, that’s not really the problem. Vriska was assuming I was going to take her out to lunch and I haven’t had a chance to tell her I was already going out with you.”

Interesting. Rose put her index finger to her lips and inspected John with immense curiously. “She asked you out to lunch? As in a date?”

John looked down at the help desk and his cheeks turned scarlet. Rose had seen John like this before. Why, after all these years, did he still play these games with himself? She knew he wasn’t ready to admit certain vital aspects of his personhood to even himself, but she had hoped he would at least be past this barrier at 25.

“That is the absolute worst idea I have heard all day, and I had to sit through a meeting this morning that operated on the ludicrous assumption that we had the wads of cash needed to switch to fucking wind energy.” Karkat snarled. “Vriska is the patron saint of psycho, she’s pope of man eaters. I would not recommend jumping on that 747 of non-stop insanity to my worst enemy. Which, as luck would have it, is you.”

Rose doubted that Karkat actually viewed John as an actual enemy. In fact, she was fairly confident he would let people less deserving of Vriska’s torment stumble into her web. But such speculation could wait. She cast Karkat a cold smirk-glare.

“Karkat’s accusations aside, I’m still waiting to hear how you feel about all this, John.” Rose said, pulling her intense gaze back to her old friend. John was looking at Karkat, his expression confused and a bit sad. It was noted for scrutiny later. Constant psychoanalysis of your friends was hard work.

“What?!” Karkat snapped at Rose. “I thought you actually gave a fuck about spider-bait over there. Why the fuck are you trying to play therapist in a situation like this?”

Rose shooshed Karkat and continued to stare at John. When he still didn’t answer her inquiry immediately, she tilted her head just slightly and let her eyebrows rise.

John lowered his head, looking down at the wooden desk again. “She is really cute. Do you think she actually wanted it to be a date?”

Rose let out a short, humorless laugh.

==> Past John

John sat on the steps outside the school’s east exit, face buried in his knees. He hated public school, and he hated himself for not being able to adapt to it. Everything was so much easier in his imagination. He had spent years building up a perfect fantasy of what real school would be like. Of how he would be around other people his age. The John he wanted to be and the John he was were two very different people.

“Welp, I got those pricks suspended.” Dave’s matter-of-fact Texas drawl came from behind him, tearing John from his thoughts. He looked up and took in the bruise on his best bro’s pale cheek. “I’m suspended too, but whatever.”

John wiped his nose on his sleeve and smiled. Dave would always fight for him. John really couldn’t ask for a better friend. For someone simply raised by his older brother, he had more class and character than almost anyone John knew.

“Not that I don’t have the awesomeness and generosity necessary to stick my neck out for my best bro, but you really got to start fighting back. You can’t just sit around and take this.” Dave said, sitting down on the stairs next to John. “You can’t give them the satisfaction of thinking they, you know, got your metaphorical goat or whatever.”

John nodded, staring out at the soccer field. “I thought it’d just be natural. You know, this going to school thing.”

“Yeah, fuck that.” Dave replied. “It sucks for everyone. The happy, exciting shit they show on TV is basically slander.”

John chuckled. “Yeah.”

The was a pleasant bro silence for a couple of minutes before Dave spoke again.

“You know, dude, it’s okay that you don’t dig bitches.” John could feel Dave giving him a sidelong glance behind his sunglasses, despite still facing forward. “We don’t both have to be straight to be bros.”

John felt like Dave had just smashed his chest with a hammer. He whirled to face Dave. “Not you too!”

Dave turned towards John as well. He tilted his sunglasses down to look him directly in the eyes. “No, dude, look, my bro’s gay so -”

“No!” John shouted. “Fuck that. Fuck you!”

John stood up to storm back into the school. As he stomped back up the stairs he muttered, “I’m calling my dad.”

==> Vriska

Vriska strolled back into the IT department and immediately indicated a problem.

“Where’s John?” She asked the room at large, which presently only contained the slimy presence of Prince Loser, Karkat.

“Since he’s lucky enough to have friends who don’t like watching him being eaten alive by psycho bitches, he fucking absconded for a safer lunch date about ten minutes ago.” Karkat grunted, not looking up from his work station.

Vriska narrowed her eyes. Karkat was such a pest. Pesty pest pest! Why did he have to meddle like this? He was screwing up all her plans. All of them. She just wanted to walk over and smack him on the head with the motherboard in her hands. So she did.

Karkat glared up at her. “Wow, that almost hurt. Don’t fucking treat the office equipment like you treat your boyfriends.”

Vriska let out a low, wicked laugh. “Don’t fucking treat the help desk like your dignity. Which is to say, you abandoned the help desk. Like you abandoned your dignity. Did you forget we were supposed to have someone covering desk duty at all time?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Like we ever follow that rule. The only beast to breach these walls since John left was a weepy Eridan Ampora. Looks like Sollux finally got him to cry.”

A grin flickered onto Vriska’s lips. “Really? That’s hilarious!” She shook her head. No, this wouldn’t do. “You’re getting me off topic, you manipulative, meddling little pest. Who did you set John up with?”

“I didn’t fucking ‘set him up’ -” Karkat widened his eyes to an even impossibly larger size and made air quotes “-with anyone. He already had plans with his friend Rose.”

Vriska sighed with a much dramatic energy as this revelation warranted. “Of course you and that bitch Rose Lalonde are in cahoots! Cahoots to ruin my love life. I should have known.”

“That is a pretty accurate assessment of what went down.” Karkat grumbled despicably, turning back to his computer. “Are you going to go back to work now or continue assaulting my ears with your inane accusations?”

Vriska glared at him once more before deciding that she probably wasn’t going to get very much more information of out the world’s most obnoxious loser at the present time. She needed to plan. Without John, she didn’t have a male to vouch for her heterosexuality and that was a serious problem.


	5. Chapter 5

==> John

When his cheeseburger platter was placed in front of him, John finally decided to breach the subject of what had happened at SBURB shortly before they left for lunch. He cleared his throat.

“So, why was Karkat so bent out of shape about me going out with Vriska?” he grinned at Rose as he stuffed a fry in his mouth. While he chewed, he added, “Are they, like, exes or something?”

Rose snorted, and set down her fork in the chicken salad she had just been given. “Hardly. The reasoning behind his outburst, if I am interrupting the situation correctly, is actually remarkably logical for an emotional person like him.”

John tilted his head to the side, confused but still beaming. “And what was his reasoning? Is there some rule about dating co-workers?” He followed with question with a huge bite of his sandwich, causing ketchup to get smeared around his mouth.

Rose chuckled, her smirk more affectionate than usual. “Well, not exactly. There are rules about it, but it’s not out of the question.” Her expression hardened a bit. “John, I was hesitant to bring this issue to light, but it seems Karkat hasn’t given me much choice. I don’t want to cause an awkward work environment between you and Vriska, so you have to take what I’m about to tell you with a grain of salt.”

John swallowed the food in his mouth and tried to lick as much of the ketchup off his face as he could. Rose was staring at him intently. Studying him. She was always studying him, always studying everyone, but when she let her scrutiny become obvious to others it was tremendously unsettling. It was also a sign that Rose truly meant business.

“I can do that.” John replied, nerves tensing. He continued to hold onto the sandwich in his hand, but didn’t take another bite. He was too focused on Rose, too anxious to hear what she was about to say about Vriska.

Rose gave his a tiny smile of approval before continuing. “It is true that Vriska hasn’t treated the men she has dated in the past with the socially expected amount of respect and affection. She’s a tough, abrasive, skillfully manipulative woman, which is a often positive collection of traits a co-worker, but those same qualities can be frowned upon in a dating relationship. So that was why, when she found herself in court a couple years ago for allegedly murdering her boyfriend at the time, she had a number of character witnesses that spoke against her.”

John felt himself grow cold. His stomach seemed to have dropped out of his body entirely, taking with it his appetite. He had no idea how a person was supposed to react to learning information like that about a co-worker. Oh, right. He was supposed to take it a grain of salt.

Rose continued to study him as she went on, “She was found not guilty, so there really isn’t much reason to dwell on whether or not she did it at this point. The trial simply acted to the people of this community as proof that she was not a woman that should be sought out for courtship. Karkat was trying to protect you from finding out all of this the hard way.”

John stared down at the partially consumed sandwich in his hands before looking away and dropping it to his plate. He leaned back and let his hands fall onto the seat next to him.

“I feel bad for her.” John said after a moment. “It must be terrible to have everyone assume such negative things about you, even if you gave them plenty of reasons to.”

“Hmm.” He finally let his eyes drift back to Rose, and found that a look of warmth had returned to her face. “That’s a mature outlook, John.”

“Well, she’s been really nice and helpful to me.” John said, smile sliding effortlessly back onto his lips. “So I don’t think she’s that bad of a person.”

Rose nodded and picked her fork back up, gently stabbing around her disk with it. “People have many dimensions, but it’s often all too easy to base the entirety of a person’s character on one set of specific situations.”

John chuckled. “Yeah, you would turn this into a therapy session.”

==> Karkat

When Sollux didn’t answer after the first two sets of vigorous knocks, Karkat resorted to shouting.

“I know you’re in there, shitstain. That meeting starts in five minutes.” Karkat hollered through the wooden door. “Given your actions as of late, I’m seriously beginning to think you’ve got some grandiose master plan to get us all so fired that we’ll be seeing nothing but pink for the next ten years.”

No response came. The only sound that followed Karkat’s yelling was the soft tune of some crappy rhythm and blues song. Which was a very bad sign.

“Alright, fuckface, that’s it, I’m coming in.” Karkat threw open the door to find no Sollux in sight. There was however, a soft rustle from beneath his desk as the swivel chair behind it moved slightly. Karkat glanced down to catch a glimpse of Sollux’s mismatched sneakers in the gap between the desk’s front siding and the floor.

“Gee, I wonder why you would be crouched under your desk like an earthquake victim. Could it be that you’re actually self-sabotaging enough to have gone off your meds again?”

“Fuck you, KK,” came Sollux’s voice at last. It sounded hollow and lacked any real punch.

Karkat sighed. “Why the fuck did you let this happen again?”

“I’ve been really fucking busy for the last couple of weeks, asshole.” Sollux retorted quietly. “I haven’t had any time to pick up my new prescription.”

The music was making it difficult to hear Sollux, and also really fucking annoying him, so Karkat leaned over the desk and hit ‘pause’ on the music player. “Weeks. You said weeks.”

“I said a couple.” Sollux said defensively, voice louder than before.

Karkat rounded the desk, eyes narrowing. “At this rate, you’re going to end up institutionalized. And I’ll be the asshole friend that just sat by and obliviously let it happen because I was too busying failing horrendously at life. Sounds like a fucking Lifetime movie just waiting to happen.” He pushed away the swivel chair and knelt down next to his friend, who was leaning against one side of the desk, hands tangled in his honey-colored hair. Behind his oval glasses, his eyes looked panicked. His depressive state was clearly beginning to be replaced by a full on panic attack. He didn’t look up at Karkat as he spoke.

“I fucked Eridan.” He hissed, and his eyes began darting back and forth while still staring at his shoes.

Karkat’s eyes widened, jaw visibly dropping. “Ampora?”

Sollux gripped his hair tighter and shouted, “Do you fucking know any other Eridans? Yes, KK, Eridan Ampora.”

“You hate him.” Karkat slapped the palm of his right hand against forehead. “You hate him and he’s the guy that came out by announcing that he was going to put all of his free time into lobbing for gay rights in Illinois so that he could marry his fucking future husband in his home state.”

Sollux clinched his hands so tightly that he looked in danger of of removing his hair from his scalp. “You don’t have to tell me how fucked I am, KK. He’s already e-mailed me like 50 times. I didn’t even know he knew how to use e-mail.”

It took everything in Karkat not to yell at Sollux. To not start having a panic attack of his own on his friend’s behalf. Someone had to be the leader if Sollux was going to have a meltdown.

“Okay, douchehole, I’m calling your brother.” Karkat said, starting to stand. “He can take you to get your meds and I’ll take care of the meeting.”

“No!” Sollux shouted, grabbing Karkat’s arm as he began to move. “You cannot fucking call Nic, I will never hear the end of this.”

“Too bad, suck it up.” Karkat snapped, standing the rest of the way and grabbing the phone. Karkat had just finished dialing Nic Captor’s number when Sollux tackled him to the ground.

==> Sollux

Sollux had managed to narrowly avoid having to deal with his older brother by promising Karkat he would stay in his office with the door open. Karkat had then presumably made the embarrassing decision to ask John to keep an eye on him while KK went late to attend the meeting Sollux had been expected to go to. John kept glancing over into Sollux’s office and once even had the audacity to come in to ask how he was feeling. It was horrible. KK had certainly succeeded at making Sollux pay for not doing things his way.

At about 3:15, Aradia and her friend, Feferi, hurried into the department and made a b-line for Sollux’s open office.

John objected half-heartedly to the ambush, saying something to the respect of “hey, wait, no, you can’t go in there” while he helplessly let the girls pass. What an irritatingly useless gatekeeper.

“Sollux, what is going on?” Aradia demanded as she strolled through Sollux’s office door, ignoring John completely.

“What do you mean?” Sollux grumbled, trying to cast a glare over her shoulder at his gleefully oblivious employee/babysitter.

Aradia sighed. “Eridan has been texting Feferi all day about how horrible you treated him this morning. I have no idea what you did, but you seriously need to start being nicer to him because his issues are starting to cut into Feferi’s classes and cheerleading practice.”

“Maybe Feferi should follow school rules and not tote her cell phone around while classes are going on.” Sollux snarled. His head was starting to hurt. He was fairly confident Eridan wouldn’t dispose his sexscapades to his baby sister, but wait what the fuck was he thinking that was exactly the level of stupidity that he had come to expect from Eridan. He tried not to let his sudden shortness of breath be noticeable to Aradia.

“Yeah, it’s not 2004, so that’s not really a rule anymore.” Aradia smirked and rolled her eyes. “Sometimes we need our phones so we can use them to tell time or as calculators.”

“What exactly did Eridan tell you?” Sollux asked Feferi, trying to keep a veneer of calmness up in front of the teenagers.

“He didn’t tell me much of anything.” Feferi said, throwing her hands up in frustration. “Just that you were a jerk and that he hoped you got fired.”

Sollux’s fists clinched on his desk. He felt sparks of panic shoot through his whole body. He could feel himself beginning to shake. He did not want to have a panic attack in front of Aradia, but he wasn’t sure he could stop himself. If Eridan wanted to, he could make a real case against Sollux to get him fired.

“Girls,” Sollux breathed, voice uneven. “I’m going to call Eridan now. Can you please leave? And shut the door when you do.”


	6. Chapter 6

==> Past John

John only attended one party while he was in high school. He honestly didn’t know underage house parties were a thing that happened outside of TVland until Dave had mentioned plans to ironically crash one. Apparently, Dave got invited to parties a lot. The truth was, kids at their high school idolized Dave. Flirty girls were constantly making desperate pitches for his attention, even though he was taken. Guys would go out of there way to do things that they believed Dave would deem cool. But according to Dave, all this annoyed him, so he was happy to ignore all of them and spend his time exclusively with Rose, John, and his girlfriend, Jade. John had the impression, however, that Dave had been quite a bit more social before John had shown up on the scene as the instant bullying target he was. John believed Dave had sacrificed his social status for him, and when John thought about it too much, it made him kind of sad. Appreciative, but sad.

Many of the ‘ironic’ ideas Dave had seemed to secretly be to make John’s life better. His idea to crash Marquise Serket’s Friday night party had followed John’s most recent break up news.

“She wanted to ‘take things to the next level’, and you know how it is. I just wasn’t ready for that.” John shrugged, grinning widely. “Not much you can do when it comes incompatible values.”

“So you’re saying you wanting to wait was a deal breaker for her?” Rose inquired, peeling the orange in her lunch. “I didn’t have her pinned as that type.”

“Well, no, she would have waited, but, I don’t know.” John chuckled and shook his head. “I just don’t think it would have worked out.”

Rose and Dave exchanged glances. It seemed like the knack the two of them had for communicating without saying what they actually meant put them on some shared wavelength that John could never hope to access.

“Marquise is having some pretentious blow-out shindig tonight. We should crash a freight train into that hot mess of drunken teenage insecurity and forgot all our bitch problems.” Dave suggested.

Jade crossed her arms and quirked and eyebrow. “What ‘bitch problems’ do you have, Dave?”

Rose smirked mischievously. “Yeah, Dave, tell us about your bitch problems.”

“Hey, look, I’m not totally sure what you ladies are implying, but if you’ve somehow missed the obscene volume of depraved females trying to get me to spare them a taste of Strider cock, I’m not sure what you’ve been using your eyes for. They’re always coming after me, trying to con me into compromising situations. And I’ll tell them, no, no, I’m not that kind of gentleman, I’m saving it all for the sacred and beautiful bond of marriage. And then they laugh and twirl their she-mustaches and tie me to the train tracks until Jade can shimming on in to save my virgin ass.” Dave kept a straight face through his entire response, despite the laughter it had caused around the rest of the table. “So I could use a good party sabotaging mission, to get out all these emotions I have about the constant attempts on my virginity.”

“Why Dave, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you were mocking me.” John said with a sly smile. “That couldn’t possibly be true, could it?”

“No, man, I’m being totally serious right now.” Dave replied, putting up his hands in feigned innocence. “I have a Colonel Sassacre chastity belt, bro. You don’t take that shit lightly.”

“As much as I would love the chance to observe underage alcoholics in their natural environment, I have to work on my science fair project.” Rose sighed. “You’ll have to report back to me on whether or not Darrek Zahhak really is an ‘angry drunk’.”

“Yeah, and I can’t go on account of ‘that sounds lame’.” Jade shrugged and giggled.

“Whatever, you chicks don’t know what you’re missing out on.” Dave replied.

And they really didn’t.

John knew Dave drank with his brother, but he had no idea how much of a higher tolerance for alcohol Dave had. It didn’t help that after Dave had talked John into the first few beers, John had decided to keep wandering back into Marquise’s kitchen for more Vodka shots. But Marquise’s college friend, Eridan Ampora, was pouring the shots and he kept flirting with John. It was flattering. He also had a really, really nice smile. And he was really fit.

Later on, John wouldn’t be able to recall all of the events from that night. But there were moments that remained etched in his mind with total clarity. He remembered lamenting to Dave that he wasn’t the type of guy other guys found attractive. Not that it mattered or anything, but wasn’t it just so lame that gay guys only thought super buff guys were hot?

He remembered telling Eridan that he was almost as good-looking as Nic Cage. He remembered ending up with Eridan’s phone number in his pocket at some point, only to lose it while dancing with Dave later on in the evening.

He remembered trying to kiss Dave. In a room full of people.

The following Monday at school had been a nightmare. But the worst part hadn’t been the teasing. Or the kid who had yelled at him in the office for being a crybaby. It had been his falling out with his best bro Dave. A falling out that had been completely John’s fault.

==> Eridan

Eridan was intently focused on crafting a strongly-worded letter to his state representative when his phone rang. When he glanced over to read the caller ID, his fingers froze on the keyboard. He licked his lips and hesitantly reached for the phone.

“Hey, Sol.”

“What do want?” was what came in response instead of a greeting. “What do I have to do to keep you from getting me fired?”

Eridan was genuinely baffled. He had hoped that perhaps Sol was calling with some kind of grand romantic apology, or at very least with the intentions of talking about his feelings. Why was he worried Eridan would get him fired?

He heard Sollux yelling at someone on the other end of the line. “JN” it sounded like, whoever that was.

“I’m not really sure what you’re talkin’ about here, Sol.” Eridan replied when it sounded like Sol’s yelling had stopped.

“So you’re not planning on pressing sexual harassment charges?” Sollux was breathing heavily. He sounded pretty desperate.

Eridan almost couldn’t believe Sollux would think something like that. And the fact that this concern for job security was what had caused him to call rather than a revelation of love was salt in Eridan’s fresh wounds. Eridan was about to shoot back a hurt and defensive response, when he heard Sollux start yelling at JN again. It sounded like it had something to do with wanting to close or open a door.

As he waited for the apparent argument to stop, a plot starting brewing in his brilliant brain. Sollux didn’t need to know Eridan had no intention of trying to get him fired. When the voices died down again, Eridan made his strategic move.

“Look, Sol, I don’t want to be seein’ you gettin’ fired, but I just don’t know what else to do.” Eridan explained, smugly. “Unless, of course, you happen to be in the mood to be takin’ me out for a romantic dinner.”

==> Sollux

“Alright,” Sollux said, exiting his office and addressing the room before him. “I have to leave early to pick up my medication. So I’m going to be heading out now. Vriska, you’re in charge.”

Vriska jumped up from her work station. “No way, Captor. If you’re taking off early, I’m gonna do that too. Yesterday sucked, and I’m meeting an old platonic friend tonight. I don’t want to waste any time getting to that hair-braiding and girl talk I’ve got planned.”

Sollux ran a hand through his hair in irritation. “Fine, go hang out with your gal pal. Whatever. But JN, you need to stay here at least until KK gets back. He’ll be on more of a war path than usual if he finds out he’s the last to leave.” When John nodded exuberantly, Sollux added, “Don’t try to do anything important while you’re here alone. I am not going to be responsible for letting you fuck this place up again.”

“Who’s taking you to get your medication?” John asked earnestly. “Karkat said you shouldn’t be alone when you’re like this.”

Sollux scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Another co-worker, don’t worry about it. I’m not the idiot KK thinks I am.”

Vriska had managed to already pack up and was heading out the door. “Alright, I’m off to watch chick flicks and eat chocolate!” she called as she made her escape.

Sollux eyed John. “I’m going to head out now, too. Don’t do anything without KK, alright?”

John saluted, a gesture that Sollux found gratuitously dorky and embarrassing to watch.

Before leaving, he went back into his office double-check the condom supply in his wallet. The only thing that would make what was inevitably going to be a headache of an evening worth while would be getting to have sex with Eridan again. He may have hated the guy, but dang he was hot.

As he walked up to the second floor his excitement and anticipation only built for a round two with Eridan. In some small, logical portion of his brain he knew that it was the bipolar mood-swings talking, but by the time he arrived at Eridan’s office, the only thing on his mind was ripping off Eridan’s clothes.

When he opened the door, Eridan was collecting his car keys from his desk. He glanced up at Sollux, seemingly startled that he had walked in without knocking.

“So, uh, I guess you still want to stop by the pharmacy first, right?” Eridan asked. His shirt and hair were still a bit disheveled from their activities earlier in the day. It was a good look on him.

“That can wait.” Sollux decided. He could hear himself starting to talk fast. He knew exactly what was happening to himself. But he also knew he probably wasn’t going to be this fired up about hooking up with Eridan again once he was medicated. If this date was going to be tolerable, his pills would have to take a rain check.


	7. Chapter 7

==> Past Kanaya

Kanaya was laying on her stomach atop her brightly colored comforter flipping through Vogue when she noticed Vriska pulling her jeans back on.

“Were you wanting to go out somewhere?” Kanaya inquired, placing her chin on her hand. “I believe it's getting a bit chilly out there.”

“Well, I actually have a date to get to.” Vriska explained shrugging a bit. For a brief moment, Kanaya's heart leaped. Was this Vriska's playful, indirect way of asking girlfriend to escort her for a romantic evening stroll? But her hopes were immediately dashed when Vriska added, “It's just with Tavros Nitram. I'll be back in a couple hours and the 'slumber party' can continue.”

“I think you can understand why I am a bit confused here, seeing as we already had plans and also given the fact that you and I are already in a relationship.” Kanaya pointed out, heart sinking. She had to be misunderstanding this. She knew Vriska could be selfish and thoughtless, but this was spiraling into an uncharted territory of terrible.

“But this is different.” Vriska insisted, sighing and rolling her eyes as if she thought that Kanaya should be on the same page as her. “It's with a guy, so it doesn't really count towards our thing. Besides, if we wanna keep this facade up of not being humungo dykes then we've gotta start seeing guys.”

Kanaya sat up on her bed and crossed her bear legs, clasping her hands together and placing them in front of her red and black underpants. “I wouldn't be terribly upset if someone discovered my sexual orientation. I am certainly alright with keeping it on the down low for your comfort, but if someone were to become privy to our relations I would not attempt to hide it or actively lie.”

Vriska scoffed as she picked her coat up off the floor. “Are you really so lost in your own little flowery fakey fake dreamland that you don't know what would happen to us if people knew? Shit, you don't even have to look any further than your own parents! Your own parents, Kanaya. They would probably kick you out if they knew.” Vriska shrugged her jacket on, shaking her head as if Kanaya was child who wasn't understanding some simple, fundamental truth. “It's not like I'm going to sleep with him or anything, so I'm not sure why you're mad about this. Think of it as a bit of preemptive damage control. So if anyone comes along and tries to meddle in our business and accuse us of things that could ruin our reputations around here, I can just point to Tavros and be like, see there? That's someone I dated. And that someone is male. Debate over.”

Vriska reached over and ran her hand through Kanaya's hair while Kanaya glared up at her, pursing her lips. “Aren't you glad you've got a girl who can work stuff like this out? We don't have to worry about a thing, babe.”

Vriska leaned in to kiss Kanaya, but Kanaya turned her face away from the advance. Vriska couldn't brush off such a flagrant betrayal so flippantly.

“I thought you disliked Tavros.” Kanaya sniffed. She looked back into Vriska's eyes. Vriska took that as a cue to slide onto the bed next to Kanaya and snaked an arm around her waist. She smothered Kanaya's cheek in a kiss that tilted her whole body slightly to the right, while Kanaya scrunched up her nose in irritation. “Exactly,” Vriska cooed. “So you have nothing to worry about. It's strictly a formality.”

==> John

“Where the fuck is Sollux?” boomed a voice behind John. “And why are you using that computer again?”

John turned around and smiled at his co-worker. After what Rose had told him at lunch, he kind of wanted to hug or highfive Karkat. Or maybe just push him down a fight of friendship stairs. If Karkat had tried to protect him from a potentially bad relationship, that made them borderline bros, right? Besides, Rose and Vriska had both said not to take Karkat's angry rampages seriously. Apparently, that was just his disposition. So John was going to just try and be nice and friendly to him and hope the two of them could eventually become good friends.

“Sollux had another co-worker from a different department take him out to get his meds! And Vriska left early!” John replied in a chipper tone. “And I like this computer, it's right next to yours. I think I'm going to make it my work station.”

Karkat looked startled, then angry. “What co-worker did he leave with?” he asked, his huge, round, brown eyes widening. How could those eyes possibly get any bigger? Being so short with such a large facial feature caused him to remind John of a kitten. An angry, growly, kitten. It was kind of precious, when John thought about it, because Karkat was probably just as harmless as a kitten, but he did the mean thing to seem tough.

“I don't know.” John shrugged. “He didn't say. He just left.”

“Sollux doesn't get along with anyone here.” Karkat hissed. “And I'm not even sure if anyone besides me, Vriska, and maybe some of the pompous dipshits over in HR know about how fucked up he is.”

“Why don't we call him?” John suggested. “Find out who he's with and put your mind to ease.”

“I told you to watch him! Are you so mentally underdeveloped that you cannot even fathom the possibility of following the simplest task through? Do you spend your mornings contemplating whether you should be consuming dog feces or cereal?” Karkat hands clinched up into a claw-like position before balling into fists. He growled, then glared at John before removing his phone from his back pocket.

“Where are you, asshole?” Karkat snarled into the phone. John could only hear Karkat's half of the conversation, but he did notice his eyes narrow while Sollux spoke. “Is that Eridan? Fuck, you're with Eridan aren't you? Is he really you taking to the pharmacy, or are you just off somewhere drooling on his dick again? It was probably a real fucking bother to pause your blow job to answer your worried friend.” Karkat shook his head and clinched his free hand back into a fist. “Oh, really, you're an adult? Sorry, but I'm pretty sure adults aren't supposed to need babysitters to hold their hand and tell them when to take there medication so they don't end up sticking their dicks places they'll regret.”

John furrowed his brow. Boy, was he out of the loop here. Although the implication that Eridan Ampora was gay didn't exactly surprise him. It did fascinate him, however. Were him and Sollux a thing? How did people view that? What must that be like? Could he ever...

John perished the thoughts from his mind before he ended up dwelling on things he really shouldn't. Instead he focused on the situation he was presently in. 

He probably shouldn't have let Sollux leave, but Sollux was his boss, so he didn't really have any actual authority over him. Plus, he was trying not to make anyone in the office hate him more than they might already.

“Yeah? Well, fuck you too.” Karkat was shouting now. “How would you like it if I called up your little hatedate and told him what the fuck was going on in that chemical disaster zone beneath your skull passing as a brain? Because if you don't tell him this situation could take a veer into the heinous in no time flat.”

Karkat yanked his phone from his ear and glared at it. “Fine, whatever, shitsponge!” He shouted down at it. “Hanging up on me isn't going to make this hurricane of feces you're frolicking into suck less!”

John couldn't help but let out a laugh. Karkat sure had a way with words. His messy metaphors could rival Dave's. Karkat shot him a nasty look, but John didn't let that kill his smile.

“What the fuck are you laughing at? My idiot friend is about to jump off a bridge into Cleveland's infamous burning river.” Karkat scoffed.

“You just have a really funny way of wording things. It's hard not laugh when you exaggerate things the way you do.” John let his smile slide open to show his teeth. “Like what you just said. Was the bridge by any chance in Indianapolis?”

“I'm not exaggerating! Everything in Sollux's life is about to go to shit and he's totally on board with it because he's about to get laid.” Karkat snapped back. “And on top of that -” he paused, only seeming to just taken in John entire statement. “Wait, why Indianapolis? I said Cleveland, jackass.”

John chuckled. “But I was thinking that would make the situation even more seem even more reckless. Since, you know, Indianapolis is the city that burned. The Great Indianapolis Fire.”

Karkat scowled, but it looked less hateful than usual. It was more genuinely taken aback. “It was the Great Chicago Fire. You know, Chicago. The massive pretentiously artsy city that happens to exist in this very state?”

John blinked a couple of times before feeling his cheeks grow warm. How had he messed that one up? He had been so excited to get in on some of the epic metaphor action in an angry Karkat rant that he had actually forgotten a piece of his own state's history.

“Oh.” John laughed sheepishly and scratched his neck. “Yeah, you're right.”

“Shit,” Karkat rolled his eyes. “Homeschooling really is a joke.”

“Yeah, but it's okay because that means I have a good sense of humor.” John laughed again, hoping he was playing off his awkwardness well.

“So this -” Karkat waved his arms around spastically in the direction of John's person “-thing that you're passing off as charm? It's actually called idiocy.”

“Come on, Karkat,” John said, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. “I know you can say that with a few more words. Maybe you can even use some of you creative curses on me!”

“What is wrong with you?” Karkat barked. Was it John's imagination or were his cheeks growing a bit red?“Do you actually get off on being insulted? It that why you screw everything up and act like an idiot all the time? Because getting served for you is on par with getting serviced? Because you get a huge boner just thinking about getting yelled at?”

For reasons John was trying very hard not to analyze, the first response that flickered through John's head as an answer to Karkat's second question was a weirdly flirtatious, “So what if I do?”

Which he quickly internally replaced with, “Ha ha, Karkat you're cute.”

That might have been worse. Seriously, who talks like that to their bro?

Well, actually, Dave used to say things like that to him sometimes. And it caused the same stirrings in John he was feeling right now. The same feelings he'd spent years desperately trying to keep down. Thinking about it was making it all gush up with more intensity than the current events could have possibly merited. He gulped and looked into Karkat's huge, fiery eyes. 

“I just think you're funny, that's all,” he replied finally, in what was far too close to a whisper. Or a whimper. He was breathing a bit heavily. He desperately hoped Karkat wouldn't notice. But it seemed he must have, because while watching John, his eyes registered panic for a second before he spoke again.

“You need to pick a different work station.” Karkat grunted.


	8. Chapter 8

==> Vriska

“Hey, sexy.” Vriska greated as she sauntered into Terezi's office. Terezi lifted her head up from her desk in confusion, evening out some papers on her desk as her ex approached.

“What are you doing here so early?” Terezi inquired, sounding not nearly as pleased as she should have been to be graced by Vriska's early arrival. Adjusting her red shades, she smirked. “Did you fail so hard at getting dinner reservations that you had to take me out before 5:00?”

Vriska shut the door and made her way over to the tiny, Filipino lawyer. “You're gonna love this. Love it,” Vriska began, gesturing dramatically with her arms. “I stopped by the grocery store – Leijoin's so you know it's quality shit – and picked up the all the supplies I need to rock your world with my excellent cooking skills.”

Vriska hopped up on Terezi's desk, knocking over a pile of her papers. Vriska loved fucking up Terezi's shit. “It's gonna have all the romance. All of it. Can you imagine it? Candlelit home cooked dinner followed by some kissing and music. See, I'm a romantic like that. I set this all up to woo you, because I know how you like to be wooed.”

Terezi snicked. “If you think for a second I'm falling for that embarrassing pile of lies, you really should be looking elsewhere for a hook-up.”

Dang, this for a blind girl this chick could see through anything. Vriska despised it when people saw through or meddled in her plans. Now that she was thinking about it, that was actually why she and Terezi had broken up. Terezi was very savvy to manipulation and was far too fond of meddling.

“I miss the days when you didn't call me out on shit, bitch.” Vriska replied. “I'm here trying to give you a good time and make you feel terrific about it, and you're just shooting me down like the control freak you are.”

“I'm not a control freak, I just don't like it when you think you can pull the wool over my blind eyes.” Terezi straightened her back, lifting her chin. The effect probably would have been a bit more effective if she had actually been directly facing Vriska. “I can see through all of you little lies, Vriska Serket. It's an extra sense you learn when you lose one of your original five.”

Vriska chucked. Terezi couldn't see through all her lies. She could see through some of the more obvious, less skillfully masked lies. But she didn't know Vriska, her very own client, truly had been the one that murdered Simone Nitram. And even if, on the off-chance she suspected it, she certainly didn't know why. No, those were secrets Vriska wouldn't allow anyone to catch wind of, no matter how how good they were at solving puzzles.

==> Sollux

Sollux ended his call with Karkat and threw his phone to the car floor.

“Sounds like Kar was bein' a real prick ya.” Eridan said, glancing sidelong at Sollux. “Why the fuck do you even talk to the guy in first the place?”

Sollux's jaw clinched and he turned to face Eridan. “I have a lot of good reasons that I won't waste on your ears, so let's just leave it at the fact that I can stand KK a heck of a lot more than I can stand you.”

Eridan gulped, and stared out the windshield in front of him as he drove. “I didn't mean to be puttin' down your little buddy, Kar has his moments I guess, but he's mostly too negative a person for my tastes.”

Sollux scowled. “I'm a pretty negative person too, why are you forcing me to spend time with you? Because you're a lonely jackass who will bully anyone into being his friend or boyfriend if given the chance?”

Eridan gulped again, this time looking stricken. He didn't look at Sollux, he simply pulled into the parking lot of the local pharmacy.

“Fuck you, I'm sorry for even botherin' with your sorry ass if that's what you think a me.” Eridan muttered as he pulled into a parking spot.

“Whyareweatthepharmacy?” Sollux asked, barely pausing to take a breath. He coiled his fingers into his hair and found his eyes flickering everywhere but Eridan's face. His knees drew into his chest. Did Eridan know about his disorder? How had he found out? Did KK tell him somehow? Had Eridan told anyone else?

Eridan unbuckled his seat belt and cast Sollux an incredulous glance. “What now?”

Sollux was breathing heavy, and he felt sharp pricks of pain in his lungs. He removed one of his hands from his hair and gasped at his chest. There was a flash of thankfulness in his mind when he registered that he was next to the pharmacy, but then he remembered why and his panicking worsened.

“Isaid whyarewe atthe pharmacy?” Sollux repeated, trying to slow his speak a bit in spite of the chaos raging in his mind.

“Gosh, Sol, you look horrible.” Eridan commented, worry starting to set into his eyes. Oh, no. No, no. Sollux Captor would not be pitied by Eridan Ampora. “I brought you here because I was figurin' it was important and you were just blowin' it off on account a our date, which was sweet and all but I didn't want you dying while you were romancin' me.”

Sollux took several deep breathes. It sounded like maybe Eridan didn't know after all. But he had to be sure. 

“Youdon't know whyI wanted to come here?”

Eridan shook his head and reached out to cup Sollux's face in his hand. “No, but I'm gettin' a bit of a clue from the way you're actin' all sick.” Eridan's eyes were actually quivering. It was so pathetic. And it also made Sollux want to kiss him.

Sollux jerked his head away from Eridan's hand and unbuckled his seat belt. As he got out of Eridan's car he snarled, “Date's off. Get me fired if you want.”

 

==> John

John was lying on his back on the couch-bed in his tiny new apartment. It was a loft above a worn-out old building downtown. Not terribly fancy, but pretty cool. Especially if one considered that the building had previously been a fire department. Any Ghost Busters fan could appreciate that. 

There were still boxes that needed unpacked, furniture that needed to be more sensibly arranged. But John wasn't really thinking about that at the moment, as he was preoccupied with his hand around his exposed cock.

He had long ago given up on trying to not think of men when he masturbated. He used to think of it as a weird little kink that he had to get out of his system before he could go back to being not a homosexual. Like his dad wanted. He wanted to impress his dad. To make his dad happy. And his dad wanted him to be heterosexual. His dad wanted him to marry a woman. 

He had realized by the age of 25, of course, that he was in no way sexually attracted to women. It just wasn't a something that was a thing for him. But it didn't stop him from trying to trick himself into thinking he found, for example, his admiration Vriska's tenacity to be some sort of crush. 

John had spent his whole life until he was sixteen with only one real adult male role model. The way his dad lived, to him, just seemed like the only right way to be an adult. His friend Dave's grown-up brother and guardian, Dirk,was cool and all, but real adults wore fedoras, not baseball caps. Real adults smoked pipes, not cigarettes. Real adults worked nine to five in an office, not weekends at a night club in the city. John's dad had always thought Dirk was immature, so John did too.

John had known Dirk was gay, but had never told his father. Dave often whined at the lunch table that after Dirk's boyfriend, Jake, moved in, it was like having a British man as a stepmother. John thought that if his dad knew Dave lived with two gay men, he wouldn't be able to see Dave anymore. Besides, John had been incredibly intoxicated by Dirk and Jake's relationship. He frequently asked Dave questions about it, and watched them more intently while at Dave's house than any of the films they all viewed together. Dirk and Jake both had so much man grit, and yet when they would settle in to watch a movie, Dirk would wrap his arm around Jake while Jake settled lovingly against his chest. Even though, due to the man's anime-style sunglasses, John could never really see Dirk's eyes, he could still tell that he looked at Jake like he was the most magnificent being in the entire universe.

John wanted someone to look at him like that.

Because of his brain's militant insistence that only guys were hot, John always felt guilty and dirty after he jerked off. But he never felt nearly as guilty as he had the time he got off thinking about his best bro's guardian and his live-in boyfriend.

However, now he might be getting close to that level of guilt.

Because he was thinking about Karkat Vantas.

It had started innocently enough. He had crashed on the couch directly after work with a sub sandwich and began reliving the highlights of his day in his head. A few of them involved Rose, but most of them were near the end of work, when it had just been him and Karkat. He remembered joking with Karkat, remembered noticing how small Karkat was and how huge his brown eyes were. He remembered how thick and unruly Karkat's dark hair was, and wondered what it would be like to run his hand through it. He also thought about how nice it would be to run his hands over Karkat's broad shoulders, which looked like they could be very well toned. 

And then he ended up thinking about what Karkat's thighs must look like, as stocky as he was. And it only went downhill from there.

He swore as he came into his hand. His dad would be so ashamed.


	9. Chapter 9

==> Past Kanaya

Kanaya was unlocking the shop lot in an old Victorian building that she had been renovating into her boutique when she heard a throat clear behind her. She turned, startled to find Tavros Ntiram sitting behind her in his wheelchair. He was visibly shaking, eyes looking at the shop window rather than Kanaya.

“Hello Tavros, what brings you by this morning?” Kanaya greeted. She pulled the key out of the door and placed it in her bag.

“Well, uh. It's uh, actually, Vriska,” Tavros replied in his typical faltering manner, eyes lowering to his lap. “I think that, she might, uh, be in a slightly unfortunate situation.”

Kanaya signed. She shouldn't still care about what Vriska did. Vriska's rash decisions were her own, Kanaya couldn't keep getting sucked into her drama with hopes of fixing her. Kanaya enjoyed helping others resolve their conflicts, but being as mild-mannered as she was, she couldn't continue to be in love with someone as reckless as Vriska. That relationship was over, and it needed to stay that way.

“What happened?” she found herself asking in spite her better judgment. Why was she such a natural mediator?

“My brother, who is, Simone, as you know, I'm not sure why I, reminded you, of that, but uh, well, you remember, how she dumped me, and then, started dating him?” Tavros looked up at Kanaya's face for the first time during their exchange and she took his quivering eyes to be a sign that he was actually expecting an answer to his question.

“Yes, Tavros I do remember that.” Kanaya crossed her arms. “I assure you that you are much better off not in the position of dating her.”

Tavros nodded. “I can understand, why you would say that, given her preference, for other women.”

Kanaya gasped, and unconsciously she pulled her left hand up to touch the green lipstick on her mouth. “She actually told you?”

Tavros gave her another little nod, eyes drifting back to the filthy bow window looking into the future Rainbow Drinker Boutique. “She broke up with me because, she felt sorry for me, and actually pitied me, a bit, so she told me, about her, and also, about you.”

Kanaya pursed her lips and curled her fingers down to drum them against her chin. Vriska had actually come out to someone. Sure, it was only Tavros, and she probably picked him to confide in for the same reason she picked him as a fake boyfriend (because he was easy to control), but she still counted this as progress.

“But then, when she started to date, my brother, who is, a bit more intense, at times, than I tend to be, I became, just a bit, worried, about his, uh, feelings,” Tavros continued. “So yesterday, when he became, upset, by the fact that she, uh, was not, exactly, wanting to have sex, with him, I wanted to make him, feel better, so I, uh, informed him, of her preferred gender.”

“Tavros!” Kanaya scolded. She formed the hand by her face into a loose fist, glancing over at the young trees and antique shops across the street for signs of bystanders. “That was not your place.” She looked back at Tavros, glare intense. The boy cowered in his chair. 

“Vriska will be very angry with you, and she is immensely vindictive.” Kanaya hated the thought that she was probably going to have to be the one to clean this mess up.

“I am less worried, about Vriska's anger, and more about, uh, her.” Tavros mumbled, arms shaking as he held them in front of his face to shield himself from Kanaya's wrath. “Simone was, uh, pretty displeased, and also, he said he found her disgusting, and he, also said, some shockingly violent things.”

Kanaya lowered her hand, eyes wide. “You don't believe that he truly intends to hurt her, do you?”

==> Terezi

Terezi tilted her head back as Vriska fingered the nipples of Terezi's small, round breasts and ran her tongue up her inner thigh. 

“Mmm. Missed you.” Terezi mumbled. She grabbed at Vriska's nest of hair. Vriska ghosted her fingers down her chest and stomach towards her -

Terezi was lulled from the pleasure by Vriska's phone buzzing. Again.

“If it's that Solluz guy again, you should probably just answer it,” Terezi sighed, stoking Vriska's cheek with her thigh. “It might be an emergency.”

“It's Sollux.” Vriska grumbled. She wrapped her arm around Terezi's thick leg and the tapping of fingers on a touch screen could be heard. “Solluz would be better, though, because then I could call him Solloser.”

Terezi chuckled and sat up to run her hand over Vriska's face, taking in the features for the first time in over a year.

“Hey, Solloser, what is it?” Vriska snapped. “You're interrupting 27 Dresses, which is a terrific film about a young Asian woman trying to open a dress shop in Manhattan. It's very empowering.”

Terezi traced the shape of Vriska's eyebrows, then lowered her hand to run a thumb over her high cheek bone.

“Eridan Ampora?” Vriska gasped. There was amusement in her voice. “What was Sollux doing in your car? Are you two fucking or something?”

There was a pause.

“Oh my gosh! You totally are! That is golden. Sollux is never going to hear the end of this. Ever.”

Terezi could feel the muscles in Vriska's face shifting into a huge smile. Why did she only find this level of amusement in other people's pain? Terezi loved teasing people, but Vriska often took it too far. Teasing and torment were two very different things.

“No way, I am not helping you. You're gonna have to call Karkat, loser. Have fun with that, by the way.” 

Terezi felt Vriska toss her head back a bit as she cackled.“Yeah, I will enjoy my movie. But you are the one who can suck it.”

Terezi heard a beep.

“Who's Katherine Heigl?” Vriska asked her.

==> Karkart

Karkat was cocooned in a blanket on the couch sipping the caramel macchiato Gamzee had brought home. It reminded him a John, which pissed him off. John and his dopey smile should not be able ruin this special thing he and his roommate, Gamzee, shared.

“What movie do you want to be getting up to watching tonight, my brother?” Gamzee asked, speech as poorly constructed as could be expected from someone as perpetually stoned as him. He plopped down on the couch next to Karkat. “Or do you just need to be all up and talking about you work woes again?”

Karkat took another sip off coffee before handing it to Gamzee. “John is still stupidly charming.”

Gamzee chuckled affectionately and put a hand on Karkat's back. “Sometimes we all have to be feeling magnetized by other people, it's one of the beautiful motherfuckin miracles of life, brother.”

Karkat shook his head. It was a wonder anyone but him could even understand Gamzee. “I don't want to be 'magnetized' by him. He's a useless asshole.”

“I feel you, brother.” Gamzee nodded and took a long sip of caramel macchiato. “Sometimes the cardiac region up and tells us to be wanting things our heads can't make sense of.”

“I don't fucking 'want' him,” Karkat snarled, heat rising in his face. He tried to unburrow from the blanket but ended up getting his arms even more tangled in it. As he squirmed to free himself he added, “We both walked the tortuous halls of the slaughter house known as high school with him. He's straight as a fucking flag pole, remember? Even if I was interested, it would be a waste of my limited emotional energy.”

Karkat's phone vibrated in his pocket, and he tried to wiggle his right arm loose enough to grab it. In the process, he threw off his balance and tumbled from the couch. His phone continued to shake as he writhed as a tangled mass on the floor.

“Gamzee, little help?” he snarled.

Gamzee nodded slowly. It looked like he was spacing out.

“Gamzee!” Karkat whimpered. “If this is a call about me getting work off tomorrow and I end up walking all the way to SBURB for nothing, I'm holding your stoner ass personally responsible!”

“It's a miracle how sometimes the motherfuckin comfy blankets that keep your body and spirit warm with their fabrics decide they want to up and hug you tight and never be letting go.” Gamzee finally got up off the couch and started to help Karkat free himself. A he did so, he spoke to the blanket, “Sorry brother, Karkat's got to up and be getting his conversation on.”

The call had gone to voice mail by the time Karkat was released from his cloth imprisonment. When Karkat saw the call was from Sollux, he immediately called back.

“Hey, jackass, glad to see you're still functioning enough to use a phone.” Karkat spat.

“Wow, Kar, you really are an asshole to everyone,” replied the detestable voice of Eridan Ampora.

“Eridan Ampora?” Karkat shot Gamzee a horrified look. “Is Sollux okay?”

“Well, that's half a why I'm callin' ya. I don't know where Sollux is, and he left his phone in my car.”


	10. Chapter 10

==> Sollux

After wasting as much time as he could in the pharmacy (which ended up being about three hours because it turned out the place had an old Pacman machine by the candy section), Sollux left the through the back exit to avoid dealing with Eridan. He leaned against the cold bricks of the building, downing one of his pills with a bottle of lemon Gatorade. He needed to think of a way to get back home. A way that didn't involve Eridan asking any questions. And more importantly, a way that didn't involve him softening towards someone he had every right to hate.

He supposed he could just walk back to his apartment, but that would take about 20 minutes, and he hadn't eaten all day. He was already feeling tired and sluggish. While brainstorming for who would be the most likely to come pick him up without hassle, he reached into his back pocket to flip through his contacts only to find his phone wasn't there. He swore out loud. It was still on the floor of Eridan's car. He might as well say goodbye to that phone forever. It had been an Droid R2-D2, too. He groaned and closed his eyes, letting his head fall against the wall behind him.

“Sollux, hey! Is everything okay?” Sollux opened his eyes and looked up to see that a blue car had stopped on the road behind the pharmacy. The passenger's side window was rolled down, and through it the face of John Egbert was beaming pleasantly at him.

Sollux hurried over to the car, thanking the universe for his bizarre spike in luck. John wasn't totally useless.

“Hey, JN, could you give me a ride back to my place?” Sollux asked, crossing his arms over the car door and leaning in to let is fatigued eyes be more obvious to John.

John nodded enthusiastically, pressing a button to unlock the car door. “You got Karkat really worked up. Did you take your medicine?”

Sollux rolled his eyes as he opened the car door and slipped into the seat next to John. He held up his prescription bag. He hated KK for filling John in on so many unsavory details of his life. He wondered just how much John knew.

“So where's your place?” John asked, shifting the car back into drive. “I was headed to visit some friends over by Lowas Park.”

“I guess you'll have to backtrack, then,” Sollux replied, taking a drink of his Gatorade. It only worked to remind him how hungry he was. “I live on Prospit Street.”

John glanced over at him, face managing to light up ever more. “So do I! Maybe we can start having movie nights together and carpooling to work.”

Sollux should have known this was too good to be true.

“So what happened to Eridan? Did you two have a fight?” John asked. Why did this kid have to be so caustically friendly? Sollux was beginning to think he would have been better off walking home half-starved. 

“Eridan and I are always having a fight, because he's a douchebag.” Sollux grumbled. “Whatever KK told you about us was probably a gross exaggeration. That asshole watches way too many RomComs to have a realistic view of the world.”

“Karkat didn't tell me anything.” John assured him. “I just assumed you guys were a thing, based on what Karkat said to you on the phone. But he does exaggerate a lot in his rants, so I guess I should have figured it didn't mean anything.”

Sollux let out a long breath shook his head. “Eridan and I just hooked up this morning. And I have since lost control of my life.”

John chuckled. Sollux wanted to punch him. But at the same time, it was kind of nice to talk to someone who didn't bite back.

==> John

John rang the door bell at the orange house down the street from where his dad and his stepmom lived. The stepmom had been a recent development, one that John was quite thankful for, because his dad needed company now that John was out in the real world. It had been a bit awkward for the 3 years after college John lived at home, though. He hadn't really thought much about what things non-TV moms did, but if his brief experience was anything to go by, they mostly drank alcohol and owned cats and acted very passive-aggressively. John decided that people could live without moms. He couldn't imagine how his now half-sister (he couldn't wrap his head around that and had decided to just not try), Rose, had managed to survive without having someone to bake her cakes and take the existence of cat allegories into consideration. 

The door to the orange house opened and a man with remarkably tan skin and bright green eyes stood before him. 

“John Egbert, cripes, is that you?” Jake English exclaimed, stepping aside to let him into the house. It was good to know he still talked like someone parodying British speech. “Tell me about your adventures since we last spoke. You moved to Indiana for university, did you not?”

John nodded. “I went to Bethel, yeah. It was comprise, more liberal than my dad wanted, but still a Christian school.”

“Your father is an interesting fellow. He assumed I was raised by missionaries simply because I grew up in Papua New Guinea.” Jake chuckled. “When I told him my parents had been ethnographers and began talking about how Dirk and I met, he quickly lost interest.”

That was pretty much what John would have expected from his dad. He wondered at what point Jake and his dad had even spoken. He also wondered if he should act surprised if his dad mentioned Dirk and Jake being gay, or if he should just acknowledge that he knew already.

“How did you end up coming to the states?” John asked, sitting down on a red armchair next to their sofa. Jake followed suit by taking a seat on the sofa next to John. John added,“I never did ask,” because all of his questions in high school had been geared towards learning more about Dirk and Jake's relationship.

“Well, I found myself in the States for college, and never really left.” Jake replied. He then got an excited look on his face and leaned in close. When he spoke, his voice was flourished with drama. “My parents were quite relieved, though, because a couple years after I graduated, a group of doctors who were taking medical supplies to my village on a warm night in April were ambushed and killed by some renegades in the jungle. Of course, my parents were silly to think I would have been in danger. If I would have been there I would have -”

“Are you talking tough again, English?” said and amused voice behind them. John turned to see Dirk Strider leaning in the archway between the living room and the kitchen. “Egbert, haven't seen you in a while.”

John scratched the back of his neck and gave the armrest on his chair a guilty smile. “Yeah, I feel bad about that. I've actually been thinking about Dave recently, and I thought I'd drop by and catch up.”

Dirk snorted. “You think Dave still lives here? He lives with his wife and kid.”

John was floored. Dave was married? Dave had a child?! He felt horribly guilty for not having even kept in touch with his former best bro enough to know these monumental facts. Maybe Dirk was just joking. Being ironic. That was a thing that Striders did. John let out a little laugh.

“No way. Nice try.” John shook his head, chuckling. “Who would he even be married to?”

Dirk walked over to lean against the couch, ruffling Jake's hair as he went. “Who do you think? Jade. Their daughter's name is Jane.”

“Jade and Jane? I can't decide if that's clever or terrible.” John snickered. “So Dave is married for real?”

Jake nodded. “It's a load of bollocks that he didn't invite you to the wedding.”

Dave had his reasons. John had been the one who severed contact. He wondered if Dave had told Dirk and Jake what happened. John kind of doubted it, it didn't seem like Dave and Dirk ever seriously talked about their problems or feelings with each other. Dave had actually whined that Dirk had taken a more serious and less ironic outlook on life after knowing the far more genuine Jake.

“You know, one of those doctors that died in New Guinea had a son living in this town,” Dirk said, changing the subject. Of course, John had forgotten that even though Striders didn't talk about their feelings, they understood each other. Dirk probably deduced what had happened between John and his brother and didn't want to dwell on it right now. “It was some feisty Puerto Rican kid who was about the same age as Dave.”

John was still thinking about Dave, and how he already had a family. It made him wonder.

“Do you think you two would ever want to raise another kid?” John asked.

Jake's grin widened. He looked up at his boyfriend. “Why Dirk, I do believe the universe has just given us our sign.”

Dirk lightly shoved him and shook his head, standing up straight. “I said I'd think about it.” He turned to John. “Jake's crazy about Jane. He's got major baby envy.”

John felt warmth swell up in his chest. He forgot how wonderful being around Dirk and Jake could make him feel. Wonderful, but also melancholy. Because after he left the orange house, he entered a world where he could never have what they had.


	11. Chapter 11

==> Past Sollux

Sollux kicked some leaves off the porch to clear a spot to set a plate of pasta for his brother.

“You know none of those assholes in Derse Court are worth your tears.” Sollux said, listening to his brother strum his guitar. “Especially not some bitchy cougar like Connie Peixes.”

Nic nodded, and continued playing an array of disjointed notes. “Still sucks to be called trash,” he replied. “Even if I always knew that's what she thought of us. I guess I just hoped she'd change her opinion if she...” he trailed off, gulping.

“Eat your dinner, Psiconic. Or else mom's gonna be pissed.” Sollux said, bumping his brother's thigh lightly with his sneaker before walking back inside. As he opened the door he heard his brother chuckling at the use of his childhood nickname.

==> Sollux

John arrived at Sollux's apartment 10 minutes early with a plate of homemade pastries. Sollux would have slipped out to avoid carpooling, but his car was still at SBURB, so he didn't have much choice. He clearly hadn't though that Eridan situation through very well. He also owed KK an apology, which majorly sucked. He's already gotten enough of a lecture last night when he called from his home phone to let KK know he was alright (per John's pushy request). On the upside, Eridan had given Sollux's phone to KK, so that made for one less awkward encounter on the menu.

Sollux's apartment wasn't exactly visitor ready, since his choices in sexual partners wasn't the only thing he let get a bit out of hand when he went off his medication. John ruthlessly tensed him for his messy table before making room for the pastries.

“Weird to meet someone your age who really knows how to cook.” Sollux commented, picking up a round danish with red jelly and cream cheese on top. “What kind of jelly did you use?”

“I started baking when I was a teenager, because I got really sick of all the boxed Betty Crocker cakes my dad made. I wanted to learn how to make real cakes, so I did. And I liked baking, so I never really stopped.” John shrugged. He watched with bright eyes as Sollux took a bite. “And that's not jelly, it's lamb's blood and sugar. I had some left over from my morning sacrificial offering.”

Sollux almost chocked. Hadn't KK said something about this kid was crazy religious? Still, lamb's blood? For a giggly kid, he had said that with a completely straight face. “You're kidding, right?” Sollux replied, offending food still in his mouth.

“Why would I joke about something like that?” John answered, looking hurt. Wow, what had Rose gotten him into? This guy was actually insane. He dashed over to the sink and spit out the bite of pastry. When he lifted his head, John was laughing.

“Wow, man, you are easy. I did not think you would actually fall for that.” John shook his head, smile huge. “I must be getting good at this. It's strawberry.”

“That was incredibly lame,” Sollux grumbled, cheeks growing warm from embarrassment.

On the ride to work, John was cheery and talkative until Sollux mentioned not being in the mood for chatter. So John instead subjected him to a crappy Christian CD, made even more unbearable by John occasionally singing along with the inane and vapid lyrics.

When they arrived in the IT department, Sollux begrudgingly thanked John for the car ride and pastries, then handed him a box to take to the mail room. He ignored KK and went straight to his office, wanting more time to collect his thoughts and craft his apology before he addressed his friend.

However, not two minutes after he had shut his office door, there was a vigorous pounding on it. Sollux sighed. He couldn't put this off any longer.

“Come in,” he called.

Karkat came barreling through the door, looking ready for murder. He hadn't expected him to be quite this angry.

“You just can't keep it in your pants can you?” He shouted, slamming the door behind him. “You just couldn't stand that there was a man in this office that you hadn't managed to stick it in and... fuck! You must have some fucking secret stash of fucking charm that even I haven't fucking seen because fucking shit fuck!”

“What.” Sollux stared at his friend. Karkat's rants may have usually been inane, but at least they actually made sense. That was more curse words than content. And he didn't even try to be clever. Plus, Sollux had been under the impression that Karkat was mostly done completely harping on him about his hook up with Eridan.

Karkat looked on the verge of tears, but was still attempting to keep up a tough front. “After everything. After everything you put me through with this Eridan shit, you went right out and fucked John.”

“I didn't fuck... why would you even think that?” Sollux snarled, offended. Karkat could yell at him for stupid decisions he had made, but now he was blatantly making shit up. Sollux clinched his hands into fists and glared up at his Puerto Rican co-worker. “Weren't you making a big deal when he got hired that you'd have to protect the poor innocent straight boy from Vriska's web of drama? And now you're acting like I fucked him? You do realize how completely irrational you sound right now, right?”

Karkat stomped forward, slapping his hands flat on Sollux's desk and looking him directly in the eyes. “Do you think I'm stupid or something? Thanking him for a ride in his fucking car and for breakfast is about as blunt as groping him while shouting, 'thanks for letting me penetrate your ass with my dick last night!' Fuck you, Sollux, my umbilical cord wasn't cut yesterday.”

“I...” Sollux shook his head. As much as he hated to admit it, all things considered, Karkat's conclusion wasn't that illogical. “I didn't fuck John. He's lives on the same street as me, so he gave me a ride this morning because my car was still at SBURB. He gave me breakfast because he's a freakishly friendly person. Feel dumb now, prick?”

Karkat stood up, expression unreadable. “Oh.”

“Can I have my phone back now?” Sollux grumbled holding out his hand.

Karkat took out the phone, but didn't give it to Sollux. He stared at it for a moment before speaking. “You promise to be less of a dumbass from now until you get shipped off in a casket?”

Sollux sighed loudly. “You have no idea how much I hate myself right now. Please don't make it worse.”

“Jackass,” Karkat mumbled. He tossed the white and blue Droid over the desk to Sollux and turned to leave.

“KK, I'm sorry.” Sollux said at last.

Karkat turned back around, appearing astonished. He gave Sollux a small nod. “Yeah. Shit happens, I guess.”

==> Past Karkat

Karkat sat down his book on constellations and laid back in the grass. It was an especially pleasant and clear night in mid-April, and Karkat wanted to take every opportunity he could to put the book his father had left him to use before his father returned from Papua New Guinea. According to his book, anyone born right now would have the constellation Aries as their sign. The book included an illustration of an elegant ram with large, curled horns. It was undoubtedly cooler than the animal associated with Karkat's sign, Cancer, which was a crab. He hadn't been able to find Aries the Ram in the sky tonight, but he did spot the Great Bear and Gemini. 

The book said that some people believed you could determine what someone's personality was like based on their sign. Karkat often tried to imagine what a group of personified constellations would be like, and how they would interact. Cancer would be the leader of the group, of course. He may be just a crab, but he was loyal, sympathetic, and protective of his comrades. Aries and his stupid horns could suck it.

Karkat heard Mrs. Maryam calling him inside. Was it bedtime already? He sat up and collected his book, gazing one last time at the glimmering night sky. He wondered what stars his father was seeing right then. 

When he entered the house, everyone was sitting around the dining room table looking somber. Kanaya had that same delicate look on her face that she wore whenever she was about to give him information she knew he'd hate. She pulled out the chair next to her, and patted the seat, silently directing him to sit down. He had no idea what he had done to make them all this upset. 

And then they told him. They told him in the most patronizing and uninformative way imaginable. They told him his dad had 'gone to be with God' and 'was in a better place'. When he asked how it had happened they simply told him that his dad had been 'helping others' when he 'passed on'.

Karkat couldn't accept such little information. He was thirteen years old. He deserved to know what really happened. He snooped around, finding every news article he could get his hands on. He milked every clue he could out of Kanaya. Eventually, he got a fairly thorough image of what had happened. And it was gruesome. His father had been murdered.

Once he knew, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Visualizing in tremendous detail how the indigenous people had mauled his father's body. He had nightmares that made sleeping unbearable. Everyone else seemed sad, but he was angry.

Angry for his dad.

Because someone had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic was originally going to be titled Written in the Stars. Which I think would have been a pretty title, but it really only fits with Karkat's story thread, haha.


	12. Chapter 12

==> Karkat

“What are you doing?” Karkat growled. John was taping a small name tag to the computer next to Karkat's. John's name was written on it in blue lowercase letters. “I thought I told you to pick a different work station.”

John turned around, blue eyes sparkling behind his glasses. “Well, Karkat, you're not the boss, so I decided not to listen to you!” John giggled and hopped into his chair to begin logging into the SBURB network.

“The computers on the opposite wall are just as good as this one,” Karkat pointed out. He crossed his arms and proceeded to hover over where John was sitting in what he hoped was an ominous manner. “Then you would have a whole wall to yourself. Like Vriska has her wall and like I used to have my wall before you decided to set up camp and piss on my territory.”

John laughed and looked up at Karkat. “Come on, Karkat, I've spend most of my life stuck at home with just my dad and my computer. If I'm gonna have co-workers, I want to interact with them. Besides, you're my bro.”

Karkat scowled at the word 'bro'. It was the kind of tool-ish language he would expect from a guy who had been in Dave Strider's hipster snob posse. He could tolerate Gamzee calling him 'brother' (on account of Gamzee being his best friend and also mentally unstable), but bro was just not a name Karkat wanted to be called by... an obnoxious, attractive, blued-eyed co-worker.

“I'm not your bro and I'm not your babysitter. I thought Vriska was the one helping you learn the ropes around here.” Karkat replied. He was looking John squarely in the eyes in an attempt to seem tough, but instead he found himself admiring how blue they were. For a split second, he felt like he was back in high school. How long had it been since he had really looked at those stupid eyes? The first time he'd noticed just how blue they were, John had been giving a presentation about... buckets?... or something while Karkat sat in the back of the classroom trying desperately to keep certain biological functions under control. He had also been wearing that stupid spade shirt. Did he still own that awful thing? He should have burned it and never worn another shirt ever again...

“...and I don't really want to lead her on while I make up my mind, so I think it's best I not sit by her, you know?” John's lips were saying. “Karkat, are you okay?”

Karkat realized that his mouth was hanging slightly open and that he probably wasn't succeeding in looking angry or intimidating at all.

“I... fuck. You're distracting me. I have shitload of work to do.” Karkat grumbled, pulling out his chair to sit down. “Just, try not to pester me too much. Or else I'll complain to your new buddy Sollux.”

“Sollux and I are bros! Don't try to drag him into this!” John laughed. As Karkat placed his hands on his keyboard, John gestured to the bracelet on Karkat's wrist.

“What does that symbol mean?” John asked. “It kind of looks like the number 69.”

Karkat shot John a glare. “It's nothing lewd like that, you deranged pervert. It's the symbol for Cancer.”

“You have cancer?” John's eyes were wide. He looked genuinely concerned. What was Karkat's stomach doing?

“No, dumbass, the fucking astrology sign,” Karkat replied. “What did you do at home while every normal human being was at school? Browse porn on the internet? So now you're up to date on innuendos and euphemisms, but not common knowledge.”

John laughed and reached out to ruffle Karkat's hair. “Yeah, you caught me. All I know anything about is sex, jokes, and movies. Which makes me perfect boyfriend material, frankly.”

Man, if John had been anyone else in the world, Karkat would have been sure he was being flirted with . But no, this was just charming and cheerful John bragging awkwardly about his straight boy 'swag'. He was just so fucking good-natured it manifested in a more endearing fashion than it did with a douchebag like Dave Strider.

“I don't know if you missed the memo, dipshit, but some people – some girls, in your case – like a degree of actual romance in their relationships instead of shitty attempts at humor, bad films, and sloppy intercourse.” Karkat huffed. It occurred to him that he'd probably have to school John on all the intricacies of romance if this hopeless guy ever wanted a chance at a functioning courtship.

John was chuckling again. It sure was easy to make this guy giggle. Maybe he really did get some sick enjoyment out of being insulted.

“I don't know if I should take romance advice from the guy who believes is astrology.” John had a smug little smirk on his face as he in leaned a bit closer. “You might start telling me to pay attention to my alignment to the sun or something dumb like that.”

“I don't!” Karkat insisted, ears growing warm. “Get your ears ready, because I'm about to make you feel like a shitheaded tool. The last thing my late father gave me before he was savagely murdered in the jungle was a book on constellations. So even if I don't believe is astrology, I reserve the right to give a fuck about constellations.”

“Oh, that's actually really sweet.” John was nodding. He didn't seem the least bit put-off. “My dad and I used to go stargazing in Lowas park, but I didn't know much about the constellations so I either made up my own or labeled every patch of stars as either Orion's belt or the Big Dipper.”

“Wow, must have been nice, having a father to stargaze with.” Karkat mumbled in annoyance, turning back to his work station.

“Hey,” John exclaimed grabbing Karkat's shoulder. “Why don't you and I go stargazing at Lowas Park tonight! I haven't done that since I was really young. Are you busy?”

Karkat turned his head tentatively back to look at John's toothy grin. He looked so excited.

“If this is your way of saying you would like to tap into my extensive knowledge base, know that I'm going to also have to lecture you on romance while we're at it. Because you are a tragic mess of heterosexual male ignorance when it comes to the topic.” Karkat replied. It felt almost like a date, even though it was probably going to be a evening filled with him being called 'dude' and 'bro' and possibly even the dreaded 'homie'.

“That's a stereotype, I'm awful at a lot of things, but I'm swell at romance.” John licked his lips, smirk returning. “And some of the things I'm into are really romantic. Like stargazing in the park.”

Karkat gulped. Yeah, that was pretty fucking romantic.

==> Past Kanaya

Rose must have known almost right away that Kanaya was a lesbian. Kanaya didn't know how. But shortly after she met Rose, the woman left her number at the Rainbow Drinker's Boutique cash register with a wink that was far more sinister than it should have been on such a lovely girl. Kanaya wasn't sure she was ready for another relationship after everything that had happened, but the above Rose's number was written “call or text”. Kanaya decided texting wasn't too threatening. 

The first time she texted Rose, she felt like her initial impressions of the woman as classy, witty, and intelligent must have been entirely wrong. The conversation involved far too many references to terrible movies and Rose's boring and annoying-sounding friend, John, for Kanaya's liking.

Still, when Rose asked Kanaya to join her book club, she couldn't say no. She was drawn to Rose, whether she liked it or not. Rose had a certain darkness about her that Kanaya thirsted to heal. Given how observant Rose was about people, the darkness made sense. Rose downplayed it, but she was brilliant at reading people. Which often meant noticing unsavory aspects of people's lives and personalities.

Kanaya knew the Rose was aware of the reason Kanaya made excuses for the two of them to spend time together. Kanaya wanted to stop, not wanting a repeat of Vriska by ending up courting someone she wished to repair. But Rose Lalonde was magnetic, and when she finally approached the matter, Kanaya couldn't escape her feelings.

It happened when everyone was leaving book club one evening. Rose put her hand gently on Kanaya's shoulder. “You should stay for a little while. I'll make coffee.”

Kanaya simply nodded, following her helplessly into the kitchen. 

“You've developed some romantic feelings for me, haven't you?” Rose said, leaning against the counter with a smirk instead of even bothering to touch the coffee machine. Rose wasn't usually this direct, but she did know Kanaya hated when she spoke in riddles. 

Kanaya gave a slight nod. “I have, but I have also found that you terrify me.”

Rose chuckled. “What is there to be scared of? My taste in books? Do you truly believe I'm into the occult?”

“No.” Kanaya shook her head. “It's the way you seem to be able to read people. The way you notice details no one else does.”

“I think if you get to know me better you'll find,” Rose strode forward and placed her hands on Kanaya's hips. “I'm mostly just talk.”

That wasn't true, of course. But Kanaya kissed her anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy fluff: the chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this was my favorite chapter to write so far. :)

==> Past Sollux

As Sollux finished clogging his bloody nose with Kleenexes and took the bag of ice wrapped in a wash cloth from Rose.

“While it may be true that violent hate crimes aren't common around here, you have to admit that this is symptomatic of a much larger problem in our community.” Rose commented, sitting in the rocking chair across from Sollux. “You must on some level be aware of the discrimination and alienation that is occurring, seeing as you took the Vantas boy under your wing by hiring him into your department.”

“I hired KK because he was a good fit for the job,” Sollux spat. “He's hardworking and knows how to take instruction.”

“Oh please, Sollux,we both know he's terribly inept with computers and technology.” Rose chuckled darkly. “I work at SBURB as well, in case you've forgotten. You know, some would take such a hiring selection as evidence that you two were sexually involved.”

Sollux narrowed his eyes, lowering the bag of ice. “Is this you trying to blackmail me? And here I thought you were sticking your neck out for one of your own.”

Rose let out another cool laugh, eyes locked on Sollux. “I am, but not you, at the present moment.”

Sollux scowled, which hurt his nose. He reached up and rubbed it, which was a mistake and hurt too. “KK?”

“Vriska Serket,” Rose corrected. She looked so despicably smug. Rose Lalonde was a woman who knew when she was holding all the cards. And when she knew, she abused to opportunity ruthlessly.

“The murdering maneater?” Sollux shook his head. “Is this some feminist thing?”

“Vriska is one of us, which is to say, she is a lesbian.” Rose replied, picking up the cup of hot chocolate next to her. She stroked it menacingly “She is actually exceedingly proficient at technology, and could use a safe haven. Particularly in light of recent circumstances.”

“So Vriska killed that guy because she's a dyke?” Sollux deadpanned. It was pretty hard for him to believe Vriska Serket was a lesbian. Sure, she had a reputation of being manipulative and a tease, but why would she even bother with man if she was a homosexual? Even if she wanted to stay in the closet, she could have just pretended she was too high on some fairytale fantasy to have a real relationship.

“She was found not guilty,” Rose rebutted. 

“So what, you're going to turn my department into a pride parade?” Sollux snarled. 

“I reserve the right to place another ward under your care in the future.” Rose smiled with feigned sweetness. “But I would hold off on decorating with rainbow flags, as Vriska wishes to stay closeted for the time being. If you could avoid addressing her sexuality, that would be preferable.” 

Sollux rolled his eyes. “So that she doesn't stab me in the chest with pieces of a broken magic 8-ball?”

“Why would you trouble yourself with such a fear? She was found not guilty.”

==> John

John grinned and watched Karkat's reaction as he took in the salamander-themed playground equipment next to a patch of trees in Lowas Park.

“So you've really never been here before?”John asked excitedly.

“My neighborhood was by Loqam, so obviously I went there when I was a kid.” Karkat replied. “It had the best merry-go-round in town until some jackasses decided to take it down for alleged safety reasons.”

“Wasn't there a boy who broke both his legs?” John chuckled.

“Yeah, because he was a dumbass. You don't stand in the middle of the fucking merry-go-round with the spokes and shit when people are using it,” Karkat griped. “It's not fucking rocket science.”

John was in stitches. How could Karkat say things like that in utter sincerity? It was adorable.

In a bro way, obviously.

“How do you find everything so funny?” Karkat asked, glaring sidelong at John. “I can't imagine how you would act stoned.”

“I just find you really funny, Karkat!” John exclaimed. “And I've never been stoned before, so I don't know.”

He leaned in close to Karkat and confessed in a whisper, “I'd kind of like to try it out sometime, though. Just to see what it's like.”

“It's not that great,” Karkat grunted, looking at the sky instead of John. “It mostly just makes you act like a moron. Which is a state of being you already excel at.”

John reached over and ruffled Karkat's hair again. He couldn't help it, he an endearing guy. Plus, for that tiny moment, he could pretend he was Dave's older brother, ruffling his boyfriend's hair as he walked by him on the couch. It must have been wonderful to wake up in the morning and run your hand through your boyfriend's hair. Hair that you messed up the night before. 

Gosh, to not only have a boyfriend, but someone as adorable as Karkat. That would be a dream come true.

“I told you the clouds wouldn't clear up,” Karkat commented. He looked slightly disappointed.

“Want me to show where my favorite spot to stargaze was?” John asked, grabbing Karkat's upper arm. Karkat just looked at him, expression softer than usual. John led him over to a slide with an fake friendly yellow salamander acting as the stairs. 

“Karkat, I would like you to meet my beautiful blonde wife,” John declared, gesturing to the salamander on the slide.

“It's a plastic lizard, John,” Karkat's tone was flat.

“It's a salamander. And this-” John put his arm around Karkat's shoulders and turned him to face the drinking fountain next to the slide, which was designed to look like a smaller yellow salamander. “-is my daughter, Casey.”

“If you had to resort to this bullshit to keep yourself entertained as a child, Loqam was definitely the superior park.” Karkat retorted.

John gave Karkat's shoulders a squeeze. “Wanna climb up to the top of the slide and wait for the clouds to clear?”

Karkat stared at the top of the slide. He looked a bit dazed. “I'm not sure two adult men can fit up there.”

“We'll make it work,” John proclaimed optimistically. He climbed the stairs towards the top of the slide with Karkat trailing closely behind with a surprising lack of protest. When John arrived at the top, he pushed his back against the protective wall on one side of the slide and his sneakers against the wall on other the other to anchor himself in order to prevent tumbling down the slide. He then helped Karkat up next to him and wrapped his arm around the smaller man's waist, pulling him close so he didn't hang off the edge and risk dragging them both down the stairs. 

When Karkat spoke, the gruffness was gone from his voice. “Those clouds aren't going to go away.”

“Okay, then we can find shapes in the clouds,” John countered.

“That's stupid,” Karkat protested. “It's too dark for that.”

John dared to lower his face into Karkat's hair. “Then we can just talk. You said you wanted to lecture me with your extensive knowledge or something.” He wondered how far he could take fake-cuddling with Karkat before labeling it as bro snuggles went out the window. He was enjoying pretending to be on a date with Karkat. Pretending like he could actually have a relationship like that with another man without betraying his dad. It didn't matter that he was doing this so close to where his dad lived, because obviously it was all fake and he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Karkat repositioned his head to place it on John's shoulder. John's heart fluttered. Karkat's surly exterior was melting quickly. Bro cuddles were magic.

“It's getting late.” Karkat's voice was soft. Sweet, even.

“You know what I've always wanted to do?” John said, stroking Karkat's side gently. “I've always wanted to camp out in this park. But my dad thought it was too dangerous when I was a kid.”

When Karkat looked up at him, his expression was entirely innocent. There wasn't a trace of Karkat's former anger or toughness. Just big brown eyes, quivering slightly. Looking at John's face as if they were begging for an answer to something.

“We're grown men, so we'll be fine,” John continued. “I figure we can sleep in the dried leaves under those trees.” He motioned with his head, and Karkat stared at him for a moment before tearing his eyes away to follow John's gaze. “We can just set our phone alarms to wake us up for work tomorrow.”

“We don't have work tomorrow,” Karkat pointed out, still looking at the trees. “Tomorrow's Saturday.”

John laughed, embarrassed. “You're right, silly me.” He gave Karkat another squeeze and whispered into his ear, “Wanna do it?”

Karkat nodded silently, and followed John as he walked over to the wooded section of the park. As the two of them cuddled up next to each other beneath the trees, John basked in his feelings of joy. This must have been what it felt like to be able to be a homosexual.

And it felt amazing.


	14. Chapter 14

==> John

John woke up several times throughout the night, often after dreaming of he and Karkat spending more time with one another. Karkat spent the entire night clinging to John. When the sun began to rise and cast patches of light down on the boys' faces, John decided it would probably be a good idea to get up before anyone discovered them. Karkat was laying half on top of John, his arm draped over John's chest. John glanced down at Karkat's face. The man's brows were knit with anxiety. John lifted his head to plant a kiss in Karkat's hair, closing his eyes and soaking in the fantasy world he was sharing with his enchanting co-worker. In his sleepy haze, John imagined kissing Karkat on the lips, which quickly evolved into a daydream about making out with him atop the dirt and crispy leaves. He pressed another kiss against Karkat's head and ran his hand down Karkat's back. When his palm reached naked skin where Karkat's shirt had hiked up, John shuttered and let his hand linger on the warm flesh.

Karkat stirred. What was John doing? He needed to stop.

John removed his hand and used it to gently shake Karkat's shoulders. When Karkat opened his eyes, he lifted innocently them to meet John's. John grinned.

“Hey you. Good morning,” John said. “We should probably get out of here before we scare some parents taking their kids to the playground. Although, actually, that might be kind of fun.”

“I was wrong,” Karkat murmered. His eyes were quivering.

“About what?” John asked, ruffling Karkat's hair again. Ugh, why did he do that?

“You're pretty decent at romance.” Karkat replied. He licked his lips as his eyes drifted down to John's. This was about to get out of hand.

“I guess I'll have to try this on all the ladies then, huh?” John laughed awkwardly. He hated himself so much for saying that, but it had to be done. Didn't it?

Karkat sat up suddenly, eyes wide. He scrubbed his hands over his face and turned his head towards the playground. “I didn't tell Gamzee I was going to be out all night. I should probably get back to our apartment so he doesn't freak the fuck out or something.”

John nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Karkat stood up without looking at John and started walking back towards his car. John picked himself up off the ground, brushed off the back of his pants, and trudged slowly after him. He might have just screwed up a terrific potential bromance. Why had he let himself push things so far?

John wasn't ready to go home and be alone with his thoughts, so he found himself wandering towards his dad's house. His heart ached as he walked by the orange house, and he couldn't bear to lift his eyes to look at it. 

When he arrived at his old house, his stepmom was already cooking her portion of the Saturday dinner for the homeless shelter. It was a little volunteer service she did every week. He offered to help her, to keep his mind off what had happened with Karkat. Every so often, as he was grabbing a spatula or opening the refrigerate, he would have a flashback to one of his dreams that had been about baking with Karkat. With the flashback inevitability came the emotions attached to the dream. The joy and the longing. And then the pain. And the memory of Karkat rushing off. 

Karkat told him he was romantic. Karkat liked him. But he couldn't like Karkat back. Not that way.

His heart wanted to burst.

==> Eridan (Yesterday)

“Eridan Ampora, what brings you into the dark recesses of SBURB's HR department today?” Rose asked looking up from the paperwork on her desk. 

“You're still a lesbian, right?” Eridan asked, fidgeting with his scarf.

“That does appear to still be the case.” Rose chuckled and narrowed her eyes. “I would think that you, as an out gay man, would understand a lesbian isn't something you just stop being.”

“Yeah, well, I thought it was different for girls or somethin'.” Eridan twirled the scarf around his finger. “That's how it always seemed to be on TV.”

Rose's eyebrow rose. “I certainly hope you aren't basing all you assumptions about the nature of mankind strictly on television. Haven't you ever heard of the male gaze?”

Eridan's cheeks burned. Darn, this stupid woman and her uncanny ability to always make him look like a fool! Still, he had to go through with this.

“Look, you can't be expectin' me to be the fuckin' expert on girls who like girls, or girls at all for that matter, seein' as I'm into men.” Eridan retorted. “Anyway, it'd be fuckin' terrific if you could stop bein' a bitch for once and listen to what I have to say without tearin' me apart.”

Rose shook her head. “It would help if you stopped giving me so much material.” She gestured to a chair across from her desk. “What do you want to talk about?”

Eridan sat down quickly and looked at the wall instead of Rose. He was now wrapping his scarf around his entire arm. 

“I want to start an LGBT group in this town,” he announced, gulping. “Since you're a lesbian I thought maybe you would be interested in helpin' out with it. We could sponsor stuff and hold events and show this town that we can be generally great people so they stop thinkin' so lowly a us.”

“That's actually a fantastic idea.” He turned back to Rose. She was smiling. Not smirking, smiling. “I would guess Kanaya will be intrigued by this idea as well. Do you have anyone else on board yet?”

“No, but I'm goin' to try and rope in Strider and English.” Eridan dropped his scarf started fidgeting with his fingers instead. Rose was such a fucking intimidating woman.

“Do you think Dirk is ready to forgive you for coming on to his boyfriend?” Rose asked, folding her hands in front of her.

“There's nothin' for him to be holdin' a grudge about!” Eridan insisted. “It was an honest mistake. I thought they'd broken up.”

“You should talk to Karkat Vantas about this too. That boy has a lot of misplaced passion.” Rose continued, laughing. “Or is he still angry that you hit on him at his father's memorial service?”

This woman was such a bitch. She couldn't keep herself from harassing him even for a good cause.

“It was the five year memorial! He had plenty of time to get over it!” Eridan whined.

“I can talk to Sollux Captor, since I know you two aren't exactly close.” Rose was moving papers around on her desk now. She loved looking professional while acting like a total asshole. “I don't know if he'll contribute time, but I'm sure he would attach his name to the organization and throw some money our way.”

“So you're seriously wantin' me to talk to Karkat and Strider?” Eridan asked. It was hard to tell when this woman was genuinely trying to help and when she was just messing with his head since she was universally horrible.

“That was the idea. What better way to make amends then with the creation of a new socially positive organization?”

==> Karkat

“Hey, jackass, I thought you'd like to know I was alive.” Karkat grumbled as he walked into his apartment. The living room was rich with the smell of weed. Gamzee was on the couch, bong in his lap. He looked at Karkat through lidded eyes and gave him a slight nod.

“Did a brother up and get himself some ass?” Gamzee murmured, dopey smile spreading across his face.

“Fuck you,” Karkat snarled. He stormed into his room and slammed the door. Throwing himself down on his bed, he threaded his fingers through his hair. He was so dumb for thinking that meant anything. But how could it not have? Was John so heterosexual that he couldn't see how that situation could have been misinterpreted? Karkat was a sucker. The king of suckers. For thinking he had a chance with any hot, charming, romantic guy. Let alone a heterosexual one.

There was a knock on his door.

“Go away, Gamzee,” Karkat moaned.

“I would be all about doing just that, but our brother Eridan is all up on the phonel ine for you.” Gamzee said through the door.

Karkat groaned loudly. Hopefully loud enough for that prick Eridan Ampora to hear. “If it's not about Sollux being dead or dying, tell him to fuck off.”


	15. Chapter 15

==> Eridan

Eridan hadn't expected to find Sollux Captor trolling around Karkat's work station when he went to find Karkat on Monday morning. Sol typically tried to stay in his office as much a she could manage. Eridan had hoped to talk to Kar without having to interact with Sollux at all.

“Oh, uh, hey there Sol,” Eridan greeted nervously as Sollux lifted his head. “I was just in here lookin' for Kar.”

“Yeah, join the club,” Sollux replied, standing up. “He didn't come into work today and he's not answering his phone.”

Eridan scoffed. “Fuckin' figures. When I called on Saturday, his verbally impaired roommate said he was holed up in his room cryin' like a teenage girl.”

Sollux's face softened, worry flooding his features in place of annoyance. “KK was crying? Did GZ say why?”

“He's probably still not over you,” Vriska purred from the help desk. “So he's jealous that you're screwing Eridan instead now.”

Eridan whirled around to face Vriska. “What did you say?”

“Oh, Eridan, you didn't know?” Vriska leaned forward on the wooden desk. “Sollux and Karkat used to fuck.”

“I have to go make sure something serious didn't happen.” Sollux said from behind Eridan. “Vriska, you're in charge while I'm gone. Don't murder John.”

“Maybe I'll just go down to the mail room and knock him out so that won't even be an issue.” Vriska cackled. Eridan jerked his head away from her to look back at Sollux, who was hurrying into his office.

“I need to talk to Kar about somethin' pretty important, so I'm goin' with ya.” Eridan announced, following Sollux into his office. Sollux was rapidly gathering up an assortment of objects from his desk, and didn't bother looking up at Eridan.

“No, you're staying here. I'll bring KK back if I can, and you can talk to him then,” Sollux grunted. “If you want to avoid getting work done, you can wait here and hang out with the spider bitch.”

Spider bitch was one of Vriska Serket's infamous nicknames that had arisen in the community after her trial. It came from some weird urban legend about her using a magic 8-ball to kill Simone Nitram because she was a part of a cult that worshiped black widows. Eridan suspected it was a myth, but it still creeped him out. It didn't help that Vriska still wore a magic 8-ball necklace, as if taunting those who were convinced of her guilt. The woman was clearly a sociopath, and Eridan prefered not to be around her for extended periods of time. There was no way he was going to let Sollux leave him alone with this psycho broad.

As Sollux started to head out of the department, Eridan trailed after him. “Maybe I can help. Believe it or not I've had a lot of life experiences to help me when dealin' with hysterical folks.”

Sollux stopped walking and turned around to face Eridan. “Look, Eridan, it appears I still have a job for the time being and I appreciate that. But if you show up at KK's apartment, the chances of that asshole shutting out an intervention for whatever he's dealing with are going to raise exponentially. He can't fucking stand you.”

==> Vriska

John stumbled through the door of the IT department and hefted a huge box over to the help desk. Vriska grinned when she saw it.

“These must be the laptops we're revamping for our community service project,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at John. “You excited? If they're this heavy, we have a lot of work to do. We're gonna show those dopey sons of bitches just how talented the SBURB IT team really is.”

“That's the attitude to be going into a service project with!” John laughed, taking the scissors Vriska had retrieved from the help desk drawer to work on opening the package. Not knowing where to start, John unfolded the scissors and started using one of the blades as a knife to hack away at the thick cardboard. As he did so, John proclaimed, “I'm going to scissor the fuck out of this package.”

Vriska gasped, letting out a short, startled laugh. “I cannot believe you just said that, you disgusting perv!”

John paused his hacking to look up at Vriska, expression genuinely innocent. “What?”

It seemed the implications of such a statement were lost this sheltered brat. Vriska smirked. He was going to be such a fun toy. “Not that you aren't doing a bang up job of mauling that box, but you should give me the scissors. I'm pretty excellent at 'scissoring'. In fact, when it comes to scissoring, I think you'll find I'm simply the best there is.”

John chuckled and handed Vriska the scissors. “Had a lot of practice or something?”

Wow, this kid. Vriska cackled. “Oh, yes, I try to practice as often as possible.” Vriska carefully dug the scissors into the tape over the center crease in the box. John watched awkwardly for a moment before speaking again.

“So, uhm, where's Karkat at today?” John seemed to be attempting to sound nonchalant, but it didn't take a Rose fucking Lalonde to tell he was nervous. He fidgeted with his glasses, scratched his neck. “He didn't mention anything on Friday.”

“Why do you care if that loser's cutting work?” Vriska asked, still sawing through the tape. “All he ever does is yell at you.”

“Karkat and I are friends now,” John replied, scratching his neck a second time and staring at the dingy gray carpet. He cheeks were slightly pink. “So that's why.”

“You know Karkat's a fag, right?” Vriska snickered. “That doesn't upset your conservative straight boy sensibilities?”

“That's not a very nice word for it,” John mumbled, eyes locked on the floor. “I like Karkat no matter what he is. One of my oldest friends is a lesbian, so obviously his being into guys isn't something that would bother me.”

Vriska started working on breaking another line of tape. John was definitely hiding something. It intrigued Vriska. “So, Johnny, how come you skipped out on our date last week to hang out with your bitchy lesbian friend? Such mixed signals. How's a girl supposed to interpret you playing all interested in her and then standing her up?”

John's head shot up to look at Vriska, a horrified expression on his face. “Oh, shit, I didn't mean to lead you on. I am the biggest tool in the world!” he exclaimed. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “I'm such a douche, I'm so sorry, Vriska.”

“You are, but I forgive you.” Vriska chuckled, turning the box to work on the other side. “You sure are taking this hard. Did you seriously just now realize how you played my poor little heart?”

“It's not just you,” John moaned, burying his face in his hands. “It's also Karkat.”

Vriska sucked in air. She promptly sat down her scissors in anticipation of more John Egbert dirt. “What about Karkat?”

“I lead him on,” John whined, face still covered. “Vriska, what do I do?”

Vriska studied John. He hadn't seemed to give standing her up a care in the world before now. Obviously these emotions weren't directed towards her. This kid was...

...he was like her, wasn't he?

“That explains why Sollux is heading over to Karkat's apartment to suck him off.” Vriska doubted that Sollux and Karkat were seriously going to have sex, but she wanted to test John's reaction to such a statement.

John pulled his hands away from his face, startled. He blinked. “Karkat and.... Sollux? I didn't...” He gulped. Looked towards his work station. There was water welling up in his eyes. “Good for them, I guess.”

Vriska leaned over the desk and snapped her fingers in front of John's face. “John Egbert. Are you interested in Karkat Vantas?”

John's gaze snapped back to Vriska. He shook his head. “No, we're just bros! I just want us to be close bros...”

“John,” Vriska inserted a gentleness in her voice, like a person talking to a scared kitten. “Have I ever steered you wrong? Have I ever done anything to hurt you? I'm your friend. You can be honest with me.”

“Nothing but friendship's going to happen between me and Karkat,” John insisted. “Honestly.”

“Do you want something else to happen?” Vriska asked.

“It doesn't matter what I want!” John shouted. Tears began rolling down his cheeks. “Nothing else can happen.”

John looked stunned at what he had just said. He gaped at Vriska in terror.

“I'm going to give you the privilege of sharing a piece of myself with you that very few people know about. Because I think you're a good guy, John, and I think you'll understand,” Vriska said. “You have to promise not to tell anyone. If the wrong people were to know this, it could ruin my entire life. Can you keep a secret, John?”

John nodded.

“I'm a lesbian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm a closet lesbian and a judgemental bitch, which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar." - Santana Lopez


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: implied rape

==> Eridan

Dirk Strider opened the door and scoffed. He rested his left arm on the door frame and slouched beneath it. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses, and there was annoyance evident in his narrowed eyes.

“Eragon the Homewrecker Amphitheater. What the fuck are you doing at my house at this hour?” Dirk asked.

“It's 11:30 in the mornin',” Eridan pointed out.

“Exactly. You're interrupting my beauty sleep.” Dirk scratched his cheek. “You got a good reason?”

“Yes, I wouldn't be troublin' you in the middle a the day if I didn't,” Eridan replied, making no attempt to hide his cattiness. Dirk already looked bored. This guy was such a chore to talk to. Why hadn't it been Jake that answered? Oh, right, because Jake was probably at a real job somewhere, making a reasonable salary so his boyfriend could pursue his dreams of playing with stuffed animals or sewing or whatever it was Dirk did. “Rose Lalonde and I are startin' an LGBT group for the people in this town. I thought it might be the type a thing you and your boyfriend would be interested in bein' a part of it, seein' as how you go to pride in Chicago every year.”

“I don't know, that sounds kind of lame.” Dirk yawned and stretched. Eridan knew this jerk was just trying to get to him. He would not be deterred from his mission. He also refused to be distracted by the fact that Dirk was shirtless and incredibly ripped. “What kind of bullshit activities would we be doing? Tie dying cute little tees with our group name on them?”

“I'm sure that type a lackluster pass time would be sittin' right on your intellectual level, but we were plannin' to maybe be more along the lines a Rotary or somethin',” Eridan countered.

“Dang, you're working on an LGBT branch of the Illuminati?” Dirk responded with mock surprise. “Sign me right up then, can't wait to get my gay on for world domination.” Right. Dirk Strider was a conspiracy theorist. How could Jake stand this guy?

“Cut the conspiracy theory bullshit and just think about it, okay?” grumbled Eridan. He handed Dirk a folded up piece of paper on which he had written his contact information.

Dirk snatched the paper out of Eridan's hand and tucked it in the waistband of his purple pajama pants. Eridan hated Dirk so much for forcing him to focusing on his exquisite abs. “I'll bring it up with English during our nightly production of manbro bukkake theater.”

What a truly awful man.

==> Sollux

Sollux sat the honey bagel he had brought Karkat on top of the dresser and took a seat on the bed next to where Karkat. The man was curled up in a blanket, eating cereal.

“So is Tavros Nitram living here now, or what?” Sollux asked, watching the boy scoop up another spoonful of Fruit Loops. “He's sleeping on your couch, in case you didn't know.”

“He's still out there?” Karkat replied around a mouth full of cereal. He seemed pretty apathetic about the question. “He and Gamzee got ludicrously fucked up last night. I think Gamzee's working on getting into his pants.”

“Huh. Well, I always suspected GZ of being a closet serial killer, so I guess that'll wipe out the Nitram bloodline for good.” Sollux replied. “Sure you don't want that bagel?”

“Why are you here?” Karkat asked. He wasn't looking at Sollux. He just put his empty spoon in his mouth and stared straight ahead at the Serendipity movie poster in front of his bed.

“You skipped work,” Sollux pointed out. He looked past Karkat to a poster for 50 First Dates that was hung beside his cluttered desk. KK sure did love his romance films. “Eridan said you were crying when he called on Saturday.”

Karkat scoffed and plunged his spoon back into his cereal. “That's a fucking lie. I just didn't want to talk to that asshat so to cope with it he made up some grandiose fucking story in that brain of his that is rapidly deteriorating from overuse of hair products.”

Sollux snickered. “He put a streak of purple in his hair over the weekend. That's gotta be against company policy. I hope he gets in a shitload of trouble.”

“Even if he does, his bitchy cougar of a mom will just bail him out.” Karkat rolled his eyes. “I can't believe you put your penis anywhere near that douchebag. Even in the dry desert of loneliness that is your pathetic excuse for a love life, that implies an all time low of desperation.” Karkat took another bite of Fruit Loops. “Where's the streak?”

As much as Sollux enjoyed (and found himself bizarrely aroused by) complaining about Eridan, he had to find out what was wrong with Karkat. “KK, what's your the deal? Why'd you skip out on work? And don't make up some bullshit answer, because I can tell something serious is eating at you.”

Karkat chewed on his cereal and stared ahead for a moment before answering Sollux's question. “John's a prick.”

Sollux narrowed his eyes at his friend. “I know you don't like John, but that's a pretty lame reason to skip work.”

Karkat looked down into his cereal and shook his head. “No, I do like John. That's the fucking problem.”

==> Vriska

John and Vriska sat underneath the help desk, gazing at Sollux's office door.

“You could still date him, you know. And just not tell anyone,” Vriska told John. “I know from experience that it takes a lot of skills and manipulation to maintain the facade of being heterosexual, but you've got me to school you.”

John shook his head, cheeks wet. “I can't. I can't be gay. The whole thing was so stupid.”

“No, it wasn't,” Vriska assured him. “Who could blame you? You must be feeling pretty deprived if it's someone as pathetic as Karkat Vantas that you can't keep your hands off of.”

John gulped and licked his lips. “Karkat's not pathetic. He's a little lost but he's... a pretty awesome guy.”

Vriska snickered. “John Egbert, you've got it bad.” She gave his shoulder a tiny shove. “You never explained to me why you can't be gay.”

John buried his face in his hands. Vriska was quickly coming to recognize that as a sign he was about to say something revealing. “I don't know!” he whined. “My dad would be so disappointed in me. I just wasn't raised that way, I guess. It's just not how an Egbert man is supposed to be.”

“And people would judge you, if they knew,” Vriska added. “And think less of you.”

John nodded behind his hands. Every woman Vriska had ever been with had urged her to come out of the closet. And Tavros hadn't really been able to relate to problems she was facing. It was immensely refreshing to have someone know her secret that was on the same page as her. That understood how terrifying it would be for people to know the truth. 

“If you're gay or lesbian, that's all that people see,” Vriska said. She twirled the 8 ball bead around her neck between her thumb and index finger. “You're not badass old you anymore, you're this thing, this issue for people to argue about. And some places won't hire you, some people wouldn't treat you like you're a human being.” Vriska could hear her voice growing bitter. “My family would never speak to me again. They're the same as Kanaya's family. Did you know they don't speak to her anymore? She got kicked to the curb the second she came out.”

John lowered his hands and looked at Vriska, eyes large and shaking. “How was your family about the murder trial?”

Vriska scoffed. “None of them thought I did it. And, yeah, if you're wondering, getting accused of murder probably did about as much damage as coming out would of. Which is pretty sick and twisted if you think about it. But if I came out now, everyone would think I murdered that guy because I was a fag. Religious types already compare being homosexual to being a murderer. That would be like, bam, here have a pile of evidence to go with your theories that lesbianism is the result of female fucking hysteria.”

John wrapped his arms around his knees and looked at the floor.

Vriska took a deep breath. John had confessed everything about Karkat to her. He said he'd never told anyone else – ever – that he was a homosexual. He hadn't exactly said the words, but he had expressed the sentiments. For the first time. To her. She and John Egbert were in this together now.

“I killed Simone Nitram,” Vriska muttered. “I had a good reason, and I shouldn't feel guilty. But I do.”

==> Past Vriska

Vriska sat on her bed trembling, tears streaming down her face, cheeks soaked. Her hair was wet from the shower she had taken to wash away the blood. A virgin, he had said. She must be a virgin. As if the girls she had been with didn't count. She angrily shook the magic eight ball in her hands, as if shaking it hard enough would take away the horrific memories that wouldn't stop replaying in her mind.

“Should I kill him?” she whispered, voice uneven as she stilled the magic 8 ball to wait for it's answer. Simone Nitram had taken away her dignity. He was going to pay one way or another.

As the words 'Ask again later' floated to the top of the blue liquid inside the sphere. Vriska shrieked, slammed the magic 8 ball to the ground. As it made contact with her bedroom's hardwood floor it shattered, plastic and fluids skittering across the wood. 

It didn't matter what the ball said. Simone Nitram would die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going out of town this weekend, so sadly updates might be a little slower until Monday if I have time to update at all. Sorry about that!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: graphic violence

==> Past Vriska

Contrary to urban legends, Vriska Serket did not stab Simone Nitram to death with shards of a magic 8 ball. Frankly, that was embarrassingly far from the truth. Vriska would later come to wonder how such a ridiculous story even evolved. 

Simone was still in the house when Vriska threw the magic 8 ball on the ground. He had left her alone in her room to think about her 'psychological problems'. When he heard the crash, he came into the room. Vriska knocked him out on her floor with his electric bass guitar, then slit his wrists with an exacto knife. Simone Nitram bleed to death, with a few scraps of broken black plastic jabbing into his despicable back.

Placing the blade in his hand seemed like enough to justify calling it a suicide with no questions asked. But no motive could be found. Simone, as the opposite of his brother, was a cocky bastard, and there was no suicide note. There were also holes in Vriska's account of what happened. She claimed to have dropped the magic 8 ball upon discovering the body. However, fragments of plastic were found underneath Simone, some even cutting into his flesh. And Vriska's fingerprints were found on the exacto knife. Possibly most incriminating were the bruises from Simone's fingers on Vriska's neck, giving her a motive.

Vriska had told her lawyer, Terezi Pyrope, that Simone had choked her after finding out she was a lesbian. She didn't tell her about the rape. Simone had won, he had beaten her. But now that he was dead, she would never admit it. Terezi believed her tearful story that she had been trying to defend herself with the exacto knife, only to have it it ripped out of her hands by Simone. He then used it to commit suicide. In her revised story for Terezi, the magic 8 ball had been thrown by Vriska when Simone was attacking her. She had lied to the police because she had panicked about being accused of murder after an already emotionally trying experience.

Vriska said part of her motivation for lying was her need to stay in the closet. To protect herself from her family's homophobia. She made Terezi promise to find a way to defend her case without outting her. Terezi was a terrific lawyer and an incredible human being. So she did just that.

Vriska would come to miss the early days of their relationship, before Terezi recognized just how manipulative Vriska was. Because when you had Terezi in your corner, really rooting for you, really loving you and thinking you were the best... well, it was real magic.

Vriska loved Terezi, but Terezi was just too smart. She could see how horrible Vriska truly was. And Vriska hated it. And hated herself for not being able to keep Terezi under her thumb.

==> John

“I don't think she'd hate you if you told her the truth. You were totally the victim in that situation,” John said while working on removing the outlandish amount of screws from the bottom of one of the heavy laptops the cardboard box had contained.

Vriska, who was typing on another one of the laptops, snickered darkly. “Well, not totally. I murdered a guy.”

“He might have tried to hurt you again. It was basically self defense, right?” John replied, dropping three tiny screws into what had been a plastic salsa container from a Mexican restaurant.

Vriska snorted. “It's sweet that you're trying to justify it, but I would have killed him regardless of whether or not he tried to hurt me again.”

John was silent for a moment. He thought Vriska was probably making herself out to me worse than she was. Maybe she, like him, was making excuses because she was afraid of really being her true self. “Right now you two are nothing, you might as well give the truth a shot. It might endear you to her. She see you're not just some manipulative bitch.”

Vriska looked up from the laptop, mouth slightly agape. “You know, Johnny, that actually makes sense, in a weird sort of way. You might be onto something.”

John grinned at her. “Yeah?”

Vriska smiled back. “Yeah.”

The fell into silence for a moment before John made a decision himself.

“If you agree to tell Terezi the truth about what happened,” John proclaimed, “I'll give hanging out with Karkat another chance.”

Vriska cackled. “You're a dope John, you were going to try out your weird 'we're just friends but we're hanging out and acting gay together' ploy on that poor dirtbag again anyway. You want to get into his pants as quickly and heterosexually as possibly. I can see right through you, Johnny, it's not like I haven't mastered all these closet case head games already myself. I know all of the tricks. All of them.”

John laughed in embarrassment. “I don't hear a yes.”

Vriska pulled out her phone. “I'll text Terezi and tell her I want to talk. Happy?”

==> Sollux

“Rose is going to kill me for telling you this,” Sollux said to Karkat. “But I guess you should probably know.”

Karkat narrowed his eyes in anticipation.

“Do you know why Vriska works for us? Or John? It's not because I wanted to hire them,” Sollux explained, watching Karkat closely. “Rose Lalonde has a weird sense of justice and doing her job. And when I hired you so we could work and screw around at the same time, she decided to punish me by making me babysit Vriska. It was also a punishment for Vriska, because getting stuck in close quarters with two men who were doing each other wouldn't give her any heterosexual boy toys. There's a lot more to it than that, but that's the gist of why she works for me.”

Karkat tilted his head, eyes narrowing a bit more. “Well, that sucks for you and all, but what does that have to do with John?”

“Rose had this revolutionary idea,” Sollux answered, words laced with sarcasm. “She thought that maybe if she threw John into a group of people like him, he's finally face who he really was.”

“What do you mean, people like him?” Karkat grumbled. “You're being irritatingly vague. I know you're not exactly jonesing to get back to SBURB, but you're just being needlessly wordy and unspecific about this whole ordeal that is allegedly immensely fucking important to John being a two-faced asshole.”

“John's gay, Karkat.” Sollux rolled his eyes. “Like Kinsey 6 gay, if Rose is to be believed.”

“Rose is high on all that psychoanalyst bullshit she thinks she knows,” Karkat snarled, turning away from Sollux. “John Egbert is the straightest person I know. Trust me on this one.”

==> Karkat

When Karkat returned to the office, John was working on renovating a set of old laptops with Vriska. John's face lit up with he saw Karkat.

“Karkat, can you come over here and give me a hand with this?” John called. Against his better judgment, Karkat strode towards the blue-eyed douchebag like a gay moth to a hot, heterosexual flame. Yeah, that sounded dumb, even in his head.

“What do you need, shitstain?” Karkat snarled. “I'm impressed you didn't burn the entire building to the ground in my absence, but I guess that would be to enormous of an undertaking for week two. Still, I have confidence that with the application of enough of your natural incompetence and stupidity doing so is well within your sweaty, maladroit hands.”

John laughed, cheeks pink. “Well, I have a problem. I made this friend feel like shit yesterday, and I need to make it up to him. And I've also never had alcohol before, and I was hoping, as my bro, you would help me fix that. So maybe we could kill two bird with one stone?”

It was hard for Karkat to not visually cringe at the word 'bro' rolling off John's tongue again. “That is a fucking terrible idea. No fucking way am I drinking with you.”

Beside John, Vriska whipped out her phone and began texting. “Hey, Serket,” Karkat barked. “Put that away.”

“Are you seriously ordering me around after you skipped work this morning?” Vriska snickered and didn't look up from her phone.

When Karkat turned back to John, the man looked crestfallen. “I know we left things at an awkward place. But I really... really liked hanging out with you, Karkat. It was nice. I really like you. Like, a lot.” John gave Karkat an intense look. It was probably supposed to be meaningful, but Karkat couldn't even hazard a guess as to what it meant. “If I could do it over, I would do it just the same. Except for that last thing I said.” John gulped, eyes shaking.

“Good news, John,” Vriska sneered. “Since Karkat is being a buzzkill, his roommate Gamzee has agreed to drink with you at their apartment tonight. What a sweet guy.”

Karkat couldn't take his eyes off of John.

Maybe Sollux and Rose weren't so dumb after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be packing, but I had to get at least one more chapter out before I left for the weekend in case I don't have the chance to write! I wanted to leave you all on a bit of a hopeful note. :)


	18. Chapter 18

==> Karkat

This was stupid. If John really was a closeted homosexual, as Sollux had asserted, drinking with him seemed like a terrific way to get strung along a second time. John was probably sitting on a throne in Narnia by now, so he wasn't coming out anytime soon. Still, that night at the park had been really amazing up until the end.

Gamzee sat four shot glasses on their beat-up wooden table and gave John a hazy grin. “What do you want to up and be trying first, motherfucker?”

“I think we should limit the first timer to one shot,” Karkat cut in. “I don't want him turning into a vomit fountain because he has no tolerance and doesn't know his fucking limit.”

“I do see, why you would worry, but I'm not sure, that's a reasonable thing, to ask,” Tavros, who had apparently been invited to this incredibly ill-advised Monday night house party, pointed out.

“Yeah, come on Karkat, don't be a buzzkill,” John whined, putting on a fake pout.

“Am I hallucinating? Are you all this mentally damaged? It's a Monday night, this asshole has never even so much as sipped communion wine, and we're seriously expecting him to start slamming shots like it's his twenty-first birthday at douchey frat house?” Karkat snarled, looking around the tiny kitchen at each of his psychotic friends. Tavros at least looked away from Karkat's gaze nervously, but Gamzee and John just smiled innocently back at Karkat like they were waiting for him to calm down from an unjustified rage. “One shot,” Karkat reiterated, hoping his forceful tone would make it a command that would stick.

“Four shots,” John bartered. “I want to try both vodka and whiskey.”

“You'll be gone,” Karkat hissed. “I can't be the only one recognizing that he'll be a mess after four shots. He's skinny, he has no experience, and oh yeah, he has to go into work tomorrow.”

“You're overreacting, brother,” Gamzee cooed, placing his hand on Karkat's head. “We'll get him fed right up after he's done drinking, and he won't be feeling a motherfuckin' thing in the morning.”

John put his chin on Karkat's shoulder, forcing that charming smile right in his face. “Please?”

“Your fucking hang-over,” Karkat grumbled, face feeling warm.

John drummed his palms on the table and bit his bottom lip in excitement. “Let's start with some vodka!”

Gamzee opened the kitchen cabinet and retrieved a bottle of cheap vodka that he must have purchased especially for the occasion along with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Karkat and Gamzee didn't usually keep vodka around, so Vriska and Gamzee must have thought John needed it to have a reasonably educational drinking experience.

As a shot of vodka was slid in front of Karkat, John slid his chair closer, dragging his own glass along with him on the table. Their thighs were touching, bringing up far more hope in Karkat 's heart than he wanted to be feeling at the moment. John was giving him that cute, dorky grin. The man wasn't even drunk yet and he was already invading Karkat's personal space. John held up his shot glass.

“I'll follow your lead,” he said, bumping his shoulder playfully against Karkat's.

“You're going to fucking hate this,” Karkat warned. Having trouble removing his eyes from John, he blindly grabbed at the table in front of him until his fingers wrapped around his own glass.

John giggled and watched as Karkat clinked their glasses together and put the shot to his lips. John quickly followed suit. After consuming only half the contents of his cup, John slammed the glass back down on the table, coughing.

“Want to stop?” Karkat asked in monotone. John shook his head and downed the rest of the vodka. As he did so, he bounced his leg up and down, rubbing his thigh against Karkat. If John was gay, he had to realize he was doing these things. “Gamzee and Tavros can fuck themselves up if they want, but you should really save drowning your blood in booze for a weekend.”

“Whiskey now,” John wheezed, pushing his shot glass back towards Gamzee, who had managed to finish two shots with Tavros in the time it took for John to get down one. They must have been aiming for a repeat of last night which meant they were probably going to get stoned on top of this. Gamzee was a seasoned professional, but he was going to destroy Tavros. Should Karkat say something? He was kind of dealing with his own crisis right now. Gamzee was pouring Jack Daniels into John's glass, telling him to be brave or some shit like that.

“Want some, motherfucker?” Gamzee asked Karkat, Vanna Whiting the Jack Daniels bottle. Karkat glared at John, who was looking slightly apprehensive about the dark liquid in from of him, and batted his glass towards Gamzee.

Any anxiety that had shown on John's face disappeared when Gamzee handed Karkat's refilled glass back. As John lifted his drink to knock it against Karkat's glass, Karkat made a decision he feared he would regret. He had to keep John from getting drunk, and even a foolish plan seemed preferable to guzzling booze with a cute boy suffering from internalized homophobia. 

“Look, asshole,” Karkat grumbled, sitting down his cup instead of drinking. “I know that heart of yours that is failing tremendously at providing enough blood flow to your withered, ineffective brain is set on fully demolishing your judgment tonight, but it would please the long-suffering reason portion of my brain if you would be content to go to my room and watch a terrible movie as opposed to getting shitfaced. I might ever promise to drink with you at a later date, if I'm feeling forgiving enough of the shitty choices you made leading up to this headache-inducing moment.”

John laughed through most of Karkat's ranting declaration. “What would we be watching? What kind of movies are you even into? You seem like a horror movie type of guy.”

“My brother Karkat likes to up and watch movies of a motherfuckin' romantic sort,” Gamzee replied.

John chuckled and gave Karkat another shoulder bump. “You like chick flicks?”

“If by that archaic terminology you mean romantic comedies and romance films in general, yes, and they are dreadful, but I don't regret enjoying them for what they are,” Karkat snarled. “They often have wonderful intricacies that the average dumbass doesn't bother to meditate on. There's a reason I'm an expect on romance, and it's because I fucking pay attention to shit others don't.”

John was laughing again. “Okay, show me one of these movies. And explain the intricacies to me, because I think I've been missing them.”

“A good portion of the details can be found in the wasted potential in the stories,” Karkat explained, with the knowledge that John was probably never going to be capable of understanding such a deep concept.

“Let's drink this whiskey then go watch a romantic masterpiece,” John declared. It was a partial win, at least.

==> Past Vriska

Vriska shrugged out of her jacket and glanced around Terezi's explosively colorful apartment. Before Terezi had gone blind, she had loved vibrant colors. So she had insisted her apartment be bright and home to an array of reds, teals, yellows, and greens, even though she herself couldn't admire the decor. 

Terezi picked up a small, rectangular package off her coffee table and carried it over to Vriska.

“I got you a little something,” Terezi said, holding the box out for Vriska to take.

Vriska smirked. “Oh yeah? I mean, I know I deserve it, but you didn't need to reward the flawless way in which I girlfriend.”

“Last time I checked, girlfriend wasn't a verb.” Terezi chuckled.

“I'll verb whatever words I want. You're just jealous because I've got such a sweet grasp of the English language that I just know what words should be verbbed,” Vriska shot back. She took the box from Terezi and ripped off the ornate wrapping paper. Terezi was good at wrapping for being blind. She was unexpectedly good at a lot of things for being blind. 

Underneath the wrapping paper was a white jewelry box. Terezi knew Vriska was a girl who preferred casual wear and few accessories, so it was an interesting choice in a gift. When Vriska flicked open the case, her heart sunk.

“An 8 ball...” Vriska muttered, scowling at the necklace. This just seemed cruel. “Why did you get me this?”

“Just because something has negative associations doesn't mean we should get up on it entirely,” Terezi replied, smiling. “You like magic 8 balls, and you shouldn't let some terrible memories ruin that for you.”

“And you're thinking that now when I see magic 8 balls I should just think of you?” Vriska tried to smirk again, but there wasn't much enthusiasm in it. The sentiment Terezi had expressed was actually rather sweet.

Terezi snickered. “No way, that would be cheesy and lame. But I'm going to make you wear it, because I bought it for you and because I'm a bitch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found some bits of time to write. Guys I think I have an addiction...


	19. Chapter 19

==> Vriska

Terezi was still dressed in her favorite trial suit when Vriska met her at her richly colored apartment. Terezi's red blazer and knee-length skirt acted as a surprisingly effective compliment to her teal pumps and shiny undershirt. Terezi always opted to wear red shades, which added even more punch to her already strikingly vibrant wardrobe. When she had first seen the ensemble, Vriska wanted to know who had tricked Terezi into wearing such a showy get up for court. But Terezi had explained to her that she was channeling a hero of hers, a Chicago lawyer who was known as Redglare.

Terezi had her arms folded across her chest, her red and white cane dangling from her right hand. 

“So what did you need to talk about that was so important?” Terezi asked.

“We should sit down. Get comfortable. We've both been working hard all day, so we really should be chilling on the couch,” Vriska replied. She shouldn't be nervous. John was so right, Terezi would totally pity the fuck out of her after she knew what had really happened. And that would melt all those assumptions about Vriska being a conniving bitch away. Terezi would have all of the empathy. All of it.

When both the women had sat down on Terezi's yellow sofa, Vriska began her story. 

==> Karkat

John, the charming bastard, had managed to get all four of the desired shots in him and Karkat before they escaped to Karkat's room. John immediately walked to Karkat's bed and sat down, eyes wandering around to survey the decor. When Karkat shut the door, John pointed at the Serendipity poster.

“This looks completely terrible. Is it one of your favorites?” John asked. Karkat hesitantly made his way to the bed and sat down next to John. 

“Serendipity is one the stronger films in it's genre. I highly doubt you'd be able to recognize the complex thematic elements,” Karkat replied, not looking at the boy as slid his body closer to Karkat's. “How are you handling the booze you insisted on chugging?”

“I feel a little funny, but I don't think it's effecting me too much,” John replied. “It just feels like...” John waved his hands around in front of himself, curling and uncurling his fingers as he did. Descriptive.

“You're probably just tipsy and not used to it.” He had maybe been over reacting, right? Karkat felt a little warm and was getting less stressed by the minute. Even though he knew it was the alcohol, he was becoming increasingly okay with what was happening. That was probably why he didn't object when the king of the closet buried his face in Karkat's neck. They hadn't eaten dinner. The last thing Karkat had consumed was cereal. They should probably eat.

“Are you hungry? I think we have some popcorn. That might make the movie more a bit more tolerable to an unsophisticated viewer like yourself,” Karkat offered.

John said something that got muffled against Karkat's neck. The heat of his breath on Karkat's pulse point made his dick twitch.

“I can't understand you like that, asshole,” Karkat grumbled. John lifted his head and put his chin on Karkat's shoulder.

“I don't wanna watch the movie,” John muttered, batting his eyelashes.

“Want me to take you home? You need to gorge yourself on fucking fiber so you don't have a splitting headache tomorrow.” Karkat looked away from John again, trying to keep his eyes on John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.

“I kind of want..” John trailed off and was silent for a moment before finishing his sentence. “To make out with you.”

John quickly buried his face back in Karkat's neck in embarrassment. Karkat's stomach performed a full 360 flip. He could feel himself salivating in anticipation. Oh yeah, he wanted that so bad. But it was such a bad idea.

“You've had worse ideas,” Karkat responded, even though he knew better. “We could potentially do that.”

John pulled his head back up and looked intensely into Karkat's eyes, gulping.

“You're cool and funny and you have amazing eyes,” John said, expression devastatingly serious. “I've never really made out with someone before, but I want to make out with you. Will you promise not to tell my dad?”

Karkat nodded, and John closed the short distance between their lips. He opened his mouth and put his lips over Karkat's, swiping his tongue across Karkat's mouth. Startled, Karkat pushed him away. John looked mortified.

“You suck at this!” Karkat exclaimed. “You weren't kidding when you said you hadn't done this before. Fuck. You've got to work your way into it, you can't just start licking me right off the bat.”

John let out a short, nervous laugh and glanced down while scratching his neck. “I thought you were supposed to use your tongue when you made out.”

“Just follow my lead. Don't get over anxious,” Karkat explained. “You'll enjoy it more if you take your time.”

Karkat leaned in to kiss John properly, slow and sweet. John's arms snaked around Karkat's waist, and Karkat drew his hands up to John's neck, stroking his thumbs over John's cheeks. They had a good rhythm going when John's tongue flicked out across Karkat's bottom lip. Karkat pulled his head back.

“John,” he hissed. “Wait for my lead.”

“I want to get to the tongue part,” John whimpered, putting his forehead against Karkat's.

“I just want to you to appreciate this,” Karkat grumbled. “I'm not going to be responsible for you having a lousy first make out session. I know what I'm doing, okay?”

John snickered. “Right. You're the romance expert.”

Karkat let out a little snarl before initiating another kiss with John. This time John waited until Karkat had slid his tongue into John's mouth before letting his own tongue out to explore. When the kisses became less awkward, John laid back on the bed, pulling Karkat along with him. After basking in the increasingly sloppy kisses for a while, Karkat lifted his head.

“That went better,” Karkat murmured, eyes locked on John's beaming face. “You're improving a little.”

John's grin widened. “Yeah?”

Karkat nodded. John began running his hands up and down Karkat's sides.

“This is every bit as amazing as I had hoped. Maybe even a little more so. I wish I could do this all the time,” John said, continuing to stroke Karkat. “You should give me a hickey.”

Just as Karkat had begun to think of a way to reassure John that they could absolutely do this all the time, fuck his stupid dad, John's cheerful suggestion derailed his more gentle thoughts.

“What?” Karkat bellowed. His face was on fire. “What conceivable set of horrifying life experiences could have possibly have led you to make such a brazen suggestion?”

John laughed and pulled Karkat down so he was laying on top of him. “It's part of making out, isn't it? You don't want to be responsible for my first make out session being lousy.”

Karkat's thigh bumped what was unquestionably John's erection, and he pulled back slightly.

“You don't want a hickey. They're trashy and not remotely romantic,” Karkat said, voice shaking as he attempted to reason with John while John slipped his hands under Karkat's shirt to rub his bare skin.

“I bet you could make it romantic,” John whispered into Karkat's ear as he petted his back. Karkat shuttered against the touch. He was getting hard too. John was such an asshole.

“I'm a good enough guy not to mark your skin. I'm considerate. You should be thankful.” Karkat's voice was breathy. John slid his hands around to the front of Karkat and stroked over his stomach.

“You're built really good,” John commented. “I've always wished I had a body type more like yours. I can't gain muscle mass for anything.”

“I'm a little -” Karkat's breath caught as John's fingers brushed his nipples. “- out of shape.”

John snorted. “I'm getting sleepy. You should give me this hickey so we can snuggle up and conk out.” 

“We're already snuggled up,” Karkat snarled. “Go to sleep.”

John pulled the top of his hoodie down to expose his neck. “Not until I'm marked as an official make out partner of Karkat Vantas.”

“What if your dad sees?” Karkat asked.

“You're being such a buzzkill right now,” John grumbled. His smile faded and he looked away, gulping. Karkat probably shouldn't have brought his dad into this. That must have been one of his big hang ups about coming out. Karkat decided to give in. To make it up to John. At least that was his justification. He lowered his mouth to John's neck. John moaned and squirmed as Karkat sucked and licked and bit. When he was satisfied with the amount of damage done to John's skin, he pulled away. John gazed up at him with lidded eyes.

“You're amazing,” he muttered, throwing his arms around Karkat and pulling him down next to him. He pushed his hands up Karkat's back as Karkat cuddled in, then tightly gripped at the back of Karkat's sweatshirt. “Thank you.”


	20. Chapter 20

==> John

“John, if we don't get up now, we're going to be late for work.” Karkat shook John's shoulder, but John only tightened his grip around Karkat and attempted to snuggle his face even closer into Karkat's chest. Being taller than Karkat made the position awkward, but John didn't care that his feet dangled off the bed and certainly didn't want to move. There was guilt lurking just over his shoulder and he feared if he lifted his head from Karkat's warm chest facing it would be too much for him to handle. He wanted to compress all of eternity in this moment, to spend all of the rest of time clinging to Karkat and ignoring the guilt that's voice sounded oddly like his dad's.

Karkat shook him a bit harder. “John.”

John took a deep breath through his nose and took in the smell of Karkat. He smelled amazing. He felt amazing. Why did this have to end?

“Let's skip work,” John mumbled into Karkat's sweatshirt. “I don't want to get up.”

“We've been over this, I can't understand you when you babble into my shirt,” came Karkat's response. John laughed and pawed blindly at Karkat's back. Karkat shook him again. “I take it from the laughter that you don't feel like total shit.”

John shook his head, rubbing his nose against Karkat. He had slight headache, but he didn't mind it. He just couldn't face the real world and be forced think about the implications of what he had done last night.

“John, you have to untangle yourself from me. I don't want to get fired,” Karkat grumbled down at John.

John didn't let go, but he could feel Karkat squirming and twisting in an attempt to flee from John's grasp. Or perhaps he was grabbing something, because then John heard him say, “Your phone has been vibrating. It looks like Vriska texted you. Shit, why does it say 'SOS'? Fuck, if we were supposed to be there early this morning I'm going to use a pair of tweezers to pull out Gamzee's pubic hairs one at a time. Fuck, fuck, fuck did Sollux say anything yesterday? I'm such a moron, past me never pays enough attention and present me has to suffer the consequences.”

While Karkat rambled to himself, John began to recall in his sleepy haze that Vriska had planned to talk to Terezi. As reluctant as he to lift his head and expose himself to his guilt, his friend needed him. He finally pulled away from Karkat and took the phone out from his hand.

“I don't think it's about work,” John told Karkat, who was still ranting about the follies of his past self. “I think it's about girl stuff.”

“Why would Vriska be texting you about 'girl stuff'? You know being gay doesn't mean forfeiting your penis, right?” Karkat scoffed.

John paused in texting Vriska his response and his eyes flickered up. Being called gay felt like a stab through the chest. That was what making out with Karkat officially made him. Gay. Homosexual. He hopped off the bed, walking away from Karkat. He couldn't look at him. He felt nauseous. “I'm not gay,” John murmured, but it was pointless. There wasn't any hope fooling even himself.

With his back still to Karkat, so he finished his text to Vriska. Afterward, he scrolled through his old texts, not actually seeing them. He just needed too look preoccupied.

“What the fuck do you even mean by that?” Karkat growled behind him. 

John wasn't quite sure. But it did mean he couldn't be with Karkat. He gulped, which made him realize how much bile was rising in his throat. This would be a really shitty time to puke. His phone buzzed in his hands. Vriska had texted back, “You 8etter not have fucked things up with Karkat 8/c we're talking about myyyyyyyy problems at work today.”

The text took him longer to read than it should have because Vriska had somehow hit 8 instead of 'b' twice. Karkat cleared his throat. John couldn't put off responding any longer, but he also didn't have a good answer.

“I just can't be gay,” John said at last, tapping his thumb against the side of his phone and glancing up at the now depressing Serendipity poster. He wanted to crawl back into bed with Karkat. Why did that have to make him gay? Why did it matter that he'd much rather kiss guys than girls? It sucked.

“Because of your dad.” It wasn't a question. Karkat's voice was flat. Irritated.

“Are you mad at me?” John asked. His whole chest ached. His body felt heavy. He wanted to run away from these horrible feelings, but he couldn't. He had hurt Karkat again. And all he wanted was to be near Karkat.

“No,” Karkat snarled. “I'm mad at myself.”

John nervously turned his head to look over at his shoulder. Karkat was scowling, arms wrapped around his knees. He wasn't looking at John. John's eyes drifted to Karkat's grubby, scratched up floor. 

“Don't be,” John tried to crack a smile in spite of harsh mix of guilt and longing that were currently ravaging his insides. “Past you is a great kisser.”

Karkat blinked wildly and turned his head make eye contact with John. His face was frozen in soft shock for a moment before it hardened back into a scowl. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” John asked.

“You... fucking... zigzag,” Karkat growled and averted his gaze back towards his desk. “You need to make up your fucking mind one way or another.”

==> Eridan

Eridan was still in his jacket and hadn't even pulled out his desk chair when Sollux Captor showed up in his office.

“That was weirdly considerate of you, sending an e-mail to ask about KK,” Sollux commented.

Eridan nodded. “Well, I like to keep tabs on my co-workers and friends if I hear they're in a bad way.”

“And you wanted to ask if to join that LGBT group you're starting with Rose.” Sollux crossed his arms and tilted his head. “Why didn't you ask me if I wanted to join?”

Eridan picked at the nail on his index finger. “Rose said she'd talk to you, since you and I aren't exactly dwellin' on good terms at the moment.”

“Yeah, she did talk to me. But you saw me before she did yesterday, you could have said something. We weren't exactly fighting.” Sollux walked forward, eyes narrowing. “Are you going after KK again?”

Eridan scoffed, offended. “So you're thinkin' I only talk to men if I'm tryin' to get in their pants? That's a low fuckin' blow, Sol. I'm not goin' after Kar. And I didn't even know about the weird history you two had with each other until yesterday.”

“Yeah, and KK's out of both of our leagues,” Sollux huffed. “Let's just point out that elephant in the room right now.”

Eridan examined Sollux. “Is that why you and KK broke up? You were too insecure for his fuckin' snobby ass?”

Sollux took a deep breath and bit his lip. He looked down at the floor for a moment before lifting his gaze back to Eridan. “That's not really any of your business.”

“Also,” Eridan continued, growing annoyed at the unnecessary presence of Sollux in his office by the minute. “Don't lump me in with you. I'm plenty romantic and hansom enough to date that little brat.”

“KK's got way too much class for you, asshole.” Sollux put his weight on his left foot and tapped the front of his right sneaker on the carpet behind him. Why was he still here? He knew Eridan wasn't going to fuck his old flame. Eridan's mom was right, Captors really couldn't let shit go. Actually, Sollux wasn't much different than how his mom probably would have warned Eridan he would be. He was rude, promiscuous, and wasted time on trivial bullshit.

“I got loads a fuckin' class,” Eridan defended. “I don't fuck a co-worker, treat him like shit, ditch him in the middle of a fuckin' date, then act like I'm the one who everyone should be pityin'. You just think everyone's as lowly as you.”

Sollux's eyes narrowed into slits. He clenched his fists and stomped towards Eridan. When he spoke, the two were nose to nose.

“What did you fucking expect? We fought half the time and checked each other out the other half,” Sollux snapped. “There was only one real outcome possible. We were going to hate fuck and go our separate ways.”

“I thought that was flirtin', I deluded myself into thinkin' you had more class than bein' into fucking folks you hated,” Eridan countered. Sollux's lips were pursed in a thin line and close enough to kiss. It shouldn't have been as hot as it was.

“And I deluded myself into thinking you weren't a clingy bastard who couldn't tell a hook up from a marriage proposal.” Sollux threw his hands up and curled his fingers in frustration. “I can't believe I actually kind of missed you coming by my office.”

Eridan gritted his teeth and began to mentally prepare his come back while Sollux spoke. The last part of Sol's fit threw Eridan a bit off guard.

“Why would you miss me comin' by your office if you hate me, Sol?” Eridan asked. “That doesn't make any sense.”

Sollux fisted his hands in his hair, snarling. “I know it doesn't!” He stepped back and glared at Eridan for a beat before turning to storm out of his office.

Eridan followed him out. As Sollux marched towards to department door, Eridan called, “You want to try dinner again tonight?”

Sollux paused in front of the door, fists clinched at his sides while his shoulders rose.

“Sure,” he grunted before leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes out to my awesome reader James, who really rocks and needs to know it! ;)


	21. Chapter 21

==> Karkat

They weren't as late as they could have been, since John was able to drive them to work. John had used Karkat's toothbrush to wash any lingering alcohol scents out of his mouth and had snagged one of Gamzee's hideous bandanas to wrap around his neck for hickey cover-up. They had picked the most tolerable bandana they could find, which was an ugly shade of green and had been shredded at the ends so beads could be strung on it. It looked tremendously out of place on John, who's style consisted of mostly of crisp and clean jeans, hoodies, and t-shirts. 

In the parking lot, John grabbed Karkat's arm before he could leave the car. When he spoke, he stared out the windshield rather than facing Karkat.

“You're right, that I zigzag,” John said. “I'm normally pretty confident and decisive, believe it or not.” He snorted, shaking his head. “I was just always taught that being...” - a gulp - “Gay was wrong, and bad and meant you weren't being your true self. I always thought there were certain things you had to be when you were an adult. And certain things you grew out of, I guess. Like when you're a kid you think fedoras are lame, but then you grow up and you realize they're pretty cool. But I'm still waiting to grow out of... this.” John looked like he was going to cry.

“You won't, though.” Karkat grunted. John gulped as his gaze remained on the windshield. “If you are gay, then being gay is a thing that has been coursing through your stupid, scrawny veins since the day you were born and is going to continue to exist under your pale skin until you're pushing fucking daisies. It's not an opinion like whether or not some lame style of hat is something you're willing to put on your head. It's a fact, a permanent thing, like how that your eyes will likely always be so offensively blue that they can kill braincells.”

Tears began trickling down John's cheeks, and he let own a small, breathy laugh before wiping his nose. “But how would I even tell my dad?”

Karkat scoffed. “Work on telling yourself first, dumbass.”

John sniffled and nodded with a small smile. “How did you tell your dad?”

“I didn't. My father was brutally murdered by some tribal assholes in the jungle who wanted to steal his shit. And also probably wanted to sacrifice him or something because they did some weird shit to his body. We never talked about my sexual orientation, because I was too busy being a kid.” Karkat replied. “He never had anything negative to say about gay people, though, so I probably would have just mentioned I was into dudes off-handedly at some point and he would have just said 'cool, want to go star-gazing?' and we would have been golden.” Karkat had actually imagined this exact scenario in his head before. He knew he and his father would probably have gone star-gazing all the time together had his father come back. His father would have told him about the constellations he saw in Papua New Guinea and together they would have made up stories about the exciting adventures of Cancer the crab and his friends.

“My dad wouldn't be that cool about it.” John sighed sadly.

==> Sollux

Sollux was pacing in his office. He had agreed to go on a date with Eridan Ampora, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He was supposed to hate Eridan, but after a couple of days of thinking he might never really speak to him again, he wasn't sure he actually did. Eridan was more genuinely passionate than Sollux had given him credit for, and the LGBT group he was attempting to create was a respectable project. He had underestimated Eridan, and knowing that on top of his physical attraction to the man was leading to an unfortunate amount of confusing and irritating thoughts. 

A knock on his office door stirred him from his mental processing. “Come in,” he called, as he took a seat at his desk.

Karkat entered, immediately shutting the door and hopping into one of the vistor chairs. “You were right, John seems thoroughly gay. He's a complete mess about it.”

“What do you think about Eridan?” Sollux asked, ignoring Karkat's unshocking revelation. “What do you really think of him?”

“I'm not sure what that question has to do with anything, but I think he's pretty terrible and has no respect for other people.” Karkat replied.

Sollux nodded. “Yeah, and he's whiny and needy. Towards everyone. He just wants a boyfriend, he doesn't care who it is. That's pathetic.”

“Why are we talking about this?” Karkat eyed him suspiciously. “What the fuck did you do?”

“I'm going out to dinner with him tonight,” Sollux confessed.

“Sollux, are you off your meds again?” Karkat shrieked. “Did everyone I know decide to become romantic kamikazes when I wasn't looking? Gamzee, John, you. Probably Vriska, since John's counseling her about something. You hate Eridan. You hate him because he sucks. And because he hits on everyone. Like you said, he just wants a boyfriend, he doesn't give a fuck who it is. Do not wander into the pits of despair that come with spending any amount of time with a jackass like Eridan Ampora. We can work something else out if you've suddenly become hopelessly in need of some sexual services.”

“Fuck you, KK. I'm not desperate. I just want to give him another chance,” Sollux snarled. “And you're such a hypocrite. Didn't John go over to your place last night? I thought you weren't going to get strung along by a 'straight boy' again.” The words 'straight boy' were dripping with venom.

“John is actually a decent person, he's just confused,” Karkat growled back, standing up and jabbing his index finger towards Sollux. “Eridan's just an awful human being. He's the type of guy who would be into genocide if he was intelligent enough to think of it.”

Sollux slammed his fists down on his desk. “Eridan's not stupid. I was wrong about that, okay? He's actually really smart and hard working.”

Karkat scoffed. “Are you even hearing yourself right now? You're trying to play this off like it's not entirely sexually motivated. Just admit you want Eridan to suck you off again, don't pretend you think he has anything else constructive to offer you or the world.”

Sollux's eyes widened. Karkat was usually angry, grumpy, and mean but that had crossed the line. “That's completely unfair!” Sollux shouted. “You're such a jackass. Get the hell out of my office.”

Karkat looked startled. He lowered his hand and took a step back. “You're really taking up for Eridan? Eridan Ampora? You used to say shit like that about him all the time. You really are off your meds.”

“I'm on my medicine, asshole,” Sollux barked. “And I'm going on that date. Get out.”

==> Vriska

As soon as John arrived at work wearing one of Gamzee's infinitely lame bandanas, Vriska accosted him and dragged him down to the mail room.

“It looks like at least one of us got lucky last night,” Vriska commented, eying the bandana as the two slipped behind a wall of cardboard boxes holding old SBURB publications in the furthest corner of the cold and dingy mailroom.

“It's complicated. We'll talk about that later. What happened with Terezi?” John asked, perching the top of a small step latter. 

“She hates me.” Vriska shrugged, plopping down on the floor in front of a metal pole. “I told her I killed Simone but I couldn't tell tell her the real reason why. In the spur of the moment I it came to me in full clarity that I couldn't stand her pitying me. I want her to like me because I'm awesome, not because she feels sorry for me. If they we're going to get back together, it needs to be as equals”

John stared at her for a moment, drumming his fingers on his leg. “I know what really happened, and I don't think less of you. Her problem with you is that you lie, and that she can't trust you, right? I trust you, because you've told me things you wouldn't tell anyone else. You need trust in a relationship if you really want to be equals.”

Vriska snorted. “I've also got just as much dirt on you as you have on me. This trust situation we have going on here is mutual and goes both ways. Terezi's strong and confident. And flawless. Showing her I was weak at any point in my life would mean showing her I'm not worthy of her.”

“Or it might cause her to open up to you as well,” John pointed out. “Maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do.”

“You're too optimistic.” Vriska laughed darkly. “But I find it kind of stupidly charming. I think Karkat does too.”

John gulped. “Uh, yeah, I guess.” His right hand slipped back to his neck, and he scratched at it the way he always did when he was nervous. “So what did you tell Terezi your reason was for killing Simone?”

“I told her I killed him because he threatened to out me,” Vriska answered, eying John suspiciously. John was trying to weasel out of giving her information, and she just couldn't let that slide. Even if it meant putting her own spectacularly horrible problems on hold. She was putting up a fairly composed front for John, but last night she had been a mess. She had gone home and smashed her entire collection of magic 8 balls, shattering them on at a time. She had screamed into her pillow, punched a window (which cut her hand when it broke), and thrown hard-boiled eggs at the neighbor's cat. She had spent the rest of evening planning and instigating out an elaborate sabotage of the group that she had been playing The Old Republic with. Because if she was going to be miserable, everyone else should be too. “Tell me what happened between you and Karkat. There must be a good reason you're wearing that hideous bandana like a choker.”

“No, it's okay, we need to work through your thing,” John said quickly, waving his hands in front of him. “What did Terezi do when you told her?”

“Johnny, what aren't you telling me? You know I won't judge you for getting it on with Karkat, even if he is an utter loser and even though you could do much better.” Vriska smirked. She had come in wanting to properly process her feelings about what had happened last night, but harassing John about keeping things from her was actually helping to distract her from her own pain.

“We didn't get it on!” John squeaked. “We made out and then cuddled until we fell asleep. It was really stupid and now he's mad at me because I regretted doing it.”

Vriska pulled a stack of pamphlets own of a box sitting on the shelf next to her and chucked it at John. “Why would you regret making out with the guy you like? You're a headcase!”

John ducked and laughed, grabbing the packet of pamphlets when it hit the floor and thrust it back at Vriska. “Takes one to know one.”

The stack hit Vriska in the shoulder, and she responded by dragging the box of pamphlets off the shelf and throwing stack after stack of glossy paper at John. “Lunatic!”

John threw his hands over his head and stumbled off his perch to grab at some of the projectiles in an attempt to collect defensive weaponry. “Maniac!”

“Crackpot!”

“Psycho!”

Vriska was laughing. This was almost fun enough to forget. Forget Terezi kicking her out. Forget Terezi crying angrily and yelling that she couldn't believe she had ever trusted a bitch like Vriska. Forget being called a liar by the woman she loved.

But it wasn't quite enough.

“I sure you two are plannin' on cleanin' that up,” a voice said behind Vriska. She turned away from John to see Eridan Ampora glaring them, arms crossed. Vriska was holding a stack in her raised hand, and chucked it at Eridan.

“We've got to get back to work, so I guess that's your job now, loser.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this is getting dry? I always worry that these little chapters that fall in between the really dramatic stuff are boring...


	22. Chapter 22

==> Karkat

Karkat was slumped against the hallway wall outside the IT department when John and Vriska returned from the mailroom. The were chatting and laughing, which made Karkat cringe. He wasn't in the mood to hear people joke around and have fun. He slid his shoulders a little further down the wall and shifted his folded arms.

He ignored the two of them, staring at the wall in front of him. He let out a sigh of relief when he heard the loud slam of the department door shutting. But then John, who had apparently not went back into the office, stepped in front of him. He leaned against the opposite wall, head tilted to the side and smile bright.

“What are you moping about?” John asked. He slipped his sneaker across the narrow hall and bumped Karkat's foot.

Karkat scoffed and looked towards the window at the end of the hallway. “Why do you care?”

Out of his peripheral vision, Karkat noticed John shrug. “I like you, I guess.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and gnawed at his lower lip. John had pulled out the charm again, and it was somehow both making his stomach do flips and his muscles tense up in frustration. “So that zigzag thing? You're doing it.”

“I'm not trying to,” John's voice was almost a whimper. “Is that what you're upset about?”

“It's not you, not really.” Karkat sighed heavily. “It's Sollux. He's fucking up his life so he can jump in bed with the biggest douche in town. And according to him I'm a bad friend for addressing his pseudoboyfriend-slash-fuckbuddy's pass ills. It's such bullshit.”

“It's actually pretty cool that you care so much about your ex,” John replied.

Karkat whipped his head towards John. The man had the same dopey smile he always had, although there might have been just a tinge of sadness in his eyes.

“How did you hear about that?” Karkat asked with a bit more intensity than he intended.

“Vriska,” John's smile twisted into a smirk. “Was I not supposed to know about that?”

“It wasn't supposed to be high profile, no,” Karkat grumbled. He was about to reassure John that he and Sollux had a clean break and truly were just friends, but remembered that he and John were definitely not an actual thing so it wasn't necessary. Plus, a little jealously from John probably wouldn't be the worst thing.

“So you're not opposed to keeping your relationships on the DL?” John's reply was not what Karkat was expecting. “Because I'd kind of like to hang out again.”

Karkat tilted his chin down and glared at John. “No way, you are not playing that game again. You're just going to have a mental breakdown at the tomorrow morning because of your daddy issues. We've gone through this twice now.”

John chewed his lip. Scratched his neck. Glanced towards sunlight pouring in from the window. “Look, I'm not going to lie and tell you I've worked through all my shit, because I haven't. But I like you. And maybe I'm wrong, but it seemed to me that minus the freak outs, our first two dates progressed pretty normally. And I really had fun on them. Before we went stargazing, I didn't think I could do this. But now I'm starting to think it might be...” John's paused to gaze into Karkat's eyes. “Worth it.”

Karkat tried to keep his expression hard, but his insides were melting. How he had ever accused John of not being romantic, he had no idea. But that was a quality romantic confession. Almost enough to reduce Karkat to a puddle on the floor.

“Well... I – uh,” Karkat scrubbed his hands over his face before dragging them down to his neck. “What did you want to do?”

John's face lit up. He pushed away from the wall and performed a celebratory fist pump.

“Calm down, fuck, I didn't even say yes,” Karkat snarled, curling his fingers over his warm ears to hide the redness from John.

“I was thinking we could rent a movie and hang out at my apartment. I pretty much finished unpacking over the weekend so we could think of it as a house warming party,” John suggested. He bounced a little on the balls of his feet. 

Karkat licked his lips. “What time?”

“Well, I was going to say we should go right after work, but would that be too early?” John put his hand behind his neck and gave a good-natured half-grimace.

“Not if we can get something to eat first,” Karkat muttered, looking up at John through his lashes as the man got closer.

“How do you feel about Bob Evan's carry out?” John asked, brushing his nose against Karkat's.

Karkat gulped. “I feel like you're trying too hard. Let's get Subway.”

“Can I kiss you?” John breathed against Karkat's lips.

“If you want.” Karkat closed his eyes and waited. He heard John's breathy chuckle a moment before their lips met. John didn't try to use tongue this time, which was nice. Kind of. Karkat wasn't sure he wanted to melt into John's arms like a some pathetic lovestruck teenager, but he couldn't help it. John Egbert was half insufferable prick, half fucking incredible.

==> Eridan

Eridan had realized shortly after Sollux left that there was a high likelihood that his date would back out again. So he had worked up the courage and asked Rose Lalonde for help and advice. After suffering through her ruthless teasing about choosing to date Sollux and having no standards whatsoever, the woman had proposed they plan a dinner party with multiple couples, so that it would be harder for Sollux to change his mind about attending at the last minute.

“But I asked him out for tonight, Rose. And dinner parties take a lot a fuckin' time to plan. There's not time for that,” Eridan pointed out, dismayed. “That was a pretty decent idea otherwise, though, so thanks for tryin'.”

“See what happens tonight. We'll have the dinner party as a contingency plan,” Rose responded calmly. “Or, if you're lucky, a second date.”

Eridan nodded gratefully. “That's what I'm hopin' for. But I'm still at a loss for what I should be doin' with him tonight.”

“You should plan an evening around his interests. That would show him you are capable of being both considerate and flexible,” Rose offered. “What does he like to do?”

“Fuck, I don't even know,” Eridan groaned. “He mostly seems to be into sittin' at his desk and actin' grumpy.”

“What a beautiful romance the two of you share,” Rose snarked, curling her index finger around her cheeks. “There will undoubtedly be many a wordy poem written about the deep connection between Eridan Ampora and Sollux Captor.”

==> Rose

Rose tapped her black nails on the surface of her desk and tore herself away from her computer screen long enough to grab the ringing phone.

“Rose Lalonde, SBURB HR Division. How may I help you?”

“Wow, that might be the most pretentious I've ever heard you sound, and I clearly remember what you were like when you were going through your 24/7 Sigmund Freud impersonation phase,” came the voice of an old friend.

Rose smiled and turned away from her monitor. “Dave Strider, I would never impersonate Sigmund Freud. But if I appeared to be doing so, it might have been out of a subconscious desire to marry him.”

“Obviously,” Dave replied. “Although, don't freak out or anything, but I think that also means he's your biological dad.”

“I will inform my mother post-haste, I think she has long suspected my father to be someone other than the man who's name appears on my birth certificate. It will conclude years of wondering.” Rose opened a desk drawer and took out a pen and a pack of post-it notes. “As ground-breaking as this revelation is, I'm going to go out on a limb and surmise it wasn't your original reason for calling.”

“Naw, I just drop bits and pieces of life changing information everywhere I go. I was wondering if you and Kanaya wanted to kick it with me an my bitch anytime soon.” Dave was still as talented as ever at keeping his tone neutral, even when telling jokes or using sarcasm.

“It thrills me as a feminist to hear you using only the most respectful of terms to refer to your wife,” Rose commented.

“Well, yeah, of course. You know me, always impressing people with my flawlessly PC vocabulary.” 

“What's your new home phone?” Rose asked, drumming her pin on the post-its. “I'm planning a dinner party for this week, would you and Jade be interested in attending?”

“Wow, yeah, for sure. That sounds like it could potentially be a smorgasbord of ironic drama. Can I toss champagne in someone's face?”

“Yes, but only when the contrived drama truly calls for it,” Rose responded. “I was hoping for this to be a classy event.”

“It wounds me that you think I'd cross the line with my alcohol facials. I'm a professional, Rose,” Dave chastised. “Clearly the only way you're going to get off my bad list now is to invite John Egbert, because I haven't seen that punk in way too long, and English was blabbing about how he stopped by to try to visit me at their house like the oblivious ditz he is.”

Inviting John had never even occurred to Rose, as the event had been intended as a couples' party. But it would actually be fascinating to see who John would invite to go with him. And Rose couldn't pass up and opportunity to learn more about the psyches of her friends.


	23. Chapter 23

==> Sollux

Around 3:30, Eridan showed up at Sollux's office with a bouquet of roses. Sollux felt like he might spontaneously combust from the shear volume of secondhand embarrassment he experienced from witnessing such a gesture. He just gawked at Eridan, who wore an expression indicating that he thought this was a super smooth choice of action, and retrieved a purple vase from his bag. He did find it interesting that Eridan had chosen roses that were red and blue, as Sollux often wore one red sneaker and one blue sneaker. He didn't even know roses could be blue.

“I was goin' to get you somethin' less dramatic like tulips, but I remembered your birthday was in early June, and Kar told me once that the flower a Geminis was a rose,” Eridan explained. Without asking, he placed the vase on Sollux's desk and began to remove the pastel-colored wrapping from the bouquet. “Do you happen to have a pair a scissor I can use?”

Sollux rolled his eyes opened his desk drawer to grab his scissors for Eridan. As he handed them over he commented, “I'm surprised you remembered or were even paying attention to one of KK's astrology rants.”

“Well, I was sort a flirtin' on him at the time,” Eridan confessed, looking sheepish as he cut away at some of the plastic holding the flowers together. “It seemed like a romantic topic to be discussin' with him, so I kept it goin' for as long as I could. The flower a Gemini stuck in my head because I was jealous a it for being so much more fancy than Aquarius.”

Sollux scoffed, and felt a pinch of guilt in his chest. Even though Karkat wasn't entirely right about Eridan, he had reasons to dislike him. He should probably make it up to KK at some point. After KK apologized for being such an asshat about him going out to dinner with Eridan, of course.

“What's the flower for Cancer?” Sollux asked, watching Eridan sit the flowers in the empty vase. “And you need to put water in that. I don't want dried up flower petals all over everything.”

“I will, I will, don't be worryin' yourself,” Eridan muttered.“And why would you want to know that?”

Sollux shook his head and pulled out the trashcan under his desk for Eridan to toss the wrapping in. “There's this guy who KK's got a weird thing with, and he's a good enough guy that I thought maybe giving him so intel on his crush would be a decent way of showing I'm okay with the relationship as long as he can pull his shit together.”

Eridan looked startled. He took the small wastebasket out of Sollux's hand and sat it one the floor next to him so that he could trim the rose stems. “Someone's after Kar? Who is it? Do I know him?”

“You might,” Sollux replied flippantly, not wanting to reveal John's sexual orientation to Eridan. He could trust KK not to tattle to Rose, but he wasn't so sure about Eridan. “And he's not so much 'after' him, as he is slowly getting KK more and more lost in a lagoon of lovesickness.”

“I'm rackin' my brain as to who this guy could be,” Eridan said, brows knit thoughtfully.

Sollux ignored him and turned to his computer to look up flowers and astrology. As he browsed the information, noticed Eridan sitting down the scissors and picking up the vase. As Eridan started out of the room, Sollux grumbled, “If going you're putting water in that, you had better wash the plant gunk off my scissors too.”

After Eridan had left and Sollux had learned delphiniums to be the assigned flower for Cancers, Sollux wondered if this really was a mistake. He and Eridan were extremely different. The only positive thing Sollux was feeling about having flowers on his desk was that KK would have to confess that Eridan was at least romantic. Maybe Sollux could lie and say that he was allergic to all flowers and tell Eridan to just bring him packs of Mountain Dew instead. Sollux could definitely live with that.

When Eridan returned, he had a delighted grin on his face. “You know, Sol, I picked this vase because purple is my favorite color, but I was realizin' on the way back that red and blue make purple, so it sort a works, aesthetically.”

Water from the vase rolled over the edges and splashed onto Sollux's desk. “Hey. Hey. Watch it,” Sollux barked. 

Eridan pulled away from the vase, face apologetic. “Sorry about that, Sol. I'm tryin' my best here. I'll go grab you some paper towels.”

“No, I got it,” Sollux grunted, snatching a stack of old Arby's napkins he had stored in his desk. They were a result of his tendency to mostly eat lunch in his office rather than any alternative that involved interacting with other people. “You're obnoxiously careless sometimes.”

“Hey, could you try layin' off on me a little, Sol? I brought you flowers.” Eridan whined. He was like a child. Well, he acted like a child. He looked like a male model. No, Sollux had to try not to focus on the physical aspect of his interest in Eridan. He had to prove KK wrong. There was more to Eridan than a terrible personality and amazing looks. Which was good, because that idiotic purple streak was not doing him any favors.

That was a lie. It was incredibly sexy. He looks like the bishonen leading man from some wacky anime about... mermen or wizards or something.

“I would have preferred if you hadn't brought me flowers,” Sollux replied, wiping up the water. “They're gross when they die, you have to take care of them, and also I don't give a fuck.”

Eridan bit the inside of his cheek, and buried his hands in his pockets. He looked towards the wall rather than Sollux. “I guess I'll just give to Lalonde then, as a thank you for helpin' me put together this LGBT group. Didn't realize you'd be so ungrateful.”

Sollux clinched his fists on his desk. He may not have wanted the flowers, but they were still his flowers. He was not going to watch them be reclaimed and regifted.

“No way,” Sollux rebuffed. “Those are my colors, RS wouldn't even appreciate them. You leave those here. I'll suffer through babysitting them until decomposition sets in.”

Eridan grinned. “You act like you're all curmudgeony, but I be you're secretly harborin' an adoration a red and blue flora.”

Sollux scoffed. “That's not even close to correct. But you're not going to be a douche and regift flowers you got for me. That's just classless.”

“Classless?” Eridan yelped, grin disappearing. “I'm not the one who's shootin' down a guy for bringin' him some flowers.”

Sollux cracked his knuckles and nodded. “We're both assholes, which is why we're stuck with each other.”

Eridan scowled. “I don't think a us as stuck together. We're two assholes who found each us against the odds.”

That sounded like something Karkat would say. Which endeared Eridan to him. All these romance fantasies that Karkat deluded himself with were utter bullshit, but it gave him something to hope for and work towards. And it looked like John truly was capable of being the type of flower-giving, sappy-statement-spewing, cuddly guy that Karkat had always wanted and Sollux had never been able to be.

Sollux wouldn't be able to be that for Eridan, either, of course. But unlike Karkat, who's grouchy attitude was just a protective front guarding a sweet and surprisingly innocent interior, Sollux suspected Eridan's hard edges went a little deeper. Which, now that he was thinking about it, meant they might have a chance. It meant Eridan might be able to put up with Sollux's attitude. Maybe if Eridan could learn to get thicker skin...

“Anyway, I was thinkin' a things we could do together before dinner that would suit your interests, because I'm, you know, considerate and flexible like that.” Eridan broke the silence that had fallen in wake of his cheesy statement. “So maybe since I'm here a bit early we could go to Radio Shack, what with you bein' a fan a technology and things like that.”

Well, perhaps Sollux was letting his dreams get a bit too lofty. “Radio Shack?” he deadpanned. “That's your idea of a good place to take an IT employee on a date?”

 

==> Vriska

Vriska blew smoke out into the mild afternoon air from her perch atop one of the brick SBURB signs by the company's north entrance. It was the side of the building facing towards downtown, so it needed to be a epic.

John had meant well with his advice, and ultimately it had been Vriska who had made the decision to carry it out. But it was still hard for Vriska not to find herself directing some of her anger about the current situation at him. In an attempt to get closer to Terezi, she had lost her forever.

“Oh, hello Vriska.” Vriska turned her head just enough to see Kanaya Maryam standing on the sidewalk next to the sign. She was the last person Vriska wanted to deal with right now. Another reminder of her failures. On top of that, it had been seeing Kanaya last week that had inspired her to get back in touch with Terezi. This woman held nothing but bad memories.

“Don't you have a wife to harass?” Vriska replied before taking another drag from her cigarette.

“I might if it were legal to marry members of the same sex in this state,” Kanaya retorted in her typical crisp and cool tone. “What is it that is upsetting you?”

Vriska scoffed and shook her head. “Who says I'm upset?”

“Oh, please,” Kanaya responded, adjusting the green bookbag on her shoulder. “I know you well enough to be familiar with the signs of distress.”

“Wow, aren't you special.” Vriska hopped of the sign and breathed smoke in Kanaya's face. “It's none of your business, though, so go talk to your bitchy not-wife.”


	24. Chapter 24

==> Eridan

Sollux asked to stop by the Rainbow Drinker boutique before proceeding with their date. This surprised Eridan until they arrived. Then he saw that Aradia Megido was behind the counter, her long, dark curls flowing over her shoulders. She grinned and waved when Sollux entered, beckoning him over to her. When Eridan and Sollux approached the counter, she leaned over the counter to give Sollux the closest to a hug she could manage with the obstacle between them.

“Hey cousin,” Aradia greeted. “Thanks for coming by to visit me on my first day. This is already a much better way to save up for college than working in fast food.”

“Your parents aren't payin' for your college?” Eridan asked, scowling. “That's pretty cruel a them.”

“We don't all have parents with the incomes to pay our way through school,” Sollux replied, brushing his fingers through his hair and looking annoyed. Sollux always looked annoyed. It really just made Eridan want to cuddle him better. But Sollux would probably break his nose if he tried to intiate such an activity. 

“They could a been savin' up for it,” Eridan retorted. “Responsible plannin' is all it is.”

Sollux made a loud, frustrated noise, somewhere between a sigh and growl. “You are so... ugh. Ignorant.”

Aradia chuckled lightly. “It's okay, they barely had enough to raise me on. I didn't expect them to pay for my school too. I got good grades, so I'll be getting plenty of financial aid.”

“Well, I'm glad to hear you're achievin' in spite a your horrible circumstances,” Eridan replied, flashing her a smile. “I always thought a you as kinda a flake, what with you always skippin' cheerleadin' practice and constantly breakin' up with your boyfriend and all.”

“Gee, does Feferi tell any good stories about me?” Aradia smiled back slyly. “I couldn't go to some of my practices because of my old work schedule, and the coach was really not cool with that. Which is why I quit the team and my old job and opted to work here instead.”

“You should really break up with Equius for good, he's kind of a dick,” Sollux muttered

“You should say that to a mirror, you're kind of a dick yourself, mister,” Aradia shot back, grin huge and mischievous.

Eridan snickered at Aradia's burn. She was good at dealing with Sollux. “I really had the wrong idea about you, Ara. You're just a hardworkin' girl with lazy parents -”

“Her parents aren't lazy,” Sollux cut in. “Just poor.”

Eridan waved his hand flippantly. “Whatever, either way you shouldn't have to be workin' all the time instead a enjoyin' your high school experience. I can help you pay for school so you can rejoin the cheerleadin' squad.”

Aradia laughed, and Sollux turned his head to gape at Eridan in shock.

“I don't think you know how much money we're talking about here,” Sollux remarked in a patronizing tone. “You didn't have to pay your way through college. I'm not sure you even make enough to help her with tuition fees.”

“I'm sittin' at a high level at SBURB,” Eridan assured him. “And I'm still livin' with my parents. So I got a lot a excess money layin' around. I think I could definitely afford to give you about 5,000 a year. That will at least be enough to cover the amount you would be makin' here, right?”

Aradia's smile faded. She stared at him, as if waiting for a catch. He turned to Sollux, and saw a similar expression, but with a touch of vulnerability. As if he was terrified of Aradia getting hurt when Eridan inevitability proved it was too good to be true. But it wasn't, Eridan knew he could do this. They had no reason to doubt him.

“Why would you do that for her?” Sollux asked.

“Well, I don't think it's fair that's she's being screwed out a high school extracurriculars like this.” Eridan shrugged and placed his hand on the counter as he looked back at Aradia. “What do you think?”

==> John

John loved talking to Karkat about constellations. Karkat knew so much, and his interest in it seemed to be more of a gentle passion than the fiery fervor he showed towards other things.

“The bottom line is, it's basically impossible to claw the image of a crab from the clutches of lameness,” Karkat was saying around a mouthful of BLT sub while sitting on John's couch.

“I don't know, I'm sure you could make a crab sexy,” John replied, patting Karkat's thigh.

Karkat's cheeks reddened a bit. “You sound like a douche when you talk like that. You should stick to the fake-innocent cutey boy thing.”

John chuckled and scratched at his neck. “Sorry, Karkat, I've got a lot of pent up sexuality coming out right now.”

“Is that why you're so handsy?” Karkat asked, glancing down at his leg before taking another bite of his sandwich. John hadn't removed his hand from Karkat's thigh and had begun rubbing it. John laughed nervously and patted Karkat's leg again before removing his hand. 

“I've never really been able to touch a guy like this before,” John replied. “And you're crazy hot.”

Karkat began choking on his sub. “You've got to stop talking like that,” he wheezed.

John slapped Karkat's back until he stopped choking, and grinned when his date looked up at him with large, round eyes. “You love it,” John teased, dragging his hand up to ruffle Karkat's hair.

“You're pretty attractive yourself,” Karkat muttered in confession, eyes dropping to his sub. John couldn't hold back an excited squeak. He planted a kiss on the side of Karkat's face. 

“Are we actually going to watch this movie or are you just planning to initiate another make out session?” Karkat asked.

“We'll see if the movie is any good,” John answered, but he was already lowering his head to nuzzle Karkat's neck. He really needed to try to control himself, but it was going to be difficult. After he'd given himself permission to make out with Karkat again, he wasn't sure he could hold out until the movie was over. He was on a real date with a guy, he was letting himself be immature and unadult, turning his back on those guilt-inducing voices. So he just wanted to get to the make outs. Hanging out with Karkat was amazing, but it also riled him up. He wanted to put his tongue in Karkat's mouth so bad right now. 

“You could have just saved the rental fee and admitted your intentions,” Karkat scoffed which chewing on more of his sandwich. “I don't exactly mind making out with you.”

John snaked his arm around Karkat's shoulders and gave him a squeeze. “We'll watch it. I know you want to be properly romanced, and I need to make up for the mess I am about this whole thing.”

Karkat cuddled into John's side and looked up at him through his lashes. It was pretty hot. “Are you going to put the movie in, then?”

John gulped. At this particular moment, there were many things John would rather be doing. Not only things like nibbling on Karkat's ear and running his hands all over Karkat's body, but also things like talking and snuggling. He was pretty sure Karkat would call him a lying douchebag or perhaps some creative variation if he said he'd rather talk and cuddle than watch a film. But it really was true.

He should put in the film.

Maybe he could just try to start a conversation and see what happened.

“We really should watch Serendipity sometime, I bet it's completely lame,” John said, burying his nose in Karkat's hair. 

“One of your favorite films is Con Air,” Karkat grumbled. He slid his arm around John's waist. “You can't talk about film quality anymore than Tiger Woods can talk about fidelity.”

John laughed into Karkat's chaotic hair. “I like you so much.”

“I like you too.” Karkat mumbled. John was so ecstatic about this statement that he wanted to pin Karkat to the couch and kiss him until their lips were both raw. He might have given in and gone for it too, if his phone hadn't started buzzing.

He took it out of his pocket, intending to simply silence it. When he saw it was Rose, however, he decided he should probably answer. Rose didn't usually call just to chitchat.

“Give me a sec,” John told Karkat, rubbing his shoulder affectionately. He lifted the phone to his ear. “Hey Rose, what's up?”

“Hello, John, has the work environment in the IT department improved for you at all?” Rose inquired.

“Oh yeah, definitely,” John answered, giggling silently to himself. “I don't have much time to talk right now, though. Did you just want to chat?”

“As much as I would enjoy chatting with you, John, I do actually have a specific reason for calling,” Rose replied, voice as calm and smooth as ever. “Kanaya and I are having a dinner party on Thursday, and were wondering if you would like to come. “

“Yeah, wow, that sounds like fun, we haven't really hung out in quite some time,” John said, tilting his head to rest it on Karkat's shoulder.

Rose chuckled. “I just had lunch with you last week. But yes, it will be good, I think. The only catch is you'd need to bring a date.”

Hm. Well. John gulped. There was really only one person he could take with him.

And that person was Vriska Serket.


	25. Chapter 25

==> Eridan

They went to Eridan's room after dinner. Eridan had barely shut the door when Sollux pinned him against it, kissing him deeply. Eridan squirmed against him for a moment before shoving him away.

“You sure like pushin' me against doors,” he breathed, gazing into Sollux's annoyed eyes. “And it's not that I don't like kissin' you or havin' sex with you, but are you sure you don't want to be talkin' about this first?”

Sollux rolled his eyes before ducking down to plant a series of kisses on Eridan's neck. “Mm, no,” he muttered in between kisses. “We talked at dinner.” Sollux started sucking on Eridan's neck instead of giving a more full answer.

“Well, we mostly...” Eridan gasped. “Talked about why... I was helpin' Ara, not.... about what was goin' on with...us.” Eridan was trying to focus, but Sollux's tongue on his throat felt pretty fucking amazing. He kind of hoped he wouldn't live a mark.

Sollux removed his mouth to say, “You're a halfway decent guy, okay, ED? Can we leave it at that so I can get to sucking you off as a thank you for what you did for Aradia?”

“That's kinda an odd reason to have sex with-” Eridan's statement was interrupted with a whimper as Sollux bit into his neck before returning to licking. “Don't you fuckin' dare leave a mark,” he whined.

Sollux snickered against his skin. “I want to, though, so you can get some use out of your present.” His voice was low and husky.

“The one you ran off to get while I was making dinner reservations?” Eridan guessed, chest heaving as Sollux slid a hand down to Eridan's crotch.

Sollux was snickering again. He rubbed Eridan's half-hard penis through his tight purple jeans. “That's the one. Want it now?”

Eridan moaned and gave a tiny nod in response. Sollux smirked and went to pick up the plastic green Rainbow Drinker boutique bag he had tossed on the floor of Eridan's room the second they had entered. Rather than presenting it to Eridan, he made his way over to Eridan's pirate-themed bed and sat down, dangling the bag tantalizingly on his index finger. 

Eridan cleared his throat. His erection was beginning to feel painful against the tight fabric of his pants. He walked over to sit next to Sollux, gently sliding the bag off his finger as he did. “Didn't know you were so good at playin' sexy.”

Sollux let out a haughty laugh. “I wasn't sure you deserved the effort. I'm still not sure you do, but I'm kind of starting to not hate you as much. So I'm giving you a taste of it out of the goodness of my heart.”

That was the closest thing to a compliment Sollux had ever thrown his way. Eridan could have cried tears of joy, but he didn't want Sollux to call him a baby. He might actually have a shot with Sollux, he couldn't let his desperation show too much or Sollux would be rolling his eyes and stalking away. 

Eridan pulled open the bag, feeling Sollux's smoldering gaze burning into him. For being such a boney little nerd, Sollux sure knew how to use what he had. Inside the bag, wrapped in purple tissue paper, was a scarf striped with two tones of blue.

“I thought it might make your eyes look more blue than gray. It was worth a shot.” Sollux shrugged, running his hand over the scarf as Eridan examined it. “It's cooler than all that dumb purple you wear, at least.”

“You gotta add an insult to everythin' don't you, Sol?” Eridan grumbled. Sollux responded with a throaty laugh. He put his hand on Eridan's chest and began to push him down onto the bed.

“I have to keep you from getting too cocky,” Sollux replied, leaning in to kiss Eridan. Eridan squeaked and pulled his head back.

“I need to lock the door, I don't want anyone from my family walkin' in and seein' us,” Eridan insisted as his back hit the comforter.

Sollux scoffed, smirk still firmly in place. “Your family members saw you bring home a bisexual notorious for being kind of a whore. I'm pretty sure they're going to stay away from your bedroom until I'm done blowing your brains out.” Sollux hiked up Eridan's shirt with one hand, trailing the other behind it over Eridan's bare skin. “Lift up your arms,” he commanded

Eridan did as he was told, whimpering a bit as Sollux's fingers lingered on his nipples. “You better hope for my family's sake that I'm not a screamer.”

“I know you're not, this isn't the first time we've hooked up,” Sollux reminded him while he pulled off his black v-neck t-shirt. “I was a little disappointed, I thought you would be.” He stared down at Eridan's chest and ran his tongue over his top teeth. “KK always was.”

Eridan frowned. Above his head, his fingers twitched into loose fists. “Why do you always gotta be comparin' me to Kar? Were you in love with him or somethin'?”

Sollux ignored the question and bent down to lip lock Eridan. Eridan shoved the palm of his hand up to Sollux's chest to knock him away. “Hey,” Eridan scolded. “Answer my question, Sol.”

Sollux straightened and crossed his arms. He stared down at Eridan, seeming to consider what his response should be. After a moment, he said, “It doesn't really matter. It's over now, and I'm trying to move on. I won't mention him again, okay? He was the best relationship I ever had, so I guess I use him as a standard without thinking. I'm sure you've got someone like that.”

Eridan shrugged. “Not really.”

Sollux snorted and shook his head. “I seriously doubt that.”

“No, I'm completely fuckin' serious, Sol. I've never really had a real relationship even though that's all I've really wanted,” Eridan confessed, glancing away from Sollux. “Most a the gay and bi men I've met that have given me the time a day just wanted a hook up.”

He looked back to Sollux, feeling vulnerable. Sollux ran his hand through his hair. “I'm not a very good boyfriend, ED.”

“Just 'cause you aren't up to Kar's stupid fuckin' standards doesn't mean you ain't a good boyfriend,” Eridan assured him, reaching up to gently touch Sol's shoulder. “His new boyfriend must be prince fuckin' charmin' if he's wooin' Kar's snobby ass.”

Sollux cracked a tiny grin. He bit his lip and looked away, rubbing his left hand over his right arm. “John's embarrassingly cheesy.”

“John?” Eridan asked, startled. “Is Kar screwin' around with the Egbert kid?”

Sollux stiffened, smile fading. “Why would you assume it's him? Word is, John Egbert's straight.”

“Naw, that's bullshit,” Eridan chuckled. “He was flirtin' with me at a party I went to in college like he thought I was Ryan fuckin' Reynolds. Well, actually he said I was as hot as Nic Cage. Not much of a compliment, but, yeah, he was actin' pretty into me. I wouldn't forget somethin' like that, it was crazy, 'cause I wasn't officially out to everyone then, and he was like this churchy kid.”

Sollux looked a bit alarmed. “You can't tell anyone. JN isn't even really out to Kar. He's playin' the 'I'm an affectionate breeder who heterosexually makes out with my guy friends when I'm drunk' game that no one ever buys. But you have to keep that information to yourself, or Rose will kick my ass.”

Eridan rubbed Sollux's shoulder. “Don't worry, Sol, I'll protect you from an ass-kickin' by that evil bitch.”

Sollux's smirk returned, and he reached to unlatch Eridan's pants. “You better, asshole.” His eyes stayed on the lower half of Eridan's body as he pulled down Eridan's pants. He stared at Eridan's cock for a moment before commenting, “I didn't mention this last time, but you have a surprisingly small penis for a gay man. It's an anomaly, really.”

“Fuck you, Sol,” Eridan snarled. “My penis is fine.”

Sollux's grin was mischievous. “Okay, if that's what you have to tell yourself to get through the day.” He didn't give Eridan a chance to properly respond, running his tongue up the underside of Eridan's dick. Eridan moaned instead of tossing out a retort. Sollux closed his lips around the head of Eridan's cock, swirling his tongue around the tip.

Eridan fisted his hand into Sol's blondish hair, panting. “You're a fuckin' jerk,” he hissed out, as Sollux worked a bit more of Eridan into his mouth. After a long, amazing moment of sucking, Sollux pulled his mouth off and grinned deviously.

“You won't being calling me a jerk when I deep throat you,” Sollux jeered. Eridan didn't think Sollux would actually be able to deep throat. He hadn't been with a single guy that could.

But he was wrong. Sollux must not have had much of a gag reflex. He didn't even let up until Eridan came down his throat. Which, frankly, wasn't that long. Afterward, he choked and panted until Eridan pulled him into a sloppy, sour kiss.

“What do you want me to do for you?” Eridan breathed against Sollux's lips.

“I don't know.” Sollux snickered. “That's going to be hard to beat, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I dropped some smut on the ground, will you help me pick it up?


	26. Chapter 26

==> John

John woke up with a revelation.

Sleeping on his couch-bed with Karkat's heavy body on top of him was the happiest he'd ever been. He'd been happy with Karkat since their first date, of course, but initially his feeling had been ecstatic with a side of rebellious arousal. But when he awoke on Wednesday morning after their third date, he felt content. Almost fulfilled.

Not quite fulfilled, though, because he was well aware of the ominous reality that he was not going to be able to maintain this as long he wanted to. He also, unfortunately, had a rather insistent hard-on jutting up rather obviously inside his bright-yellow crescent moon-patterned pajama pants and he couldn't really do anything about it. He tried to not whimper too loudly when Karkat squirmed and bumped it in his sleep.

Last night had been slightly embarrassing. After John had hung up with Rose, he finally admitted to Karkat he'd rather make out then watch the movie. His entire conversation with Rose had been accompanied by Karkat gently rubbing his chest and giving his neck sweet little nuzzles. It was so darn cute. It drove him crazy. John seriously suspected there wasn't another creature alive on earth or any other planet that could do sexy-cute like Karkat.

Well, it was more likely that John was so infatuated with him that the slightest little quirk of the mouth or brush of the hand could bring John to his knees. He was falling for this guy. Hard. He was more or less John's dream guy, stocky and toned, but also short and cuddly. Huge eyes and a pouty mouth. He was hilarious, and his humorously scathing rants never had any really threat behind them. And best of all, he liked John. Which meant that John could kiss him and touch him as much as he wanted. He might even eventually be able to actually have sex with him. Which was an exhilarating and intimidating thought.

Karkat's thigh rubbed against John's dick again, and John bit his lip to keep from yelping. Last night, John had grinded his crotch on Karkat's abs while they were making out, which had felt absolutely amazing. Until he came in his pants like a 14-year-old boy. Once his mind had somewhat cleared, he'd blushed furiously and scrambled backwards to the opposite side of the couch, apologizing profusely. Karkat had stammered out some pseudo-insult and asked if he could use John's shower. 

John shouldn't be remembering these things, as they were not exactly helping his erection situation. He shifted his focus to thoughts of poor Casey, alone in the park without her dad or a stuffed bunny for company. When that didn't work, he pictured heterosexual intercourse. Which certainly helped to soften his penis quite a bit, but also made him gag slightly. Yeah, if he was gay he was really, really, really fucking gay. This shouldn't have been news, he had been grossed out by particularly graphic straight sex scenes in movies when he was in high school, and Jake and Dirk hadn't even seemed phased. Sometimes they even critiqued the couple's form. It was possible that John was even more gay than Dave's brother. Wow, he was so fucked.

Maybe he was just a prude. Yeah, perhaps that was it. Right, because that was totally why he spent most of high school trying not to think filthy, R-rated thoughts about his best bro. That was why he knew the exact time stamp of the scenes in Brokeback Mountain (a film his dad had bought him thinking it was a a remake of some old western) that made good jerk off material when home alone. He was gay, he was so fucking gay.

On top of him, Karkat yawned. John glanced at the man's face to see a pair of large, brown eyes gazing up at him. “Isn't it time for your morning meltdown?” Karkat muttered, sliding a hand under his chin.

John felt his eyes growing wet in wake of the confession he had made to himself. “I'm going to try not to freak out today. I had a hot guy sleep over last night, I need to spoil him with a nice breakfast and drive him to work so he can rub it in to his boss.”

“Then why are you crying, douchesicle?” Karkat grumbled lightly, lifting his hand to brush a tear off John's cheek.

“I just like you so much.” John sniffed, laughing in spite of the tears. “We make a pretty cute couple, don't we?”

Karkat's lipped parted, eyes softening as he gaped at John. “I hope you're not using your scrawny calves to go sprinting into shit you're not prepared for.”

John laughed again and lifted his neck and shoulders off the arm of the couch so he could give Karkat a gentle kiss. Instead of protesting that the two could continue talking, Karkat slid his arms around John's neck.

What a perfect way to start the day.

Perfect, but not remotely heterosexual.

==> Vriska

Vriska hadn't slept much last night, as she had spent all night until 5:00 AM drowning her sorrows in a new game she had discovered called Eve Online. She arrived at SBURB already in a sour mood. When she discovered she was the first one to show up in the IT department even though she was ten minutes late, she immediately started plotting revenge on Solloser for being terrible at his job and also for probably getting laid while she was having a life crisis.

Heck, John had probably gotten laid too. By Karkat. Basically, the whole office was about to stumble in and do a gay rendition of The Lonely Island's “I Just Had Sex” while Vriska's exquisite hotness and unmatched girlfriend skills slowly wassted away.

Sollux walked in with Eridan before Vriska had a chance to plan anything to elaborate. Eridan had a smug little grin on his face, which was uncharacteristic of such a mopey guy. It pissed her the fuck off. She wanted to smash it right off his dumb face. Sollux made up some lame story about having a meeting with Eridan that shouldn't be interrupted, but the baggy purple shirt he was wearing was clearly not his, so Vriska knew better. When the two disappeared into Sollux's office, Vriska heard the unmistakable click of the door being locked. Sollux was such a skank.

“Has Sollux showed up yet?” Karkat had the audacity to ask when he and John finally entered the department. Karkat was dressed in the same clothes he had worn yesterday, and today John had decided to hide his hickey with a Gryffindor scarf clearly designed for winter or cosplay, not spring fashion. “He went on a dumb hatedate with that bull testicle-sniffing asswipe who will probably one day be the encyclopedia illustration for both nepotism and hipster douchebaggitry.”

“I look forward to the day when the term “hipster douchebaggitry” is printed in all standard encyclopedias,” John teased, ruffling Karkat's hair.

“Ugh, get a room,” Vriska whined. “Sollux and Eridan did. Sollux is totally getting butt-fucked by Eridan in that very office and this very moment.” Vriska scoffed, waving her hand at Sollux's hub of depravity. “There will probably be jizz all over his keyboard when they're done.”

“Wait, Sollux and Eridan are fucking in there right now?” Karkat yelped, round eyes shaking. “Has Sollux opted to exclusively think with his cock now?”

Vriska snorted. “Probably. I wonder if he's actually gotten any work done since he and Eridan started guzzling each others come like diet Pepsi.”

“Or wine coolers at a trashy middle school party,” Karkat snarled. “What a fuckass.”

John was giggling. “That's my favorite Karkatism, I think. Fuckass.”

Vriska breathed out an intentionally loud sigh. “Okay, I get it, you two are doing it. Can you stop with the obnoxious flirting?”

Karkat narrowed his eyes, expression darkening. John balled up his hands into fists and brought them up to cover his mouth like a concerned Japanese school girl.

“Vriska,” John whined behind his hands. “I hope that's not something you're spreading around.”

“Your secret's safe,” Vriska assured him, letting out another sigh. She shook her head. “Didn't mean to scare you. The three of us all know what the deal is, I'm just saying it out loud. I won't tell any of those homophobes outside this department.”

John lowered his hands to his neck and gave her a relieved smile. “I knew I could count on you.”

“You shouldn't put so much faith in me, according to Terezi all I do is 'lie and lie and lie',” Vriska replied bitterly, snapping a pair of vicious air quotes. She glanced towards John and Karkat's work stations against the opposite wall rather than at them. “All I ever do.”

“No way, you only lie when you need to. And you're a fantastic friend,” John declared, beaming. “Which is why I wanted to invite you to be my straight date to a dinner party Rose and Kanaya are having tomorrow night.”

“What?” Karkat snarled, turning to face John, eyes ablaze. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

John looked absolutely terrified. “Rose told me I needed to bring a date, and her mom and my dad are married so I have to take a girl,” he babbled quickly to Karkat.

“Rose already has you pegged as a homosexual, moron,” Karkat hissed, tensing. “She's on your side, she's always been on your fucking side.”

“Karkat,” John whimpered. “I'm sorry. I just can't. I can't take you.”

“I didn't fucking ask you to. Fuck, why are you even going?” Karkat's face looked stricken. “I don't understand why you didn't at least fucking talk to me first,” he mumbled.

“It's my decision.” John gulped and looked away. “I'm taking Vriska. I hope you'll forgive me.”

“Good luck playing your fake heterosexual head games with some other sucker,” Karkat growled before storming over to his work station.

“Oh grow up, Karkat,” Vriska called after him. “It's not like you two were even really dating. Stop being such a drama queen.”

Vriska turned to John, who was scratching at his neck, looking on the verge of tears. Yeah, it was a tough life being a closest case. She owed him a hug later. But she didn't want him to look weak in front of Karkat, who was being a total brat. Why couldn't people just understand how it was for her and John?


	27. Chapter 27

==> Sollux

Sollux was straddling Eridan's lap in one of his office's guest chairs. When he pulled away from their sloppy kiss, he smirked.

“That scarf is definitely better than any of your stupid purple ones,” he commented, playing with the hair at the nape of Eridan's neck. “Now I just need to get you to stop using so much product in your hair. And to lose some of those shitty rings.”

“These rings were expensive,” Eridan retorted, pouting. “And you should love me just the way I am.”

Sollux leaned his face in close again, grin toothy and devious. “Yeah right, like there aren't things you would change about me.”

“Not shallow things. I wish you were morea a compassionate person,” Eridan replied, pressing his forehead against Sollux's. “And I wish you would be my boyfriend.”

“Oh, well, what the hell, I'll be your boyfriend.” Sollux chuckled. He reached down and pulled one of Eridan's hands away from his waist. He removed a particularly gaudy right with a purple stone. “But only if you loose this ring.”

Eridan gave Sollux a gigantic smile as Sollux placed the ring in the palm of his hand. “I suppose that's a compromise I can put up with,” Eridan replied.

“In that case, let's say you loose one ring for every thing I do that's a little compassionate,” Sollux suggested. 

“That's pretty fuckin' arbitrary, Sol.” Eridan scoffed, still beaming. “How would we even determine that.”

“I'll leave it up to you, how does that sound?” Sollux offered. Rather than answering, Eridan leaned in to kiss him again.

Sollux was so lost in the kiss that his mind didn't register that the someone was knocking at the door until Eridan tilted his head away and muttered that Sollux should probably answer it. Sollux reluctantly stepped out of Eridan's lap and stalked over to the door. When he opened it, John Egbert was waiting for him, looking tired and stressed. But he was still smiling.

“Hey, Sollux,” he greeted. “Got a minute?”

“Didn't Vriska tell you I was in an important meeting?” Sollux huffed, irritated. “What's the emergency?”

John laughed, and playfully shoved Sollux. “Man, that is definitely not what Vriska said you were doing!” He leaned into the office to add, “Hey Eridan.”

Eridan gave an awkward wave.

Sollux snarled. “What do you need JN?”

“I was wondering if you guys knew if we needed to bring food or anything to that dinner party tomorrow?” John asked. “I didn't think to ask Rose. Is that something that's assumed? I've never been to a dinner party before.”

Sollux narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Uh,” Eridan interjected. “I mentioned it at dinner last night, Sol. Rose is havin' a dinner party tomorrow, like JN said, and she'd like us to come. It would be like another date.”

“I was kind of hoping our second date would be more...” Sollux eyed John and his dopey smile. “...private.”

“Come on, Sol. We can be turnin' our back on friends who wanna hang out,” Eridan insisted. “It'll be a good chance to show how compassionate you can be. Plus we might be talkin' about some stuff for that new LGBT group.”

“What LGBT group?” John asked, suddenly looking slightly panicked. “Why would they be talking about that?”

Sollux puffed out his cheeks and carded his hands through his hair. He let out a long breath before saying, “Alright, I'll go. But only if I'm spending the night at your place afterward.” He turned to John. “Eridan and Rose are just starting an LGBT group. It has nothing to do with who you may or may not be fucking in this office.”

John squeaked, eyes widening. “What?” he shrieked, with more volume than he probably intended. “I'm not having sex with anyone in this office. Why would you even think that? I mean, I'm taking Vriska to the dinner party, so who knows where that will go -”

There was the sound of something crashing in the outer department area. Sollux wondered if Karkat was even in a condition to be working, with all the yo-yoing John was putting him through. KK was a surprisingly sensitive guy. 

“KK, did you drop one of those charity laptops?” Sollux asked over John's shoulder, voice flat. 

“Fuck off, Sollux,” came the ferocious response. “These computers are complete shit anyway.”

“It's doesn't matter, asshole, we're supposed to be fixing them, not trashing them,” Sollux shot back. “If you're too sick to work or some shit, get the fuck out of here and go get therapy stoned with GZ.”

“I'm not sick, I simply hate my life so much that the rage in my blood could power an entire planet on hate fuel alone. The race on such a planet would be violent and forced to kill each other for survival, but they would still not have as a wrathful a view of existence as I cuurently do,” Karkat roared. “My hatred of life is like that of someone who just lost a battle he fought tooth and nail for, and had almost one, because some idiot who didn't know what the fuck he was doing stumbled in and fucked everything up.”

“Okay, incoherent drama queen, if you're going to throw a fucking tantrum, you're not going to do it here,” Sollux informed KK, voice stern. “Go home, smoke one of your roommate's joints, and take a fucking nap before you kill someone.”

“Well, fuck, Sol, there goes another one of my rings,” Eridan said behind him. Sollux couldn't help but smile at that.

==> John

Karkat hadn't answered a single one of John's desperate texts or voice messages begging to talk. John tried going back to his apartment after work, but it only reminded him of kissing and chatting with Karkat. So he got in his car and cruised aimlessly around town until he ended up in his old neighborhood. He drove to his dad's house and sat parked out front, staring out the windshield for almost fifteen minutes before deciding to go in.

When he entered, his dad and stepmom were sitting at the dinner table, eating steak and sharing a bottle of red wine. His dad had always acted like alcohol was bad before he met Roxy Lalonde. And now he bought and drank it all the time. It was pretty odd for John to adapt to. Love could make a person do weird things, he supposed.

“Take off your jacket and scarf, have a seat,” John's dad declared when he saw John enter the room.

“Uh, it's okay,” John replied. “The scarf's a fashion statement.”

“I'm down with that,” slurred John's unsurprisingly already drunk stepmom. She held up the edge of her own scarf. “Your dad got me this one.”

“Cool,” John replied, awkwardly shifting his weight. “I like the color.”

“So, what brings you by, son?” John's dad asked. “You don't usually make surprise visits like this.”

“What are you talking about? He just did the other day,” John's stepmom said. “Pretty early in the morning actually.”

“Oh yeah? Where was I?” John's dad asked, pulling out the chair next to him. He gestured for John to take a seat. John sighed and walked over to sit down, smiling at his dad as he did.

“I can't remember.” John's stepmom waved her hand. “It doesn't matter. I got an extra chef for a few hours, which was a welcome change.”

“You say that like I'm not a good kitchen hand,” John's dad replied, mock offended.

“Honey, I love you, but you're worse than Strider,” John's stepmom teased with a wink. John stiffened at the mention of one of the Strider brothers. He carefully examined his dad for a reaction. “At least he was able to fix the stove. You just keep insisting that the homeless people need crappy cake from a box.”

The good-natured smile on Mr Egbert's face didn't falter. “Cake is good for morale. It will help those people to feel better.”

“Dave fixed our stove?” John asked hesitantly, looking from his dad to his stepmom.

John's dad chuckled. “Dirk. He and Ro have become good friends. Sometimes I feel like she thinks he'd make a better husband than me.”

“But he wouldn't because he's gay,” John replied, quicker and louder than he had intended. “So that wouldn't work out.”

Roxy and Mr. Egbert both laughed. 

“John, John, Johnny. Don't worry. I'm not leaving your dad for Strider,” Roxy soothed, leaning over to pat John's hand while winking playfully. “But you're right, that wouldn't even be an option unless I became a sexy jungle boy.”

“Oh, I don't know, Ro,” John's dad asserted. “Humans are made to be attracted to the opposite sex. I think Mr. Strider just likes riling people up.”

John gulped and reached back to scratch his neck. He ended up clumsily scratching his scarf instead. As he did, his eyes fell to the white table cloth. He couldn't look at his dad.

“I don't know, I think some of the girls I got with in college were pretty thoroughly not into dudes.” Roxy laughed. “Personally, though, I don't really care if it's natural or not, Strider seems happy with his jungle boy, so I'm cool with it.”

“Dirk is happy as long as he's stirring things up,” maintained John's dad. “I just hope that poor boy Jake realizes he's being used and finds a nice woman to marry.”

“Dirk loves Jake,” John mumbled, still staring at the table. “I don't think he's using him.”

“Son, you always assume the best of people,” Mr. Egbert replied affectionately, giving his son a pat on the shoulder. “That's why you kept being friends with Dave for so long.”

John's stomach felt queasy. His lungs felt like they were being held down by a enormous weight. Everything in the room seemed ugly. He hated the off-white table cloth, he hated his dad's gray fedora. The smell of the steak made him want to vomit. The slight flow of air from the vent behind him made him shiver and shutter. He was in a hopeless situation. Everything he had done lately with Karkat had been like a bird beating it's wings against the metal wires of it's cage. As if the blood dripping down onto the newspaper lining the cage floor would somehow get him closer to freedom. He hated his dad. He hated himself.

But he couldn't hate Karkat.

“I have to go,” John muttered. He stood abruptly and kicked his chair away, hastily heading for the door. When he returned to his car, numbness set it. He had no idea what to do. Where to go. He just stared ahead, hoping to simply stop existing.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks, I know. I'm sorry. You can just skim it if you want. I promise the next one will be better.

==> Vriska

A part of Vriska felt incredibly lame knocking on Terezi's door. She had just been ripped to shreads by this woman on Monday night, and now she was back on her doorstep like a masochist. You'd think she was thirsting for more humiliation. Terezi was about to lose every bit of respect she had for Vriska. But Vriska's mind had been polluted by her dorky co-worker. She had to get Terezi back at any cost. Even if that cost was disgracing herself by telling Terezi how pathetic and weak she really was. 

“Who is it?” Came Terezi's voice. Vriska loved how Terezi always sounded like she was sneering. It was hilarious and incredibly fitting. 

For a split second Vriska thought about faking a different voice to insure the door would be opened for her. Then she remembered she was supposed to be trying out this honesty thing that everyone was so enthusiastic about. Vriska took a deep, annoyed breath.

“It's Vriska. I'm ready to stop lying to you.”

To Vriska's surprise, that was enough to get Terezi to open the door. Her ex's cloudy eyes looked vulnerable and perhaps even a bit scared. When Vriska greeted her, she made a futile attempt at appearing more tough and apathetic. Why she even tried was beyond Vriska, as Terezi knew Vriska was excellent at reading people.

“I thought you were already done lying,” Terezi replied, the coldness in her tone clearly forced.

“Yeah, well I left out part of that story I told you yesterday.” Vriska crossed her arms and shrugged her shoulders. “You might not hate me as much when you know the deal, but you'll definitely see me as a bit of a wimp.”

“And what was it that made you change your mind to give me this information you previously withheld?” Terezi asked, lawyer mode setting in.

“I'm sick of you hating me, okay?” Vriska huffed, looking away. She drummed her fingers on her arm “Because I totally had my reasons for doing what I did and the fact that you have to wrong idea about it has been wasting far too much of my brain power over the last couple of days. I'm usually pretty fantastic at all of juggling irritating situations life throws at me. All of them! But you were totally unreasonable about my confession. So I'm going to be nice and fill you in on the rest of the story before you embarrass yourself by treating me like shit again.”

Terezi scoffed. “I treated you like shit?”

“No, wait,” Vriska turned to face Terezi again, backpedaling. “What I meant was you're totally going to feel like a bitch when I tell you the whole story.”

Terezi tilted her head and knit her brows.

“I mean it was partially my fault that you acted like that, because I didn't finish my story,” Vriska continued, trying to put on a face of humility. “So I should regret causing you to be so terrible to me.”

“You're not remorseful at all, are you?” Terezi asserted. Her voice was dangerously dark and even. “Are these just more of your mind games? Do even know how to have a relationship that isn't based around manipulating the other person?”

“Yes,” Vriska hissed, offended. “But you're an awesome lawyer, Terezi Pyrope. I'm not sure how you expect this relationship to be even if I just lay all my cards on the table.”

“I never lie to you, Vriska,” Terezi remarked. “Just because I'm a lawyer doesn't mean I mess with your head.”

“But you're perfect when you're just being honest and real,” Vriska spat. She tilted her chin down and glared, even though she knew Terezi couldn't see it. Maybe she could sense it. “I have to play around to keep up with you. You want to hear the honest truth? The truest thing I've ever told anyone? Do you? I play games because being a good gamer is about all I have going for me. Smart people use what they have, and the few skills I do have I'm despicably awesome at. But I'm not you. I'm not this flawless perfect human being who doesn't even have to try. The world the crumbles for you. And you don't even have to force it.”

“Vriska, you honestly want me to believe you're that insecure?” Terezi's voice was flat, but her expression was softening again.

Vriska snorted. “Yeah right, I could never pull off a lie like that. I'm awesome, I know it. You know it. Everyone's in on that. But I'm awesome because I know how to play the game to fit my skills. And you're just not someone who's bending to my skill set.”

“Maybe I always hoped you'd realize you have more capacity for learning other skills than you are aware of,” Terezi muttered.

Vriska's chest filled with warmth. Her eyebrows rose. Her lips twitched.

“Yeah?” she asked.

Terezi stepped aside and used her head to gesture into the vibrant apartment. “Why don't you tell me the rest of that story.”

==> John

In the end, John choose to drive back to his apartment and sleep in his car. He couldn't bring himself to go inside. In the morning, with the haze of sleep numbing his emotions, he wandered back up to his small living space to shower, change, and eat breakfast. At least at work he might have the chance to corner Karkat. Not that he knew what he would say. “Sorry, I've got to act straight if I want my dad to love me”? “I can't believe I ever thought I could be with you ha ha let's be friends”? “I want to cuddle you and cry into your shoulder and then have make-up sex with you”? Wow, that last one was totally what he wanted to say.. But that would not be okay so many reasons.

After seeing his dad John was more confused than ever. He knew he was gay, he had to be. He knew he liked Karkat, there was no denying that. But how could his dad act like being gay was only some act of rebellion? It didn't feel that way when he was with Karkat. When they were together it just felt... right. John rolled his eyes to himself as he opened his car door. He really needed to be able to put his feelings and experiences into words better if he was going to figure this thing out. 

He remembered how Dave had been so ready to accept him for who he was, long before John had even admitted to himself who he was. John was going to see Dave again tonight, but he wasn't sure he could wait that long. He really needed someone to talk to. Someone who could help him sort out his mess Someone who didn't work in IT.

On the way down the hall to his department, John walked by Eridan. His hair was messy and unstyled, and his shirt buttons weren't correctly lined up. 

“Hey, John. How's it goin' with you an you-know-who?” Eridan asked, frighteningly friendly.

“Vriska?” John replied, fiddling with the back of his scarf.

Eridan smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. John had a hunch what he was talking about, but he didn't have the energy or focus to care. He was starting to suspect that news of his make sessions with Karkat were spreading around, but he couldn't find it in him to be upset about it. He just wanted to escape to IT department and curl up in Karkat's arms. He loved his dad, but he realized at that moment wanted to be with Karkat more than he wanted to impress his dad. He wanted Karkat to mess up his hair like Sollux had messed up Eridan's. He wondered if he could still convince Karkat to let them date in secret while John fake-dated Vriska as a front. He doubted it, and he wasn't sure that was even what he himself really wanted.

He told Eridan it was going great with Vriska, then quickly walked away before he could be questioned further. The moment he walked into the department, however, Vriska was out of her seat and making a b-line for the door. She grabbed John's arm on the way.

“We need to talk about our date tonight. So I'm calling a very important straight couple meeting,” Vriska announced as she dragged John back out the door. “Don't struggle or I'll cut you off.”

“Cut me off from what?” John asked, still struggling to get a good look at what Karkat was doing.

“I don't know,” Vriska whispered as the door shut. “That's a straight girlfriend thing to say, right?”

John shrugged. “Maybe?”

“It doesn't matter,” Vriska said. “We need to plan our course of action for tonight. We cannot screw this up.”

John nodded, gathering in his focus. “Which is?”

“We need to be as convincing as possible.” Vriska's smile was vicious. “So I can drop my amazing bombshell.”


	29. Chapter 29

==> John

John wasn't in the mood to go to the dinner party. He still had so much to process. When Vriska knocked on his door he was laying on the couch, face buried in his hands. Vriska was trying not to bring him down with her, but he wasn't sure he really cared anymore. Everyone already knew. Well, not his dad, but everyone at work. He kind of wanted to just admit he was a mess and then jump on a plan to Korea so he never had to speak to anyone again. Not Sollux. Not Eridan. Not Rose. Not Dave.

Not Karkat.

Oh, Karkat. He had found excuses to avoid John all day. It was probably the most productive anyone in IT had been in years. If Karkat was to be believed, he'd spent the entire day working on Highly Important Projects that would be completely sabotaged by talking. One of Karkat's Highly Important Projects involved transferring his files onto a flash drive and relocating to a new work station.

John rubbed his eyes before making his way to the door. He found Vriska dressed in khaki pants and one of her blue button up tops.

“If I had known you were just going to ignore the lame dress code and wear your work clothes, I wouldn't have bothered to get so dressed up,” Vriska sneered. John eyed her sloppy ponytail and Converse All-Stars.

“I just haven't gotten dressed yet,” John replied, smile forming on his face naturally. He wasn't used to letting things get him down, so it was nice to have a friend to distract him from his abnormally depressive feelings. “Do you not own any shoes other than red sneakers?” 

“There are no other shoes worth wearing,” Vriska rebutted. 

John laughed and let her in, gesturing to his kitchenette. “You can help yourself to some food while you wait.”

“John, we're going to a dinner party. Why would I eat here?” Vriska snorted and rolled her eyes. “You are such a nerd sometimes.”

John laughed as he pulled a blue tie off of a hook in his wardrobe. He tossed the tie to Vriska.

“Does this match your shirt well enough?” he asked.

Vriska snickered. “You know, I'm pretty sure the guy is supposed to pick up the girl when they go on a date. Not only did you make me come get your sorry ass, you weren't even ready to go when I got here.” She shook her head and crossed her arms. “This is the biggest joke of a date ever.”

John laughed. He pulled off his green hoodie and shrugged on a white button up top over his undershirt. “That about sums it up, yeah.”

“You need to be more invested in this illusion if you want to pull it off. Even if your dad doesn't want to believe you're a fag, he's not going to be able to argue for your heterosexuality if you haven't put in the time and effort to make people buy it,” Vriska pointed out. “Trust me, I'm a pro. Even Karkat doesn't know I'm into pussy and we work together every day.”

John turned his head in surprise, mouth agape. “Karkat doesn't know you're a lesbian?” John reached down to begin unbuttoning his pants.

“Oh my gosh, warn a lady before you start taking off your pants. Gross!” Vriska hissed, turning around to face the kitchenette. “I'll cut you a little slack since you're the gayest man who ever sucked the cock of homosexuality, but come on.”

When he had his jeans off, John threw them at Vriska's head. “We're bros now Vriska, like it or not. This is what bros do.”

“You need to be more sensitive, John. How would you feel if I just started taking off my pants around you?” Vriska retorted. She made a show of pinching a small piece of the jean's fabric between her thumb and index finger before pulling them off the spot where they had draped over her shoulder . She tossed them to the floor. 

“Okay, okay. I'll warn you next time,” John chuckled, pulling on his dress pants. “Should I wear a fedora? That's a straight guy thing to do, right?”

“Yeah, if the guy is a douchebag,” Vriska replied. “Don't you dare wear a lame fedora to this dinner party, John Egbert.”

John saluted, and then remembered Vriska was still turned around. “I'm wearing pants now,” he called.

He quickly grabbed a fedora out of his closet and placed it over his dark hair. When Vriska was facing him again, John threw out his hands and wiggled his fingers. “Ta-da.”

“No,” Vriska said, voice dark. “No fedora.”

John held his hand out to take his tie back, but she held it further out of his reach. “Lose the fedora of we're not going. I actually prefer the stupid faux hawk you mangled your hair into this morning to that lame hat of loserdom.”

“Karkat would love it, I bet,” John said. Even though he kept smiling, he felt a pain in his chest as he said that name. He couldn't help but continue to bring Karkat up. It was going to take a lot of him to get over such an amazing guy. If he even could.

“Well, Karkat's an idiot, you can do better,” Vriska shot back. “And I'm pretty sure he would like you in a bunny suit if it meant he was going to be seeing you naked later.”

John gulped. “I need to talk to Karkat, but he's not speaking to me. What should I do?”

==> Rose

Rose hadn't expected Sollux and Eridan to arrive before John and Vriska. She had figured that Dave and Jade would be, by a large margin, either the first or last of the attendees to show up. It depended on which seemed more ironic to Dave at the moment. To Rose's chagrin, the Strider-Harleys knocked on her door at 3:30 in the afternoon, three and a half hours prior to when the party was set to begin. By the time Sollux and Eridan walked into the living room, Dave and Jade had already made themselves at home and were, to quote Dave, “knee deep” in their fifth board game. Kanaya had occasionally been able to rope the two of them into kitchen work, but mostly the pair seemed intently focused on their competitive gaming. 

Eridan knelt down at the coffee table next to Dave and asked if he could join the game.

“Dude, you can't just ask to join a board game midway through. You have no class,” Dave answered, not bothering to look at Eridan. “You must have majorly slacked on learning the ethics and social norms of tabletop games. Maybe that class was during prime getting trashed and having indiscriminate sex time at your college, but where I went we took that shit seriously.”

“Hey, don't be rude, you son of bitch,” Sollux cut in, hovering over the coffee table. “If he wants to play, let him fucking play.”

“Woah, calm your tits,” Dave scoffed, moving his game piece. “It's only Candyland, bro, it's not like I'm standing between him and the sexiest hooker in Illinois.”

“If it's only Candyland, then what's your problem with letting him play?” Sollux hissed. He balled his hands into fists. Eridan looked like her was thoroughly enjoying this exchange. Jade just looked put out. “Stop being such a tool and just put another piece on the board for my boyfriend.”

There was a knock on the door. Rose paused in setting the dinner table to make her way past the spat in her living room so she could let the last couple in. Vriska and John were a sight to behold. John looked like he was ready to present a science fair presentation and Vriska appeared to have simply swapped her jeans for a pair of khaki pants. It seemed John had tried to match his tie to Vriska's shirt. At least he had put force an honest effort, Rose supposed.

Rose knew Kanaya was apprehensive about having Vriska over to their house. But Kanaya was drawn to fixing people's problems, so it was likely Rose would find her girlfriend trying to counsel Vriska through her latest mess of drama by the end of the evening. 

John had brought a homemade layer cake with blue and yellow icing, which was completely unnecessary. It was also significantly less healthy than the dessert Rose and Kanaya had planned. Rose politely accepted the cake anyway. 

“Candyland!” John exclaimed when he saw the coffee table. “Awesome, can I play?”

“Sure thing, man,” Dave replied, automatically grabbing a blue game piece and sitting it on the board. “Always got room in Candyland for Egderp.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sollux shouted. Out of the corner of her eye Rose noticed Kanaya helplessly drawn from the kitchen by the sounds of a conflict brewing. Rose had known tonight was going to be a handful, but she and Kanaya were fully equip to keep these people from killing each other over the course of the evening.

Weren't they?


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The table setting looks like this -
> 
> \--------Jade – Dave – John-------  
> Sollux--------(table)------ Vriska  
> \------Eridan – Kanaya – Rose------

==> John

John was thrilled to be seated next to Dave and across from Rose at the dinner table. That had been some quality planning on Rose's part. He flashed her a grateful smile while she and Vriska engaged what was possibly the most vicious/polite conversation John had ever heard. It felt wonderful to be able to talk to Dave again, and Dave was acting as if they had never stopped being friends. They told jokes and affectionately dissed each others' taste in movies and hobbies. It sounded sappy, but in retrospect, John could definitely label Dave as his first love. It was nice that he was reforging a connection with someone who had meant so much to him.

As John piled mashed potatoes on his plate, he glanced over to the opposite end of the table and noticed Sollux reach out to grab Eridan's hand under the table. Eridan was speaking with Kanaya, but turned away from his conversation long enough to give his boyfriend an affectionate smile.

“Woah, dude, you table manners have massively deteriorated since high school,” Dave said, snapping John's attention back to his corner of the table. “Unless you're doing that ironically. In which case, you might want to work on your subtly a little.”

John looked down and saw that he had heaped up far more potatoes than he had intended. A third of them hadn't even made it onto his plate. John laughed in embarrassment and passed the bowl of mashed potatoes to Vriska so he could attempt to clean up his mess.

“Guess I zoned out there for a minute,” John responded, scooping spoonfuls of the fluffy blob back onto his dish. 

“I knew you were a ditz Egbert, but I think you just ascended to being a full-on space cadet with that achievement,” Dave teased. “So congrats on that. I guess.”

John shoved Dave's shoulder. He was about to snipe his bro with an amazing comeback when his phone buzzed. Hope welled up inside John as he slipped his hand quickly into his pocket. Who else would it be other than Karkat, finally returning his messages?

John's heart sunk when he saw it was from Sollux. He peered across the table and spied Sollux slouched in his chair with his eyes on his lap. Texting position. John did his best to ignore the heavy weight of disappointment pulling at his heartstrings and opened the message.

“Come on, man, rude,” Dave sneered as he snatched the phone out of John's hands before John could read what Sollux had messaged him. “Don't text at the table.” John laughed and reached for his phone.

“Come on, Dave! Give it back.” John playfully begged. Dave pushed John's grabbing arms away.

“Oh, and you're talking to Sollux. Well, that sure hurts my fragile ego, Egbert. Am I boring you or something? Gotta find entertainment with the losers across the table? And wow, this text is horribly written.” Dave called across the table to Sollux, “Did you know you doubled your 'I's in this text? Both times. What does 'want to work it out with KK?' mean anyway?”

John's smile faded and his eyes widened. He lunged at Dave, frantically grabbing for his phone. “Dave, seriously, give it back.”

Dave laughed and handed the phone to Jade. “What are you so worked up about, bro? It's not like Captor was soliciting you for sex. Or was he?”

“I'm not joking, Dave,” John whimpered. “Please give it back.”

Dave stared at John's pathetic expression for a moment before showing mercy. He took the phone back from Jade and returned it to John.

“Would it be suitable for me to revise the seating arrangement?” Kanaya asked from her seat across from Dave.

Dave shook his head. “Naw, bitch, we're just bros being bros, right Egderp?” He ruffled John's hair. It was a Strider thing. A Strider thing John was way too fond of.

“Dave, can we talk outside?” John whispered while he texted Sollux back. His message read, “yes absolutely what do i do?”

“Right now?” Dave asked, taking a bite of his noodles. “And leave all this quality home-cooked shit to get cold?”

“Please?” John quieted his voice a bit more, but he surmised that at least half of the other attendees at the table were already at least partially tuned into their interaction.

Dave nodded and shoveled another forkful of food into his mouth before standing up. He rubbed John's shoulder as he headed towards the back porch. “We'll be right back,” he informed the table.

As John got up, his phone buzzed again. This time the message said, “don't make out wiith that a22hole for 2tarter2”

John lifted his eyes to meet Sollux's. “I wasn't planning on it,” he assured him before trailing after Dave.

When John stepped out onto the porch, Dave was looking up at the sky.

“You can see the stars tonight. Shining like a bunch of frat dorm windows on Friday night of Hell Week,” Dave pointed out, without turning to face John. That statement felt like a sledgehammer in John's gut. He never had gotten to stargaze with Karkat.

“Do you know any constellations?” John asked. He walked over to stand beside Dave, lifting his eyes to the stars.

“Oh, yeah, bro, I know all the constellations. That right there -” he pointed to a patch of stars, “Is Orion's Penis.”

John laughed and bumped Dave's shoulder with his own. “That doesn't even look like a penis, you are so full of shit.”

“No way, man, that's totally what it's called, Google it,” Dave insisted. “Better yet, Wikipedia that shit. That's the real way you know something's legit, if it's on Wikipedia.”

“I don't know,” John responded. “I always check my facts with Youtube comments. They're a pretty creditable source.”

“You don't even know, Eggy, Youtube comments are masterpieces. The profound message and valuable information to be found in Youtube comments is often lost on chumps like you who just expect everything to carry it's literal meaning,” Dave said, both tone and expression dead serious.

John chuckled. “I'm much better at understanding multiple meanings and undertones than you think, Strider.”

“Yeah right, Egderp.” Dave snorted.

There was an awkward pause before John spoke again. John knew was he wanted to say, what he had been wanting to say all evening. What he had been wanting to say for days. What he had been wanting to say almost half his life, whether he realized it or not. But he had to build up the strength. Because once he the words had left his mouth, he couldn't unsay them. Once the words had left his mouth he would truly be them, he wouldn't be able to deny his secret self any longer. But these words were why he needed to come here tonight. Why he had needed to see Dave.

“I'm gay,” he whispered. He gulped and balled his hands into fists at his sides, staring at Dave. Dave turned to face John, face at it's default neutral setting. He remained silent. “I'm gay,” John continued. “And I've never really said it out loud to anyone before.”

Dave put his hand on John's shoulder. “So is this KK guy your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“I want him to be,” John replied miserably. “I want him to be so bad.”

“Is he straight or something?” Dave guessed, pulling his arm away and stuffing his hand back in his pocket. 

“No, I'm just an asshole,” John answered. “I screwed it up with him so I could keep my dad from finding out I was gay.”

“Shouldn't you be having this conversation with him then?” Dave tapped his shoe against the wooden porch. “Don't get me wrong, I'm honored to be drenched in your homo feelings, but maybe you should be vomiting your rainbows on your gay crush and not your awesome straight bro. I mean, you're rudely ditching the dinner party to chat it up with me anyway, so you might as well be ditching it to run off and get laid. You gotta know, helping my bro get some cock is a mission I can get behind.”

John's mouth twitched into a smile. “Tonight is a good night for stargazing.”

“Sure, yeah, that sounds like an incredibly gay thing to do, we can work with that,” Dave said, nodding.

“Do you think The Furthest Ring is still open?” John asked.

“I ironically bought Jade an anniversary gift there last minute one time. I went in at like ten PM and they were still open,” Dave told John. “The necklace I got her was this bitchin' piece of bling that said 'pimp' on it.”

“I can make this work,” John muttered, heart rate picking up. He pulled out his cellphone and began texting Sollux again.

“please get karkat to meet me at lowas park by 8:30 tonight”

John gave Dave the responsibility of making an excuse for his absence. As John headed around the house to avoid explaining himself to those inside, his phone buzzed twice.

“workiing on iit” was the first text.

It was followed by, “red delphiiniium2.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the awkward dinner party of discomfort is still going to happen. John ditching will not prevent certain potentially disastrous or spectacular events from occurring at Rose and Kanaya's residence.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so late. I was at the hospital yesterday because my grandmother had a stroke. :(

==> Sollux

Dave sauntered back into the dining room shortly after Sollux had received John's text requesting Karkat meet him at Lowas Park. As Sollux selected Karkat from his contacts list, others began to ask about John.

“Is John alright?” Kanaya asked, glancing in concern towards the door to the back porch. Dave shrugged and pulled out his chair across from her. “Should I speak with him?” Kanaya continued.

“Naw, he went home. He was vomiting. And having severe diarrhea,” Dave explained as he sat down, eyes on his mostly untouched dinner plate. There were a few sounds of concern from around the table. Eridan and Jade's reactions seemed genuine, but Sollux was pretty sure Vriska knew something else was up and was faking her worry. “It's nothing a little sleep and an enema won't fix.”

“I am not sure you have a solid understanding of what an enema is,” Kanaya stated. “And should he be driving under such circumstances?”

Sollux hit send on his text to Karkat. The message read, “jn diitched the party two go two lowa2 park. meet hiim there by 8:30.” He then began work on a text to John. Eridan jabbed at his ribcage with his elbow.

“Stop bein' rude and textin', Sol,” he whispered. “You're bein' a poor house guest.”

“I'm doing some matchmaking,” Sollux muttered in response.

“John will be fine to drive though,” Dave was assuring the table. “I doubt there's anything left in his system to puke or shit.”

“I should phone him to insure he is safely returning to his apartment,” Kanaya said with concern. She moved to stand up from her seat.

“Hey, no, I don't think he'd want to be bothered. He's pretty embarrassed about it,” Dave insisted. He lounged in his seat and leisurely stuffed a forkful of noodles in his mouth. While still chewing he added, “Let's not let one guy's case of the poops ruin our evening.”

“Yeah, you know John, he prefers to be alone when he's being all weak and pathetic,” Vriska joined in quickly.

Sollux's phone lit up in his hands. It was a text from Karkat reading, “WHY SHOULD I MEET THAT ZIGZAGGING TESTICLEWHIFFER”

“becau2e iif he fuck2 thiis up agaiin iill fiire hiis a22” Sollux texted back.

Eridan nudged him again, so after Sollux sent the Karkat's text he opened a blank text and typed out a message before holding up his phone for Eridan. The message simply read, “kk and jn.”

“It might be better that John's not here anyway,” Vriska commented. “Because I would have broken his heart.”

“On account of being a huge, huge bitch?” Dave asked. “Or were you planning on literally breaking his heart with shards of a shitty magic 8 ball?”

Vriska shot Dave a dark glare before standing up. “I had hoped to do this a lot more gracefully, so as to not hurt my dorky heterosexual boyfriend too much,” Vriska began. “But seeing as I'm going to have to talk this through with him on a later date anyway, I figure I might as well just lay it on you losers without pretense.”

“That was a pretty wordy intro for you just laying it on us,” Dave cut in.

“Shut it, Strider, only lame bed-wetting babies are insecure enough to feel the need to interrupt someone making an important announcement,” Vriska sassed. “Anyway, though it will likely break my super straight boyfriend's heart since he is totally in love with me, I have chosen this dinner party to announce that I am a lesbian and in love with a woman.”

Jade was the only person at the table who gasped. Sollux turned to Eridan, curious about his reaction, and saw that his boyfriend simply looked annoyed.

“Well, I am honored that you have selected us as worthy of sharing this piece of yourself with,” Rose said, voice calm and warm. “Have you told your family yet?”

“Cut the act, Rosey, you already knew about this because my ex-girlfriend is a bitch,” Vriska retorted. She crossed her arms. “And whatever, I'll tell them eventually.”

“You're stealin' my thunder here, Vris,” Eridan barked from the opposite end of the table. “I guess a comin' out is a proper pre-show for what I'm about to do. But still, fuck.”

Vriska's right eyebrow rose.

“Sol, I was hopin' to do this in a more romantic way, seein' as you don't seem like you've been properly romanced enough in your life, but I'm not gonna let the stirrin's of my heart be deterred by some bitch's sapphic confession,” Eridan declared. Sollux watched in abject horror as Eridan vacated his seat to get down on one knee. He fished the gaudy ring Sollux had removed upon agreeing to be his boyfriend out of his pocket. The expression on Eridan's face was sickeningly earnest. Sollux wanted to bolt. This was possibly the most embarrassing and distressing monstrosity of a situation he had ever been forced into. As the disastrous signs of what was to come unfolded before him, one phrase was on replay in his mind.

Please don't be doing what I think you're doing.

Please don't be doing what I think you're doing.

Please don't be doing what I think you're doing.

“Sollux Captor, though you have been rudely texting all night, I understand that it's comin' from a place a compassion, and that's what I love about you,” Eridan began.

Fuck.

“So I would like to ask you, Sollux Captor, if you would give me the honor of marryin' you.” Eridan held up the ring. Sollux recoiled as if the heinous piece of jewelry was coated with anthrax. Dave Strider started laughing.

“Best dinner party ever,” he shouted jovially, reaching under the table to pull out a bottle of champagne he had been hording. He began pouring the liquid into his empty wine glass. Eridan shooshed Dave.

“I know this is sudden, but what do you say, Sol?” Eridan pressed.

“No fucking way! Are you out of your mind?” Sollux boomed. He threaded his fingers into his hair and gripped tightly.

“So can we go back to talking about my thing?” Vriska asked, voice dry.

Dave splashed the champagne out of his glass onto Jade's face. “I want a divorce.”

“Dave!” Jade scolded.

“I'm just kidding, I love you,” Dave assured her. He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

“Vriska, who is your girlfriend? Rose and I would be delighted to meet her,” Kanaya said, addressing an increasingly annoyed Vriska.

“Sol, we're not getting any younger, and people like you and I have gotta be makin' a statement for marriage equality for the sake a the younger generation,” Eridan whimpered.

“So you want me to marry you because you're old?” Sollux spat, disgusted. “I have to go, my logical thought processes cannot handle all of the stupidity going on at this shitty party.”

Sollux stood up and stormed out of the room, heading towards the front door. Eridan jumped up and followed him. He shoved the ring back in his pocket.

“Sol, wait,” Eridan called after him, voice shaky. “Can't we talk about this?”

Sollux whirled around angrily. “Yeah, maybe we could have talked about this. If you had done it in a less public place.”

“Well, I'm fuckin' sorry for trying to be romantic,” Eridan hissed, eyes quivering and growing wet.

“That wasn't romantic, that was insane,” Sollux shouted so loud that it felt like his throat might tear. “We've only been dating two days! KK is romantic, you're creepy and desperate.” Sollux hoped the words sounds every bit as scathing as he intended them. They must have been, because Eridan gulped and took a step backwards. He looked like he'd been slapped.

“If you're so in love with Kar, then why are you helpin' John to hook up with him?” Eridan asked quietly.

“Because I care about him. Do you even know what it's like to care about someone? Or are you just such a spoiled rich boy that all you know how to do is throw your money around until you get what you want?” Sollux yelled. “You only gave that money to Aradia so you could have a husband, didn't you?”

“No,” Eridan choked. “I was just tryin' to help the less fortunate.”

“Yeah, right,” Sollux scoffed. “Fuck you.”

Sollux turned back towards the front door and threw it open. He didn't look back. Even when he heard Eridan say his name in a shuttering whisper. Even when it found that his heart ached and longed to go back to work things out with Eridan.

Because he had actually been starting to like Eridan.

He had actually been starting to like him a lot.


	32. Chapter 32

==> Karkat

Karkat couldn't believe he was going to meet John. He wanted to be alone to lick his wounds in peace. John asking Vriska out on a date with him had hacked up his heart enough, but John implying that he was going to use that psycho bitch to try to turn himself straight was the most horrendous kind of torture. He hated being jerked around, and the longer he allowed himself to follow John through his zigzags, the harder it was for him to let go. Because when John was good he was incredible. But as pathetic as Karkat knew himself to be, he knew he deserved better than to wait around for someone to stop toggling between gay and 'straight'.

He should have known his resolve would crumble at the first sight of John being romantic. But Sollux didn't put faith in people easily. He must have known something about John that Karkat didn't. So Karkat drove to Lowas Park. He had planned to be extremely late, to make John suffer. But he wasn't patient enough for that, and ended up reaching the park only one minute later than he was supposed to. And that was after doing an extra lap around the neighborhood to buy him some time. 

As Karkat approached the park's playground, he saw John standing on top of the salamander slide, holding a bouquet of flowers. John's grin was huge, but he also looked like he might cry.

“I'm an enormous jerk,” John called down to Karkat. “But I'm really glad you came.”

“Are those delphiniums?” Karkat asked, heart beat quickening. It was too perfect to be true.

“Yeah. Red ones,” John replied, wiping away a tear threatening to escape from his eye.

“Why the fuck did you get me those?” Karkat dared to inquire. He started walking closer to the slide before he even realized what he was doing. 

“Sollux told me they were the flower of Cancers,” John answered. He was beaming. His smile was so dorky, but so attractive. “Will you join me up here?”

“Why should I?” Karkat replied, forcing his words to be harsh and his legs to still his trek forward. He really wanted to join John up there. John, who had brought him delphiniums. Delphiniums in Karkat's father's favorite color. It, like almost everything John did when he was allowing himself to act gay, was romantic enough to have been stolen directly from a scene in one of Karkat's favorite films. He was the perfect man, hidden under layers of self-doubt and internalized homophobia. 

“Well, this is awkward because, see,” John started, letting out a tiny giggle. “I've had to ask for a divorce from my beautiful blonde wife, here. It wouldn't have been fair for me to stay married to her. Since I am a homosexual.”

Karkat's breath hitched. His heart was racing. Any rage towards John remaining in his blood was melting into affection. He was helpless to stop it. John had just admitted to being gay. In a public place. An empty public place, but still.

“I just hope Casey doesn't blame herself,” John continued. “Not much you can do when it comes to incompatible orientations.”

Karkat finished walking to the slide and began climbing the stairs. “So did you have to break up with Vriska too?” Karkat asked, eyes locked on John.

John laughed. “We were never dating, Karkat. She knew I was gay and she's just a good friend. So she was helping me keep my secret.” He reached down to offer his hand to Karkat as the man approached the top. Karkat took John's hand, even though he didn't need it. John acting like such a gentlemen made his heart flutter. He should have hated how easy it was for John to turn his heart to putty. But he didn't. Because it was terrific to know what being in love really felt like.

When Karkat reached the top of the slide, John placed one hand on the small of his back long enough to pull him in closer. “I don't want you to fall,” John said, smile turning mischievous even though a touch of sadness remained in his eyes. “I have to warn you about those stairs, bro.”

It sounded like an inside joke, and Karkat wondered if John had sustained numerous injuries from the stairs in question during his childhood. But asking John that would be off-topic, and they had more important things to discuss.

“Stop calling me 'bro' or I will personally gnaw off your arms and feed them to that salamander drinking fountain,” Karkat retorted without much bite behind his words. John chuckled.

“Her name is Casey,” John corrected. “And she doesn't like eating human flesh. She's a pretty picky eater, unfortunately.” John tenderly tucked the flowers into Karkat's hands. “These are for you, in case you were too busy being legitimately angry to pick that up.”

“Thanks,” Karkat muttered, staring at the delphiniums in his hand. John planted a kiss on the top of Karkat's head. Karkat could feel him breathe in briefly before pulling away. Karkat licked his lips. “What made you decide to ditch the dinner party and come here?”

John was silent for a moment. He looked away, expression anxiously thoughtful. “I decided,” John gulped and dropped his eyes to the plastic beneath his feet. “That I want you to be my boyfriend. My real, public, gay boyfriend.” He finally lifted his eyes enough to gaze down into Karkat's. “If you want to be, that is.”

Karkat sucked in air, eyes locked on John's dazzling, wet blue eyes. The slide they'd spent their first date on. The flowers. John's confession. Everything about this was film flawless. Well, except for one detail.

“What about your dad?” Karkat inquired, before giving John his answer. John had seemed on the path to acknowledging his true self before, but as far as Karkat could tell it was always the same person who set him back to square one.

John's arms slid around Karkat's waist, pulling him into a needy hug. He sat his chin on Karkat's shoulder. “I talked to him and realized that he was never going to be okay with...” John took a shaky breath. It sounded like he had started to cry. “This. But I realized that I would never be okay if I wasn't honest with myself about what I want.” He took a breathy pause. “And who I love.”

“So you told him and he rejected you?” Karkat scoffed, wrapping his arms around John and gently rubbing his back. “What a jerk. He's not worth those drops of water leaking from your eyeballs.”

John sniffed and pulled away, wiping his nose. He shook his head. “I didn't tell him. I couldn't. When he finds out he'll never look at me the same way again.”

“Well, he's a fucking idiot, because there are not words in the English dictionary strong enough to express how fucking ecstatic it would make my miserable, worthless excuse for a heart to be able to be the boyfriend of a dork like you,” Karkat declared. “Though I am almost certain that I was in a car accident on the way here and am having the most triumphant of all coma dreams.”

John's tear-stained face broke into an enormous smile. “You are so cute,” John exclaimed. He used his right hand to tilt up Karkat's chin, then lowered his lips to meet his new boyfriend's. While the kissed, John's hands predictably wandered everywhere. Down Karkat's chest and back. Over his ass. Up onto his face and into his hair. John was sloppy, adding in far too much tongue, but at this particular moment, Karkat didn't care.

When John ended the kiss, he let his nose linger against Karkat's as he panted lightly with his eyes closed. Karkat stood on his tiptoes to try to steal another kiss, but John opened his eyes, smiled and pulled his face away before he could. Karkat heard himself whine. He internally scolded himself for being so pitiful.

“I have something else to give you, boyfriend,” John informed him with a smug smile. “Hold out your sexy wrist.”

“Ugh, I sure hope that's not how you plan on talking to me from now on,” Karkat grumbled, cheeks growing warm. He actually kind of loved that John acted so turned on by him. But no boyfriend of his was going to be walking around talking like a complete douchenozzle. Karkat help up his hand in the small space between him and John. John dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small bag with a bracelet inside of it.

Karkat gaped at the blue charm on the bracelet. “That's -”

“The symbol for Aries, which is my sign,” John finished, clasping the bracelet around Karkat's wrist. “So that you know I'm serious about this being public. If anyone asks you why you have an awesome Aries bracelet, you can tell them it's because your adorable Aries boyfriend, John Egbert, gave it to you.”

Karkat could feel himself blushing furiously. “In that case,” he handed his bouquet to John and began unfastening his silver-and-black Cancer bracelet. “You should wear my sign, because a relationship is a two-way street, dipshit.”

John chuckled and beamed as Karkat hooked his bracelet around John's wrist. When Karkat was done, John pulled him into another kiss. This one was slower and more tender. Karkat was on cloud nine.

Until his bliss was interrupted by a pair of voices nearby.

“Why, Strider, is that John Egbert?”

“I do believe that it is, English. Standing on a slide. Holding some flowers. Kissing a dude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to write this chapter for so long. I snuck in a number of echoes of precious chapters. ;)


	33. Chapter 33

==> John

John broke away from his kiss with Karkat to turn towards the voices. He was so startled he nearly tumbled down the slide. Karkat grabbed his arm and pulled him closer before he fell. Standing near the slide were Dirk Strider and Jake English. Dirk's arms were draped over a light blue stroller holding an adorable dark-haired baby girl. 

“We thought we'd be awesome babysitters and bring Jane to the park, but it looks like there are a couple of perverts sucking face on the slide,” Dirk drawled. He looked amused.

“Well you're the dumbass for bringing a fucking child to a park after dark, shitbag.” Karkat spat back. John laughed and put an arm around Karkat's waist.

“Karkat, you're not supposed to use language like that around a kid. She might grow up to be a thug now,” John teased. He slid his hand up Karkat's back and ruffled his hair. He was actually feeling progressively prouder to be showing off his boyfriend to Dirk and Jake. It was like, look hip gay guys, I'm cool like you. I've got a sexy boyfriend and everything. He just hoped his dad and stepmom weren't lurking around. He wasn't ready to deal with that.

“Yeah, Vespapup, don't fucking talk like a fucking asshole around a little baby bitch,” Dirk retorted, leaning down and making a show of covering Jane's tiny ears. “Get some fucking manners, shithead.”

“Oh ho ho, you're so funny. I'm in stitches. That was hilarious how you totally ran that old as dirt gag into the fucking ground,” Karkat grumbled sarcastically. His back was tensed, so John began rubbing his shoulders. He felt Karkat's muscles relax a bit as Karkat laid his head against John's chest.

“So, Aegyobert, is this cute, feisty little punk your boyfriend?” Dirk asked, turning his attention to John. John had always preferred the Strider nickname of Aegyobert to Egderp, even though none of descriptions by either Strider brother had quite been able to give him a solid grasp on what exactly 'aegyo' meant.

His chest swelled with pride as he responded, “Yes, this cute punk here is indeed my boyfriend. His name is Karkat Vantas,” John was beaming. He pecked a kiss on the top of Karkat's head.

“Oh yes, the Vantas boy. It's always a great pleasure. Your father was a splendid man from what stories tell,” Jake said, grinning. “I grew up in the jungle he was slain in, a terrible tragedy.”

“Well done, Egbert. Your boyfriend is sexy as fuck.” Dirk nodded in approval.

John chuckled. “Yeah, I know.” He felt Karkat's arm tighten around him.

“Don't encourage creepy men who hit on me,” Karkat hissed.

“Dirk's not creepy, that's just his way of being friendly,” John assured Karkat, giving his hair a quick nuzzle. When he pulled his face away, a splash of water hit his nose, and he glanced up at the sky. At some point between leaving Rose's dinner party and snogging Karkat on the slide, the sky had clouded up. So much for stargazing.

“It appears we should have checked the weather before we embarked on our journey to the park with Jane. The sky is looking quite terrifying,” Jake noted, also peering up at the angry sky. “Perhaps we should get this lovely blue-eyed princess back to safety. Would you boys like to come visit with us for a while?”

“If it's alright with Karkat,” John replied. He really wanted to visit with Jake and Dirk. As great as a romantic evening alone with Karkat sounded, he also had just come out to two of the first gay men he had ever known. They had unwittingly been role models for him, and being around them right now just seemed right. But he didn't want to force Karkat's into an activity he wasn't okay with after how bad John had already treated him.

“You haven't even introduced me to these assholes, John,” Karkat grumbled in response. The clouds picked that moment to spontaneously dump a heavy shower of water down onto the park. Karkat snarled while Dirk and Jake quickly rolled out the stroller's awning. 

“Oh no, Karkat, your flowers,” John whined, lifting his hand to watch the water pour onto the now drenched red bouquet.

“Flowers are supposed to get wet, dumba -” Karkat's annoyed response was cut short to John's ears as John took a set backwards, slipping down the salamander slide. He bumped his head on the side of the slide, tumbling down it backwards. He was disoriented when he hit the spongy material the covered the ground beneath the play area. He could feel his elbow bleeding. He started laughing. Because even though he was in pain, it was pretty funny. And he could hear his boyfriend yelling out a series of colorful and creative swears. He loved when Karkat swore. He was so angry and tiny and precious. John just wanted to kiss him all over.

“Karkat, you're amazing,” John called up to his boyfriend.

“And you might be concussed, fuck, we need to get you to the emergency room. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I am such a fucking shitty boyfriend,” Karkat shouted back, voice heavy with worry.

“Well, this has been cute to watch, but John's alive and we need to get Jane back to a warm, dry place,” Dirk informed the group. “So do you boys want to join us or not?”

“I am quite efficient when it comes to first aid,” Jake informed them.

John gave Karkat a big smile.

“Alright, let's go with them,” Karkat muttered, almost too quiet for John to hear over the thick rainfall.

==> Karkat

John was rubbing Karkat's arms in a useless but commendable attempt at warming him up. The douchebag Karkat had be introduced to as Dirk came in with a stack of dry clothes.

“These are going to be kind of big on John and long on Kitty Cat, but I did the best I could,” Dirk told them, separating the pile and handing them each half. “Like, I suppose I could tailor you two some pretty stylish getups, but I'm not going to bother on such short notice.” Karkat pulled a pair of fascia boxers with a heart design out of his pile. “The boxers aren't used. Well, Vantas' aren't used. I had to give Aegyo some of Dave's old ones. But you two were bros so I figure it's cool.” For reasons he didn't have the energy to vocalize, Karkat felt tremendously uncomfortable with the idea of John hanging out in another man's underwear. He let out an almost inaudible growl when John pulled the red-and-black boxers out of the stack and laughed.

Dirk watched them for a moment. “You two are embarrassingly adorable. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Aegyobert found an aegyo boyfriend.”

The tan-skinned British man, who Karkat had recognized in the park but who's name he couldn't seem to remember even after being introduced, entered the room holding the blue-eyed baby girl the couple was sitting. “Gentlemen, you are welcome to stay the night in Dave's old room,”

“Yeah, totally.” Dirk nodded. “Just tell us if you have sex in his bed so we can double wash those sheets before he comes by for a visit.”

“What a crude thing to say, Strider,” the British man scolded, gently rocking the sleepy baby.

“Quit acting innocent, English, you've been fantasizing that this is some porno that ends in a fourway ever since it started raining,” Dirk sassed back. “I feel secondhand violated just watching you undress these poor twinks with your eyes. Dave and Jade didn't put us on babysitting duty so we could expose their precious angel to live action erotica.”

English's eyed widened, and he gave John and Karkat a nervous and embarrassed glance. Karkat attempted to cuddle deep enough into John's chest to escape from these weird older men. How was John even friends with these creeps? “Strider, you're making our guests uncomfortable,” English hissed. 

“No, you're making them uncomfortable but not denying what I just said,” Dirk replied smoothly. John cleared his throat.

“You guys didn't seem surprised that I have a boyfriend,” John commented. Karkat looked up at him.

“All of us in this household have known you were into dudes for a while now, Aegyo. You practically popped a woody just watching me peck Jake on the cheek,” Dirk told John as he walked over to bop the baby on the nose. “I was actually hoping for a while that you could get Dave in touch with his bisexual side, because I would have preferred you as an in-law, no offense to Jade.”

Jake handed the baby over to Dirk. As he did, Dirk's mouth twisted into a kindly smile that looked out of place on his tough face. 

“You knew?” John seemed alarmed. “I was that obvious?”

“Jake noticed, so I guess you probably were pretty ludicrously obvious about your homosexual tenancies,” Dirk said, eyes still on the baby. “Are you two going to go get changed or are you just going to use our couch to soak up all the water on you?”

Karkat stood up hurriedly, grabbing his clothing stack. “Where the fuck is this douchecanoe's room?” he asked.

Dirk's sweet smile was replaced by a smirk. “Someone's in a hurry to get laid by his dorky boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake makes everyone uncomfortable with his ludicrously dirty thoughts. ;) This wasn't supposed to be a filler chapter but it took longer to get to the point than I expected. Fail...


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep forgetting to post about this, but this awesome guy, James, has made some ballin' fanart for this fic. [All](http://shearedthoughts.deviantart.com/favourites/?offset=24#/d4z85uo) [three](http://shearedthoughts.deviantart.com/favourites/#/d50gftv) [are](http://shearedthoughts.deviantart.com/favourites/#/d50gf6j) on deviantArt.

==> Karkat

Karkat just stood by Dave's closet while John unbuttoned and removed his wet, torn, and bloody top. He examined the hole in the sleeve.

“What a bummer. I liked this shirt. At least my awesome tie survived,” John commented. Karkat gaped at John's practically transparent drenched white tank top. John was thin, and he made it look really good. Karkat didn't know what it was about slender men, but they were definitely his type. He just really liked the way tiny waists looked on men. John had a terrific waist. He began peeling the tank top over his skin. Exposing his belly button, his ribs, his nipples...

John let out an awkward giggle, pausing his stripping. Karkat snapped his eyes up to John's face. His cheeks were pink. “Karkat, are you staring?”

Karkat crossed his arms and huffed. “Are you trying to make me? You were practically performing a strip tease.”

John's blush deepened. “You think I'm handsome. That is so awesome,” he exclaimed, pumping his fist before pulling his shirt the rest of the way off and tossing it onto the floor next to where the torn button up shirt had fallen. As John scratched nervously at his neck Karkat noticed that a faint trace of the hickey he had given John was still visible. “I want to see your chest too, Karkat,” John muttered shyly. The blue eyes beneath his glasses looked innocent, but he was fooling no one. Karkat gulped and narrowed his eyes.

“I'm actually not sure I'm comfortable changing in here. Those pervert friends of yours probably have hidden cameras all over this room,” Karkat snarled, eyes darting around the room. “Why are you even friends with a such blatant pair of creepy voyeurs?” 

The click of a belt unclasping caused Karkat's eyes to shoot towards John's crotch. “They're not perverts. You know how Striders are, they just like stirring things up.” John paused for a moment. “No, I worded that badly. But you know, they like being ironic, so when they say weird stuff you learn to just laugh it off because they don't really mean it.” He slipped the belt out of this pants and let it fall to the floor with his wet clothes before laughing again. “Karkat, are you even listening?”

“Yes,” Karkat replied quickly. “You're distracting me.” The way the wet fabric was clinging to his hardening penis was unpleasant, so he decided he would change in the safety of Dave's closet. When he opened the door and attempted to walk in, he tripped over a bottle of apple juice that resembled the kind that had been given in school lunches at their high school. Wondering how long it had been in there made him cringe. He started to shut the door but John walked over and grabbed the outer handle to keep it open.

“I hope your not planning on changing in there, Karkat. Dirk always kept Dave's closet rigged for puppet snuff films, so the minute you shut the door, the hidden webcam will start up and the deadly weapon will start coming at you,” John told him, eyes wide with worry.

“I told you these people were freaks,” Karkat shouted, rushing back out of the closet. “How can you defend their sanity when you know things like this about them? How secretly fucked up in the head are you?” John burst into laughter and intercepted him on the way out, gently grabbing his upper arms.

“Karkat, Karkat, I was just joking. Dirk is into some weird stuff, but I don't think Dave let any of it get into his living space. Dave likes more mellow things than Dirk, even though he has a more fiery personality,” John explained, rubbing Karkat's thick arms under his shirt sleeves. “But you shouldn't feel weird changing in front of me, since we're boyfriends now.” John looked a little sheepish as he added, “We're eventually going to, uh, you know. So.”

John's expression was so earnest as he looked down into Karkat's eyes, that Karkat pushed himself up onto the tips of his toes to smother John's lips in a kiss. When we lowered the bottoms of his his feet back to the ground he said, “I don't think you're as ready for all the sex stuff as you think, asshole. Not that I would feel comfortable doing it with you in this house of weirdos anyway, but you just came out. We're not fucking this up because you want to rush into everything. I really, really like you, fuckass, so we're going to do this the right way.”

John beamed at him, and lifted a hand to ruffle Karkat's damp hair. “Fine, boyfriend, I'll try my best to play along with the Karkat way of dating. Because I really like you too.”

Karkat already knew that, but he still loved hearing it. The attractive track star he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of in high school had grown into a charming, romantic guy with the most beautiful goofy smile Karkat had ever seen.

“If we get changed, we can make out on the that asshole's bed. Triumphantly,” Karkat told John. “Why does he have the symbols for card suits on his sheets? You guys must have been really into playing cards.”

“I guess we did used to do card tricks together. He did them more ironically than me. I can show some of my magic skills to you sometime,” John said, dropping his hand so he could run his thumb over Karkat's cheek. “Oh yeah, I also had this awesome spade shirt in high school. I really liked that shirt.”

“Me too,” Karkat replied without thinking. 

“What?” John asked, looking a bit confused.

“What?” Karkat practically yelled in response.

“Did you go to Skaia High School?” John asked, looking up at Dave's ceiling and narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. “I don't think I remember ever seeing you. I was only there for a year. I wonder if we had any classes together. That'd be crazy!”

“We had three classes together,” Karkat grumbled. Then, not wanting to sound like the obsessive stalker remembering more of their shared high school experience than John did made him feel like, he added, “Or something. Like I can fucking remember. Let's make out.”

==> Eridan

Eridan slouched back in his chair as he listened to Rose and Kanaya talk to Vriska about the woman she was trying to win back. He wanted to tell Vriska that love was futile and everyone would break your heart no matter how hard you tried to be kind and giving and a good lover. But he already had. Multiple times. And he feared he would be asked to leave the company to go be alone in his misery if he mentioned it again. So he behaved, because he really needed to be around people right now.

“Most losers probably would have been like 'boo-hoo, pity me'. But I told that sexy little blind lawyer that I was going to get her back by reminding her why I'm the best. It's going to be awesome. She acted all cute and coy but I could tell she was so pumped to have her mind totally blown by my mad wooing skills,” Vriska was telling the other lesbians. Dave and Jade were playing another game of Candyland that Eridan hadn't been invited to play on account of being 'depressing and single' (Dave's words). Dave had then suggested they play Risk instead, as that was a game that lonely, single people excel at. But Eridan had told him to shove it. He didn't want to play games with those assholes anyway. Although, actually, hearing the lesbians babble about lesbian things made him wish he had agreed to the game of Risk. He was pretty terrific at Risk. “I was thinking about taking her to that badass medieval restaurant in Chicago, but then I remembered that she was blind, so I'm going to have to figure something else equally awesome out.”

“Terezi might still be able to appreciate the atmosphere of such a restaurant, even if she is unable to experience the aesthetic aspect,” Kanaya pointed out.

“Describing the nuances she can't view herself might even be seen as a romantic gesture,” Rose agreed, placing her hand affectionately on her girlfriend's shoulder.

“Terezi is fiercely independent, ladies,” Vriska rebutted. “I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to manipulate her and get control of the relationship. That's not how I roll.”

From what little Eridan knew of Vriska, that was exactly how she rolled. He let out a heavy sigh. He sat up and turned to face Dave and Jade. “Are you two still wantin' to play Risk?”

“Sure, man, Candyland is getting pretty boring,” Dave replied.

Jade snickered. “You're only saying that because you're so far behind.”

“No way, Jade, I am totally in the process of an epic comeback,” Dave shot back “I just don't want to crush my beautiful wife's self esteem and plus this game is pretty fucking lame anyway.”

Eridan was about to get up from his seat to join them when he heard Rose say, “You could invite her to the first meeting for the LGBT group Eridan and I are assembling. I imagine that would be an activity she would enjoy.”

“When were we plannin' on havin' that meetin'?” Eridan asked. Rose smiled at him.

“I suppose we do need to discuss that,” she said.

“Well it better be super soon, because I've got a hot girlfriend to win back.” Vriska crossed her arms and leaned back smugly, as if waiting for the details to work themselves out in from of her.

“Eridan, who has shown interest in involvement so far?” Rose inquired.

“Well, Strider and his boyfriend still haven't gotten back to me on what their feelin's on the group are, and Sollux might be out now that he's decided he hates me forever. And I don't know where Karkat is on it now that he's with John,” Eridan pondered aloud. “So it might just be the three a us for the time bein'.”

Rose leaned forward, placing her elbow on her knee. She sat her chin in her hand. “Karkat and John? Tell me more.”

He hadn't let it slip on purpose, but he supposed it could be punishment to Sol for marching out on him.

But then Vriska glared at Eridan.

It was a pretty scary glare.

He was legitimately scared for his life.


	35. Chapter 35

==> Eridan

“It's just a theory I've been havin', it doesn't necessarily have any basis. John just happened to hit on me at a party years ago so when I saw him spendin' time with Karkat I just started hypothesizin',” Eridan replied in an attempt to soften Vriska's vicious glare. It didn't seem to be working. “Dave was at that party, I bet he remembers, John even tried to snog him after I gave him my number.”

Dave glanced blankly up at the group from where he and Jade were putting Candyland back in the box. “A teenage guy did something stupid at a party? What an interesting story, Eridan. Please tell us more about how a drunk guy was friendly to you.”

“Oh, hush, Dave, I know you're covering for John,” Rose said. “I don't think anyone in this company would judge John for showing an interest in males.”

“Right, yeah, so that totally gives everyone this is group the right to speculate about his love life, since he's clearly so ready to make an issue of it,” Dave deadpanned. “Obviously, we should just all talk about who John is fucking because that's totally relevant to all of our lives.”

“Dave, I was under the impression that you wanted to help ease John out of his insecurities as much as I did,” Rose replied. “This isn't about being nosy, it's about trying to figure out how we can help John.”

“Wow, you're basically my brother with a vagina. Oh, look, I'm think I'm helping everyone by trying to completely control their lives behind the scenes,” Dave shot back. He crossed his arms. “If John wanted your help, he would have asked for it.”

“Dave, would you still have this opinion even if John had not chosen to speak with you as Rose believes he did?” Kanaya asked Dave. She then turned to Rose. “And Rose, though your intentions and motives are only the best, is there perhaps a point when it's best to let John grow at his own pace?”

“Kanaya, while I am appreciative of your attempt to mediate, John wasn't growing at all. This is the first I have heard in years of John acting on homosexual inclinations,” Rose responded, tone smooth. “He is a very dear friend to me, so I am concerned about his mental well-being.”

“Maybe it's the first you're heard of it because John appreciates awesome people who listen to his problems and not bitches who feel the need to meddle in everyone's business all the time. All you ever do is meddle. You're always meddling, Rose.” Vriska drummed her fingers against her arm. “Stop pretending like you care about him, you just want to control him like you wanted to control Kanaya.”

Dave actually scowled when he looked at Vriska. It was impressive, because the number of actual facial expressions other than neutrality Eridan had seen him make throughout the course of the evening had been minimal. “Okay, bitch, stay the fuck out of this. This is even less your business than it is Rose's,” Dave told Vriska coolly. “And like you even have a right to be making assumptions about Rose and Kanaya's relationship.” Apparently Striders and sass were universally linked.

“Perhaps another choice of topic would be better suited to this group,” Kanaya cut in. “How is Jane doing? Is she with her uncles tonight?”

==> John

When John's phone alarm chirped, it took him a moment of hazy confusion to remember how perfect his life had become last night. His arms were around Karkat, and this time Karkat was actually his. It was hard to believe he'd ever denied how much he wanted this. He sunk his face into Karkat's coarse hair and soaked in just how lucky he was. The luckiest man in the world, really. A dorky, scrawny guy like him somehow had an incredibly hot boyfriend. He didn't even think gay men liked skinny guys. But Karkat was crazy about him. It was basically amazing. Like a he was living the life of new self. A dream self.

He chuckled into his boyfriend's hair as he remembered the many times he had fantasized about making out on this bed. With Dave, of course. He had gotten so many awkward boners in here when they were teenagers, particularly when they had been sitting on Dave's bed and their thighs had touched. He'd always kind of hated himself for having those fantasies and reactions. But he told himself that it was a just a combination of confusion that came from only having one close friend he got to see in real life and not spending much time with girls his age. Obviously, when he started hanging out with Rose and Jade this excuse didn't make sense anymore, but it hardly stopped him from using it. His dad had told him once that people became homosexuals because they weren't very good at relating to the opposite sex, and it made sense in his situation for that to be where his problem was. But he gotten along with girls in college quite well, he just didn't want to do with them the things he had wanted to do with Dave.

John's alarm chirped again.

“Time to get up, Karkat.” John lowered his head to mumble into Karkat's ear, rubbing his thumb over their intertwined hands. When Karkat stirred he added, “If we get going soon, I can cook you breakfast at my place again.”

“I wonder how you're going to shatter my heart this time,” Karkat grumbled in response. Guilt surged through John's chest.

“I won't, Karkat,” John whispered, voice shaky. “But I can understand why you would worry about that.” John nuzzled Karkat's neck and untangled his hands so that he could tickle Karkat's sides. Karkat gasped and attempted to squirm away from John's attack. “Oh my gosh. Karkat, you aren't by any chance ticklish, are you?” John quickly shoved his hands under Karkat's shirt to get more direct contact with his skin. As he tickled, Karkat panted and gasped as he fought to keep laughter away.

“Jo-ohn... Jo-oo-oohn, sto-op it,” Karkat wheezed. John stilled his hands and leaned down to kiss Karkat.

“I like you,” he said when he pulled away. Karkat's eyes were wide and quivering, lips parted. “I want to cook for you again. Because you're so cute.”

“Can we stop by my place too?” Karkat asked without any edge in his voice. “I need to change.”

John laughed. “I guess I could do that for you. At a cost.”

Karkat gazed at him with almost childlike curiosity as he pushed himself up on his elbows to get his face closer to John's. “What cost?”

John gave his boyfriend a smug little smile. “A kiss.”

Karkat's cheeks reddened and he tried to scowl. It looked more like a pout. “You are so cheesy, John Egbert,” he huffed.

“You like it,” John cooed, drawing out the 'I' in 'like', Vriska style. “That's why you like me, because I'm so cheesy and I remind you of your silly romance movies.”

“No, I like you because it's genuine. You're not just playing a dumb game, you really are that much of a cornball,” Karkat muttered, looking down at his hand on Dave's bedsheets. “And you're also not horrible on the eyes.”

John chuckled, feeling ecstatic inside. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt more flattered in his entire life. He loved Karkat. He was just so amazing. “I had huge buck teeth when I was a kid,” John replied, grinning at Karkat. “You probably wouldn't have thought I was as cute back then. You're lucky I grew into them a little more, even if my front teeth are still a little on the large side.”

“I bet you made them look sexy,” Karkat murmured, echoing a compliment John had given him. It was almost too soft to hear. He looked immensely embarrassed to be saying it. Affection rushed over John and he gave Karkat another drawn out kiss. “Does that count as my payment?” Karkat asked. John laughed.

“Nope, you have to give me your payment kiss, that's the way -” John's reply was cut off by Karkat's lips against his.

“You're an idiot if you think you think you have to bribe me into kissing you,” Karkat grumbled against John's lips.

It took them a while to leave the room, as neither seemed too keen on prematurely ending their kissing or wrestling sessions. When they finally stepped into the kitchen to tell Jake they were heading out, John wasn't sure he would have enough time to make Karkat a complete breakfast from scratch. 

Jake was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping from a green mug and reading a book with a cover that looked like a cheap Indiana Jones knock-off. He smiled up at them as they approached, holding hands.

“Good morning, gentlemen. I trust you slept well?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, thank you so much for letting us crash here,” John replied.

“Oh, it was really no problem at all,” Jake insisted, setting his mug on the table. “I certainly hope you weren't too uncomfortable with what Dirk said about me last night. I wasn't actually expecting to have sex with the two of you or anything. Although, it's not that I don't find you both to be attractive men that I would be honored to be sexually involved with. I mean, if you were offering I would be a fool not to take you up on it. Bollocks, I sound like a dirty old man. Please don't think me a pervert simply for having urges towards good-looking young men.” Jake buried his face in his hands. “Oh, golly. What am I saying?”

“Heh, well, we're going to head out now, so thank you,” was all John could think to say in response to that. Jake had a horrible habit of talking himself into corners.

John and Karkat ended up eating toast with butter and cinnamon at John's place for lack of time. John apologized profusely, each time met with an increasingly peeved Karkat rolling his eyes and insisting that John was amazing for even preparing them that on such a tight time frame. It was so cute that John dared to wrap an arm around Karkat's shoulders as the walked down the hall towards the IT department. 

Before John pushed through the door, he thought he might be the happiest he had ever been. But then he entered the department.

And saw his dad. Holding a cake.

“What are you doing here?” John asked, stunned and shaken.

“I saw your car in the neighborhood last night, and it made me realize that we haven't spent nearly enough time together lately. So I thought I'd surprise you here, to tell you I am so proud of you for having you first real job,” John's dad's grin widened. “I am really, really proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So  
> very  
> proud


	36. Chapter 36

==> John

“Wow, uh, thanks dad,” John replied hollowly, staring at the cake. “What a nice surprise.”

“You don't seem very happy, son,” John's dad pointed out in concern. “Did something happen?”

“No, no. I'm just tired. Karkat and I were up late last night,” John replied. That wasn't true, he and Karkat had fallen asleep cuddling at around eleven o'clock. It was just the first excuse that popped into is head. Frankly, he was impressed with himself that he had managed to produce that intelligent of a response. He felt like his whole system was simply shutting down from the shock of the situation.

“Son, I know you better than that. Something's up. I'm sure your boss wouldn't be opposed to us taking a walk to talk about whatever's eating at you,” John's dad offered. “I want to stay involved in your life, John. Just because you're adult doesn't mean we have to be less connected.” John's dad sat the cake on the help desk and made his way over to John. When he was closer to John he whispered, “Is it a girl problem? I've heard that's why many sons stop talking to their dads.”

“Look, dad we're really busy. I appreciate that you came in to surprise me, but this is a really bad time. Maybe we can talk later?” John said quickly. “Thanks for the cake, though.”

“Yeah, it'll be great fuel. We're up to our necks in projects. And we have to finish all of the tickets today. All of them,” Vriska backed John up from her work station. “You should probably scram, pops.”

Before John's dad could respond, Eridan pushed through the door behind John. “Where is Sollux?” he immediately demanded. “I need to have a talk with him.”

“Can't, we're super busy,” Vriska informed him while examining her cuticles.

“You're never busy,” Eridan snarled. “All you do is sit around and whine about your obnoxious love triangles and pinin's and how much you all suck.”

“Ah-ha. I knew it was a girl problem. I know that look.” John's dad affectionately knocked his fist against his son's cheek. “You can talk to me about it whenever you're ready. Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't understand these things.”

“Dad, you really don't understand. I'm, uh. I'm a, uh. I really am pretty busy.” John furiously scratched at his neck. To his surprise, Karkat grabbed his hand away from his neck.

“You're going to tear your skin, asshole,” Karkat grumbled. John gave him an appreciative smile. He really wanted to peck him on the cheek or forehead, but he couldn't bring himself to do it in front of his dad.

“It's nice to see you've already made friends here,” John's dad commented, grinning down at Karkat.

“Everyone here is great,” John agreed, nodding a little too enthusiastically. “This is Karkat Vantas. He's, uh,” John gazed at the breathtaking man next to him. He wet his lips. “He's really amazing. I'm really glad I got to meet him.”

Karkat's eyes quivered. John and Karkat stared at each other for a moment. John could feel himself panting slightly. Karkat's eyes were so incredible. He would much rather be staring into them than dealing with his dad. Eventually, John was distracted by noticing in his peripheral that Eridan was inching towards Sollux's office, looking desperate to go undetected.

“Oh, yes.” John's dad nodded. “The Vantas boy. You father was also an amazing man. I'm quite glad John's made a friend like you.”

John couldn't stand it. He had to say it, didn't he? He really didn't want to. But he really, really couldn't stand it. The way his dad assumed he and John had so much in common when they just didn't. And actually John was stating to think fedoras were stupid and that cigarettes were way cooler than pipes. And he liked Karkat. Karkat might have been the best thing that ever happened to him. John closed his eyes and puffed up his cheeks before letting out a long, loud breath. He looked up at the ceiling.

“He's not my friend, dad, I'm dating him,” John declared resolutely, even though he couldn't look at either Karkat or his dad. “Even though he's a guy, I like him a lot. I might even love him.”

There was an awkward pause before John's dad started laughing.

“You almost got me good there, son,” John's dad said, still chuckling. “Smart move, using reverse psychology by making it seem too obvious to be a joke. Your prankster's gambit is really filling up son.”

Something snapped inside of John. He didn't want to play this game anymore.

“Ugh, cut the prankster's gambit shit,” John shouted. Wow, he couldn't believe he'd just said that. Who was he right now? “I'm a homosexual and I'm sick of talking to you about this so get the fuck out of my building.”

==> Sollux

Eridan didn't even knock. He just walked straight into Sollux's office, closed the door behind him and took a seat.

“Wow, I have shitty friends. Why the fuck did they let you through to me?” Sollux grumbled looking away from his computer long enough to glare at Eridan.

“They're a bit preoccupied dealin' with some guy with a cake. And John and Kar are really distracted by each other. I think you should transfer one a them to a different department so you can actually be gettin' some fuckin' work done around here,” Eridan babbled.

“Yeah, because we got so much work done when we were fucking in here,” Sollux muttered, pretending to be focused on his computer. In all honesty, he realized, he didn't want Eridan to leave. He wanted to talk this out with him. He had wanted to talk to him ever since he drove away last night. As little sense as that made. He had kind of gotten attached to Eridan in their short time dating. He just couldn't let a potential creep like Eridan know that.

Eridan scowled. “Whatever, Sol. Either way, we need to talk about what happened. I want you to know that no matter what happens between you and me, I'm still gonna be helpin' Ara because I genuinely do want to help her out on the basis a her havin' a bad life and me feelin' like I'm in a place where I should be doin' somethin' about that,” he explained. “So I thought I should let you know that before anythin' else, so you know me datin' you isn't my motivation for helpin' her at all.”

Sollux pretended to scroll through his project tickets, but he was completely captivated. “But you're really here because of us. So let's get to the point with that.”

“I was stupid for proposin' to you. My grandparents were only 16 when they got married, and they'd only known each other a couple weeks. They just wanted to get away from their respective crazy families,” Eridan said. Sollux wanted to get a good look at his expression, but he couldn't chance appearing actually interested. “They're still married to this day. I always fantasized that finding my soul mate would be like that. I would just know. And I figured that's why it took me so long to get a boyfriend. I just hadn't found that magically perfect person. Well, I mean, magic is completely fake. But you catch my drift.”

Sollux forced his eyes to remain vacantly on his computer screen. “Most relationships don't work that way. It's more of a trial and error thing than a finding your soul mate through destiny thing. I've had a lot of relationships. I would like to get married one day, sure. But I'm not going to do that until I know I'm with someone I can make it last with.”

“Did you think you could make it last with Kar?” Eridan's voice sounded small. Sollux looked over at him before he could stop himself. The man had tangled the end of the scarf Sollux has bought him around his wrist nervously and has his eyes on the floor. He looked pathetic. Lovably pathetic. Despite his efforts not to, Sollux had softened towards this man.

Sollux decided not too look away from Eridan when he answered, “ED, it honestly doesn't matter what happened with KK or anyone else I dated. KK and I didn't work well together, as much as I care about the guy. You're right that I need to stop comparing people to him, though. Because that relationship failed. And since you're different than him, maybe it will work. I can't say for sure that it will, and I am definitely not ready to marry you. But who knows. I might as well give it a shot. As long as we can leave marriage off the table for a very, very long time.”

Eridan lifted his head, face brightening. “Hopefully not too long.”

Sollux let out a heavy sigh. “We'll see what happens.”

“So, do you want to go on another date then?” Eridan asked, with an irritating amount of excitement in his voice.

Sollux shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't believe he was giving this freak another chance.“Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Can we be boyfriends again?” Eridan was practically glowing. It wasn't cute. It wasn't.

“We'll see how the date goes.” Sollux pushed up his glasses and rubbed his eyes. This was really stupid. But for some reason he was very glad it was happening. It was okay to be a little bit stupid sometimes, he supposed. It seemed to be working out sort of okay for John and Karkat.

“Want to go to that medieval restaurant in Chicago?” Eridan scooted to the edge of his seat, eyes locked on Sollux's. “Vriska was talkin' about it last night. It sounds like somethin' you'd be into.”

“I'd rather order Chinese food and hang out in your bedroom,” Sollux replied, already looking forward to feeding Eridan with chopsticks before having sex with him. It was going to be pretty fantastic.

Eridan's expression dampened. “You're not very romantic, Sol.”

Sollux snickered. “Fine prissy pants. We'll find a compromise.”


	37. Chapter 37

==> Vriska

Shortly after Eridan left Sollux's office, Sollux came out into the department to lead their Friday progress meeting. Vriska was working on an e-mail to a particularly frustrated and whiny employee when Sollux asked her where John and Karkat were.

“John's outside crying,” Vriska replied as she continued typing her response to the loser in the sales department.

“Why?” Sollux asked, a touch of concern sneaking into his irritated tone. “Eridan made it sound like things were going well with him and Karkat.”

“He had this epic meltdown in front of his dad and more or less told him to shove it. He seemed pretty upset, so I told his asshole of a dad to hit the road or I'd call security,” Vriska explained. Her tone was nonchalant, but she was feeling victorious. She had rescued her homosexual buddy from the terrors of a homophobic relative. She knew John would have been awesome enough to do the same thing for her if she were fully out of the closet and prepared to deal with her parents. She turned to face Sollux.

“What happened?” Sollux asked, startled. He carded his hands through his hair anxiously. “Was his dad upset about him and Karkat?”

Vriska drummed her fingers on her mouse pad. “Yeah. And he wasn't taking his son very seriously. It turns out, papa Egbert is kind of a dick. If you ask me.”

Sollux nodded slowly. “Where's Karkat?”

Vriska snorted. “Where any good boyfriend would be. Duh, Solloser.”

==> John

Karkat had his arm wrapped around John's waist as they sat under the shade of trees behind the SBURB building. John sniffed and wiped his nose with his wrist. 

“And I don't really hate pranks or pipes. I was just so angry,” he babbled to his boyfriend while staring into the wooden park next to SBURB. “I was so tired of trying to be what he wanted me to be. The truth is, he didn't really expect that much. And he's always been a really good dad. I guess I'm really just upset with myself for letting him down.”

Karkat nuzzled John's cheek. Did he have any idea how adorable he was? “If your dad feels like you let him down by being gay, then he's an asshole who's not worth going into depression over,” Karkat asserted.

John nodded hollowly. “I should talk to him. But I don't think I'll be able to. Did you see the look on his face when he realized? I don't want to hear him talk about how off track I am. And about how it's his fault for letting me get to this point.” John was shredding the bark off of a twig with his hands, but he sat the stick down so he could ruffle Karkat's hair. He kissed his forehead. “I can't tell you enough how amazing you are. My dad thought you were too. If you were a girl he would -”

“Stop that,” Karkat snarled. “It's not you who needs to change, it's him. You're being honest with yourself about who you are. You're a dorky, ditzy, prank-loving homosexual. Your sexual orientation can't change, but his bullshit opinion can.”

John finally chuckled. He scratched his neck. “Karkat, uh. You're pretty cool and, uh. I want to have sex with you,” he mumbled. He was embarrassed to admit that, but in all honesty, he was sick of talking about his dad and sex was really the only other thing he felt like talking about. Anything else he could have said seemed like a mundane and trivial change of topic.

“I don't think this is the best time to be talking about this, dumbass.” Karkat's tone was flat. “I've never met anyone so able to go from being cute to pervy as fast as you.”

“It's kind of the perfect time to be talking about it,” John argued lightly, shrugging his shoulders. He looked down at Karkat's large eyes. “I just came out to my dad, the one person who I was terrified to come out to.”

“I'm not stumbling around with the mental capacity of a baby earthworm,” Karkat grumbled. “You want something to distract you. I don't want you to look back at your first time and think of it as the way you shut down your brain to avoid dealing with the fact that you're dad is a douchebag.”

“A baby earthworm?” Laughing, John playfully tackled Karkat on the ground and planted several kisses on his cheek. When he pulled his face away he drew his hand up so he could stroke Karkat's temple with his thumb. “I don't mean right now, Karkat. But I want you to know I'm ready. I've been ready. I'm twenty-five. I'm fully prepared to be sexually active.”

Karkat huffed and looked away, cheeks red. “It looks like you're feeling better. We should got back to work.”

“Can we make out for a little bit first?” John asked brightly. He knew they had made out plenty last night, but he was having a rough morning. And making out with Karkat had recently skyrocketed to the top of his list of favorite pick-me-ups.

Karkat put his arms around John's neck. “We're not getting paid to make out with each other,” he growled. It might have been John's hopeful imagination, but it seemed that Karkat was just arguing because he felt like he should.

“Sollux and Eridan are,” John pointed out. The was a twitch of a smile on Karkat's face. John closed the distance between them, starting off the kiss slow and tender. The way Karkat liked it.

==> Sollux

When John and Karkat returned to the department, John's eyes were red and puffy but his regular smile was present. Karkat looked less angry than usual. There were blades of grass stuck to his shirt and a leaf in his hair. John really should have done a better job of cleaning his boyfriend up after whatever it was they had been up to.

Vriska was sitting behind the help desk, and grinned savagely when the boys entered. “Fucking at work? Who are you, Sollux?”

Sollux shot her a glare before leaning up against the desk. “You two are late for our progress meeting. Did you forget it was Friday?”

“Stop being such a fucking asshole, Sollux,” Karkat barked. “We had an emergency. Why is it so challenging for you to access that withered husk of a soul I know you're housing somewhere inside you?”

“KK, I'm not sure where you learned that attitude of yours is a fucking respectable way to speak to your superior, but I think this would be a good time for me to remind you that I have the authority to fire your ass,” Sollux countered, crossing his arms. “Now sit down. We've got some pretty important shit to discuss today.”

“Since when are you so high and mighty?” Karkat shouted as John pulled put chairs for both of them to sit in. “We used to slack off to hook up all the time, and now me comforting John is suddenly going to cause this company to spiral out of control and nose drive into complete helplessness?”

“I'm the boss, I'm allowed to be a hypocrite, asshole.” Sollux accepted the chair John pulled up for him. “Now sit. Your boyfriend seems to be doing okay with following orders.”

“John,” Karkat whimpered. “Don't encourage Sollux when he's acting like an insufferable prick.”

John sat down and patted the seat next to him. “Let him yell at us, Karkat, it's fine. We did disappear for a while without telling him.”

“Yeah, because you had just been rejected by the cold-hearted douche who spawned you. He cuts work shit all the time so he can stick his cock in some rich bastard's ass,” Karkat whined. John grabbed Karkat's hips and dragged him towards his chair.

“Calm down, KK. You're not even in any actual trouble,” Sollux replied, running a hand through his hair. “Will you just listen?”

Karkat snarled and sat down indignantly. His arms were crossed and his eyes were narrowed at Sollux.

“John, word is you're a homosexual,” Sollux commented, looking at John. “Congratulations on coming out. You're in good company here, as everyone in this department has a pretty good inkling as to what you're going through.”

John visibly gulped. “Yeah, I noticed you all were sort of. Like me. In that respect.”

“We are, somewhat.” Sollux nodded. “That's what Vriska and I are joining that LGBT group Eridan and Rose are starting. We were wondering if you two wanted to join as well. It might be a good support network for you, JN.”

John glanced at Karkat before turning back to Sollux to respond, “What would we be doing?”

“We're still working out the details. Eridan has a lot of lofty ideas that Vriska and I agree are a long way from being realistic, but we can work that all out,” Sollux explained. “The first meeting is on Monday night. Will that work for the two of you?”

John nodded quickly. “Yeah. I think we can do that.” He turned to Karkat. “Are you okay with this?”

“As much of an asshole as Sollux is, yeah. I think this will be good for you,” Karkat reached out and stroked John's arm.

Sollux told himself he wasn't jealous.

Until he saw Karkat's Cancer bracelet on John's wrist.

He shouldn't have cared at all. But he really did.


	38. Chapter 38

==> Past Sollux

Sollux leaned against the brick wall outside of SBURB tapping his sneaker on the cement as Karkat jogged up to him. Karkat usually wasn't late. 

“Why the fuck did you want to meet here?” Karkat grumbled. “I work here. It isn't exactly the place I want to meet for a date.”

“I had some stuff I needed to finish up, and it was close enough to your place that you could meet me without me having to have an awkward conversation with GZ,” Sollux replied. “What took you?”

“As I was preparing to leave my joke of an apartment, a revelation collided with my horrendously overworked brain,” Karkat began. His voice always got slower when he was making a melodramatic statement. Karkat wasn't on for wording things the normal way. He had to constantly express his frustration with the world through every unnecessary speech he made. He needed to calm down, frankly, but Sollux didn't exactly have room to tell him to change. Besides, it was actually pretty endearing. The world was stupid, so why not remind everyone that whenever possible? “You actually had the sense to admit to finding Hitch borderline watchable, so I dragged my ass over to the video store to purchase you your own personal copy.”

Karkat earnestly presented Sollux with a the DVD. Despite his angry act, he really wanted to be a good boyfriend and make Sollux happy. Sollux couldn't stop the smile that twitched onto his lips as he reached out and took the gift from Karkat. “Wow, thanks. If I ever feel in the mood to watch a shitty flick made for girls and don't feel like pirating one off the internet, I'll have one in grabbing distance. That was thoughtful of you, KK.”

Karkat straightened, looking victorious. Sollux's reaction must have been adequate. That was one of the reasons he and Karkat were so perfect for each other. KK saw through Sollux's gruff personality and understood when he really appreciated something romantic or cute Karkat had done for him.

“Now I really feel bad for not getting you a present on the anniversary of your father's death. I didn't realize people were doing that,” Sollux confessed, examining the DVD cover.

“I didn't know people were doing that either. It was some stupid surprise they planned to stroke their hard-ons for simulating the actions of the most melodramatic of saints. It wasn't about me or my dad at all. It was just their way of pretending they were decent human beings for a day. I don't give a fuck,” Karkat waved his hands in the air to emphasize his apathy. “I'm glad they didn't get their fangs in you. They probably would have ended up brainwashing you into taking part in whatever culty fake-nice shit they get up too.”

“KK, come on. You miss your father,” Sollux replied, sitting a hand on Karkat's shoulder and looking the young man in the eyes. “Shit like that has to mean something to you.”

Karkat shrugged and looked away from Sollux. “They don't give a shit about me or him so it's meaningless. All they're doing is dragging skeletons from my past out of the graveyard and throwing them in my face while highfiving each other for being such 'terrific' and 'empathetic' people. They probably go home at night and get off to the idea of me crying alone at night over their stupid gifts while I remember my super fucking dead father.”

Sollux snorted. “That's probably pretty fucking accurate. Assholes.”

Karkat nodded, still not looking at Sollux. “There is one bullshit thing I stupidly kind of want though.”

Sollux crossed his arms as his eyebrow rose. “Oh yeah? And what's that?” he asked.

“I saw this bracelet. At The Furthest Ring.” Karkat's round eyes peered up at him. “It had the symbol for Cancer on it.”

“The 69.” Sollux smirked.

“Fuck you.” Karkat scowled at him. “But yeah. It was my dad's sign. And it's mine too. So as fucking idiotic as it sounds, if you wanted to get me something to remember my dad by, I'd kind of like that.”

==> Eridan

“I'm not sure we should be makin' a habit outta leavin' work early to go on our dates,” Eridan pointed out as he gathered up his things from his desk.

“But it's okay that we were making a habit or of screwing in my office every morning?” Sollux snarked, shifting his weight impatiently. 

“Well, at least in that case no one can be sayin' we weren't in the buildin',” Eridan argued with a small shrug.

Sollux scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Those flowers you got me are shit, by the way. They're already wilting.”

“Those were some top a the line flora, Sol, have you been waterin' them?” Eridan walked towards Sollux and noticed the man take a couple of tiny steps backwards. 

“You already put water in the vase, idiot,” Sollux grumbled, crossing his arms.

Eridan frowned. “Well, you gotta keep addin' water as they absorb it, Sol. Don't you know a fuckin' thing about how plants work? Why are you so grumpy, anyway?”

“Don't fucking patronize me. I assumed you had put enough water in the vase to last,” Sollux snarled back. “I'm not grumpy. So let's just go on this date so I can get this stupid romance shit you're subjecting me to over with.”

“With an attitude like that, it's no wonder you've gotten to thinkin' romance ain't your thing,” Eridan said as he picked his scarf up off the back of his chair and began tying it around his neck. He had taken it off for a meeting his mother had insisted it wasn't professional enough for. It was really unfortunate that there were people who believed it was sensible to sacrifice fashion for professionalism. What logic was there in that?

“Why do you wear that scarf?” Sollux asked, eyes narrowed. It almost sounded like an accusation. 

“Well, it's a nice scarf,” Eridan replied, confused. “And it's got some fuckin' sentimental value since you bought it for me on our first date.”

“I hope sentimental isn't what you're expecting for this relationship, because that isn't going to happen,” Sollux shot back, voice dark. “I told you I was a shitty boyfriend, Eridan. And I am. We're never going to have what Karkat and John have.”

Eridan stared at him, confused. “Is this about you missin' Kar again? I thought you were done talking about that.”

“That's not what this is about,” Sollux shouted. “I don't care about what either of them do.” His voice faltered and he quieted down a bit when he added, “I'm just giving you a fair warning. This is never going to be some fairytale like you want it to be.”

There was silence for a moment. Eridan gulped. He wasn't sure what was going on right now. He liked Sollux, and liked the way Sol was when he let down his walls. Even this morning, Sol had showed a softer side of himself to Eridan. Eridan's mother had always acted like those from Sollux's neighborhood were thugs and criminals. There had been a touch of rebellion in Eridan's initial interest in Sol. That rebellious inclination had quickly melted away when he had seen the way Sollux looked at him. Even when they were arguing, it was like Sol longed for him. That was why Eridan continued to wander down to the IT department day after day until they hooked up. He wanted to see that look. That look that held a desire for something deeper than just sexual fulfillment. 

After Sol's response to their hook up, Eridan had supposed the look he had been so drawn to had been his imagination. But Sol had continued to show that longing in other ways. The way he stormed up to Eridan's office and ended up confessing he missed him. The way he almost shyly looked away when Eridan had tried to assure him that he could make a good boyfriend for someone even if he hadn't been what Kar wanted. Eridan was certain now that there were more layers to Sollux Captor than most people were willing to see. 

But now, Sollux had suddenly put his walls back up. And Eridan didn't know why. Until Sollux broke the silence to speak again.

“I bought you that scarf because I was happy about what you did for Aradia and because I wanted to have sex with you,” Sollux began. “I don't do things like that to be romantic. That isn't me. I won't remember to buy you fucking cutesie gifts and I won't remember that the flower of Aquarius is a orchid. When we were together, Karkat wanted me to buy him this shitty bracelet. It was pretty fucking tacky. But he asked me to get it for him. In memory of his dead father. And I completely forgot until I saw the piece of shit bracelet on his wrist a couple weeks later because he had finally realized what was up and bought it for himself. That's how it's going to be with me, Eridan. That's the kind of boyfriend I am.”

It was the most pain Eridan had even seen on Sollux's face. His apathy had been replaced with a look of self-loathing. “You really ain't over him, Sol,” Eridan murmured, fiddling with his scarf. “Because you have to know that's not really true. You knew I was goin' to have sex with you anyway, and I never told you what the flower of Aquarius was which means you were lookin' it up yourself.”

Sollux took a deep breath. “I saw it when I was looking up Karkat's flower.”

That stung. But it wasn't exactly surprising. All Sollux ever seemed to want to talk about was Karkat. The only question he still had was why Sollux had helped to set John up with Karkat. There must have been some serious self-hatred motivating that maneuver. 

“I'm going to go,” Sollux said, already turning to leave as he spoke.

“Hey,” Eridan hollered after him. “What about our fuckin' date, Sol?”

Sollux stopped in his slow stride towards the door, but didn't turn around. “Why would you still want to go on a date with me after the conversation we just had?”

Eridan scoffed. “You're not gettin' outta romancin' me that easily,” he snapped. “You gotta get over Kar sooner or later. And you also gotta fuckin' forgive yourself.”

Eridan noticed Sollux's fingers twitch. “And why would a tool who proposes to people he barely knows be the person to help me do that?”

Eridan held his chin high and crossed his arms. “Because since I'm a tool I'm not goin' to show you any fuckin' mercy, Sol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late. But I do have some good news. You can now ask Short Circuit John and the IT department questions [on tumblr.](http://ask-shortcircuit.tumblr.com/) And also another awesome terrific fantastic person drew some beautiful [fanart on deviantart.](http://luridtrickster.deviantart.com/#/d50yvnr)


	39. Chapter 39

==> Vriska

“I have a couple of completely awesome surprises that are going to make you melt,” Vriska declared as she took a seat on Terezi's couch. Terezi stood from where she was filling Lemonsnout's food dish and approached Vriska. “First of all, tonight we're going to a concert by this badass indie band that my little crippled friend plays bass in. Bass is basically the lamest instrument to play in a alternative rock band, but it pretty much fits with his overall air of wasted potential.”

Terezi chuckled and stretched out her hands to finger Vriska's hair. “What makes you think I'll like this band? They sound like just some crappy local act.”

“Oh, they completely suck. They're the worst band I've ever heard in my entire life,” Vriska replied. She reached out to grab Terezi's hips so she could pull her closer. “But this pathetic little punk who plays base knows I eat pussy. So I figured it'd be a good place to debut you as my girlfriend. Me and my best buddy John are all about the coming out shit as of late. All about it. But if I'm going to come out I'm not going to just shout and swear at my family and then sob for two hours. I'm going to do it with care and class.”

“By re-coming out to someone who already knew you were a lesbian?” Terezi asked. She let dragged her hands down to Vriska's shoulders and smiled playfully.

“No, babe, you're clearly failing to understand the implications here. I'm not just going to pretend like you're my gal pal that I'm having a cutesie little hang out with. We're going to be real lesbians. Like, not even the Rose and Kanaya pretentious bitch version of lesbians. We'll be the kind that put their arms around each other and kiss in public just to make people squirm,” Vriska explained. As she did, she became more and more excited about the prospect of being an out lesbian. She was a total badass. If she just showed how absolutely amazing she was at being a lesbian there was nothing anyone could say against her. Because they would be too busy being impressed. “We'll just act like it's no big deal that we're gay. Like I'm just showing off my hot girlfriend that none of those sad, pathetic straight boys would have never had a chance with even if she was into cock.”

Terezi snorted and gave Vriska's shoulder a tiny shove. “You are so full of it, Vriska. You didn't dance around coming out all these years just to go all out for one girl. Are you positive you're actually up for this?”

“Bitch, I'm as sure of it as you are that l33t-speak is a legitimate way to communicate,” Vriska replied smoothly, sliding her hands around Terezi so she could cup the other women's ass. “When John was in the closet, it was destroying him. I'm a tough enough woman to be able to deal with it, but it made me realize that it's kind of all around shitty to lie so you can stay in the closet when most of the people who matter wouldn't care who you're sleeping with.” Vriska felt a warmth in her chest as she added, “No matter what happens, I know I'll have John on my side. Sollux and Karkat too. And I guess Eridan, Rose and Kanaya. But they all kind of suck.”

“And me,” Terezi added. Vriska couldn't help but laugh. She wasn't sure why that made her laugh, exactly. Of course Terezi would be on Vriska's side, even if they weren't together. She had already made that clear the last time they spoke. She supposed she was laughing because the whole situation was just so unexpectedly wonderful. Knowing that she had a family behind her even if her biological family rejected her was phenomenal. She realized she had never really felt that before. Like losing her family over being homosexual might not be that bad. She had never been aware of a support network that would exist for her regardless of who she really was. John, pathetic, oblivious douchebag John, had unknowingly been the key to showing her that some people are just terrific enough to stick with you even when you're not what they had thought you were. Even when you lie. Even when you make mistakes. And it was funny that someone as brilliant and good at playing the world to her needs as she was hadn't thought of simply replacing her family with a new one. A better one. And it was funny that she hadn't though of something like this sooner to save her relationship with Terezi. And it was funny that someone as amazing as Terezi would be loyal to someone as underhanded as Vriska.

It was funny that this was the best Vriska had ever felt about her life.

==> Karkat

“What are we doing after work?” John asked, draping his arms over Karkat while Karkat typed up a project report. It was 4:45, and since Sollux had already left for his date with Eridan, Vriska had taken off early as well. Karkat and John were the only ones in the department. It reminded Karkat of the days when he and Sollux had worked alone in the department. John kissed Karkat on the cheek. “Whatever it is should definitely involve more making out.”

“You're going to have the worst fucking case of dry mouth if we keep this up,” Karkat mumbled while he typed. John rubbed their cheeks together. He really was perfect boyfriend material. “And we can go over to my place if you promise we're going to actually watch a movie this time.”

“What if we went to the store and got some playing cards so I could wow you with some sexy magic tricks?” John offered. While proof-reading his project report, Karkat noticed that John's talking had caused him to type “MAKING OUT” in the middle of a sentence. He tried to casually delete it, hoping John wouldn't see the embarrassing error and harass him for it. 

“Are you planning to keep using the word 'sexy' in sentences it doesn't belong in until my internal lexicon jumps off a metaphorical cliff?” Karkat grumbled. “At least, I assume it's metaphorical, it's hard to say since my lexicon is dead.”

John chuckled and kissed Karkat's cheek again while gently stroking his arm. “Well, I'm not sure you're using the word 'lexicon' correctly,” John teased. “So you're kind of mauling that point.”

“Shut up, like you would even know,” Karkat retorted, closing the programs on his computer. “You were homeschooled. Your understanding of language is completely off. That's probably why you think it's alright to throw the world 'sexy' into sentences it doesn't make any sense in.” When Karkat had signed out, John pulled away from him. For a moment, Karkat was upset by the lack of John's presence. But then, his swivel chair was being spun around and John was climbing into the chair to straddle his lap.

“So do you and Gamzee have a pack of regular playing cards I could use?” John asked, before planting a batch of kisses on Karkat's neck. Karkat was embarrassed when he let out a little moan in response to the action. John just laughed when he heard the sound and wrapped his arms around Karkat. He buried his face his Karkat's neck.

“I'm sure Gamzee probably does. It seems like the type of bullshit thing he would waste space in out microscopic apartment with,” Karkat answered. He put his arms around John and rubbed John's back. “Are you going to try to call up and talk to your jackass of a dad before we leave?” John's arms tightened around him and Karkat could feel him shake his head against his neck and shoulder. “Are you just going to be really clingy and mopey all evening?” Karkat felt a nod.

John eventually convinced Karkat, by way of being incredibly charming and pathetic-acting, to invite John over to his place after work. When they got to Karkat and Gamzee's apartment, Gamzee was quick to greet them with his lidded eyes and dazed smile.

“You motherfuckers have got to be getting yourselves unto this mirthful concert this evening,” Gamzee declared, handing them each a neon-colored flier for a show that was going to be put on by a local band later that night. Though the image of the band on the flier was poor quality, Karkat thought he recognized one of the members as a young man who had been spending large amounts of time around the apartment lately. 

“Tavros is in a band? How could they possibly be any fucking good?” Karkat asked in disgust. “There is no way this show is going to be anything but life-shatteringly horrible. All attendees should be given free medical care to repair the no doubt permanent damage done to their eardrums.”

“Hey, no way are we skipping out on this. We totally know this guy,” John said, examining the flier with excitement in his eyes. “We have to go, Karkat. I've never known anyone in a band before. This is so cool.”

“Did you miss me berating Gamzee's offer on account of how much they're going to suck?” Karkat grumbled. “Because that wasn't a joke. They are legitimately going to ruin lives with their awfulness. Tavros is a mess. If theses dumb fucks thought having him in the band was a good idea, then they're probably fucked up too.”

“But if they suck it will be fun because then we can laugh at how terrible they are,” John replied, reaching out to grab Karkat's hand. “We love being mean, Karkat. Before we went to sleep last night we totally shredded the fuck out of Eridan.”

“You like Tavros,” Karkat pointed out. “Why would you want to ridicule his hopeless mediocrity?”

“I'm sure our brother John would be into the laughing with our Tavbro rather than up and at him,” Gamzee told Karkat, sitting a hand on Karkat's head. Karkat hated it when it did that. It was like he was treating Karkat like a small child just because Karkat was so much shorter than him.

“Come on, Karkat,” John begged, giving Karkat's hand a squeeze. “Can we at least go long enough for me to be able to say I saw a band live with one of my friends in it?”

John's eyes practically sparkled. It was the most cheerful Karkat had seen him all day. Perhaps a concert would be a good distraction for the problems in John's life at the moment.

“Fine,” Karkat snarled. He sighed heavily. “But we can't stay the whole time. I want to be able to use my ears at another point in my life.”

John grinned and gave him a peck on the cheek.


	40. Chapter 40

==> Sollux

Sollux's phone vibrated in his pocket. He stopped walking we he saw it was a text from Karkat. Eridan took several steps ahead of him before turning around.

“Don't tell me you came this far just to be ditchin' me now, Sol. The Veil is a fuckin' terrific restaurant, and I'm payin'. You're the one losin' out if you decide you'd rather cry by yourself than eat out for free,” Eridan told him, voice heavy with hints of hurt and disappointment. 

“Oh, stop the melodramatic whining, ED. I just got a text from KK and wanted to make sure JN was doing okay,” Sollux scoffed, glaring at Eridan before lowering his eyes back to his phone. “KK invited us to a concert. Well, actually, he said 'spare me from this unending torture of a concert', but fuck that, I say we go to the concert and rub it in that he's already hopelessly whipped.”

“How long have those two even been dating?” Eridan huffed.

“Longer than we had been dating when you decided to pop the question,” Sollux grumbled as he texted Karkat back for details on the concert location. He knew he was being needlessly cruel to Eridan, but he couldn't really help himself. If he was honest, Eridan terrified him. Eridan wanted to be in this relationship for the long haul and was unfazed by the knowledge that Sollux was a hopelessly awful boyfriend. And it terrified him that as much as he should detest Eridan, he actually didn't mind being around the man. Eridan wasn't Karkat. Eventually, he wouldn't just let Sollux's generally cruel personality roll off of him with some sharp words in response. He wanted Sollux to be his prince charming, and that was simply not who Sollux was. When he looked back up at Eridan, the man was pouting.

“If you're goin' to continue to fail to see the romance in that gesture, then you might as well just be forgettin' in even happened,” Eridan retorted, fidgeting. “I don't like that you keep bringin' that up like it was some fuckin' travesty.”

“It was a travesty, ED,” Sollux informed him. His phone vibrated in his hands. He read over the new text before speaking again. “Alright, KK says it's at the bar over on Prospit Street. And it already started. This group must be the warm up for the warm up band's warm up band. That's hilarious. They're going to be so terrible.”

“So, we're not goin' to The Veil, then?” Eridan asked.

“The walk in the park and the movie were more than enough romantic torture for one evening. We can probably snag some wings or something at the bar,” Sollux replied, tucking his phone in his back pocket. “Come on, we're missing the secondhand embarrassment.”

When they arrived at the bar, Karkat and John were sitting at a table as far away from the stage as they possibly could be, eyes on each other rather than the performers. John had a deck of playing cards and was showing one of the cards to Karkat with a huge goofy grin on his face. Sollux scoffed at the sight. He grabbed Eridan's shoulder and gestured towards them.

“Look at those assholes. They didn't even need rescuing. They're on a perfectly fine disgustingly cute date,” he grumbled. Eridan began to walk towards them, but Sollux grabbed his sleeve. “No way, we're not helping them out. KK's not allowed to be a whiny baby when he's actually getting exactly what he wants. Sometimes he just looks for reasons to complain when there's actually nothing to be whining about. He feels like he always needs to be angry.”

“So we're just goin' to not talk to them?” Eridan squinted in annoyance. “What was the point of even walkin' all the way here then?”

“We're here to watch the band,” Sollux informed him, rolling his eyes. He shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged in the direction of the stage. There was a small group of people gathered around where the band was playing. Most of them seemed only partially focused on the music and were instead looking at their phones or talking to the others in the audience. It was still early enough in the evening that the bar was sparsely inhabited. A tall, scary-looking man standing right at the base of the stage turned towards them as they approached and waved amicably. It had been a while since Sollux had seen Gamzee Makara. 

“Sollux, my brother, it's been a long motherfuckin' while,” Gamzee shouted over the loud, unpleasant music. “Did Karkat get the up to invite you?”

“Yeah, it was a horrible suggestion,” Sollux hollered back, cringing when he realized he had just shouted an insult about the band directly in front of them.

“Karkat was up to assuming my boy Tav won't be to having any of the skills for a band,” Gamzee commented. “I bet he's changing his motherfuckin' mind about that now.” Sollux seriously doubted that. Even if the band didn't suck, which it did, Karkat was off in lovestruck lalaland and thus was likely entirely oblivious to what was happening in the room that wasn't John Egbert related. KK had his dream man. He was probably a lot more okay with the world right now than he might want to let on.

“So are you and this Tav guy a thing?” Eridan asked. Sollux carded his hands through his hair and looked away in embarrassment. You didn't ask Gamzee Makara about his life. It was a clusterfuck of nonsensical antics. Besides, the less you talked to potential serial killer GZ, the better.

“Tav and I are a thing up in the universe to be creating miracles and sharing our friendship with other motherfuckers,” Gamzee yelled back, grinning widely. Eridan nodded as if he understood what any of the meant, even though he clearly didn't. Gamzee turned back around and whooped, throwing his hands in the air before returning to banging his head to the music. Eridan gave Sollux a confused sidelong glance. Sollux smirked and shrugged. They both turned to watch the band awkwardly attempt to act hip as they made a mangled collection of noises that could barely be qualified as music. After several moments of being subjected to a clash of poorly played instruments, an arm slung around his shoulders. Sollux turned to see that Vriska Serket has draped herself over him and Eridan. 

“What do you think?” Vriska yelled when both men had turned to face her. “Pretty badass, right?”

“If by badass you mean completely fuckin' terrible,” Eridan shouted back. Vriska cackled.

“Hey, keep talking like that and I might actually grow to like you,” she replied, using the arm around his shoulders to shake him a bit. “They're the worst. But I'm here with a hot girl so I don't even give a fuck. I literally give none of the fucks. None of them.”

“Woah, you're actually here with a chick?” Sollux asked in surprise. That he hadn't been expecting. He had kind of assumed that after her coming out at Rose and Kanaya's party she would go back to being mostly in the closet.

“Absolutely! And she's the hottest bitch in this room. So it's okay to be jealous. Vriska cackled again and removed her arm from around Sollux so that she could turn to gesture to a table close to the stage. “That's her. Isn't she fine?”

“She ain't really my type,” Eridan responded. “I prefer men.”

“Oh my gosh, we know you're a faggot,” Vriska said in an exasperated whine. “Have some class like me and Terezi do and be a homo without having to remind everyone every two seconds. I'm barely out of the closet and I'm the one having to tell you how to be gay. This is ridiculous.”

“I would not want you to teach me how to be gay. You would probably tell me to stab a straight person,” Sollux snarked.

Vriska cackled. “Oh, you're so funny, Solloser.” She shoved her hands in his face to push his head before turning back towards the table that her colorfully dressed Asian girlfriend was sitting at. Truth be told, she was a very attractive woman. Sollux couldn't imagine what she saw in Vriska. “Come hang out with us if you need more tips on being classy homos,” Vriska yelled as she retreated.

Sollux rolled his eyes and turned back to the stage. The lead singer of the band was explaining their next song, and how much it meant to him emotionally. It was an embarrassing speech, and Sollux couldn't help but snicker. A ring-clad hand slipped into his. Sollux turned to face Eridan, who jabbed his thumb at the exit. 

Sollux smirked. He lifted his free hand to pull Eridan into a kiss. Eridan squeaked in surprise before melting into the kiss. When Sollux broke the kiss, he snickered. He tossed his head in the direction of the exit, indicating he was ready to go. Eridan gave him a small smile and a nod before heading away from the atrocious band. Sollux made sure to wave to Vriska on the way out, to rub it in her face that he and Eridan were doing just fine in their gayness. Vriska just smirked back at him and made a show of putting her arm around her girlfriend. Truly, this was the gayest location in the whole town tonight. Well, not anymore. John and Karkat appeared to have already left.

When they stepped back outside Eridan glanced around quickly before asking, “Is that creepy tall guy gay?”

Sollux hand a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I honestly have no idea what his deal is. No one does,” Sollux told him. “It's better to just not ask. He's pretty burned out on drugs so he's mostly incoherent. I'm not sure why KK puts up with him at all.”

“Okay, well it might be good that Kar is on good terms with him because he could be talkin' him into joining our LGBT group, Sol,” Eridan pointed out. He stopped walking and looked Sollux directly in the eyes. “We need as many people as we can get. So we can show she we make up a significant portion a this community.”

“Hm, yeah, you don't want GZ in your group. Trust me on that one,” Sollux replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “But it's pretty cool of you to be always on the lookout for new recruits I guess.”

Eridan gave him a hesitant grin. “Are you just saying that because you want to have sex with me?”

Sollux snickered. “Why would you think anything else?”


	41. Chapter 41

==> John

When they entered Karkat's room, John tossed his cell phone on the floor. He couldn't stand to even feel it in his pocket, and he wasn't about to let the knowledge that he had turned it off to avoid the flood of calls from his dad to ruin his evening with Karkat. John flopped down on Karkat's bed and smiled over at his boyfriend. He patted the bed next to him.

“We're supposed to be picking out a movie to watch, remember? Not making out,” Karkat grumbled, taking off his red sneakers. “We have the entirety of this trashed apartment at our disposal, so we can watch the movie on our actual television without dealing with any dopey potheads or their insecure fuck buddies.”

“Can't we count the concert as our movie?” John asked, batting his eyelashes at Karkat. Why would you watch a movie when you had a boyfriend to screw around with? Karkat was crazy.

Karkat huffed and crossed his arms. He was putting forth a good effort when it came to appearing grumpy, but John could tell his heart wasn't in it. “I should have known you didn't just want to see that concert so you could have bragging rights. Not that there is any possible thing to brag about when it comes to that group of assholes.”

John stretched and grabbed the bar at the head of Karkat's bed. His shirt slid up on his stomach and he noticed Karkat staring at the exposed skin. What was the point of Karkat acting like he didn't want to be rolling around on the bed with John? Did he really think he was protecting John, a twenty-five year old man, somehow? Oh well, John supposed it didn't matter. He found it incredibly endearing.

“They were absolutely terrible. Oh man, I think that might have been the worst mess of sound I've ever heard,” John replied, chuckling. “At least we had a lot of friends there to endure it with us.” He rose his eyebrows as he snuggled more comfortably into Karkat's comforter. “You going to join me or just enjoy the view?”

Karkat grunted and made his way over to the bed to lay down next to John. He didn't touch John, he simply stared at him with his large, earnest eyes and kept his hands on his stomach. “What was it that you wanted to do?” Karkat asked. His eyes were locked on John's. He wet his lips. John grinned and sat up so he could place his elbow next to Karkat's opposite shoulder.

“We-ell,” John replied. He wiggled his eyebrows at Karkat. “We could, you know. Do that thing I was talking about earlier. That sex thing.”

Karkat's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak. Before he could answer, there was a pounding on the front door. They both jumped and turned towards the noise. Karkat cleared his throat.

“You should probably get off me so I can answer that,” he mumbled awkwardly, not making eye-contact with John. John quickly pulled his arm away and sat up. He watched as Karkat stumbled off the bed. Karkat looked down at his crotch and let out a defeated sigh before trying to tug his undershirt down lower as he headed out of the room. John chuckled, knowing what Karkat was trying to cover up, although his jeans were baggy enough that it wasn't obvious. John laid back on the bed and tucked his hands beneath his head, staring blissfully at the ceiling. Being with Karkat made him feel amazing. He could almost forget about what had happened with his dad earlier that day.

But.

Remembering his dad still brought a heavy feeling to his chest. He wasn't ready to deal with that. He wanted to be happy with Karkat right now.

From outside the room, he heard a familiar cackle. His grin widened and he slid off the bed so he could hurry into the living room.

“Vriska! What are you doing here?” he called as he made his way towards Karkat, Vriska, and Vriska's tiny, spunky girlfriend. When Karkat cast him an annoyed look, his initial excitement about having another person to distract him from thinking about his dad faded. He hoped Vriska and her girlfriend weren't planning on staying very long. He and Karkat had... things to do.

“Everyone was ditching, so I figured I wasn't going to subject Terezi to any more ear assaulting if the level of cool in that joint was going to continue to drop so rapidly,” Vriska explained, wrapping her arm around the smaller woman's shoulders. “But I wanted her to actually meet my awesome friends and you guys were all exclusive and rude at the bar. So I figured I'd ambush you. And what a surprise, my guess that both of you would be at Karkat's apartment was absolutely correct. I deduced this from the fact that out of the two of you he's the one that actually owns a bed. Bottom line, I'm awesome. I bet even my lawyer girlfriend is impressed.”

Karkat's cheeks darkened and he snarled. “Don't you have better things to do than harass me?”

Vriska's girlfriend snickered. “She definitely does not. Harassing people is one of her favorite things to do.”

Vriska cackled at her girlfriend’s statement. She plopped down on Karkat's couch and dragged her girlfriend with her. “So what have you two losers been up to since you left us to fend for ourselves at the awful concert?”

“What do you mean, left you to fend for yourselves? We didn't even know you two were stupid enough to be there,” Karkat countered.

“Please, Tavros is my friend, I wouldn't miss him terrorizing a large amounts of people for anything,” Vriska replied. She smiled smugly before giving her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek.

Vriska's girlfriend shook her head. “Uh-huh. Is that why you wanted to leave the concert so early? Just because it wasn't fair that Sollux was escaping and you weren't?”

“Terezi, come on. Obviously, I was pissed because he didn't come to talk to yo – hey!” Vriska's excuse was interrupted by Terezi shoving a hand in her face.

“I though you were going to stop lying, spider bitch,” Terezi said, amused. “Old habits die hard, huh?”

“Fine,” Vriska huffed, drawing out the “I”. “That concert was a disaster. I was sparing us both. And you're lucky you're so cute. Most people who call me that get stabbed with shards of plastic.”

Terezi grinned innocently and felt around Vriska's face for her lips before giving her a kiss. It was adorable. John was really happy for his friend. Now, if only he could get her to leave.

“Vriska told me you guys are putting together an LGBT group,” Terezi commented. “I think that's pretty neat. I can't thank you two enough for helping Vriska become more comfortable with herself.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Vriska's the most self-satisfied bitch this town has ever had to deal with,” Karkat grumbled. “It sounds like you're getting played.”

John patted Karkat's shoulder and laughed. “That's Karkat for 'you're welcome'. I'm really glad you guys are back together. Vriska has helped me a lot too.”

Terezi's expression softened. “Oh, yeah?”

John nodded, then he glanced at Terezi's cane and remembered she was blind. He mentally kicked himself. “Yeah,” he said. “Vriska's been a pretty awesome friend.”

To Karkat's obvious chagrin, Vriska and Terezi stayed for quite a while. The group discussed their common friends, coming out, and their favorite hobbies and pastimes. John told them how wonderful Dave had been to him about his sexual orientation and Vriska told a humorous story about how Tavros had bought her an Indigo Girls CD and taken her to a softball game in an attempt to be a savvy queer peer. It was a surreal experience for John, but he enjoyed it. It was nice to hear from Terezi and Karkat that being out hadn't meant they had been forced to change who they were. Vriska seemed to get more confident throughout the conversation as well. She had been wrong, if you were out, being gay didn't have to be the only thing that you were. It wasn't the only thing that Karkat and Terezi were. Dave, Dirk, and Jake had known John was gay for a long time. They had never treated him any different because of it. How had he ever let himself push Dave away?

After the girls left, John and Karkat cuddled up on Karkat's bed. Karkat had his head on John's chest, and their position was not unlike the one they had been in when they had woken up under the trees in Lowas Park. John thought it would be fun to sleep in the park again sometime. Maybe even make out under those trees. He'd love to redo that date the right way.

“You're still not planning to talk to your dad, are you?” Karkat asked, rubbing his thumb against John's bicep. John gulped. He became aware of that heavy feeling in his chest again.

“I'm just not ready, Karkat.” John's voice was shaky. He tighted his grip around Karkat's waist, wanting to be closer to his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, I don't blame you, the guy's a tool,” Karkat responded with a sigh. “I used to be jealous of you. That you had a dad. A dad who seemed really good to you.”

John nodded. His chest hurt. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He was going to choke up if he didn't change the subject. “You never mention your mom,” he observed.

“Neither do you.” Karkat commented. John could feel those round eyes drifting towards his face.

“I didn't really know her,” John said, twisting his fingers through Karkat's hair. “She died when I was really young.”

“Huh. That's weird, I guess we have more in common than I thought,” Karkat replied. “I didn't know that when we were in high school.”

John smirked. “You didn't even know me in high school, silly.”

He heard Karkat clear his throat. “Yeah, you're right.” Karkat planted a kiss on the bottom of John's chin. “I really didn't. But I thought I hated you. Deep down, though, I think I was always pretty okay with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol remember when I used to post chapters on time or even early  
> /fail  
> (I do like this chapter more than other recent ones though so I guess it's worth it)


	42. Chapter 42

==> Eridan

When Eridan awoke on Saturday morning, Sollux was gone. Eridan frantically searched his pillows and dresser for a note indicating why Sollux had left or where he had gone, but there was no trace of the man to be found. He had thought things were going well with Sollux last night. Sollux had even taken a more amused and affectionate stance on Eridan's post-sex clinginess after last night's activities. Eridan had thought things were even better than they had been before Sollux had stormed out of the dinner party. He briefly pondered finding Feferi so he could lament his problems to her, be he wasn't sure he could handle the teasing and rapid fire 'I-told-you-so's. Feferi was always talking about how she didn't have the energy to deal with Eridan's problem's anymore anyway. She was a varsity high school cheerleader and too good for her older brother. Whatever. Like he cared. Well, he did care, actually. But it was easier to act like he didn't. Feferi would come crawling back one of these days, feelings horrible that she had spent so much time telling him that his relationship with Sollux was an attention grab that would bring nothing but trouble.

Eridan turned over onto his side and pulled his fluffy comforter over his head. He wanted to just stop thinking about Sollux. That would show him. He could play Eridan for sex all he wanted, Eridan wasn't going to let that get him down. He was an Ampora. He had pride. He could...

His eyes were just watering because he had just woken up. He wasn't crying. He wasn't going to cry about this. No matter how shitty it made him feel.

“Eridan, are you burrowed under your obnoxious rich boy blankets again?” a voice lisped. He threw the covers off him and found Sollux and Feferi standing in front of him, each holding a cardboard box. “How do you breath under there?”

“I am a fish and the blankets are my ocean,” Eridan retorted sarcastically. “I thought you had left, Sol.”

“Wow, that was a really dumb thing to say.” Sollux snorted. “I did leave. I had to go to my apartment to get the supplies necessary for fixing up your computer. You need to at least be able to play Portal 2 on it until we can use your credit card to buy you some top-of-the-line gear.”

“I don't see why you can't just be the one playin' it while I watch,” Eridan replied, rubbing the water away from his eyes. He didn't want to let his relief show, because he didn't want to make it obvious that he had forgotten that he and Sol had talked about pimping out his computer last night. He wasn't exactly sure how he should be expected to remember though, as Sollux had been riding his dick when he mentioned it. The conversation was pretty hazy in Eridan's mind. He was pretty sure his responses had been mostly incoherent moans. Eridan remembered more of how deliciously breathy Sollux's voice had been than what he had actually said.

Sollux snickered as he sat down his box and began pawing around in it's contents. “No way, ED. I want to see you actually try to beat this game yourself. I'll be there to jeer you over your shoulder.”

Feferi giggled and set down her box. “Do you need anymore help, Sollux?”

“Nope, FF, I think I'm good,” Sollux nodded to her. “Thanks for everything.”

“Oh, I see what's going on here,” Feferi giggled again, shoving Sollux's shoulder. “You just want me to go ahead and leave so you can be alone with my brother!”

“Oh my gog, Fef, shut up!” Eridan whined. Sollux grinned up at him.

“Yeah, FF, I'd say it's pretty obvious that I'm just around to bone your brother, not get in good with your family,” Sollux replied, removing some kind of green devise with a fan and with electronic doohickeys covering it. “So you can leave whenever.”

“Wow, Eridan,” Feferi said, looking startled that Sollux had responded so harshly to her playful teasing. She glanced from Sollux to Eridan. “Your boyfriend is rude!”

“Yeah, so are you, Fef, you said this relationship wouldn't last and here it is, lastin',” Eridan snarled. “And since when do you like hangin' out with your brother again?”

“I never said I didn't want to hang out with you! You are such a drama queen sometimes, Eridan! This is why I don't have the energy to deal with you!” Feferi rolled her eyes. “Bye Sollux, good luck on Eridan's stupid computer.” She gave Sollux a small smile and wave before glaring at Eridan and stomping out of the room.

“Aw, cute, she did a mini-ED stomp,” Sollux cooed, pulling a toolbox out of the cardboard box Feferi had carried in. “I always thought she was the mature one of you two, but I guess everyone has their moments.”

Eridan huffed. “She's not mature, Sol, she's always actin' like a pampered princess. If you knew her you'd see that.”

“Aradia usually speaks pretty highly of her,” Sollux replied, sitting down in front of Eridan's computer. He pulled up start menu and clicked in the bottom right corner.

“Sol, are you loggin' outta my account? I got some important unsaved files up on there,” Eridan said, sitting up more fully in bed. “You're an IT guy, don't you know you've gotta be checkin' these things before you just go shuttin' them off?”

Two dialog boxes popped up prompting Sollux to save Eridan's progress on a word document and an excel document. “Hm, should I save these ED? I don't know, I wouldn't think my boyfriend would be stupid enough to leave open an important unsaved file on his computer when there could be a power outage or someone trying to install a graphics card. I bet losing all this work would teach you how important saving is. The smart people of our generation learned to save early, save often from Sierra games.”

Sollux was still a tool. Eridan hopped off his bed and dashed over to his desk. As he reached to snatch his mouse from Sollux's hand, he knocked over a stack of fake gold coins sitting next to his monitor. “Sol, look what you make me do,” he grumbled.

“You're the one who knocked them over, not me,” Sollux replied, amused. He shoved his shoulder into Eridan's chest to keep him away from the mouse and keyboard while he hit the “Discard” button on both dialog boxes. “Oops, ED, it looks like my hand slipped. Too bad.”

“Sol, I'll have you know that one a those was pertainin' to our LGBT group,” Eridan whined, exasperated. “So you're hurtin' yourself here.”

“I'm teaching my boyfriend an important life lesson. And you can't be too mad, ED, I'm giving you a really nice graphics card,” Sollux sneered, placing the toolbox on Eridan's desk and opening it. “I'm going to be building you a computer myself once you purchase the parts, so I don't want you screwing it up because you're an irresponsible ditz.”

“You're a bully, Sol,” Eridan whimpered. “And I'm paying for those new computer parts on my own dime I thought.”

Sollux slipped out of Eridan's desk chair and knelt on floor with a screwdriver in his hand. He smirked up at Eridan. “And I was starting to think you had a bad case of fuck brain. Yeah, you're paying for this shit, asshole. But you're not paying for my services, so you still should be thanking me.”

“You're making yourself sound like a fuckin' computer hooker,” Eridan said, crossing his arms.

“I work in IT, so I guess I am,” Sollux snickered. Eridan crouched down next to him as Sollux pulled Eridan's modem out from under the desk. “We should make your new modem fuchsia and teal, so it will match your awful bedroom.”

“I'd rather it be purple, if I can be decidin' the color,” Eridan muttered, watching Sollux pull wires out of the back of the computer. Sollux chuckled.

“Why am I not surprised?” he replied, reaching an arm out to pat Eridan's thigh. “Purple's better than teal and fuchsia, I guess.”

==> John

John grinned over the assorted junk covering Karkat and Gamzee's table at his boyfriend. Karkat was finishing up the final pieces of a batch of pancakes John had made from scratch. He had been forced to improvise a bit, given the limited ingredients in the apartment.

“What were you yelling at Gamzee for this morning?” John asked. “You seemed calmer than usual until you talked to him.”

Karkat looked up from his plate, fork still in his mouth. It was absolutely precious. He pulled the fork out of his mouth and grumbled, “Well, I was feeling decent because I've actually been managing to sleep fairly well lately. My nightmares haven't been as bad, probably because I've been too busy being jerked around by you.” When John's smile faltered, Karkat hastily added, “And it's also been pretty fucking nice to have you with me at night.”

John's smile returned. “It's been pretty fucking nice for me too, Karkat.”

There was a click as Karkat sat his fork down on his plate. His cheeks darkened as he cleared his throat and glanced away. He drummed his fingers on the table. “Anyway, Gamzee's throwing some all day asshole party for Tavros' band today, so hanging out here isn't an option for us anymore.”

“Why not? That actually sounds like fun,” John replied. “I would say it sounds wild, but Gamzee and Tavros are pretty mellow, so I doubt it will be.”

“Exactly, it's going to be fucking terrible and just as waste of our limited space,” Karkat ranted, shaking his head. “He's supposed to run this shit by me first so I can say 'no'. Especially since I have a boyfriend now that I, believe it or not, want to fucking be alone with.”

John's grin widened. “I want to be alone with you too. We could always go to my apartment.”

“Your apartment doesn't have...” Karkat sighed. “No, that was stupid. Nevermind.”

“What doesn't my apartment have?” John asked, eyebrow quirked.

“Nothing,” Karkat mumbled, eyes on his plate rather than John. “I just need to get some stuff from my room if we're going to your place.”

John tilted his head. He really hoped Karkat was thinking what he was thinking about their plans for the day.


	43. Chapter 43

==> Karkat

Karkat knew John had seen him attempt to stealthily snag the condoms from his dresser drawer, so there was no way he could pretend he didn't know where this day was going. Still, John deserved a proper romantic lead up to his first time. John's first make-out session had been a drunken catastrophe. Karkat was going to make sure losing his virginity was far more controlled and perfected. Karkat was trying to form a plan, but it was hard when John seemed inadvertently desperate to sabotage him.

“I'll get us some glasses of water before we start making out, since you seem so concerned that we're going to end up with dry mouth,” John announced as soon at they at entered his apartment. “Unless you'd rather have juice. Would that make our mouths taste fruity?”

“Your mouth will just taste like your mouth,” Karkat grumbled, sitting on John's couch. The make out session was supposed to occur naturally, not be a planned part of the day. John had a bad habit of sometimes wanting to ask before he kissed or made out with Karkat. It was very gentlemanly, but it also took a bit of a romantic thrill of it.

When John returned from the kitchen he set two coasters and two large cups of water on the coffee table. He nearly knocked one of them over. He chuckled in embarrassment. “Ha, I guess I'm a little nervous, Karkat.”

Good, that was an opening for a romantic line. But Karkat couldn't think of one. So he just said, “You don't need to be. It's just me.” It came across sounding gruffer than he had intended.

John flashed him a toothy grin and crawled onto the couch next to him. He wrapped his arms around Karkat's waist and pulled their bodies together. John was on his knees, and Karkat could already feel John's hardening pressing against him through their clothes. It made his own dick twitch. If this had been Sollux, Karkat would have attacked his neck with his lips and gotten right into things. But this was John. John Egbert. A man so perfect Karkat could barely believe he was sitting in front of him. And a man who happened to be a virgin. He had to be gentle. 

“You're not 'just you'. You're incredible,” John mumbled, nuzzling Karkat's neck. “I still can't believe you're my boyfriend.”

It was kind of weird that a statement like that would get him hard, but Karkat had always been a sucker for sap. John slipped his hand under Karkat's shirt and rubbed his side. He pulled his head up to give Karkat a kiss. John was really improving at kissing. He was being so gentle and sweet, Karkat could of sat there kissing him for hours. When John broke away, he pressed his forehead against Karkat's and grinned. His blue eyes were bright and excited. John Egbert was the most magnificent being in the entire universe. 

“So, I don't really know where to start with the sex thing,” John murmured, searching Karkat's eyes. “What do I need to do? Am I ruining it by asking?”

“You're being awkwardly blunt, but I guess I can't blame you,” Karkat replied, fingering John's hair. “What would make you more comfortable? Music?”

John tightened his grip around Karkat's waist and nuzzled his face into the space between his neck and shoulder. “I don't want any music. That's tacky. And I want to focus on you.”

Karkat couldn't believe he'd ever thought he needed to lecture John on how to be properly romantic. If this were a romancing competition, John would be destroying him. John was effortlessly romantic, and Karkat was too busy melting to keep up.

“We'll need to work up to it,” Karkat was panting and his words were uneven. His breaths matched the rhythm of John's hands stroking his back. “We can kiss for a while, then we'll need to take off our clothes. That should be obvious, but you're a ditz so I thought I'd include that.” Why had he just insulted John? He didn't want to be insulting John, he wanted to be marveling at him. He had conditioned himself to snap at things that were obnoxiously perfect. He needed to be making John feel good right now. “You are really hot,” he added quickly, saying the first compliment that came to his head. It wasn't a very good one. Wow, he was an idiot. Still, it must have been effective, because John immediately responded by thrusting his crotch against Karkat. As he did so, he moaned quietly.

“Okay, yeah, let's take off our clothes then. You're really hot too,” John breathed. He untangled himself from Karkat and began tugging off his t-shirt.

“John, I said we needed to work up to that,” Karkat said, transfix as John's bare chest came into view. “You always in such a fucking hurry.”

“Do you want me to come in my pants again?” John smirked and tossed his shirt to the floor before unlatching his jeans. Karkat nodded slightly. Point taken. He thought it would probably have been more passionate and romantic for him and John to be removing each others' clothes, but John was already peeling off his socks. Karkat hastily removed his sweater and undershirt. He fumbled with the button his jeans because he was staring at John in his boxers.

When Karkat was also stripped down to his boxer briefs, John hesitantly started pulling down his boxers, breathing thick. Eyes on John's crotch, Karkat did the same.

“I like that you have, red underwear,” John panted, pushing his boxers past his erect cock. “Oh man, I've never seen another guys aroused, uh, junk in person before. That is. Wow.” John crawled back towards Karkat on the couch, eyes glued on Karkat's penis. “It's so. Can I touch it?”

“Don't you dare fucking torment me,” Karkat grumbled, back straightening.

“No, I'll just, uh,” John wrapped a hand around Karkat's dick and began stroking. Karkat whined and arched his back. “Heh, that is so hot.”

Karkat reached his hand out and blindly grabbed for John's head. “Let me, John, stop and let me do something for you.”

John's hands stilled and he looked up at Karkat expectantly. “Yeah. Wa. What should I do?”

“Just, just get in a kneeling position, I guess,” Karkat instructed. He watched as John quickly complied.

“Are we going to do that thing where you put your, uh. Where you. You know, put your cock in my ass,” John asked crassly, gulping.

“I don't think you're ready for that,” Karkat said. “And not everyone likes doing that.”

John slid his hands over Karkat's shoulders and down his back as Karkat scooted closer. “Do you not like doing that?”

Karkat kissed John's neck. “I do,” he confessed. “But it's not something you can just do. It takes preparation.”

“Let's prepare, then,” John replied, grinding his dick against Karkat's thigh. Karkat let out a loud moan as John pressed his own thigh between Karkat's legs.

“We can prepare, but only if you make it through what I'm about to do without coming.” Karkat supposed he had intended that to sound like a jeer, but it came out as breathy and shaky as everything else he had been saying. He had been planning to give John a good old fashion blow-job, but this grinding thing they were currently getting into was pretty distracting. Karkat knew he was being loud, he was always loud during sex. If they had anal, like John wanted, Karkat would be screaming. John's neighbors would probably never look at him the same way again. It actually really was better to have music or at least a loud fan on when having sex with Karkat.

As John thrust against his leg, he laid he forehead on Karkat's shoulder. “What are you going to do, K-Karkat?” he gasped. Karkat pushed his leg against John, causing John to pull his head up and arch his spine. “Fuck, shit, Karkat, fuck,” he shouted, continuing to rub against his boyfriend. At least Karkat wasn't the only one being loud. It occurred the Karkat that he probably should have gotten the condoms out of his jeans already. But he didn't want to stop what he was doing. They'd probably just have to make a mess. At least they most likely weren't going to have anal sex.

“You're already close,” Karkat observed. John grunted in response. He forced himself to pull back, causing John to whimper and try to press against him again. “Wait, I'm going to. I'm going to suck you off.”

John gasped and let Karkat lower his head to John's crotch. He knew John wasn't going to last very long, so he grabbed his own cock and stroked it while he ran his tongue over John's penis. John hissed.

“Fuck, Karkat... Karkat, you are so fucking... fuck,” John grabbed Karkat's hair. Within minutes of Karkat taking John into his mouth, there was a stream of bitter ejaculate spraying into his mouth. He choked and sat back, wiping his mouth and staring at John's slender figure as he finished himself.

“Tell me before you shoot down my throat next time, asshole,” he panted. John put his forehead on Karkat's shoulder again and lowered a hand to assist Karkat. Karkat yelped. He panted loudly before John lifted his head to kiss him again. When Karkat came, John smiled against his lips and wrapped his arms around him. They sat like that for a while, sticky, snuggled, and panting.

“I'm crazy about you,” John mumbled at last. “Being gay is pretty amazing. Even more amazing than I thought it would be.”

Karkat rubbed his cheek against John. “It amazing because you're amazing.”

John chuckled and pushed Karkat onto his back before snuggling on top of him. “You're the best boyfriend ever. I never want to stop being with you.”

A tiny twitch of a smile formed on Karkat's lips. It was probably good no one could see it. John traced his fingers over Karkat's shoulders and sighed affectionately.

In Karkat's opinion, whoever it was that picked that moment to knock on John's door had the worst timing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this might suck idk
> 
> anyway


	44. Chapter 44

==> John

John had just barely settled into the afterglow on top of his boyfriend when their cuddling was interrupted by the knock. John's initial reaction was to ignore it. If it was Vriska or Sollux, they could wait until Monday. His mind was busy being consumed with bliss. He had just had sex with his incredibly hot boyfriend. He wanted to cuddle and enjoy the warmth of Karkat's naked body beneath him. He wanted to loll in the gentle stroke of Karkat's hand on his back. He wanted to bask in being completely, utterly, wonderfully gay. He almost couldn't even believe the moment he was soaking up was real, it was too much of a dream come true.

The pest outside John's apartment rapped on his down again. He let out a whine and nuzzled into Karkat's neck.

“Are you going you going to answer that, or are you just going to keep pretending you can't hear it?” Karkat asked, his throat moving against John's face. John slid his hand down Karkat's chest and began fingering at his nipple. Karkat grunted, and squirmed. “What if it's your dad?”

John's eyes snapped open. The thought hadn't even occurred to him, he'd been so busying clinging to Karkat. He pulled himself up onto his knees, terrified eyes on Karkat's strangely relaxed face. How could he be so calm at a time like this? When was Karkat ever calm? Had him partaking in gay sex spun him into some bizarre alternate universe where Karkat didn't freak out about everything?

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck,” John mumbled. He went to run his hand through his hair and realized that he still had Karkat's come on it. The ejaculate was now caked in his hair. This was an unmitigated disaster. He was panting, panicked. He jumped when another knock came.

“John, John, Johnny, John,” called a playful female voice through the door. “I know you're in there. I heard voices. Stop blowing me off and come answer the door.”

Karkat squinted in confusion. “Who's that? They sound drunk.”

John gazed down at him in horror, breathing frantic. “That's my stepmom. Oh no, shit, Karkat this is really bad.” John stumbled off of Karkat and the couch, hurrying over to his kitchenette. He needed to at least wash the come off his hands.

“Want me to answer it to buy you some meltdown time? I don't think this flighty broad is going anywhere,” Karkat grumbled. John glanced over his shoulder as he washed off his hands, and saw Karkat wiping his own hands on his sweatshirt. John splashed water onto his hair, hoping to remove enough of the come for it to not be noticeable.

“Johnny, why won't you open up? I'm not gonna hurt ya, I just wanna talk,” John's stepmom called. John dashed back over to where Karkat was sliding his jeans back on and recklessly tossed things around until he found his boxers. By the time he had retrieved his jeans from where he had thoughtlessly thrown them while searching for his boxers, Karkat was headed towards the entrance to John's apartment. He was shrugging into this undershirt when he pulled open the door to reveal a blonde woman dressed in pink and white, drinking from a water bottle that most likely contained some sort of alcoholic concoction.

“What do you want?” Karkat asked, keeping the door closed enough that John could escape out of it's viewing range to finish putting on his shirt and collecting his thoughts. Unfortunately, his brain was too overcome with panic for there to be any clear thoughts to collect. He ran his hands over his wet hair, finding come on his fingers as his brought his hand back down. He darted back over to the sink to rinse his hands again.

“I'm just here to visit my cute little stepson, John. This is the right apartment, isn't it?” John heard Roxy ask his boyfriend. “Man, that would be embarrassing if I made that big old show of begging John to come to the door and I'm not even at the right place.

“What do you want to talk to John about?” Karkat's voice had it's gruffness back. John thought that was kind of a relief. At least not everything about his life was crashing down around him. Okay, he was being a little melodramatic. But he didn't know how else he was supposed to be feeling right now. What could his stepmom possibly want?

“So this is his place then. I just want to talk to him about his dad, what's wrong with that? Why you gotta be keeping him from me?” Roxy asked. John splashed more water onto his hair.

“What high horse did you drunkenly stumble off of that makes you think you can just demand to come into someone's apartment when they clearly don't want to answer the fucking door?” Karkat snarled. John stumbled across the small apartment to where Karkat and Roxy were. 

“Hey, Roxy, sorry, you showed up at kind of a bad time,” John informed her from over Karkat's shoulder. “You wanted to talk about my dad? Did he send you to talk to me?”

“Naw, I came over here to see ya on my own accord,” Roxy replied, a devious smile forming on her face. “What ya got in your hair there, Johnny?”

“Hair gel,” John didn't intend to shout his response. “We were trying out a new hair gel and it was kind of a failure. Won't be using this one again, will we, Karkat?”

“You're Kitty Cat!” Roxy exclaimed, snapping her fingers. She smiled at Karkat. “That explains so much. Dirk had said you were a hottie. He sure wasn't kidding.” Roxy winked and Karkat shifted his weight uncomfortably. He glanced at John.

“You talked to Dirk about me?” John asked, surprised. “Did Dirk talk to my dad too?”

“Your dad went straight to Dirk and Jake's house after he concluded you weren't gonna be picking up your phone for him. They talked for a while, but I don't know everything that got said. I went and talked to Dirk on my own, and he raved about how adorable you two were and how Jake was melting at the sight of you guys together,” Roxy said. She took a swig from her water bottle.

John was startled. He didn't know what to do with this new information. On one hand, the fact that his dad had gone to speak with Dirk and Jake showed that he was trying to figure John out. But what conclusions had his dad reached? What exactly had he been asking?

“What have dad and Dirk been saying? About what my dad thinks about this?” John asked.

“Your dad is still trying to process everything. Dirk and Jake were trying to talk him out of thinking it was a phase, I think,” Roxy responded. “I think he was mostly upset about the fact that you didn't trust him enough to tell him in a more kind and calm way. And also sooner.”

“He's upset that I didn't tell him sooner?” John shouted. He could have sworn Karkat flinched. “How was I supposed to? He talked about how unnatural homosexuality was all the time. What was I supposed to do? He's always wanted me to be a mini version of him. He's so self-centered that he thinks being just like him is the only right way to be.”

Karkat pushed the door a little more open so that he could be standing more directly next to John. He slipped his arm around his boyfriend.

“I'm sorry, John, but I think you've got your dad completely wrong,” Roxy said. She looked startled. “I don't think he ever expected you to be just like him. And I don't think that homosexuality is something he talks about all that much.”

“Yeah, well, what do you know,” John grumbled. “I appreciate you trying to mediate, Roxy, but you just don't understand him because you haven't been in my position.”

Roxy sighed. She stared at John wistfully for a moment before speaking again. “Fine. I'll leave it between your dad and you. But you should know that I don't care that this sexy little kitten here jizzes in your hair. You're still John, and you're still your dad's son. I never gave a fuck who you fucked. There are a lot more people on your side than you think, Johnny. That's why making that LGBT group Dirk was telling me about was such a good idea. You'll see who your allies are.”

John thought Roxy was probably so caught up in her alcohol-induced picturesque fantasy world that she couldn't see just how bad things were screwed up between him and his dad. Talking to Dirk and Jake had probably made John's dad less likely to accept him. His dad had looked down on Dirk even before he knew he was gay. If John's dad thought John was like Dirk, he was likely completely looking down on John now.

“Well, thanks Roxy,” John muttered. “I think Karkat and I are going to nap now, so maybe you should go.”

“Alright,” Roxy said, shaking her head. “You want to be alone with your man. I get that. At least tell me you're going to do that LGBT group.”

“Yeah, of course, all my friends are,” John replied. “There's a meeting on Monday night.”

Roxy grinned. “Well, I'm glad to hear that, John. You have a good nap with your hunky guy.” She waved and winked. With another chug of her water bottle, she strolled away. John pulled away from Karkat to shut the door and lean against it, face in his hands.

“Talking to Dirk and Jake, wow, that jerk must be desperate,” he heard Karkat grumble.

“Karkat,” John said, pulling his hands away from his face and gazing at his boyfriend. “Is it too early to say I love you?”

Karkat moved forward, wrapping his arms around John's waist and laying his head on his chest. “You're such a fucking moron. I love you too.”


	45. Chapter 45

==> John

If his day hadn't had a shadow cast on it by his stepmom's visit acting as a reminder of what had happened between him and his father, John might have just believed he stepped into a perfect world. He was cooking dinner with Karkat. It was like they were husbands or something. Wow, it was definitely way too early to be thinking about that. But he loved how domestic they were being after having just screwed on John's couch that morning. He walked over to where Karkat was slicing tomatoes for their salad and slipped his arms around his waist. He kissed his neck, his lips and nose lingering against his boyfriend's skin.

“We're going to end up consuming our meal around midnight if you keep letting your touchiness sidetrack you,” Karkat grunted. John was falling more and more in love with that fake grouchy act Karkat put on. After seeing Karkat's post-sex face that morning, he had come to realize just how little malice there was behind Karkat's rants. He had always known they were greatly embellished, but now it was clear to him that Karkat's angry front was almost entirely just a protective force field guarding a scared and softhearted Puerto Rican boy from getting hurt.

John lifted his head to place his chin on Karkat's shoulder. “I'm sorry, Karkat, I just love that I'm allowed to touch you.”

“You already were touching me before you were technically 'allowed' too. Remember our 'bro' date at the park? No one but you would have thought that was anything less than a smooth operator trying to fucking dash over as many bases as possible on his first date,” Karkat retorted, eyes still on the tomatoes he was cutting. “And whether or not your closeted seso was aware of it, you were probably on some level doing it on fucking purpose.”

John chuckled in embarrassment. “Yeah, I was doing it on purpose. And I was pushing through as many bases as I could while still trying to convince myself I was heterosexual,” he confessed. “That was definitely a date. How do you say perfect in Spanish?”

“Are you serious, John? You don't fucking know this?” Karkat huffed. “People say it all the time, you moron. I keep forgetting you're a sheltered homeschooler. It's 'perfecto'.”

“Oh,” John laughed, resisting the urge to scratch at his neck so that he could keep his arms wrapped around Karkat. “Well, I was going to try and be all romantic by saying you're perfect in Spanish, but now I just look dumb.”

Karkat sighed and sat down his knife. “It's kind of endearing how much of an idiot you are. You need some vice to keep you from being so obnoxiously perfecto that I can't stand to look at you.”

Karkat squirmed in John's arms until he had a good enough angle to push himself up into a kiss. When Karkat pulled away, his eyes were quivering. Those trembling, vulnerable eyes took John back to that night at the park. Back when he had been lying to himself.

“I think tonight seems like a good night for stargazing,” John said, rubbing Karkat's side. “Even if it's cloudy, we can just make out in the park.”

“It don't know, those pervert friends of yours might show up to grope us with their creepy fucking eyes,” Karkat replied. “Are you secretly an exhibitionist? Because that's a one of those vices we need to get out in the open right up front.”

“I just like being kind of rebellious with you I guess,” John answered, smiling awkwardly. “But if you don't like that, I'm perfectly content to cuddle and make out with you here.”

They did end up going to Lowas Park that night. The ground was still damp from the recent rainfall, so they didn't camp in the park. The sky was, however, clear enough for stargazing, so the couple cuddled atop the slide once again and gazed at the night sky. John learned more about the constellations than he could possibly retain on one trip, but he hoped that this would be a frequent activity for him and Karkat. Maybe one day he'd even let Karkat drag him to Loqam Park for stargazing. He doubted it would be nearly as awesome.

No matter what John Egbert did with Karkat Vantas in the future, however, he was positive it would be amazing. Because he loved Karkat Vantas.

==> Vriska

Vriska sat up in Terezi's bed and stretched. It was Sunday morning. Sunday, a day she had not been looking forward to. Terezi wanted to go with Vriska to Vriska's family's church so that she could meet Vriska's parents. Vriska wasn't sure if word of her coming out at reached anyone at that church yet, but she kind of doubted it. Unless Eridan had gone blabbing, but she was banking on him being too much of a self-centered dimwit to have given her dramatic declaration a second thought after he had left the party last week. All the most important moment in her life had been to him was something to upstage with his lame unsuccessful proposal. She was pretty sure Eridan and Rose had been in cahoots to make the evening as terrible as possible for her.

“Is this one of those churches where I'll need to wear a pretty dress?” Terezi asked, sitting up next to her and reaching out to touch Vriska's shoulder.

“I would say wear whatever you want, but if you're trying to impress my judgmental parents, I would say go all out on dolling yourself up, babe,” Vriska told her. She leaned over to kiss Terezi on the forehead. “You're so cute when you first wake up. I love it.”

“Well, I love you.” Terezi snickered. “I know how you hate being one-upped, but you totally set yourself up for that one.”

“Whatever, it's not like I can't easily drop a cliché on you that trumps the fuck out of that one, Terecutie. I love you more,” Vriska replied smugly. “Bam, owned, sexy girl.”

Terezi shoved her playfully. “If we lived in a culture where romance was based off rivalry, you would be set, babe.” Terezi leaned forward, closing her eyes to indicate that she wanted a kiss. It was precious. Vriska would have had to have been a huge, huge bitch not to comply. She gave that woman what she wanted.

After they had gotten out of bed and dressed for church, Vriska begun to become even more apprehensive. But if her family disowned her, she wouldn't be any worse of than John, would she? He was getting by just fine, other than the fact that he could definitely do better than Karkat. But John was a dork in love, so she didn't have any right to tell him who to date. John was happy, he had Karkat, he had his dumb blonde poser friend, he had Sollux, and most importantly (of course), he had Vriska. And she had him. No matter what happened. He had her back. And so did her sexy lawyer girlfriend.

The first members of her family that Vriska ran into once at the church were her sisters, Marquise and Aranea. They both excitedly greeted her, exclaiming that they hadn't expected to see her there. It had been a very long time since Vriska had gone to church. Her family wasn't particularly religious, but going to church had been a custom Vriska had grown up with. It wasn't a custom she missed very much. This church had always made Christianity out to be a religion of groveling. And that was just not Vriska's type of thing at all.

“So what brings you here to beg for forgiveness out of the blue, sis?” her older sister Marquise asked, ruffling her messy hair.

“I've got nothing in the world to be begging forgiveness for, bitch,” Vriska replied, crossing her arms. “I'm here to introduce you ladies and our parents to my super cute girlfriend.”

“Yeah, right, you're just dropping by church on Sunday morning to introduce us to your gal pal,” Marquise shot back, smirking. “What's your actual angle, Vriska?”

“Not gal pal, girlfriend, Marquise,” Aranea, Vriska's younger sister, corrected without missing a beat. This surprised Vriska. Aranea was always the most chill member of their family, she supposed. Still, Serket's weren't mellow. She should have been reacting to this revelation more. Aranea took a step towards Terezi and grinned at her. “You were Vriska's lawyer. Terezi Pyrope. Nice to meet you again.”

Despite not being able to see Aranea's smile, Terezi's lips curled up in response to the girl's cheerful voice. “Nice to meet you again, too. Aranea, right?”

“Yup, and my older sister here is Marquise,” Aranea said, still chipper. “I have to tell you this story about what happened to us on the way to the church this morning. Let me set the stage. Yesterday, it was windy and, you might not know this about me and Marquise, but we - ”

“Oh wow, shut up, Aranea. We don't have time for this,” Marquise cut in. “Are you saying that Vriska's a lesbian?”

Vriska's confusion about her younger sister's calm attitude was quelled when Aranea told Marquise, “Yes, this isn't a big deal. She was dating the Maryam girl for a while. Don't tell me you were so busy squabbling with Dexter Ampora about whether or not you two should get back together that you didn't see what was going on there. Terezi, let me tell you this story about Dexter and Marquise -”

“Gee, Vriska, you're a dyke and you didn't even tell me? Some sister you are. I thought we were close,” Marquise complained, ignoring Aranea's second attempt at storytelling. “Gosh, if you were into the fairer sex, why did you date all of those douchy assholes with terrible personalities? You could have avoided all of that if you were into pussy. Why'd you still let it eat up so much of you drama allotment? Oh, that's right, you thrive on drama.”

“Do you ladies even care at all? I was trying to protect myself from discrimination,” Vriska retorted.

“Vriska,” Marquise shook her head and rolled her eyes. “If anyone tried to give you shit about dating bitches, you would have destroyed them. And if you didn't, Aranea and I would have done it for you.”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late. It was an important chapter, I wanted to make sure I got it right. Also, this chapter was originally supposed to have some erisol but Vriska took over

==> Vriska

Vriska's parents didn't take it nearly as well as her sisters. Aranea and Marquise went with Vriska and Terezi to hunt down Mister and Misses Serket in the church. They found Vriska's father first, talking to Eridan's father. As Aranea started to approach him, Marquise grabbed her shoulder.

“Before we say anything, I want to make sure this is what Vriska wants to do,” Marquise told her younger sister. “Dad probably won't be as chill with this as we were.”

“What are you talking about, Marquise?” Aranea replied, glaring up at her sister. “Dad always hated the guys Vriska dated. I think he'll be relieved.”

“He won't be,” Vriska told Aranea. “Don't you know our parents at all? They told me it was great that Kanaya and I had stopped hanging out after she came out because she was, and I quote, 'headed down the wrong path.'”

“Yeah, but it's different when it's your own child,” Aranea asserted. She gestured dramatically towards her father. “He's not going to kick you to the curb like the Maryams did to Kanaya. He loves you. He might not be thrilled about it, but he'll take it in strides. Whenever I worry about how he'll respond to something I've done that he might view as wrong, I remember when we were children, Marquise couldn't have been much older than 12, and we were curious out proper ways in which to heat up the broken electric iron. Do you remember that, girls? Earlier that day, we had broken the iron in an attempt to iron our pool table dry in our basement that had flooded after the terrifying storm the evening before, and as you may remember Marquise was always so adventurous during storms -”

“Okay, the gist of this story is we set the kitchen on fire trying to heat up an electric iron and our parents forgave us,” Marquise summarized for Terezi. “But wow, is a group of kids doing something dumb while home alone ever different than his adult daughter being something he looks down on. I love dad, but there's a good chance he's going to be pretty upset about this. Vriska, I want you to really think about whether or not this is a good idea.”

“Come on, Marquise.” Vriska snorted and rolled her eyes. “How much of a dumb loser do you think I am? I've already thought this through, so you can cut the know-it-all older sibling act. I got this. I'm prepared for any outcome.”

Vriska had always looked up to Marquise. Idolized her, even. She had always believed that it was in her blood to one day be as incredibly awesome as her older sister. But after what had happened with Simone, Vriska had realized that she could never be like her sister. She saw and experienced the world far too differently from Marquise. She had spent a good deal of time moping about how she was too damaged to ever be as perfect and confident as her sister. But she didn't really have time to dwell on that. There was no reason to allow herself to be talked down to by someone who had no idea what it was like to be her. Marquise wanted to think of Vriska as an imperfect clone of her flawless self. But as hard as it was for Vriska to swallow, a Marquise clone wasn't what Vriska was.

“Vriska, I have so much faith in you to handle this responsibly. When we were children, as you know, we used to often make trips to Lomat Park with out mother. My favorite of the equipment on the playground at Lomat was the old jungle gym that mom said had been there even when she was a child,” Aranea began. Vriska waved a hand dismissively at her.

“Get to the point, Aranea,” she grumbled. “We don't have time for your obnoxious droning. That's seriously your least desirable quality. You should probably just stop doing that forever.”

“Well, I'm sorry that responsible story pacing matters to me, unlike my hasty sisters who just want the bare minimum of information. I can't believe I'm related to the two of you sometimes,” Aranea huffed While she snapping at Vriska, their father approached.

“Vriska, it's a pleasure to see you here,” Vriska's father greeted. “Why didn't you tell me you were coming?”

Yeah. Aranea would talk away all of the time Vriska had to tell her sisters to play it cool. Aranea was such a blabbermouth. It really was her worst quality.

“Hey, dad.” Vriska waved as nonchalantly as she could. “It was a last minute decision to come. My girlfriend, Terezi, wanted to meet you. Where's mom?”

“She's talking to her covenant group. And I know Terezi Pyrope, she was your lawyer. But it's always nice to see this lovely woman who helped you through such a rough patch in your life,” Vriska's father replied with a grin. He held out his hand for Terezi. “Wonderful to see you again, Ms. Pyrope.”

“He wants to shake your hand,” Vriska murmured to her girlfriend. Terezi snickered and reached out her hand for Mr. Serket to shake.

“Ah, I'm sorry. It's easy to forget you're blind, given how well you function normally,” Mr. Serket told Terezi smoothly as they shook.

“It's okay, Mr. Serket. A lot of people expect me to be stumbling around helplessly,” Terezi teased.

Vriska looked back and forth from Terezi to her father. Like Marquise, her dad just wasn't getting it. People really needed to stop referring to their female friends as 'girl friends' It was confusing and throwing off her groove. “Dad, that when I said she was my girlfriend, I meant I was actually dating her.”

The cocky smile on her father's face vanished. He narrowed his eyes. “Is this your idea of a joke?”

Vriska crossed her arms and tilted her chin up. “Do I look like I'm joking, Pops? I don't joke about shit like this.”

Vriska's father scratched the side of her face and glanced towards the coat rack, then down at the floor. He cleared his throat before turning back to Vriska and responding, “Was it all those terrible boys you dated that caused this? Terezi was like a safety net for you, I think you're projecting emotions onto her that aren't real.”

Rage flared up in Vriska. “Are you serious, Pops? That is such bullshit. I can't believe you would say something so dumb,” she scoffed.

“I think what Vriska is trying to say is -” Aranea began, probably wanting to soften Vriska's harsh, John Egbert-style parent lash-out. 

“No, Aranea, I've got this. You really think I'm just running to Terezi for emotional support? What do you take me for?” Vriska pressed, intense eyes locked on her father. “What does that say about you, huh? Your lame, weak, confused daughter is so emotionally damaged by men that she's turning to chicks instead.” Her voice was heavy with vicious, biting sarcasm. “I guess that must mean you failed at giving me a better image of men. But if that weren't bad enough, you're making it out like it's my fault. Wow, you're really ace at this parenting business.”

She could of sworn the cough that left Aranea's throat was covering up a laugh. 

“Vriska, I didn't realize this was an issue. You barely visit home anymore. I suppose I should have recognized that as a warning sign.” Vriska's father shook his head sadly. “I can get you some help, though, now that I know -”

Vriska snorted. “I don't need help, Dad. I just wanted to let you know who I was currently with. And that it's pretty serious. I'm sticking with this amazing woman whether I have your blessing or not.”

“Vriska, this is not a good time for you to be stubborn.” Mr. Serket's voice was cool. As he spoke, Vriska's mother walked up behind him and smiled at her daughters.

“There whole family's here today, what a nice surprise. And how terrific to see Ms. Terezi Pyrope again,” Vriska's mother said. She nodded at Terezi. “How have you been, dear?”

“I'm swell. How are you, Mrs. Serket?” Terezi replied politely, despite the devious grin that had been present since Vriska sassed her father still being in place.

“I'm very well, thank you for asking.” Mrs. Serket was nodding serenely when Mr. Serket clasped her shoulder in his hand.

“Vriska was just telling me that she and Terezi have been in a relationship,” Mr. Serket told her, voice gruff and cool.

Mrs. Serket's smile faded slowly. “A relationship?” she asked, her look one of concern and confusion. “You mean like a...”

“We're dating,” Terezi told her brightly. “Your daughter is amazing. I'm really lucky to have her in my life.”

Vriska could have screamed with joy. She wanted to tackle Terezi and cover her in kisses for being so unstoppably flawless. How someone like Terezi could love someone like Vriska was still a mystery to her, but she wasn't about to question it. She just wanted to bask in it. Her parents sucked, her girlfriend was awesome. And she supposed her sisters weren't terrible either.

Her parents both began telling her how she needed therapy, how she was just confused because of what had happened with Simone. But she didn't really care. She knew who her real family was. She not only had her terrific sisters, Marquise and Aranea, she also had some non-biological brothers that worked with her in IT. Who needed parents? Who needed the church or the town to approve of who she was? The people who mattered didn't care.

Her mother was crying.

“I just don't understand why you won't seek help for this,” Mrs. Serket sniffled. Vriska shrugged.

“I don't need it,” she told her mother flippantly. “I think Terezi will tell you I have my head screwed on straighter than I have in a long time.”

Terezi snickered. “Straighter,” she said. Aranea laughed along with her.

Man, her real family was so cool.


	47. Chapter 47

==> Sollux

There was a pounding on Eridan's door, accompanied by a female voice that was far too cheerful for Sollux's tastes early in the morning. In frustration, he picked up the cushy fuchsia pillow he had been using to rest his head on and threw it over his head to cover his ears.

“Who in your terrible family is awful enough to wake us up on Sunday morning?” Sollux growled at Eridan from under the pillow. In the space between the pillow and the mattress, Sollux watched Eridan sat up in bed.

“I think Fef and Mee made breakfast. It's their thing on Sunday. It's usually pretty good when they do, even if Mee tends to end up bein' a little on the crazy side when she cooks,” Eridan replied. He reached his hand up to run his hand through his messy hair. Sollux let go of the pillow so he could get a better look. The girl had stopped knocking anyway. He thought Eridan's hair looked best when it was like that. Not styled, just chaotic from sex. Eridan was a pretty hot guy, he just tried to hard too look cool. When he wasn't trying, he was a sight to behold. Sollux felt a smirk tug at his lips when it occurred to him that he was the only one that got to see Eridan at his sexiest. He even contributed to his disheveled appearance. Sollux decided he was fine with Eridan dressing like a pretentious hipster. He would keep hot Eridan to himself.

“You need to stop calling your sister Mee. It makes your sentences sound awkward,” Sollux told Eridan. “Why do you feel the need to shorten everyone's names?”

“I don't know, it's just a quirk a mine, I guess.” Eridan shrugged. “Want to go down the breakfast?”

“Ugh, no, I hate your family, ED,” Sollux grumbled, propping his head on his hand. “Is there any way you could go and pilfer some food for us and bring it in here? I am pretty hungry from fucking last night.”

Eridan's face softened and he reached down to brush some blonde hair out of Sollux's face. His thumb wandered down to Sollux's ear piercing.

“You really should try to get along better with my family, Sol. It would mean a lot to me,” Eridan murmured. Sollux felt himself straighten. He nodded, realizing he was going to do what Eridan said, even though he didn't want to. After having spent all day yesterday shopping for computer parts and playing video games with the man, he was now completely tangled up in Eridan Ampora. Eridan may have been a tool, but Sollux was finding him to be an enjoyable tool to spend time with. Karkat had been a damaged boy Sollux who had wanted to take care of (and had failed to take care of), but Eridan was just as much of an asshole as Sollux. They actually had a strange sort of chemistry. It worked. Eridan was a little bit crazy, but it made things more of an adventure. And Sollux kind of liked adventure.

“By the way,” Eridan continued, rubbing circles on Sollux's ear. “It's a bit hypocritical a you to be judgin' my short nicknames when you shorten everyone’s names to just two letters.”

Sollux snorted out a small laugh. “The way I shorten people's names is cool. You just sound lazy.”

“Whatever, Sol, my nicknames are awesome,” Eridan whimpered. Sollux loved when he could get him to whine about frivolous things like that. It was stupidly endearing. Of course, the more he did it, the more he felt a little bit guilty when he saw that whimper show up.

Sollux reached across the bed to rub Eridan's abs. “Whatever you say. You've got to make the names as short as your penis, right?”

“Fuck you, just because yours is uncomfortably large doesn't give you the right to be naggin' me about my normal-sized one,” Eridan whined. He pouted and looked towards the door.

“Yours is not normal-sized.” Sollux snickered. “But it's okay. I enjoy it. And it's kind of a cute little thing.”

“So, I'm guessin' Kar was pretty hung then,” Eridan muttered, eyes still on his door. Sollux felt his lips fall into a startled frown. He narrowed his eyes at Eridan.

“This isn't about KK,” Sollux replied, pulling his hand away from Eridan's stomach. “You really need to stop bringing him up as a variable in our relationship.”

“You were the one who kept bringin' him up at the beginning,” Eridan huffed, tilting his chin up. He still didn't make eye contact with Sollux.

“That was stupid,” Sollux told him. “I shouldn't have done that. I think we've already established you're dating an asshole.” Sollux sat both of his arms down on the mattress, using them to keep himself propped up. He stared at Eridan, waiting for him to say something. Eridan always had something to say. But he didn't respond. He just gulped and continued his refusal to look at Sollux. So Sollux added, “It's not like I love him anymore, you know. I just feel guilty about what I did to him.”

Eridan's eyes finally snapped to meet his. His gray eyes were shaking as he peered at Sollux. “Then why are you always talkin' like he's so perfect and he's such a fuckin' paragon?”

“Because Karkat was, and still is, a pretty special guy,” Sollux replied, eyes locked steadily on Eridan's. “I was shitty to him. I shouldn't have messed things up with him because he treated me really well. I had a great guy in my life, and I screwed him over instead of giving him the relationship he deserved. I think that was what proved to me that I would never be a good boyfriend. Because if someone as great as him wasn't able to make me datable, then there really wasn't any hope.”

Eridan's look of surprise melted into one of sympathy. That was not a look Sollux wanted from Eridan Ampora. He did not want this man's sympathy. He wanted his sassy attitude. And his cock.

“You don't gotta be all doom and gloom. There's plenty a hope for you,” Eridan said, picking at his fingernails as he spoke. “You said it yourself, you and Kar just weren't workin' well together. That doesn't mean he's perfect and you're a mess. It just means the two a you were incompatible.”

“Yeah, maybe that's true. But maybe it's not. I guess it took a desperate asshole to force me into trying to be a boyfriend again.” Sollux's lips twitched into a little smirk. He crawled forward, smirk growing in deviousness . “For the record, I love your little dick. I like it in my hands -” Sollux slid his hand up Eridan's chest and pinched his nipple. He watched his boyfriend's face as he sucked in air at the action. “I like it in my mouth-” he leaned forward, running his tongue over the nipple he had just pinched. He lifted his head, eyes lidded as he bumped his nose against Eridan's. “I like it in my ass.” He pressed their lips together. 

When he pulled away from the brief kiss Eridan asked pitifully, “What about me? Do you like me?”

Sollux snorted against his boyfriend's lips. “Obviously.”

==> Eridan

After a round of morning sex, Eridan was able to talk a more relaxed Sollux into wandering down to the kitchen to loot any leftovers. When the distinct smell of maple syrup met Eridan's nostrils, he knew that it was pancakes that his half-sisters had made for breakfast. Both Meenah and Feferi were gone when they entered the kitchen, but Eridan's mother was still there collecting dishes off of the table. She glanced up as they approached, as sinister smile forming on her face.

“Why, Eridan, how nice of you to finally bring your boyfriend out of you bedroom,” she said as she carried a stack of plates away from the table. Connie Peixes didn't usually do household chores. That was always left up to the house cleaners they hired or one of the kids. Eridan knew she must have been looking for an excuse to be around when he and Sollux inevitably came downstairs in search of food.

Eridan looked over a Sollux. His boyfriend looked nauseous, his widened brown eyes locked on Eridan's mother. “Sollux Captor,” Eridan's mother said as she walked towards Eridan and Sollux. “How have things been in IT? I don't get down there to check on your team nearly enough.”

“We don't need a babysitter,” Sollux snarled, eyes narrowing. “My team is very efficient.” Eridan thought 'efficient' was a generous label for SBURB's IT department. But he didn't have time to concern himself with that at the moment. Sollux was being even worse to his mother than he had been to Feferi. Was this his way of purposely sabotaging their relationship?

“Well, I hope you're not planning to get a raise out of this little fling you're in with my son,” Connie told Sollux calmly. She set the dishes in the sink one at a time. Eridan wondered if she even knew how to do dishes. He had honestly never seen her do it before. “Eridan doesn't have any control over payroll.”

“Sol's not after anythin' like that, mother,” Eridan scoffed. “That's pretty awful a you to be assumin'.”

“He's Nic Captor's brother, Eridan. I'm not sure why you would expect him to be with you for anything other than money,” Eridan's mother replied. Without using any dish soap, she began running water over the sticky syrup-covered plates. “I certainly hope you've been using protection with this one.”

“Fuck this,” Sollux grumbled. He turned around and began briskly making his way back to Eridan's bedroom. Eridan gave his mother a pathetic look to show how hurt he was by her vicious statements, then hurried after his boyfriend. As he caught up to Sollux, the man informed him, “We're going out to eat for breakfast. I can't deal with your mom.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry she was treatin' you like that. She has kind of a bad view a your family, sadly,” Eridan said. He practically had to jog to keep up with Sollux's pace. “I don't think like that anymore, though, Sol. You need to know that.”

“You don't have to feel like an ass about this, ED,” Sollux muttered, voice thick with irritation. “I used to think your family was pretty awful too. But you and Feferi have your moments.” When Sollux said things like that, it made Eridan feel warm inside. Sollux didn't usually say kind things, so even the slightest compliment meant a lot coming from him. 

“Your mom, though, I'm never going to be able to put up with her bullshit,” Sollux continued as they climbed the stairs to the second floor. “Sorry, ED, I like you but that's never going to happen. She's a horrible witch.”

“You just got a bad impression of her is all,” Eridan insisted. He opened the door to his bedroom and Sollux entered without looking at him.

“No, I know for a fact she's the worst bitch in the town,” Sollux muttered, picking up his jeans off of the floor. “But if I told you why, you'd probably never speak to me again. Which would be good for you, I guess, but bad for me.”

There was the pseudocompliment again. But Eridan really didn't know what Sollux was talking about. Until Sollux informed him, while pulling on his jeans, “She had an affair with my brother, Nic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave Sollux an ear piercing because I was inspired by an awesome fanart drawn from this story on tumblr. [Go look at it!](http://rawrimamidget.tumblr.com/post/24209677533/help-the-end-of-this-chapter-put-it-in-my-head)


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so late :(

==> Eridan

“I kind of had an inklin' that somethin' like that might a occurred,” Eridan confessed, sitting down in his computer chair. “But I definitely didn't want to believe it on account a it bein' my mother. She just hired your brother to do some maintenance for our house for a while and he spent way to much time around here for me to buy that was all that was happenin'. It confused me a bit, though, because my mother always talked about how people from your part a town were basically trash.”

Sollux took a deep breath and sat on Eridan's bed. He gazed down at his hand as he drummed his fingers on Eridan's comforter. “I thought you would try to defend your mother's honor or something.”

“Well, you haven't said anythin' bad against her. It's true that my mother isn't very discernin' when it comes to pickin' her boyfriends. She cheated on my dad with Fef's dad, who wa a real piece a work. She's romantically a mess.” Eridan sighed and watched Sollux slowly raise his eyes to meet his own. “But she can't really judge me for datin' you if she was involved with your brother,” he continued.

Sollux's expression was completely serious. His eyes were intense as he stared Eridan down. “I hate your mother. She destroyed my brother. She led him on. She's a bitch, ED.”

Eridan didn't want to fight with Sollux about this, but he was being a little unreasonable. “There are two sides to every story, Sol. I'm sure your brother was at fault as well,” Eridan reasoned. Sollux's eyes narrowed.

“He wasn't. Your mother is just a monster,” Sollux replied in a harsh whisper. His eyes slid to the side and he chewed on the inside of his mouth for a moment before adding quietly, “But you're nothing like her, ED. Somehow, you ended up kind a decent guy.”

Joy flooded Eridan. He supposed he could forgive Sollux for trash talking his mother. Sollux just needed to understand her side of the story. “Well, you're nothin' like your brother or anyone else from your neighborhood, Sol. You're a quality human bein', and surprisingly hardworkin',” Eridan told him. He used his legs to walk his swivel chair awkwardly over to the bed. “You and your cousin, Ara, are diamonds in the rough, really.”

Sollux gulped and looked back into Eridan's eyes. He looked abnormally nervous. “You don't understand people from my neighborhood,” Sollux said hesitantly. “But I guess I could call you a diamond in the rough too. Although I don't think I really am one. There are a lot of hardworking people in my old neighterhood.”

Eridan kind of doubted that. Nic had always done a shoddy job on the maintenance at their house. Sollux just didn't want to think ill of the people he had grown up with. But that statement wasn't worth contesting. Sollux had called him a diamond in the rough. For someone who hated so many people that was skirting startlingly close to actual praise.

“You don't really believe people in my family are lazy do you, Sol? My mother has been ownin' and runnin' her own company for years,” Eridan told Sollux. He was secretly hoping to get another compliment out of his boyfriend. Sollux shook his head.

“Not just your family. People in Derse Court in general are uppity assholes. You're only like that because you don't know any better. You're a decent guy in an asshole costume,” Sollux replied. He reached out and patted Eridan's thigh. “I think you try to be as horrible as your fellow rich kids sometimes, but your heart is never really in it. You just want to chill out with those of us on the lower end of the food chain but you don't think that's what you should want.”

Eridan could have started crying. What a beautifully nice thing to say. It was so wonderful for someone to show a little faith in him. He lean forward and buried Sollux in a hug. “What would even make you say somethin' like that Sol?” Eridan said as he completely left his chair to more thoroughly hug Sollux.

“I just noticed it,” Sollux huffed, slowly wrapping his arms around Eridan patting his back. “You want anyone in our community that might be gay or bi or anything like that to join that stupid group you're starting. You were even willing to invite Karkat's psychopath flatmate. I don't think you really want to discriminate as much as you've been raised to.”

“And I've never thought a you as lazy or disease-ridden, Sol,” Eridan exclaimed, loosening his hug and sitting down in Sollux's lap. Sollux snorted.

“You would have been an moron if you were sleeping with me while thinking I was disease-ridden,” he teased. As they resituated into a half-hug, he set his chin on Eridan's shoulder. “I'm not as much of a slut as everyone thinks I am. I actually do prefer long-term relationships too. Why would I date someone like Karkat or you if I didn't?”

Eridan felt water start to drip from his eyes. Sollux punched him in the stomach. Not hard enough to bruise, but definitely hard enough to hurt.

“Don't you dare,” Sollux warned. “I do not want to see those pathetic gray eyes of yours leaking unless they have a good reason to.”

“Gee, Sol, way to ruin a moment. I was cryin' because I was happy,” Eridan whined. “Those were good tears. But now that I've been punched I might start cryin' some bad tears. And it will be your fault for bein' a shitty boyfriend.”

Sollux pulled his head away and scowled. “Sorry,” he grunted. Acknowledging his mistake appeared to pain him greatly. Eridan supposed he was still raw from the mistakes he had made when dating Karkat. It seemed like Sollux wanted to be a good boyfriend, he just needed to figure out what that meant. There was a heart buried under all those layers of snark and meanness. Eridan gave him a peck on the cheek. Sollux looked startled. Startled, but not upset. He bit his lower lip and glanced down at the comforter, looking thoughtful. After a moment he leaned in to give Eridan a sweet, chaste kiss.

Out in the hallway, there was a crash and the sound of two girls giggling loudly. Eridan and Sollux both jumped. Sollux pressed his forhead against the side of Eridan's and muttered in irritation, “You need to get your own place. Your family is terrible.”

Eridan gulped. “I could always move in with you,” he mumbled hopefully.

Sollux sighed. “I would love to have more time to school you on technology and fuck you brains out, but I think that's a really stupid idea. We need to get to know each other better before we do any shit like that.”

Eridan though that they knew each other pretty well. They talked all the time. Eridan whined about anything and everything that came to mind when he was with Sollux. And he was also beginning to draw Sollux out of himself a little more. Plus, Sollux had licked his asshole last night. How much more personal did they really need to get?

“How will we know we're acquainted enough to get a place together?” Eridan asked, whimpering.

“We just will,” Sollux said. “Stop being such a baby about this. You have plenty of money to get yourself a nice place. If it's got a nice enough entertainment system, I'll probably spend most of my time over there anyway.”

A smile began to grow on Eridan's face.“You're going to have to tell me exactly what to buy,” he said. 

“Obviously. You're a dumbass when it comes to these things,” Sollux said, snickering. “While we're out for breakfast we can pick up a paper and check what places are for sale. We should set up your place for surround sound. I've always wanted to wire a place for surround sound, but my apartment was too shitty to make it worth it.”

“I want a place with a pool,” Eridan announced excited.

“Ugh, I hate swimming, but I guess it's your choice.” Sollux reached up and affectionately ruffled Eridan's hair. “It will be a chance to see you wet and shirtless, at least.”

==> Sollux

Eridan enlisted Sollux to help set up for the first meeting of their new group before the rest of the members arrived. Why Eridan and Rose hadn't just done it themselves without dragging their significant others into the mix was beyond Sollux, but he begrudgingly agreed. It was getting harder and harder for him to say 'no' to Eridan.

Eridan had rented a small gray room in the local recreation center, and had decided it needed to be livened up. He decided this could be achieved by attaching pieces of red, blue, and purple fabric he and Sollux had purchased the night before to the walls and sitting pillows and cushions Eridan had brought from home on the metal fold up chairs the rec center had provided. When they had finished lighting the candles that Eridan had placed on small tables throughout the room, it looked to Sollux like a group of Buddhists were planning to have a meditation session in the room. After lighting the last candle and blowing out his match, Eridan put his hands on his hips and surveyed his handiwork.

“This place looks very relaxing and peaceful, doesn't it Sol?” Eridan asked, eyes shining with pride and wandering around the ornate room.

“It's something,” Sollux muttered.

From behind him, Kanaya was stepping down from a ladder she had been standing on to make sure the fabric was firmly attached to the wall. She commented, “As much as it pains me to acknowledge it, I must confess that you did a fairly decent job at transforming this drab room into a pleasant meeting space, Eridan.”

“I thought you would appreciate this, Kan,” Eridan replied, grin cocky. Sollux just smirked and shook his head.

“I wasn't aware you were going to announce this to the public,” Rose said, taking a seat and eying Eridan. “I'm not sure this will be as safe of an environment as we were intending it to be if people who are dissatisfied and opposed to our mission decide to attend. I would imagine there are people in this community who would be extremely against a gay rights group holding meetings in a public building.”

Eridan's smile faded. “What? I didn't announce this meeting to the public.”

“There was a flier for this meeting posted on the bulletin by the rec center front desk. Am I to assume you weren't aware it existed?” Rose replied, eyebrow raised.

“The person I rented the room from wanted to know all the details a the event we were havin', but I didn't think I was because they were wantin' to make a bulletin.” Eridan looked alarmed. He somehow managed to shove his hands in the pockets of his incredibly tight jeans. His eyes were doing that dangerous quiver thing they did when Eridan was at risk of crying. Sollux had to prevent that from happening. He hated seeing Eridan cry. It was a despicable quirk Sollux was developing from dating the man. Seriously, though, what grown man cried that much?

“It was right next to the desk, on hot pink paper. I would imagine a good deal of people were aware of it's existence,” Rose said, crossing her arms. “There isn't much we can do about it now. We'll just have to wait and hope for the best.”

Eridan yelped when there was a knock on the door. Sollux snickered, assuming it was just going to be one of the invited guests.

He certainly hadn't expected to open the door to find John Egbert's father.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little mini bonus chapter, since readers were curious about Karkat's past. :)

==> Past Karkat

It was surreal for Karkat to realize he could now identify himself as an orphan. He had never really known his mother, he just knew that she had been a Spanish teacher and had died when he was very young. His father had been wonderful, so he hadn't really felt like there was anything missing from his life. But now, as he browsed the online news articles to learn more about how his father had died at 3:15 in the morning, he really thought it sucked that he didn't have a mother. Seriously, the Maryams were terrible to live with. Kanaya was okay, he supposed, but her parents were real asshats. He had always crushed on guys rather than girls, and hadn't thought that was much of a problem. But the Maryams had been so angry at him when they found out he had made out with Gamzee. It hadn't even been a big deal, he and his best friend had both just been curious what it would be like to make out with someone. But Mister and Misses Maryam had thought he was lashing out as a result of his anger at what had happened to his father. Karkat had thrown a colorful collection of curse words at them before storming up to his bedroom. Kanaya had hurried up after him, joining him in his room to give him a hug and to tell him he hadn't done anything wrong.

Kanaya was always trying to fix everyone's problems. Karkat thought his real mother was probably more like Kanaya than Kanaya's parents. His mother was a Leo, so he and his father had taken sunflowers, the flower of Leos, to her grave once a year on her birthday. The even bought the sunflowers from her family's department store, Leijon's. Karkat continued to do this after his father died, and Karkat had begun to talk to her when he went to her grave. It was stupid, she was dead. But he needed someone to talk to. And he imagined his mother was a pretty good listener. Better than his stupid fake parents.

Karkat's blood boiled as his eyes skimmed over a paragraph in the current article he had open about how his father had been decapitated. It had happened after he suffered multiple stab wounds and had an arm served off. The autopsy had shown it was likely he had been bleeding but still alive for a while before his head was removed from his body. Sociologists speculated that the group that had done this was not only interested in robbing the foreigners, but were upset with the Westernization that had been occurring in the villages in the surrounding area.

Karkat couldn't sleep at night anymore. He just browsed the internet. He hated how often the Maryams lectured him for not getting enough sleep. If he slept, he'd have nightmares. He couldn't wait to move out.

A few years later, at sixteen, he did move out. He and Gamzee (who's parents traveled a lot and were generally absurdly permissive) bought an apartment together close enough to both the high school and the restaurant they both worked at for them to not need a car. As the Maryams would later do when they kicked Kanaya out a few years later, they went to tremendous effort to make it appear as if Karkat was still a part of who family. Many people would continue to believe for years to come that Karkat and Kanaya were still living with Kanaya's parents. The Maryams were weird. They were pollyannas, Karkat supposed. Cruel, judgmental pollyannas. Was that an oxymoron? Who gave a fuck. Karkat didn't want to have anything to do with the Maryams ever again. Other than Kanaya, of course.

Even as a high school student, he was still plagued with nightmares. The only time he found himself able to sleep through the night was when he gave in and smoked with Gamzee before heading to bed. Sometimes he and Gamzee slept in the same bed, because having someone hold him was also embarrassingly effective for quelling nightmares. 

When Karkat was twenty-three, he met Sollux Captor. Gamzee and Nic Captor had been partying buddies for a while, and one night after many of Sollux coming to collect his fucked up brother, Sollux decided to spend the night with Karkat instead of driving Nic home. Sollux had been drawn to what he had seen of Karkat's fiery personality and sharp tongue while dragging Nic out of the apartment. And Karkat had felt they actually managed to develop a fairly decent rapport during their brief exchanges. Still, after Sollux and Karkat had slept together, Karkat had demanded they go on a proper date. He had only allowed them to have sex before they had been on a date because he had been relatively drunk himself and was tired of watching Gamzee's string of conquests while he spent his evenings arguing with dumbasses on the internet. Sollux had told Karkat he was lucky he had slept with someone willing to put up with his excessive clinginess. 

Karkat would never look back at the times he had with Sollux as horrible, he enjoyed spending time with Sollux. He just didn't believe they worked as a couple. Sollux had been too dry and detached for Karkat and Karkat had needed far more romantic attention than Sollux had been interested in offering.

After Karkat and Sollux broke up, Karkat continued to hope he would one day meet the perfect man. He liked the think that everyone had a soulmate out their somewhere, it was just a matter of finding them. He knew deep down that such a sentiment was bullshit, but it made the world seem less terrible. He really just hoped to meet a man someday that wouldn't care about how messy his past was. A man who wouldn't care that sometimes his nightmares were so bad that he cried into his pillow. A man who wouldn't care that he didn't have a real family. 

A man that wanted to be his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> night, I hope satisfied at least some of your curiosity. :)


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late, what a surprise. Ha ha. But this is a longer one.

==> Karkat

Once they had gotten out of John's car and began to walk towards the recreation center entrance, John reached out to intertwine his fingers with Karkat's. Karkat figured that John's touchiness would wear off a bit after he had become more used to being gay. Right now, he was just basking in the newness of it. Despite his initial complaints, Karkat was actually enjoying the hand holding, small kisses, and little back and arm rubs that John frequently showered him with. It felt nice to be treated like a treasure. The last person who had acted like he was this special was, well, his father.

“Why, if it isn't Aegyobert, my favorite park pervert,” came a texas drawl from behind them. John and Karkat turned to see John's awful friends from the house near Lowas Park. The looked predictably terrible. Dirk was wearing a fuchsia hoodie with a pink heart on it. His hair was over-styled, and he was wearing those shades that were even more pretentious than his younger brother's aviators. Jake's shorts were too close to his skin tone and too short to be a culturally acceptable style for a male in 2012. And that was coming from Karkat, who couldn't care less about fashion. He would have felt secondhand embarrassment if he wasn't smirking internally at the pleasure of two douchecanoes making fools out of themselves in public.

John smiled excitedly and waved to the couple energetically with his free hand. “Dirk and Jake!\\. This group is officially cool now.”

“Well, I don't know about that.” Dirk smirked. “Jake is a bit of a nerd sometimes.” Dirk ruffled Jake's hair and gave his head a slight shove before adding, “Even if he is a hot and lovable one.”

John's grin grew impossibly wider. He squeezed Karkat's hand. “Look, Karkat, they're cute like us.”

Karkat cringed. “Never compare us to those fuckwads again. We are way fucking cuter than they are.” John giggled and gave Karkat a kiss on the cheek.

“Aw, Karkat! Of course we are. Becaue one half of us in you,” John said in a sing-song voice. It was a horrifyingly saccharine statement, but Karkat felt his checks growing warm. John was a cornball, and it had an immense affect on Karkat. He moved closer to John so that he could lean his head against his shoulder. It should have been humiliating, but Karkat didn't care. Besides, he might need John to protect him against the pervert duo. Well, not need. Karkat could take care of himself. But he would love to watch John stand up for him against those two. 

“Ugh, you two are so disgusting,” Vriska sneered as she and Terezi closed the door to a nearby blue car. “Where are Eridan and Sollux? I need to see a couple ready to strife each other.”

“So, is the meeting happening out here, or is someone going to tell us where it's at?” Dirk asked as Vriska and Terezi approached.

Vriska cackled and Terezi snickered. “I'm blind and I know where the meeting is,” Terezi teased. “You two really showed up not knowing to go?”

“Well, Ampora did tell me wear it was, but I was a little distracted during that phone call.” Dirk's lips twitched into a small smirk.

Jake's eyes widened, mouth dropping open. “Blimey, Dirk, must you constantly be scandalizing our peers?” Karkat thought there was no way he wasn't hamming up that British accent. Did anyone who had lived in the United States as long as John had said he had still talk like that? 

“What?” Dirk shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “I was sewing a smuppet. You're the one with the dirty mind, English.”

“You two are both perverts,” Karkat snarled. “It really is no shock Dave Strider turned out to be a fucking detestable tool intent on watching the world burn around him. No wonder he found being such a horrendous pinche idiota so gratifying. He was raised by two assholes with sesos that have barely developed past that of a toddler's.” Karkat always got really worked up sometimes when talking about Dave Strider. He still really hated that guy. Even if his boyfriend was trying to convince him Dave wasn't that bad.

“Aegyo, your boyfriend is the cutest little latino firecracker I have ever seen,” Dirk told John, seemingly unshaken by Karkat's rant against his family. “But banter isn't really what we should be doing. We need to get ourselves into that meeting.”

“However, it is a bit funny that you would mention Dirk and I raising children, because we're all fixed to adopt a fantastic baby girl,” Jake announced to the group as they began lingering towards the rec center.

“From China? I hear that's pretty trendy for the gay boys,” Vriska said with a smirk.

“No, teen mom is really the only way to go in this day and age,” Dirk replied, face straight as he stuffed his hands in his into his hoodie pocket. “She hasn't actually been born yet, but Jake's pretty attached.” Jake chuckled.

“I'm not the only one who's attached, chap,” Jake replied, smile serene and affectionate. He looked at John when he said, “He's already got our daughter named.”

There was the tiniest hit of smile on Dirk's face. “Nepeta,” he told them, glancing over to Jake.

“Oh, I like it,” Terezi said. If Karkat had known her better, he would have told her not to encourage the creeps. Instead, he glazed up at his boyfriend, who was beaming as they walked towards the building. He and John were opposite in so many ways. He tended to forget that when it was just the two of them. They just connected so well together. Karkat decided he wouldn't change a thing about that bright-eyed cornball of a boyfriend. Not even his choice in friends. Because, honestly, John's friendliness was part of what made him so wonderful. Although, Karkat supposed, would probably prefer to have John more to himself. If given the choice.

But it was nice to have a network of people he could interact with, he supposed. Even if they were all dumbasses.

==> Rose

“Mr. Egbert, what a surprise. What brings you here?” Rose asked calmly as John's dad shuffled awkwardly into the meeting space. He glanced around the room, gaze lingering on each of it's occupants. He was scrutinizing the group, sizing them up. Rose saw no reason to panic just yet, the situation could likely be resolved civilly and cleanly before John even arrived. As long as Kanaya was feeling in the mood to mediate. Homophobes were known to set off her rarely-accessed berserk button. She didn't like those that destroyed the hope of others.

Rose glanced over at Eridan, who continued to look as skittish as he had the moment he had realized members of the general public might decide to attend their meeting. Sollux had his arms crossed and his chin tilted up. He was trying to look intimidating. After he had been beat up for being bisexual, Sollux had taken martial arts classes so that he could defend anyone else who was attacked for an equally ridiculous reason. Rose knew Mr. Egbert would never try to pick a physical fight. Frankly, he was a mellow enough man to not pick a verbal fight either. Rose was rather confused by his presence here. Perhaps her mom had forced him to come.

“So,” Mr. Egbert began, looking uncertain. “This is where the meeting for the gay people is.”

“It wasn't supposed to be open to the public,” Eridan told him quickly. “There was a misunderstandin' with that flier.”

“I need to see John,” Mr. Egbert said earnestly. He fiddled with the rim of his fedora, eyes on Rose.

Rose gave him a kind smile. “Is he aware you are coming, Mr. Egbert?”

“No, but I really need to talk to him, Rose,” Mr. Egbert replied. His eyes looked sad and tired. “I'm not here to stop what you kids are doing. I just want to see my son.”

“We ain't kids. And what makes you so sure your son is wantin' to see you?” Eridan asked, voice shaking. He balled his hands up into fists and glared. Sollux slowly made his way over to Eridan, eyes on John's dad the entire time. When he reached his boyfriend, he stood behind him, still peering menacingly at Mr. Egbert. It was almost humorous, the tough of a front the duo was attempting to put on. “I'm thinkin' John probably isn't wantin' you around based on how I saw the two a you interactin' at SBURB.”

There was a knock on the door. Eridan dropped his fists and nervously turned his head towards the entrance. When Vriska's voice called through the door, asking if she had the right room, he looked relieved. Rose wasn't sure she had ever expected to see the day when Eridan would look relieved at the realization that Vriska was at the door. It was rather amusing.

“Maybe the bitch at the desk gave us the wrong room number. On purpose,” Vriska could be heard saying on the other end of the door. “I should have known she was in cahoots with Eridan to keep me away from this meeting. He is such a pill sometimes. What am I talking about, he's always awful.”

==> John

When Eridan opened the door, he looked alarmed to see it wasn't just Vriska and Terezi waiting to be let in.

“What's wrong, homewrecker? Pissed that everyone's coupled up so it will be harder to pray on individuals?” Dirk asked blandly, snaking his arm possessively around Jake's shoulders.

“Quit your yappin', Strider, I got a boyfriend a my own so ain't even lookin',” Eridan snarled. “And we got a bona fide disaster on our hands so you all need to stop bein' tools for a couple a minutes while we get this shark a a situation worked out.”

John glanced into the room behind Eridan and paled. His dad was there, and approaching the door.

“Dad?” he croacked. “What are you doing here?”

“John, we need to talk,” his dad said, voice gentle and eyes pleading.

John gulped. He squeezed Karkat's hand and pulled his boyfriend closer. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked hesitantly. 

“JN, you don't have to talk to him,” Sollux told John sharply from near where John's dad had been standing.

“John, I'm not mad at you for choosing this,” John's dad told him, walking as close to John as Eridan and Sollux would allow.

“Choosing?” Vriska snorted. “Wow, I'm a baby lesbo but I know that's a load a trash. Do you know anything about being gay, papa Egbert?”

John felt sick. Where was his dad going with this? He was squeezing Karkat's hand so tightly his muscles hurt. His palm was sweating. If this was any other context, Karkat probably would have berated him.

“No, I really don't, missy,” John's dad said to Vriska. He turned back to John. “Look, John, I don't totally know what led you to this, but I love you no matter what,” he continued, eyes eyes glued on his son. “I don't understand what you're going through, but I came here to tell you I support you. I'm still working it all out, working out how I feel about it, but I want to be here for you. A father isn't put on earth to judge, he's put here to love. And I love you, son.”

As his dad spoke, the world around John faded away. It was just him and his dad's words, him and Karkat's hand in his, him and Karkat's warm body pressed against him. Someone put a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't register who. Tears were welling his his eyes. He had never dreamed his dad would react this way to his attraction to men. It was surreal. John's stepmom must have really changed him. But.

But.

John's dad must have still been disappointed in him. Because even if he accepted John, John still wasn't what he was supposed to be. Who he was supposed to be.

“This isn't really what you want, though,” John commented flatly.

The expression on his dad's face was probably similar to what it would have been if John had smacked him in the face with a hammer.

“John, what I want is for you to be happy,” his dad protested. “Roxy said you thought I wanted you to be like me. You need to know that I never expected you to be like just like me. I never wanted you to feel like you had to have the same interests, or preferences, or the same life as me. I am so sorry you ever felt that way, John.”

Eridan must have stepped aside because John's dad was right in front of him and Karkat, smiling at him apologetically. John felt tears tickling over his cheeks.

“As long as you are working hard and being yourself, I'm proud of you, son,” John let go of Karkat and threw his arms around his dad. It wasn't perfect. His dad still probably thought it was a phase. But his dad was here, telling him to be himself. All those years he had fought against himself because of what his dad had taught him. But they had both changed. They had both found families that were teaching them to see the world in a different light. People that were expanding their ideas of what it meant to be an adult. Of what it meant to be human.

John's dad was lucky to have met Roxy.

And John was lucky to have met Karkat.

And Sollux and Vriska.

He was lucky to have had friends like Rose, Dave, Dirk, and Jake in his life that would wait for him and love him even when he was confused.

He never thought his life could be this wonderful. Even if things were to get bad, he had a family. A bigger family than he had ever bargained for.


	51. Epilogue

==> John

“Karkat, you little punk, I told you I was going to get that one,” John called from the top of the stairs as Karkat lugged another heavy box up the stairs to their new apartment. “You carried up all the other big ones.”

“Yeah, well, tough. Should have been more aggressive about it, asshole,” Karkat hollered up at him, clearly partially out of breath. The beginnings of a smirk were twitching onto his mouth. John jogged down the stairs and took the other end of the box.

“I can take it from here, boyfriend,” John said, beaming at Karkat.

“I've got it,” Karkat grunted. “But you can help me carry it if you want to feel gentlemanly or some shit.”

“The faster we get this upstairs, the faster we can start unpacking. And the faster we can start unpacking, the faster we can sleep together in our bed,” John told Karkat cheerfully. “This is so exciting. I have a bed! We have a bed! It's our bed. Not your bed that I spend a lot of time in. Our bed.”

“That really is the part you're most excited about, isn't it?” Karkat asked, not even trying to hide his amusement. John loved that Karkat didn't try to put on the grumpy front around his as much anymore. They were slowly breaking through each others barriers. 

“No way, Karkat. I'm most excited about the part where I, John Egbert am moving in with Karkat Vantas,” John exclaimed. When they reached their door, John pulled the apartment key out of his back pocket. He let got of the box and began to unlock the door. “But that couch was pretty uncomfortable. Except for when we slept on it together.”

“I think you mean especially when we slept on it together,” Karkat muttered, rolling his eyes. “It wasn't as bad for me on the nights where you let me sleep on you, but that must have fucking sucked for you.”

After the door had been opened, John grabbed the box again and helped Karkat carry it through the entryway. “It didn't suck,” John told him. “I had a cute boy sleeping on top of me. It was awesome.”

Karkat couldn't keep himself from smiling at that. “What room does this box go in, cornball?”

“It goes in our bedroom I think, crabbypants,” John replied, grinning mischievously.

“No, it doesn't,” Karkat scoffed. “I know that smile. You're fucking with me. You're going to make me carry to this box all the way to our bedroom and then you're going to get all giggly and be like 'no, Karkat, you utter dumbass who can't tell his thumb from his butthole, I was just being a bastard prankster, I love laughing at other people's confusion and misfortune. While we're in here, we might as well make out.' Tell me I'm wrong, Egbert.”

“Aw, Karkat, you're no fun when you're like this.” John put on a pout as he led them towards the living room, where the box was actually supposed to go.

“John, we have to be at the Alliance meeting in twenty minutes,” Karkat pointed out. “We don't have time for you to fill your prankster's gambit or your make out gambit.”

John chuckled. “I like the idea of having a make out gambit,” he said. “Are you sure we don't have any time for me to add a few bars to it?”

It had been several months since the very first meeting of Eridan and Rose's LGBT group. It had since evolved to include allies as members, which is why they had made the decision to rename the group Alliance. John and Dave agreed that the title was kind of lame, but Eridan believed it was epic. So it was keeping him happy, at least. Tonight they were making the final plans for a fundraiser they been arranging that would help them collect the money needed for a youth center that could act as a safe space for young people of all orientations and social groups. He knew his dad and stepmom would be there, as Roxy had been become an active member of the group and enjoyed dragging her husband to the more important meetings. John's dad insisted that he mostly just came to see John doing something he cared about.

John's favorite thing about the meetings was how passionately Karkat got into things. He had such strong opinions and had a tendency to make overblown speeches. John could tell there was a leader in Karkat that wanted to come out. Maybe Eridan could put Karkat in charge of his own task force for Alliance.

John loved his fiery little boyfriend. And he loved that when he leaned down to kiss Karkat in their new living room, he melted into it. Karkat Vantas was incredible.

==> Kanaya

Kanaya checked her hair in the car mirror while she waited for Feferi and Aradia to finish hanging up posters advertising the Alliance fundraiser. It made her proud to see such young girls glowing with excitement about proactive in their community.

Kanaya rolled down the driver's side window and called to the teenagers, “Girls, we might have to finish this later. We're going to be late for the Alliance meeting.”.

Feferi hopped down from her stool and Aradia picked up the remaining posters leaning against the brick wall. When the girls got into the car with Kanaya, they chattered exuberantly about a presentation on Alliance they were planning to give in their Social Studies class. Parts of the town's community was still very against the existence of Alliance, but it was amazing how much things could improve simply by a group of people banding together to support one another. 

More and more people in the town were coming out in support of marriage equality, for one thing. Kanaya knew that Terezi and Vriska wanted to get married at some point. Vriska had dramatically proposed to Terezi a few weeks back, saying they should get married as soon as it was legal. Kanaya wasn't sure how far off the option of marriage was in their state for couples like her and Rose and Vriska and Terezi. But even the President of the United States was on their side now. The world really was changing. It might have been a slow change, but it was change nonetheless.

When they walked inside the now larger meeting space they had reserved in the recreation center, Jake and Dirk were pushing their daughter, Nepeta, into the room in a green stroller. They had clothed her adorably. She was wearing a tiny blue hat with cat ears that complimented her big green eyes splendidly.

“Hello, Dirk, Jake. How are you two doing today?” Kanaya asked the couple. She gave Nepeta a gentle smile. “And how is your beautiful little girl?”

“She's absolutely ace, Kanaya,” Jake replied, grinning proudly. “She's oddly fond of Karkat, although we have to box her ears when he's about.”

“Yeah, Kitty Cat swears like a fucking sailor,” Dirk nodded. “Nepeta digs the crappy romcoms he brings over to our house when he and John come to see her. I think he's going to turn her into a little shipper.” Nepeta responded to this concern by chewing on a tiny plastic pink heart with pale yellow wings that had been placed in her stroller with her.

Kanaya looked up and saw Vriska and Terezi chatting with Roxy and Mr. Egbert across the room. She waved to Vriska, who smirked and nodded back. She had her arm around her fiancée. Kanaya was so happy to Vrika had finally become comfortable with herself and had found someone with whom she was truly happy.

“It really is quite impressive that Vriska has finally found a woman who can keep her under control,” Kanaya commented. Dirk snorted.

“You mean she's whipped? If you want to see whipped, look no further than that dork Sollux Captor,” Dirk joked. He used his head to gesture towards the boney blonde stumbling as he carried a large box behind his clipboard-toting boyfriend. As they got closer, Eridan could be heard giving instructions to Sollux.

“And if anyone is tryin' to tell you we can't have parkin' there, just remind them that I have personally spoken to their manager and got the go ahead,” Eridan was saying.

“ED, I love you, but I think you definitely gave this shitty job to the wrong person,” Sollux grumbled from behind the box. “Don't we want the group's public image to be someone who's a little bit more friendly?”

“Sol, you need to be workin' on those people skills a yours,” Eridan told him, checking some things off on his clipboard when he saw the group standing near the door.

“Fuck you, ED,” Sol growled. “My people skills are fine.”

“Whatever you need to be tellin' yourself to be gettin' through the day,” Eridan retorted, waving to Rose as she walked through the door holder a stack of papers. Dave and Jade were with her, and Dave was holding their daughter, Jane, in his arms.

“Are those the itineraries, Rose?” Eridan asked.

“Yes. I do hope you're aware that we are likely going to get off-topic as always, Eridan,” Rose pointed out. “Have John and Karkat arrived yet?”

“I think those two sappy lovebirds are moving into their new apartment today,” Dave said, affectionately rubbing Jane's back. “So who knows when they'll show up.”

It was actually only a few minutes later when John and Karkat walked through the door, hand-in-hand. Karkat's hair was a bit messier than usual, leading Kanaya to believe that unpacking hadn't been the only activity that had distracted them for showing up at the meeting on time. The two boys looked so happy together. Karkat was the happiest Kanaya had seen him look in years. Kanaya was so glad to see him doing so well. Rose pecked Kanaya on the check.

“I'm going to go with Eridan to get ready to start the meeting, can you help Sollux gather everyone up?” she asked.

Kanaya nodded. She looked around the room at the members of Alliance. It was a far bigger group than she had ever imagined it would be. Gamzee Makara and Tavros Nitram even came to some of the meetings. Aranea and Marquise Serket were standing near the podium in front of the chairs the had been lined up earlier. The were talking to Eridan's little sister, Meenah.

Kanaya smiled. People from all social statuses and walks of life were coming together to help make their world a little bit better. She wouldn't have dreamed a year ago that something like this was so near in her future. She was so thankful.

Hopeful, even.

==> Past John

“That's the Pegasus,” Karkat said, tracing the outline of a constellation with his finger. It was the Saturday night after John's stepmom had been to John's apartment to talk to him. John and Karkat had spent an amazing day together afterwords, which had helped John to forget about his dad. Stargazing was just the cherry on top of a mostly glorious Saturday.

“I don't see that one either. How did people even come up with these? “ John asked, ruffling Karkat's hair. “Andromeda is just a bright squiggly line.”

“You have no imagination, John Egbert,” Karkat retorted. “Close-minded people like you are why the art of stargazing is dying. You can only see clusters of stars, not glorious images that tell timeless stories.”

“About how you're a crab and I'm a ram?” John snarked, squeezing his boyfriend's waist with a mischievous grin.

“Our signs don't matter, astrology isn't real, even if it would be nice to predict our futures,” Karkat huffed. John reached over and grabbed Karkat's wrist, running his thumb over the Aries symbol. Karkat made the tiny little sound almost like a whimper. John chuckled. Karkat loved when John was affectionate with him. Which was great, because John couldn't keep his affectionate, Karkat-loving hands off of the man.

Karkat cleared his throat and rubbed John's side, seeming nervous. “I do kind of feel like we share some sort of cosmic connection. Like our feelings for each other were written in the stars.”

John laughed in surprise and kissed Karkat on the cheek.

“Who's the cornball now, Karkat?” John teased. It was so cheesy. But so precious.

He loved it. He loved Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, folks, this is the end! It's been fun, and a lot of work, but thank you for sticking it through with me the whole time! The encouragement you guys gave me really helped me really helped me to keep going even when I felt like this was crap. So thank you. I have some other stories I've been working on in the background that I might be posting soon, but if you guys have anything you'd like me to write, let me know, I love inspiration.
> 
> Also, I will now be updating [Short Circuit's ask blog](http://ask-shortcircuit.tumblr.com/) a lot lot lot more now that I'll have more free time. So keep an eye on that if you're interested! <3


End file.
